Brandon na Hazina ya Afrika...

Belief and Unbelief

2011-10-30T11:57:00.000-07:00

I shared on Wednesday during the morning devotional time at TOA about a miracle that Jesus performed in Mark 9. There is a man who has a son who is deaf, dumb and has frequent seizures. It is a spiritually related illness that had nearly cost him his life time after time. The father brings his son forth and asks Jesus to heal him. He tells Jesus what the problem is and that it has been happening since the boy’s childhood (implying that he’s no longer a child - so it must have been a long time). Jesus tells him that “all things are possible to him who believes.” And in completely honest fashion, the man says to Jesus, “Lord, I believe, help my unbelief!” I encouraged those at devotional that this prayer is good. Jesus doesn’t rebuke him and say its not enough belief or faith. He heals his son. Elsewhere Jesus says that faith the size of a mustard seed is enough to toss a mountain into the ocean. So just because the father had some unbelief, what he did believe was enough.

That’s what I taught and am being challenged in myself.

Last week, Melissa and I came to a point of high frustration with Awadhi’s situation. I have been praying for him and his healing for nearly four years now and his situation hasn’t gotten any better. It, in fact, appears worse. We don’t get to see him often because of his boarding school schedule, it appears we aren’t eligible to adopt him (nor do we have the money to if we were) and he’s still HIV+ and deaf. My parents were asking us about him today and I really don’t have much to say. I can’t say that there’s much good news or a positive change. That doesn’t appear to be the case and we are profoundly frustrated. Needless to say, I can relate to the father from the story.

Beyond that, things are difficult for me and Melissa here. There’s a song by Jim Croce* and its called “The Hard Way Every Time.” He talks about how he’s been through so much and realized that he’s done life the hard way with every decision. But he gets to the end of the song and says that he wouldn’t have done it any other way. I listened to that song and it resonated with me. As a bright eyed, bushy haired Christian back in SoCal, I said that I would do things the hard way a time ago and now we find ourselves in our first year of marriage on the mission field. Its nuts. Furthermore, this is Melissa’s first term as a long-term missionary, which for every single missionary brings about so many other difficulties. We’ve been getting hit from every side. Socially its hard, because of all the friends and family that we left to be here and the process of cultivating friendships here. Financially its been difficult, because half of our income has been going to our student loans and even if they weren’t there it would still be tight. Spiritually, its been difficult we don’t understand what He’s up to and its hard to rest in His will when things are so crazy around us. And of course each of those areas have a significant impact on our emotional lives. All of the madness is enough to truly discourage us and leave us wondering if this is how it is supposed to be.

I’m not so crazy about the hard way these days; the romance of it has worn off and this post will prove insufficient to capture all that’s going on over here. Just know that its hard and its trying, leaving us tired and often discouraged.

Its times like these when the prayer of the father in Mark is all I’ve got. I daresay that I still believe. Indeed, I still believe. I believe the Lord and for the unbelief that has been mixed in, I ask for His help. I believe that I was called here, that Melissa was called here, that God has set Awadhi aside for His glory and that His purpose will unfold in Awadhi’s life. I still believe that Awadhi will be healed, just like the man’s son in the story. If Jesus can heal a deaf and dumb, demon-possessed epileptic child, He can heal our deaf and HIV+ child.

God is big and He can handle any struggle that we’re having. He can take a little faith, a mixed bag of belief and unbelief and perform miracles. He is able, for this we give praise.

*Yes, I listen to Jim Croce. If you think that‘s funny or weird, then Jim Croce is too good for your iPod

Justification

2011-09-28T12:26:00.000-07:00

I read through the book of Job recently and as always, I find it to be a strikingly intriguing book. There’s a lot of debate about the characters and the whole storyline of it all. People typically sum it up as such, Job was a good guy, God allowed Satan to afflict him, Job argued with a few friends and then God showed up and talked about creating a bunch of random stuff.

There’s a guy in the story that is often overlooked and his name is Elihu. Elihu is a young guy that waits his turn to talk and really sets the stage for God to burst in and speak out of the whirlwind (how righteous is that imagery?). Elihu comes on the scene in Job 32 and I love his introduction:

“So these three men (Job’s friends) stopped answering Job, because he was righteous in his own eyes. But Elihu son of Barakel the Buzite, of the family of Ram, became very angry with Job for justifying himself rather than God. He was also angry with the three friends, because they had found no way to refute Job, yet condemned him. Now Elihu had waited before speaking to Job because they were older than he. But when he saw that the three men had nothing more to say, his anger was aroused.” (v. 1-5)

There’s a phrase in here that I find fascinating. Basically, this young guy comes in swinging. He’s angry with everyone that has just been going on and on about the situation. Its safe to say that everyone is angry with the friends, and with good reason. They are worthless comforters, as Job said. But what about Job? Why be angry with him? The Bible says at the start and the end that Job didn’t sin with his lips in this book of words and arguments (Job 1:22; 42:8). Yet this guy Elihu is mad him, really he’s mad for the same reason that moved God to put Job in his place - doesn’t this just send chills up your spine? “Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge? Brace yourself like a man; I will question you and you shall answer me.” (38:2).

He’s angry because Job justified himself rather than God.

That is a tough pill to swallow. Job didn’t do anything wrong. He was a righteous man, a prosperous man, a family man with integrity. All of a sudden everything hits the fan and he’s left high and dry. In his attempt to defend himself from his friends harsh words, Job points out how righteous he is, which is actually true. But in all of his discourses, he never justifies God, only himself. Its not until God shows up and Job is put in his place that he speaks what he should have from the get-go “I am unworthy - how can I reply to You?”(40:3).

I think that there’s something in here for us, certainly for me. God calls us to things, He calls us to be a certain person and to act a certain way. By His grace and Spirit, we actually do it sometimes. We are the people that He wants us to be. We’re like Job, we serve God, we love Him and fear Him. At some point, whether it be an attack from Satan, or a byproduct of sin and death in the world, we get hurt, something goes wrong. We ourselves didn’t do anything wrong, but now something’s amiss nonetheless.

Like Job, we often start sulking and point out how we didn’t do anything wrong. We didn’t do anything to bring this upon ourselves. We feel as though we need to defend ourselves from what others might think or say to us, like Job did in responding to his friends. We use all of our words to justify ourselves and we never stop to consider God.

You know what the funny thing is about God’s response to Job? He never tells him why He allowed all the hardship to happen. He never answers all those questions that Job and his friends posed. It seems like God comes in and talks about everything, BUT the question of why. He talks about stars, snow, mountain goats and ostriches, but doesn’t tell Job why all of this was allowed to happen to him.

What’s the point of God’s response? He’s God. That’s the point. We’re not God. That’s the first sub-point. What does it meant to justify God? It means to recognize Him as God. To agree with the Bible that He is higher, we can’t understand Him fully (Isaiah 55:8-9). We relinquish what control we think we have over our lives and tell God He is in control. We realize that He is for us and that He is working out things for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). We recognize not only that He’s on our side, but that He’s bigger than the problem. Lastly, we relinquish any thought that God needs to answer to us, that He owes us an explanation or an apology. That’s justification.

You might be doing exactly what God wants you to be doing and something blows up in your face. Now you have this huge problem and you don’t know what to do. You might be apt to say, “but I’m a pastor!” or “I’m witnessing to people at work!” or, as I’m tempted to say, “but Lord I’m way over here in Tanzania, being a missionary and helping orphans!” Just stop. He’s God. He is justified in all He does and He knows exactly what He’s doing, for this we give praise.

Point of View

2011-08-21T05:10:00.000-07:00

Sometimes its difficult to live in the tension between what is happening physically and what is happening spiritually. Sometimes its hard to believe, or even imagine, that there are so many spiritual realities happening right in our midst and we continually only see what happens in the natural. It can be discouraging and requires us to be in touch with the Lord just to find reprieve by looking through the eyes of the Holy Spirit.

Great Book! Highly suggest it.
Cover via Amazon

My small group just started to go through the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan. I read the book a few years ago and absolutely loved it, so I suggested it as a good study for us. We had our initial discussion on the first chapter this last week and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Small groups are great because they bring out beliefs and thoughts that we weren’t even conscious of until we were compelled to articulate them during the conversation. Such was the case this last Thursday.

We talked about the throne room of God. Chan shares in the complimentary video about how when he starts praying he envisions God in His true form of glory. He asks the reader what our first words would be if we were to be right there in the throne room as Isaiah was in Isaiah 6. He then says that whatever the answer to that question is, that should be the same first response when we go to the Lord in prayer. Such a profound yet clearly accurate mindset put me in a humbling position.

I shared with the group, that I really don’t do that the vast majority of the time. Rather, I pray from where I am. If I’m frustrated, I pray from frustration. If I’m sad, then that’s where I pray from. Even if I’m overjoyed, its as though I rush into the throne room without pausing to recognize the awesomeness of God in all His glory. I don’t pray from where God is, I pray from where I am.

Now certainly, God is big enough for our frustrations and struggles. Furthermore, He’s loving and gentle enough to not laugh at my problems when the vastness of His glory is considered. Nonetheless, its quite an interesting, and in some ways humorous, juxtaposition.

To envision God on His throne, which is absolute reality, can truly revolutionize not only our prayer lives, but every part of our lives.

Last Saturday, I found myself in a time where I thank God that He’s both big and gentle, because we were in a tough spot. This last week was difficult, it started with the weekend and carried over into the week. In some ways its hard to put a finger on what exactly is the source of the struggles, because it seems to hit us in multiple facets of life: spiritual, financial, relational and emotional. After a time of prayer and thought while doing dishes, I approached Melissa with some cares that were on my heart and beyond what I was talking about, a lot of other stuff came out from both of us as well. That all came to a head this particular night and we were both left feeling our bruises, insecurities and frustrations. We went to the Lord in prayer and as I was praying, there was a spirit of heaviness. I couldn’t envision God on His throne, I just envisioned ourselves in the mud pit of our circumstances. Its been a tough spot to be in.

And yet, as Chan presents and biblically as Isaiah or John would point out, God is on His throne. He is bigger, He is more powerful and more caring than we can imagine. He is big enough for every single care. Even in the times where we can’t see Him on His throne and feel His closeness, He is still there and He’s still helping us. That’s true for me and Melissa and that’s true for all who have called on His name. That’s the point of view that we need to walk in.

Granted, we often need to discipline ourselves to walk in that reality. But that’s the nice thing about truth, its true whether or not we feel it and its true whether or not people recognize it. Truth is just truth and the Lord enthroned is truth, for this we give praise.

Music Spotlight: You Won't Relent

2011-08-13T14:05:00.000-07:00

If you were to ask Melissa what is the song that Brandon has played most on guitar over the last several months, she would provide an answer for you quite easily. It would be this song and while I may not be able to rock it quite like the originals here, its such a powerful song no matter which way you cut it. A beautiful picture of God's pursuit of us. I was turned on to Jesus Culture last year and they have since become one of my favorite worship groups. All of there stuff is so moving and the music itself is incredible. I would definitely suggest it to ANYONE. You can put this song on and just let it move you by the power of the Spirit. Its really great and is an especially important reminder to me and Melissa right now. Enjoy.

Devotion

2011-08-09T07:45:00.000-07:00

I don't always do what is best for me. Foolishly, I often realize it as its happening. Lord help me.

I often think back to the time that I was in Long Beach and remember it with a sense of romance. I remember what God was doing during that time and felt quite close to Him. I felt that my ministry in church was meaningful and even powerful. I saw God moving in the communities that I was involved in and it was exciting. It was the perfect staging area for my launch into the mission field of Tanzania.

I get these random images through Zemanta. To be honest, this blog doesn't need the seal of Long Beach, just because I mentioned Long Beach, but I did it anyway. Image via Wikipedia

I now often find myself taken aback and feeling like over a year and a half later, I'm further from God. I of course chalk some of this up to seeing the past through rose-colored glasses, but I know that there's more to it than just that. As I've been reminded of the last several days, that distance has a lot to do with the way that I spent my time back then. Namely that during that season, I committed myself to spending a hour with God everyday.

I remember it quite well. I lived in the upstairs of a four unit apartment complex. Our balcony was merely a walkway, but I would set up shop there and look over the city of Long Beach. On top of my spot on Signal Hill, I could see downtown LB and beyond one direction, then Belmont Shore down into Seal Beach and beyond the other way. I set up my little fold out chair, my Oswald Chambers devotional and of course my study Bible. That time was so special, so restful and in the most important way, believe it or not, productive.

Now I find myself too busy to set aside that much time. Its disgraceful really. How I spend my time is indicative of my priorities and not spending time with the Lord is a bad sign. Now, the truth is I still read my Bible everyday and I of course pray everyday, but I'm far less intentional and the time has waned considerably.

I was convicted of this through a couple sermons that I listened to the other day. I always listen to a lot of podcasts, but during my time in the states, I fell way behind. The first was by Darren at the Garden where he challenged the congregation to do very simple disciplines that would bless God and draw us close to Him during Lent ("So two rabbis get into an argument..." on The Garden Church Long Beach iTunes podcast) and the second was by Becky Tirabassi at Rock Harbor, emphasizing the importance of the Bible and having that daily time in the word ("The Good Book: Love It. Read It. Live It" on ROCKHARBOR Messages iTunes podcast) . I knew that these two messages were just for me.

I had been holding out on starting my "read it in a year" NIV Bible, because I wanted to finish reading through my entire study Bible first, which has been a multi-year project (I'm down to three Old Testament books and three New Testament books). I had read through the Bible in a year before, but was feeling enticed to do it again. I decided after listening to the sermons that I didn't need be finicky about it and when it comes to reading the Bible, I don't need to finish one project before starting another... so I'm doing both.

Still, even after all that on Friday, I'm not spending adequate time with the Lord. So the Lord put me on my back today... literally. I pulled it the other day, but re-aggravated much worse this morning bending over for shampoo in our very small shower. Melissa has been gracious enough to take care of me, but I thank God, because I haven't been able to do much other than sit around for the day. Not only did I have time to finish Rita's book on Pastor Zablon (Its great! Go get it!), but also got to read in another book, my study Bible and my daily Bible. Furthermore, I had personal time in prayer and had devotional time with Melissa too. So necessary.

Its amazing what these times of devotion can do. Today I feel refreshed spiritually and more like God and I are on the same page. I know that if I continue to do it, its going to build me up spiritually. The fifteen minutes I've been spending has been good, but I know that there's more for me as I put more emphasis on my time with Him. I'm looking forward to returning to TOA next week not only because I'll get to be with the kids, but because for the first time this year, I'll be on a normal schedule. In that schedule I can give God my first fruits of time, quality and quantity, and make sure that I'm connected to Him daily.

Its a love relationship. We spend time with people that we love and God is anything but an exception to that. I intend to spend more time devoted to Him, just us together. I know that its in those times that we find purpose, rest and focus, for this we give praise.

Jim Elliot Quote

2011-08-01T11:27:00.000-07:00

Image via Wikipedia

I love this quote. Its well known of course, but considering what an incredibly sacrificial life he lived, it is all that more profound. Something worth writing somewhere to reflect on...

"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose."

-Jim Elliot

Suffering

2011-07-30T02:01:00.000-07:00

At church this last Sunday, we had a guest speaker, a pastor from India. He delivered a message that I won’t soon forget. Besides the fact that I remain captivated by the country of India since even before my trip there last summer, this pastor’s knowledge of the word of God and succinct multi-layered message was quite impacting and memorable. He highlighted a scripture that I had never taken note of previously. As it should be, Paul is someone that is revered throughout Church history for his shear obedience to the Lord. His exploits to the glory of God are clear; wrote about half of the New Testament, undoubtedly the most effective missionary of all time and so on. His devotion to God is perhaps no more clearly displayed than in his exhortation to the elders of Ephesus in Acts 20. Paul says in verses 22 and 23:

“And see now I go bound in the spirit to Jerusalem, not knowing the things that will happen to me there, except that the Holy Spirit testifies in every city, saying that chains and tribulations await me.”

I find the calling of Paul among the most interesting throughout the entire Bible. When Christ appeared to Ananias before Paul was commissioned into the ministry, He said to Ananias: “I will show him how many things he must suffer for My name’s sake”(Acts 9:16). From the get-go Jesus made known this important element of walking in a divine calling: suffering.

I can’t say that such an element of the godly life jives with popular theology; not in America and not so much here either. In my book, there are two type of prosperity gospel adherents, and the prosperity gospel is no respecter of persons, there are plenty of impoverished brothers and sisters here in Tanzania that nonetheless subscribe to the theology. The first type is your prototypical Joel Osteen kind of guy. I’m not trying to bag on him, but I would make no jump in my speech to say that he and those that follow him, believe that Jesus’ painful victory on the cross entitle them to easy sailing in every aspect of their lives. I would go into this further, but this is merely a blog post and I only want to note it, not divulge through it all (click here for a little more on my thought process on Mr. Osteen). The second type is the more common type of prosperity gospel adherent. This is the person that rejects the theology mentally, but largely lives it out in practicum. They would agree with an accurate interpretation of those scriptures on suffering, bearing one’s cross and the like, but do things that make their lives more comfortable, more safe and less sacrificial. I believe that the stance of Paul and the stance of the Bible as a whole confront both of these standpoints.

I love these old Bible story art depictions... even if every character comes out a little feminine. Image via Wikipedia

I’m not intending to sound the least bit masochistic, we all know that suffering is not favorable, but I believe that there is something that is powerful, even beautiful, in such ardent devotion to God. That no matter what happens to a person, they choose to follow God. Its just like Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-Nego when they are about to be thrown into the fire. They trusted in God’s deliverance but told King Nebuchadnezzar that even if God didn’t deliver them, He would nonetheless be the one they serve and not the Babylonian gods (see Daniel 3:16-18). Yet it was in that time of such incredible trial that God met them in a powerful way; Nebuchadnezzar describing the delivering figure in the furnace to be “like the Son of God.” Seems as though those three men met Jesus even before Mary did!

And yet would they have missed such a powerful experience if they had chosen to not endure the suffering of following the Lord? Unequivocally I would argue yes, they indeed would have missed it.

It makes me wonder what it is that I’m missing in my life because of my hesitancy to suffer for His name. I feel as though the Lord perhaps knows my desire to know Him more and at the same time knows how inept I am to submit to His Spirit. My walk down this narrow path, is a bit slower I’m sure, but I do indeed see the Lord stripping me more and more of those things that I find comfort and security in. More and more, I see Him presenting me with small furnaces that I have the choice to jump into. By no means, am I on the level of those other followers of the Lord that I’ve mentioned, but I have indeed found my wife and I to be in a place of new difficulty. Its somewhat self-imposed you could say. Not that Melissa nor I have made things more difficult due to ignorance or incapability, but rather that we chose to say yes to God to follow Him to a land that is not our own and to a people that are vastly different from us. All my hopes of walking into that second year of overseas ministry as a knowledgeable veteran are yet to be brought to fruition and I’m left wondering why the last couple weeks have felt so difficult. Undoubtedly God has been good, as He always is. Yet it truly is by His goodness alone that we’re making it out here. I mean not to magnify our difficulties, because His grace is more than sufficient for us, as it was for Paul (see 2 Corinthians 12:9). But it has been nonetheless difficult. All the same, I know that this is only a stage. While there will be a time of reaping for those tears we sow (Psalm 126:5-6), there will also be another deeper level of suffering so long as Melissa and I continue to walk in the path He’s chosen for us.

I can only hope to have the resolve of Paul as he goes onto speak in the following verse of our original text. “But none of these things move me; nor do I count my life dear to myself, so that I may finish my race with joy, and the ministry which I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God” (Acts 20:24). I love this, “none of these things move me,” Paul was literally going around to different cities where people would give Him words of knowledge that he would suffer in Jerusalem, but he knew that that is exactly where he was to go. And the daunting truth that “chains and tribulations” awaited him did not sway him from fulfilling the ministry that God called him to. That’s beautiful.

Jesus is our only perfect example of what it means to be fully human and follow the Father’s will. The resurrection is infinitely more beautiful and enjoyable than the cross, but the cross is nonetheless necessary. To often we would like to skip to the resurrection without enduring the suffering of Christ. That’s unwise and we miss out on such an important element of following Jesus. The two go hand in hand. As Paul writes in Philippians 3:10-11, “that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death, if, by any means, I may attain to the resurrection from the dead.”

Let us not avoid our cross, let us not be moved by present circumstances or the foreboding future, but let us remember to allow God to meet us in the furnace. He has sent us His Spirit that we “may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings,” for this we give praise.

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*I would do my normal rundown of how things are going, but felt that Melissa's done a good job with that on her blog from the other day so check it out here.... http://becomingm.tumblr.com/

Strength

2011-07-18T10:58:00.000-07:00

I used to think that I was a strong person. Sometimes people say that it takes a strong person to be a missionary overseas, I then wonder how in the world I’m making it out here. The emotions of being back have been overwhelming at times. I wish that I could say that they’ve all been positive, but it actually seems that most haven’t been. It just feels a little off. I try to be upbeat with the couple status updates I post on Facebook, but its been a little harder and I find myself at a bit of a loss.I look around at the fellow missionaries and perceive how well they have it all together. They are older, wiser and have a handle on things. I rarely see their emotions get to them or not know what to do in a particular situation. All the while, I can feel debilitated by all that I’m facing.

After arriving in Nairobi, we took the shuttle to Moshi the next morning. As we rode, I gazed out the window with so many things on my mind. As I looked out over the all too familiar terrain of East Africa, I was being reminded more of the hardships of living here than anything else. Melissa kept asking me if I was okay and while I said yes, I couldn’t hide from her that I was feeling a real weight. I was, and still am, feeling a weight of responsibility like I’ve never felt before and its more than I can bear in my own strength, help me Jesus.

When we got here in the late afternoon and got to see our new home, we were very pleased and realized how blessed we are. As our friends took off and left Melissa and I at the house by ourselves there was some excitement in the air, but in my soul, I also felt this sense of inadequacy for all that has been undertaken. I have always said that I want a life where people can see Christ in me due to the situation that I’m in requiring Him to move in powerful ways. I certainly have returned to that and now even to a greater degree with a wife to care for, and its not exactly romantic, its more like daunting, if not scary at times, because it is a situation that I can’t remotely handle in my own strength.

On Saturday, we got to go over to TOA and see the kids, or at least most of them. A couple of the older boys were off helping Eli with something and Awadhi was at school still. I spoke with Rita shortly before returning here and she filled me in about Awadhi being required by the school to remain there over the weekends as of late because of his poor performance in school. He failed last year and we thought, “well he’s the youngest kid in the school and just needs to figure it out.” Well half way through this year, he’s failing again, hence them wanting to keep him. We really don’t what to do and we’re all quite beside ourselves.

It tears me up inside to be perfectly honest and disheartening would be to light a word. I’ve trusted in the Lord for his complete healing for years and have sent up countless prayers, yet it appears that he’s only regressing. We are back in Tanzania, but may not even get to see him for three or four weeks and then its just a short time. I can’t tell you how much that sucks. I’m not strong enough for this.

2 Corinthians 12: 9-10: “And the Lord said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

I’m sure that at some point, I’ve made some commentary on this passage, but in this moment, I’ll just let you know that I don’t know what this means. If nothing else, I would bet that the Lord is teaching me and Melissa what it means.

The only explanation for why this heavy plight in which I’m inadequate to carry has come upon me is that God is answering a big prayer in a painful way. One of the most reiterated prayers that was offered up for us by numerous people before we left was that God would strengthen our marriage. Without a doubt, I see that happening. In the midst of our difficult transition, the power repeatedly going out, having to get around with both of us on a motor scooter, not seeing Awadhi, trying to find our place alongside the other missionaries, having limited internet use and contact with the states, being away from loved ones, all the new logistical stuff of having a home in Tanzania and everything else, I can honestly say that Melissa has been my highlight. I thank God for her.

She strengthens and encourages me, I’d be nowhere without her this week. I strengthen her as well, that’s how the Lord designed it. Shortly before we got engaged, she told me that there was a resilient strength within her that I hadn’t even seen yet. I think that we’re starting to tap into that in the midst of these tough circumstances. Yesterday morning as were up early from jet lag, we again watched our wedding videos and I couldn’t help but cry as I reflected on that beautiful day and what it means now in the wife I behold. I, too, was reminded of my personal inadequacy to be a godly husband. Melissa held me close as I cried. She encouraged me.

I‘m doing my best to strengthen her as well. Melissa has been dealing with this stomach bug. She had to get up multiple times last night on the night that we were expecting to get on schedule with the time change. Just past six as I’m sleeping in bed, I hear Melissa yell my name from the bathroom. I’ve never jumped out of bed faster as a million things run through my head as to what could be wrong. I found Melissa hunched over the sink on the brink of passing out. I helped her to the ground and went to get blankets, a towel, a bowl to puke into and then stroked her hair as she laid there. I’m learning about marriage.

There’s a beauty in the strength that we find in community and fellowship. Sometimes your community consists of one other person, like in marriage, but its all by God’s design that we would strengthen one another and I’m finding that more and more in my relationship with my beautiful wife. Its really not about our personal strength that we would like to think we muster up within ourselves. Its about drawing strength from those God puts around us and even more so, its about drawing strength from Christ Himself. And that’s where we’re at out here, just praying and relying on God. Its really tough, but we know He has us and we know that He’ll never forsake us. We are following His call on our lives and He’ll take care of us and strengthen us. As the Lord spoke to the Apostle Paul, “my grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness,” and for this we give praise.

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The Rundown: We made it through our flights just fine. The first one was painstakingly long (16 hours), one of the online things said that we had business class which would have been great, but in fact the tickets themselves showed that we indeed had economy so disregard that part in my last blog. We stayed the night in Nairobi and the Lord helped us to make it everywhere we needed to be on time. We made it to Moshi in the late afternoon and have begun settling in. Our house is great and so is the landlady, she‘s a sweet old Tanzanian Christian lady. We have a Tanzanian guy that lives on the property in a small back house and he helps with some of the responsibilities. We still plan on getting a night guard though as well as a dog. We were planning on painting the inside of the house with a team tomorrow, but with Melissa being sick, we’ve had to delay it by at least a day. I test drove the SUV that we’ve been hoping for and we’ll make an offer on it soon, hopefully tomorrow. Yeah, hopefully, Melissa and I will tag team a blog on the site soon so keep an eye out for that. PEACE!

Generosity

2011-07-12T23:37:00.000-07:00

You can say that I have a lifestyle job. It drastically affects my life and as taxing as it is at times, I absolutely love it. I remember when I was filling out some paperwork for our insurance with Hidden With Christ. As I was filling it out, Lydia came into my office and I asked her what she put for how many hours she works per week. Its kind of a hard thing to quantify, because it was our “job” that drove us all the way to the other side of the earth in the first place. And time isn’t the only thing that my “job” affects. Read any blog from last year and you’ll see the emotional cost of this line of work. Not to mention the effect it has on close relationships that I have with people I’ve known for years. My lifestyle job has had a drastic effect on every area of my life. I wouldn’t trade it for the world, because the difficulties are only matched by the tremendous joys I experience with those around the kids, namely the kids.

Among the many areas that my job affects is our personal finances. Because of the line of work that Melissa and I are in we are forced to kind of live on the edge financially. In fact the entire operation at Hidden With Christ is a live by faith endeavor financially. We trust that God will provide and we realize that His major mode of financial transport is through generous people; most Christians, many not. People will sometimes ask how we make money at TOA and how I get paid, in the framing of their question I can tell they seem to think that I must make “good money” or that that is one of the highlights of working in a developing country. I posture myself and highlight that we don’t have anything product that we’re producing that would return gains to us. In the strictly worldly sense, we’re a drain on the economy, outside of those Tanzanians that we employ.

So what does that mean for me and Melissa? It means we are forced to fundraise and trust in God’s provision. We get a modest monthly stipend from Hidden With Christ that helps cover our expenses, but at the same time one could write into our job description under the payment heading “God will provide.” And I don’t say that flippantly or to exaggerate, because the truth is, He absolutely does provide.

I feel as though I note it often, but I truly love the way that God designed the Church to function. Without a doubt, the people and supposed people that comprise the Church have made some terrible decisions and drudged through scandalous affairs over the last 2,000 years. But that doesn’t change that Christ chose His Bride to be the vehicle for His glory to be unveiled in the world. As a missionary, I feel so blessed to be in a position where I see the beauty of the Church more often than the normal person. I can’t think of an area where that is more true than when it comes to money.

Jesus has an interesting take on generosity. One of my favorite commentaries is when Jesus is remarking about the widow putting her two mites into the temple treasury. While the wealthy made much of their donations and gave large amounts, Jesus said that she gave more, because it was all she had. She gave out of her poverty and her worship cost her something.

I found myself in an interesting spot a few weeks ago as Melissa was in a wedding down in Camarillo. While Melissa spent the night before the wedding with the other bridesmaids, I ended up spending the night with one of the groomsmen in a house that he and his wife were house sitting. This house was huge and had all the bells and whistles; six or seven bedrooms, three car garage, advanced security systems, exercise machines, flat screen TVs, kitchen gadgets and the biggest fridge I’ve ever seen. The husband of the couple that lived there is a published Christian author and edited one of the biggest Christian fiction books of the last several years. He and his wife were off touring Europe doing conferences and the like. Yeah, they were doing well. He and his wife are the only ones that live there as their children have grown up and married. I remarked to my new friend that it was bigger than TOA and I wasn’t exaggerating. It was undoubtedly the nicest and most expensive house that I’ve ever stayed in.

Now, to be fair, I really don’t know a whole lot about this guy, but you can learn a thing or two about a person from the way that they set up their home. Perhaps they give a large amount of money to people, in which case God bless them. Wealthy people have the highest financial responsibility within the church. But it was also quite clear that they were sitting on a lot of money as well. There’s no disputing it. When I think of friends in Tanzania, people of faith and character, suffering from lack of basic needs , it makes me quite uneasy to know that other Christians are living so exorbitantly.

Now if that were an example of the wealthy men dropping money bags into the treasury, I have an even better story that contrasts it. Just as the widow who gave out of her need was seen as the righteous giver, so is this couple that I’ll speak of next.

We had originally planned to use our gift money from the wedding to purchase a vehicle in Tanzania. Our guests were so generous and we thank God for them, but it wasn’t enough to get the vehicle we’ve had our eye on and had to use some of that money for other things anyways. We put it in God’s hands, gave thanks for what we did have and prayed that God would provide enough for us to get the car. We posted a blog on our website giving an update on how everything was going as we prepare to head back (click here to read it) and that night we had our life group pray for us and for the car specifically.

We're praying we can get this car

The next day, Melissa got an email from a friend she hasn’t even seen in a few years. She used to work at a camp with Melissa’s older sister Rebecca. She had read our blog and asked how much we needed for the car that we were hoping to get. Melissa wrote back and told her that it was $10,000 (cars are more expensive in Tanzania, because they’re not as common and everything’s imported). A couple days later, she messaged Melissa back and said that her and her husband were going to send us $5,000 to go towards the car. $5,000. When we received the check, there was a note inside where the couple shared their hearts with us a little. Now when I say a couple, I’m not talking about some elderly couple with money to burn. I’m talking a couple in their twenties who just got out of seminary. What was even more astounding was what they wrote in the letter. They wrote about how they only have one car and had been debating whether or not to get a second so that they could both have one. As they said in the letter, they are happy to know that their second car will be used by us in Tanzania.

That’s beautiful. That’s the widow throwing two mites in the treasury type of beautiful. I have other stories of radical generosity and it never ceases to amaze me. I am blessed to be in a position where I get to see it from time to time. God is faithful and He uses faithful people like this couple to advance the Kingdom. We’ve had to give up stuff to get to Tanzania, but for us as a married couple to have a car as opposed to riding a scooter around (that is our only other option), that’s huge. That’s beautiful. That’s God’s plan and these fellow disciples have chosen to align themselves with His design. What a meaningful way to use one’s money. That’s what money’s for. To bless God and to bless others, I thank God for this couple and every other supporter of ours. Its His design for missions and for His Church to work this way, for this we give praise.

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The Rundown: Haven’t done one of these in a while. At any rate, I’ll keep it short. We take off tomorrow morning at 9:45 AM and fly Emirates (Business class apparently - don’t know how we pulled that off!) which is a 16 hour flight then take a five hour flight to Nairobi. Spend the night in Nairobi then take the shuttle to Tanzania the next day. We’ll get into Moshi on Friday afternoon. Our house ought to be ready, but our first month there will be spent settling in and making the house a home. We are still waiting on the car situation, we are way closer thanks to our friends, but not out of the woods yet. God will provide anymore funds that we need, that’s just what He does. Pray for us. Last two goodbyes are Melissa’s sister Candace and her mom. Tears will be coming but thank God for the support and love of our families. I’ll try and blog more regularly once I’m back in the mighty TZ. Until then…

Getting Ready For Our Return

2011-07-07T17:34:00.000-07:00

So, I realize that I'm bad. I'm not just speaking to my personal depravity without the love and grace of God, but that I'm bad at blogging. I can't say that I'm uninspired, but rather I don't have a whole lot of time to set aside to write something worth reading (ahem...not that everything I write could fit under the "worth reading" category). At any rate, I will be writing again soon, but in the meantime you can check out the blog that Melissa and I have started on our personal website. You can subscribe to that as well. Stuff that goes on there won't be on my blog or on Melissa's blog. So click below and check it out!

The Stivers In Tanzania

Trust: Revisited

2011-06-24T16:12:00.000-07:00

Melissa and I are approaching a crossroads. Only three weeks ago, we had the biggest day of our life and now just a short time later we are preparing to re-launch into missionary work in Tanzania. It is a full-plate to be sure and difficult to take it all in. I feel like life just flies by and none more than the last six months. The traveling unsettledness and living out of our suitcases has been far from ideal, but its been the only way that we could see loved ones (though there are still people that we really need to hang out with!) and accomplish the things that we needed to do. And in the midst of it all, somehow we managed to get married a few Saturdays ago and will be in Tanzania in no time.

People keep asking us about when we’ll be heading back to Tanzania. All along we’ve been telling people that we were looking at the first week of July and that is still the plan as far as we know. We got all of the stuff for Melissa’s name change submitted, but are waiting on her new passport to come back. There’s nothing more we can do. Rita has itineraries picked out, but we have to wait to pull the trigger on them because they need Melissa’s new passport info. All the while, Melissa and I seem to be in this odd holding pattern. We had been telling people that our last commitment was Melissa’s friend’s wedding on June 24th, news flash, that’s tomorrow. All of a sudden, not only are we bouncing around and trying to get stuff done, but we could return to Tanzania at what seems to be the drop of a hat.

I had to take a day this week and fast for Melissa. Please be praying for my wife. She’s such a strong woman, but this is a whole new kind of weight on her. She knows what the Lord has been calling her to since she was 16, but it doesn’t change the emotional strain and the huge sacrifice that comes with leaving everything you’ve every truly known to move to the mission field in a foreign land. I didn’t help the situation much early on as I assumed the role of killjoy and devil’s advocate telling her of all the extraordinary difficulties of living on the mission field without emphasizing that the incredible lows are accentuated by the incredible (and incredibly simple) joys. I know she’s going to do great, but it’s certainly a tall order. I can only imagine what it feels like for her to be starting a month by getting married and ending it with moving for the long-term indefinite future to a foreign country. Talk about transitions!

Its during these times of trial and transition that we learn to trust. Not only do we learn to trust but we learn what or who it is that we trust in. If you trust in your country and its government entities, you trust that its “safety net” will catch you if you lose your job. If you invest a lot of money into your retirement plan, you’re trusting that it will be there when you get to the age of 55 (or 65 as it’s looking like more and more these days). If you get emotionally and physically connected to your boyfriend or girlfriend, you are trusting that they are going to be there for you forever, no matter what.

The problem with each of those things is that our trust, our reliance, is on something that is not automatically secure. They may seem secure, but looks can often be deceiving. How many stories have we heard in the last couple years of people that thought their financial future was secure and then all of a sudden, they’re up a creek without a paddle? How many people have you heard with those awful break-up stories where they’re just destroyed because their loved one left them? Everybody has had something or someone that they relied in a major way give out or give up on them. Our trust, our very faith, was tied up in that and then it’s just gone.

Image by Thorne Enterprises via Flickr

At the end of Matthew 7, as Jesus is wrapping up His most famous sermon (the one on the mount as we say), He tells a parable to encourage the people to follow all the things He just spoke. He talks about two men who were building houses. In verses 24-27, He says,

“whoever hears these sayings of Mine, and does them [trust in action], I will liken him to a wise man who built his house on the rock: and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it did not fall, for it was founded on the rock. But everyone who hears these sayings of Mine, and does not do them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand: and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it fell. And great was its fall.” (parentheses mine)

It is easy for us as Christians to say that our trust is in Jesus and that we are “on the rock,” but it would be unwise of us to act as though there aren’t countless things that are vying for our trust and faith in this world; things that seem secure as the rock is secure - sand posing as synthetic rocks if you will. When that storm hits and certain structures that we’ve built on the sand start falling down, we begin to have no other option but to cling to the rock. We then learn to start building there more. We start to learn what trust actually looks like.

Its interesting that the previous post I wrote called “Trust” was dealing with the potential of me staying in the states for the first half of 2011 and now I (and Melissa as well) are learning trust again as we prepare to head back to Moshi. Another angle this time around is that we aren’t only having to trust in God for all the things across every physical, spiritual, emotional and relational facet, but we are having to do it from a place where we feel more distant from God then we typically do. There are of course a hundred and one different theologies of what is actually happening during spiritual times like these. Our hearts are confused as to why the distance seems to be present and our heads can’t understand what caused it or why we can’t get back on board with the Lord. It sucks and makes us all the more blind to what’s actually going to happen. Our adversary doesn’t waste the opportunity to try and discourage us, driving us to immeasurable tears and countless questions. Not fun.

Its times like these that all we can do is call our emotions into alignment with the Lord’s word and move forward blindly trusting Him who sent us. That’s a scary notion. Moving forward blindly. Such a notion seems like absolute foolishness to the world, but the gospel itself is foolishness to the world (1 Corinthians 1:18).

Who do you trust? If you’re a believer, I’m sure you would quickly answer Christ. If that’s the case, and I hope it is, how does your life reflect your trust in Him? Do you have every worldly security known to man? At what expense? What does relational security look like to you? If any given loved one (or most of them) suddenly left or became far less involved, would you be okay with just you and God? He promises to be enough. He has created you and proven Himself trustworthy. If He nonetheless feels distant, are you going to go ahead with the word that He spoke to you previously? Are you going to follow His biblical principles even though He seems aloof? Who do you trust?

My family is at a crossroads and are in need of our God to come through. We trust that He will, for this we give praise.

the letter m

2011-06-22T13:12:00.000-07:00

So my beautiful wife is back on with her blogging and I highly suggest it to my readers. Whereas my blogs are long, difficult to read through and border on drudgery, her blogs are more concise with short anecdotal tales of life and lots of pictures, hence they are more enjoyable than my blogs. So if you are out in cyber land and want a good blog to follow or just another way to keep up with the Stivers, especially as we'll be returning to Tanzania soon, you should check out her blog:
the letter m on tumblr.

A picture from her blog post yesterday

Together-ness

2011-06-18T20:35:00.000-07:00

(This blog was written with a previous blog of mine in mind. It was called “Single-ness” and played a role in what God did for me and Melissa… I’m not single anymore)

I am learning this word “together” in whole new measures as of late. Two weeks ago today, there was a wedding. It was my wedding. It was my and Melissa’s wedding. The day that the average person would consider the best day of their life, I would be one such person. It wasn’t only a day that I committed myself to Christ like my day of salvation, but it was even more than that. It was a day that I was again committing myself to Christ as a man that is mature enough to take on the responsibility of being a husband and together with my wife, committing ourselves to the Lord. The best day of my life.

There was so much that went into the wedding. I hope to put up more pictures soon once we get them (although you could see some on Facebook right now and the ceremony video is here on the blog). It was truly an incredible production and my talented wife would be the one to credit for all that. She really did a tremendous job down to the most minute detail. Decorations, wardrobe, ceremony and reception events, everything. And it was a lot. We got some important help in the last week or so and help from others here and there, but a lot of the footwork came down to us doing stuff ourselves. It truly monopolized most of our time over April and May. I found myself working on stuff that I don’t even know if I would've noticed if I were a guest there, but it indeed turned out beautiful.

However, not everything came together beautifully. The final product was indeed beautiful, but Melissa and I can see from the big picture that it wasn’t perfect, or at least not in the physical circumstantial aspect. A few things that didn’t work out you ask? First off, something happened to the ceremony’s sound system which messed up our perfect play list - I kid you not it was perfect, check out this line up: Mumford & Sons “Sigh No More,” Norah Jones’ “Don’t Know Why,” Jack Johnson “Banana Pancakes,” Sixpence None The Richer “Kiss Me,” Donavon Frankenreiter “Free,” The OC Supertones “So Great A Salvation,” Melody Gardot “If The Stars Were Mine,” Tyrone Wells “And The Birds Sing,” Amos Lee “Sweet Pea,” candle lighting to Jon Foreman “House of God Forever” and the processional was Phil Wickham “Divine Romance” … I rest my case. I don’t know if the general songs were played at all but Mr. Foreman and Mr. Wickham sounded like they were under water. Furthermore, Melissa spent a painstakingly long time picking out dresses for the bridesmaids, seven of the eight girls ordered through the same bridal shop and they botched the order so the girls didn’t get the dresses Melissa chose, except for my sister who paid more to get the dress because her dress shop actually did get it in time, but the other problem came too late to cancel her order. The guys suits didn’t come either, so we ended up wearing different ones. The caterer didn’t fulfill some of his promises (for example, he himself showing up to the reception). As if all that weren’t enough, it rained on our wedding day and we scrambled the morning to change locations altogether. So yeah, you could say that not everything “came together.”

The day went by so fast and all the big problems were totally out of our hands. I can’t say how our guests felt, but it seemed like a rapid, hectic ordeal to me and Melissa. There’s just so much. I praise God that much of the stuff did work out well and even more so for those that helped us out the day of the wedding (our families, our bridal party, our pastors, our DJ -Jessica, our Mcs - Adrian and Kelli and our point-person for the day Mona). Lord knows nothing could have happened without them. And yet, Melissa and I cringe to think about Phil singing the submarine version of “Divine Romance.”

You know when it comes down to it though, it isn’t about all that stuff anyway. I marveled and told Missy a bunch afterwards how I wish that I could have had more time to visit with all the people. That may be the only day in my life where we have both families, our closest friends from childhood, high school, college and church all together. Even Jodie, who is on furlough, came with Rita and Pastor Dave to the wedding to represent Tanzania. It was incredible. These relationships mean so much to us and it was such a wonderful sight to have all of us together in Jesus’ name to celebrate what He’s done for me and Melissa.

And yet far more than any other relationship with a friend or family member there, it meant the world to me to be holding the hand and looking into the eyes of my best friend and beautiful bride, Melissa. As I think about that day, the most prominent pictures I remember are my first look with Melissa, Pastor Bob’s pronouncement into the recessional, our first dance, and when her and I left the reception. Just Missy and I being together and enjoying the love that the Lord has put in us for one another. All that other stuff just fades away in light of such a beautiful picture that He gave us.

Melissa means the world to me. I’ve never loved another person like I love her. I’ve never known another person like I know her. I’ve never been committed to another person the way that I’m committed to her. In the moments that we share together, especially when its just the two of us, I am in awe of just how perfect she is for me and how blessed I truly am to have such a wonderful wife.

I think that in life we get hung up on a lot of stuff that doesn’t really matter. Sure, they may enhance certain experiences or we may truly enjoy them, but I know that I am guilty of getting bent out of shape when more peripheral things don’t go my way. I then lose focus of what is important in my life, more like Who and who is important in my life. In the Old Testament, God made a very in-depth outline of how we are to live in relationships. Jesus, in Matthew 22, summed them up in two easy-to-remember parts “Love God, love people.” That’s what’s important. A huge component of love is enjoying the communion, or together-ness if you will, with the Godhead and the people that He places around us. I praise God for walking with me over these years. He’s never left me nor forsaken me, we’ve always been together. I also praise Him that He brought Melissa and I together in such a beautiful story, as well as every other person that He‘s allowed me to share in life with.

He is faithful to do that for each person that He created. He is not only the Author and Perfecter of our faith (Hebrews 12:2), but He is the Author and Perfecter of the love that He puts in people for Himself and for one another, for this we give praise.

"Together"
Photo Credit: Benjamin Braff - http://thebenjaminbraff.com/

Zablon

2011-06-17T23:42:00.000-07:00

So, I just got back from my honeymoon with beautiful Melissa and I really need to write. Its like my soul is burning within me to not have an idle pen. Not that the fictional people that read my blog care particularly, its more like a personal issue I think. At any rate, it is nearly midnight and I typically need at least 90 minutes to write a blog worth reading, so it will have to wait at least until tomorrow.

Hey, speaking of something worth reading... My director, and spiritual mother, Rita, just wrote a new book that is now available on Amazon. Its about a personal friend of mine, his name is Zablon. He's a Masai pastor and an incredible man of God. I read the first chapter and it was great. I'm looking forward to reading the whole thing. I highly suggest the book, not only because the proceeds benefit our work at TOA, but also because its just a great testimony of the Lord's work in a single man. There are cool lion stories too! Go order it. I dare you.

Wedding Video

2011-06-08T13:44:00.000-07:00

Video Credit: Melissa Zaldivar

Mission

2011-05-29T18:07:00.000-07:00

Over the last several hours, I feel as though a new weight has come upon me. Its funny that a single day isn’t a very long period of time. Yet, going from eight days till the wedding to a week till the wedding felt like a huge shift. The line of where responsibility ends and feelings of anxiety begins is a bit blurry over the last day or so.

Its not hesitancy, its not cold feet, its not worry. Its just a weight. A weight of responsibility. It is a bit of realizing not only the magnitude of what Melissa and I going to walk into for our personal lives, but also the magnitude of the effect that this will have on the Kingdom. To be sure, the most important person in our marriage is neither of us. And while that’s easy enough to say for any Christian relationship, saying that God is the center, the focus and the most important Person in our relationship takes on another meaning when the couple have chosen to do something that is beyond themselves.

I’ve said it before, but I really have no interest in living a life that is meaningless or understandable. I think that God does things that are supernatural and impossible to comprehend, He then calls us into that same life. I want that. I am grieved by the moments of my life that don’t reflect Who He is. I know that it is the same for Melissa. I’ll be the first to say that I don’t know what I’m doing. I really don’t. I have friends that are missionaries or pastors and sometimes I feel like they have such a handle on things. They know what they’re doing and have effective Kingdom advancing techniques. At other times, I see into their lives at more real moments and realize that they don’t know what they’re doing either. And I really think that that is the way that God designed it, because if all of life and ministry came down to checking off a list and having things figured out, it would be nothing more than empty religion and passion would become non-existent. Praise God that such a life like that doesn’t even work.

Instead of dead religion, He calls us to go on a mission with Him. He will tell us things, but only when He wants to and only when its necessary. He could give us a perfect plan at one time and we do it and it works great for His purposes. We could then figure that that will do the trick every time, try it again, and fall flat on our face. It seems unpredictable to us, but its perfect sense to Him, whose ways our higher than our own.

At times this mission is adventurous and sometimes it doesn’t seem very adventurous at all. Adventure is great, but we, especially twenty-something Christians like me, can become too enamored with the adventure, not realizing that the important thing isn’t the adventure but the obedience to Him and what He’s calling us to in the mission. Adventure is too fleeting to encompass this mission of His.

I was talking with Darren about this mission today after church. I can’t read the Bible without realizing the pain and suffering of the faithful. I know that this doesn’t mesh with a lot of popular American theology, but I find it biblical. Darren mentioned Jeremiah who worked tirelessly day in, day out for years prophesying to the unrepentant people. People weren’t being converted and he was suffering; the crying prophet he’s known as. The New Testament Yahweh followers are the same way. Jesus as the premier example, was crucified. But it wasn’t just our Savior, Paul wrote extensively about suffering. We like to talk about how we’re children of God and co-heirs with Christ, but that is a conditional status according to Paul. He drops a big “IF” in the middle of his discussion on the family of God. Romans 8:16-17 (emphasis mine): “The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs--heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together.”

This mission that we’re on isn’t about putting up with the normal ailments that this world dishes on every single person. Its about choosing to suffer with Jesus, that His glory (and ours) may come to pass. Jesus and each of his first disciples paid dearly for their relationship with the Father and followers of His have been doing the same ever since.

The trouble is that my salvation and relationship with Jesus came about with very little personal price to me. It was normal, even safe to do so. I praise God for how He brought me to Him, but the culture and my own personal decisions don’t lend to living a life of suffering and sacrifice, which are inescapable elements of the disciple‘s life. We prefer the illusion of risk over the reality of risk. If He tells us to do something, we either don’t do it or have a bad attitude about it. There are times where I really don’t want to do what He’s telling me to. It doesn’t sound adventurous, it doesn’t sound fun, it sounds scary and humiliating and I don’t want to do it. We allow something sinister into our decision-making, disobedience. We choose to not join into His mission… its too hard.

It is a tall bill to be sure. We know in our heads what we are supposed to do and even want to live in a way that is satisfying. We’ve heard that we can find that in this Jewish rabbi, but His ways seem so odd and He tells us to do things like take up a torture device and follow Him. If we can successfully bear this cross, we’ll fulfill His mission for our lives and play a part in His mission for all of creation; that every man, woman and child would come to know His saving grace and majestic glory.

Looking forward to fulfilling our mission for
the Big Guy together

That’s the magnitude that I feel six days before my wedding. Its not cold feet, its not hesitancy. I know the woman that I’m marrying. She’s a woman of integrity and strength. I see things in her beautiful character that she doesn’t even see. I thank God for Melissa. I know that for the first time, I’m called to live out my mission in life with someone else by my side. As beautiful as that is, its also unfamiliar and thus can be a little unsettling. I trust that my walk with Jesus is going to be ignited in a new way because of my marriage to Melissa. My walk with Jesus becoming greater will have a positive effect on all things around me, not merely my ministry, but my relationships as well. I’m excited and at the same time weighed down by the gravity of it all.

Its all about Him. Its all about what He’s called us to. I’m entering into a covenant that God is going to use to refine me and turn me into the person that He desires for me to be. Its going to be beautiful and really hard. I thank God for Melissa’s obedience to follow Him as our calls go forward hand in hand. But I’d be mistaken if I said that even she, the most wonderful person I know, is fit to fulfill His mission. Because its never about any of us being fit to fulfill His mission, its about people saying ’yes’ to Him and allowing His Spirit to work out the mission through us.

The mission field is huge and the duties are as various as can be. To some He’s called to marriage, some He’s called to be single. Some He’s called to Africa, some He’s called to America, some to other places. He’s called us to be pastors, mothers, fathers, teachers, worshippers and so many other things. He didn’t tell us to do something without giving us the means to do so, but it is still on us to say ‘yes.’ We are not to sit on His grace and punch our ticket to heaven, but rather to work out our salvation in “fear and trembling” (Philippians 2:12) as we take up the mantle He’s placed on us within the big mission. Elements of risk, sacrifice, suffering, joy, fulfillment, pain, love, grace and mercy are evident in each personal mission, even though not all our stressed in our Christian clubs.

In it all, His Spirit enables us to fulfill the mission and I am looking forward to embarking on this new part of fulfilling mine, for this we give praise.

Best Friend

2011-05-28T23:39:00.000-07:00

When you get married, you should marry your best friend.

I'm going to do that on Saturday.

Evil

2011-05-25T16:27:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, America came to a pinnacle moment in the modern era. So much of what has happened in our country the last ten years has centered around the terrorist attacks of September 11th. From that day on, the man at the top of the FBI’s most wanted list has been Osama Bin Laden. Of course this man was the mastermind behind the heinous attacks of September 11th. He quite clearly was a man bent towards evil and his actions followed suit.

I was at Cody and Alaina’s when President Obama made that special announcement about how the Navy Seals infiltrated the compound and killed Bin Laden. It was undoubtedly a high moment for the US Military and the President himself. The president’s approval rating goes up and a wave of patriotism sweeps over the nation.

Image from www.washingtonpost.com

Its an interesting occurrence though, when you really think about it. Americans became happy, because the Seals did to him, what he (and his terrorist group) did to us - killing. Now, I will say that I believe it is a good thing that he is gone, for the sole reason that it could, and probably will, lead to a lot of other people not being killed in any of his terrorist attacks. However, I struggle to “celebrate” his death, or any other person’s for that matter. The Lord wanted something other for that man, but he instead chose to do evil and hardened his heart against the Lord. He subsequently died unrepentant and is now eternally separated from the love and grace of His Creator. He was a wicked man, entirely sadistic and its better for him to be dead then for him to kill other people, but its still sad. His life wasn’t merely wasted, it was hell-bent against the Kingdom of God and that’s sad. I can’t imagine what a terrible pain it would have been to lose a loved one on September 11th. And while, I hope that this can help bring closure to those precious people, I can’t imagine that it does entirely. Because whether or not some evil man that aided in their loved one’s demise is killed in Pakistan, it doesn’t bring their loved one back. An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth is far too much to ask in this situation because one man’s death isn’t equivalent to 3,000+.

I was having a conversation with Andy yesterday and we began to talk about man’s leaning towards evil. G.K. Chesterton says that that sin nature is the only part of our Christian doctrine that we can prove. I think that’s because we can take one look at the world, and realize just how much people have messed it up. This isn’t blaming it on “that person” or “that group of people,” its all of us, as humankind realizing that each of us have made decisions that were detrimental to ourselves and the world in which we live. In the case of a terrorist mastermind like Bin Laden, that’s an easy conclusion. But if in humility, we could really look at ourselves, we’d soon realize the pain that we’ve caused on ourselves and those around us. It may not be a mass murder, but its certainly not good. A person can kill others in far more ruthless ways than murdering them and none of us are above that.

One thing that Andy and I talked about is who we are when no one else is around. Its that age-old youth group proposition. Who are you when no one else is looking at you? We can all be great in the eyes of the people that see us in public settings, but we can do truly awful things behind closed doors. Whether it be a pornography addiction, slamming someone else online, suicide or any other evil that happens in private, we should realize that there is no end to the darkness we can go into.

And that common saying of “its not affecting anyone else” is just not true. The way that this world is designed is for people to inhabit it together. If you do something bad, that will negatively affect those around you. The reverse of that is equally true. If you are purchasing pornography and using it in private, that is feeding into an evil system that keeps other people, some willing and many not willing, enslaved to producing it. Furthermore, it will have a negative effect on your relationships, especially with your significant other, because you are becoming dissatisfied with them and perverting the way that you see them and the opposite sex in general. Evil spreads very easily.

And yet in this post-modern culture, people don’t want to call it like it is. I was watching the Colbert Report a few weeks ago and a man came on and was talking about a book that he wrote called “The Humanist Bible.” Clearly this man isn’t a Christian, and I’m not particularly offended by the title of his book or the contents of it. Not only because the word “bible” simply means “book,” but also because there’s no point in getting offended by non-believers, they simply don’t hold the same views as me and I can’t judge them according to things they don’t believe in (my job is to merely try and show them the Light and the freedom that I‘ve found in Jesus, before they are judged by Someone else). Anyways, he talks in the opening section about “good and its opposite.” Its interesting, he doesn’t even want to say the word “evil.” We’d like to plug our ears, close our eyes, and pretend that its not there, but how else can you explain that the twentieth century was the bloodiest century in the history of mankind? Evil exists and we must do something about it other than turning a blind eye to it.

For followers of Christ, its not enough to just get by with our salvation and punch our ticket it to heaven. Those are great things, but faith in Jesus is so much more than that. Our relationship with Him is a relationship with a General. When the Old Testament talks about God being the “Lord of Hosts” its talking about Him being the Lord over an angelic military that fights in the heavenly realm which manifests in the physical realm. We are at war with evil and we need to be more gung-ho in that pursuit. The soldier that’s revered is the one that moves in boldness and gives his entire being to the cause, whether that is in life or in death. The enemy is out there and he’s so wicked and he’s tormenting people. And our own sin nature and the evil from within is only making matters worse. We must take this seriously.

Praise be to God that He has overcome and He is overcoming. Praise Him for conquering sin and evil on the cross. He has called us into this fight for good and equipped us with His Spirit that we too may be more than conquerors, for this we give praise.

Verse of the Week: Philippians 1:20-21

2011-05-23T11:40:00.000-07:00

So I'm struggling with this notion that for the most part, people don't really care about my blog and my mother has always told me that I'm too sensitive, so I take that probably harder than I ought to. That coupled with the craziness of planning the wedding and the inconsistent schedule that that entails has led me to not be as adamant in updating the blog and becoming more apathetic to do so. I have a couple ideas for a couple posts, but time is waning and I'm not sure it'd be worth the post. Welcome again to my love-hate relationship with blogging. Anyways, even posting the verse of the week was looked over last week, so I'm trying to make up a little by actually posting one on time this week.

I seem to be posting several verses that people "know" but they don't really know. Everybody has heard the last tag in this week's verse, but rarely know where in the Bible its found. Furthermore, memorization helps with meditation on scripture and this is certainly a verse worthwhile for both of those ventures. David Platt wrote in his recent book, Radical, about what a revolutionary concept it is to live for Christ when if you were to die that's actually a good thing. We walk around and are so afraid of death, but biblically that should be something that we look forward to. Beyond that, if we lived like the verse proposes, our lives would be inherently more risky and thus more effective and powerful. This is a challenge to me for sure and I hope that it is for you as well.

"According to my earnest expectation and hope that in nothing I shall be ashamed, but with all boldness, as always, so now also Christ will be magnified in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." -Phillipians 1:20-21

Verse of the Week: Matthew 6:26-27

2011-05-10T11:14:00.000-07:00

This week's verse is the classic "don't worry" verse, a reminder that I need regularly. I often think that I don't worry, but then my mom tells me that I'm a big worrier and she's typically right about stuff like that. There seems to be a lot of worry going around these days, especially because of the global economic downturn. As Christians we ought to show concern and help those in need, all the while being diligent to take care of ourselves and our families. But by looking at this verse the proper biblical stance is to not worry, no matter what the circumstance.

"Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?" -Matthew 6:26-27

Brokenness

2011-05-07T16:51:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we just get slapped in the face with a harsh reality, such has been the case over the last week or so.

With our wedding less than a month away, Melissa and I have begun looking for birth control solutions. Since Melissa doesn’t have insurance and our finances aren’t much to write home about, we’ve had to look for the cheapest solution possible. That led us to going to Planned Parenthood.* That must be the busiest office that I’ve ever been in. We first tried to get in at the place in Costa Mesa last week and waited for two hours before they told us they couldn’t get to us. We ended up going into the San Luis Obispo one and setting up an appointment one day and came in the next to wait another two hours before the doctor got to Melissa. The point is that place was bustling, at both places that we visited.

Image by Getty Images via @daylife

The number one demographic in the busy office? Young, unwed women. I saw two guys come in for condoms and a couple others come in to get tested for STDs (I could hear them at the reception desk). But most of them were women, or girls in some instances. Of the over 25 ladies that I saw between the two offices, Melissa was one of three or four that had a ring on her finger. Some girls acted nonchalant, I saw a few tearing up, but overall it all seemed like commonplace for the people there. The saddest sight, was a timid girl that was waiting a good while, Melissa and I were heart broken to see this girl that couldn’t have been over 14 years old; she was still developing physically even.

In our futile efforts to enjoy life apart from God, we’ve cultivated a deep brokenness through personal and corporate sins. How else can you explain such a young girl seeking services at Planned Parenthood? The sad thing is that this sort of behavior is often celebrated. I saw something on TV where Lil’ Wayne was boasting that he lost his virginity at the age of 11. The layers of society that propagate this activity is incredibly diverse. Hollywood promotes it and acts like its both normative and completely satisfying, our lawmakers pass laws that reflect a growing constituency that sexual immorality is good and so forth. Meanwhile, the average age of people having sex for the first time keeps going down while STDs, abortions and broken lives goes up.

And how are we to react as Christians? This certainly plays out in other areas of society, but lets stick with sexuality for the time being. When we first went into the office in San Luis, we were greeted by some picketers from a local church. They were kind and cordial, but we obviously knew why they were there. As we got out of the car, one of the ladies in a big sun hat approached us with some brochures. We smiled and said thank you, she then asked if we had any prayer requests and we told her about our wedding coming up and the work in Tanzania. Since this is a sister of mine, I didn’t want her to think lowly of us, so I pulled out all the stops to show her any strand of righteousness in us. I told her how we’re getting married so we had to start birth control (implying our virginity), we oppose abortion, we work on the mission field with orphans for crying out loud. She then told us that we should go to the Community Health Center instead of Planned Parenthood. Alas, we told her that since Planned Parenthood is free and CHC isn’t, we would still be going there and we soon walked up the stairs into the place. While these ladies were kind enough, we still felt quite uneasy with the encounter. Maybe it was the grotesque images of aborted babies on their vehicle or maybe it was just the subtle finger wagging we received. It didn’t matter that we were approaching our marriage biblically, their mind was made up and we received the brunt of their views on Planned Parenthood.

How then are we to behave then, as followers of Christ? Humility is always a good place to start. We must realize that we aren’t immune to the sin and brokenness, nor is our family.

Over the last week, Melissa and I have been engaging with a relative of hers that has caused a lot of pain to Melissa. In an attempt to show grace to this person, Melissa got burned again and it has brought up past pain as well and could potentially be detrimental to our wedding. “He’s very broken” and “he needs Jesus” are constantly on Melissa’s lips and its entirely true. This brokenness of his was passed on to him from another relative before him. Sin is a disease and it always leads to brokenness and pain. If we do not allow God to heal us and change us, we will inevitably pass it on to another.

God created us for community and no matter what we think or want, our actions have a profound effect on others. The reason Jesus stressed discipleship is because He knew that human relationship is the most influential force in the changing of a human soul. The reverse is just as true. If we don’t abide in Christ and His righteousness, we will pass on sin and brokenness to those we are in relationship with, as opposed to the love that we find in God. That has been the case with this relative and because he hasn’t allowed God to deal with his brokenness, he has been passing it on in his interactions with Melissa and others.

It is a sad thing, but its not un-redeemable. The whole reason that Jesus came was because God recognized the brokenness of humankind and sent Him to save us, inviting us into His Kingdom of love and reconciliation. There isn’t a person on this earth that is out of His reach if they would repent and allow the Holy Spirit to do His work. And it doesn’t end there, He’s so powerful that He can topple principalities that are ingrained within societal strongholds. He is able and willing; and He’s beckoning us to join Him in this work. And that’s where we are to hang our hats. While sin begets brokenness and we pass the disease on from one person to the other, at any moment that we invite God to redeem and heal, He does just that. We are to be like Him, ministers of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:17-21). I wouldn’t say that picketing, pronouncing damnation during a time of grace or judging unbelievers according to a Book they don’t believe in will help. At the same time, the more common Christian ailment of apathy is equally detrimental. Instead we are to show compassion, integrity, righteousness, love and whole-hearted devotion to God which will automatically lead to radical engagement. The beauty is in His design of this. That we being filled with the Holy Spirit, are able to bring this work of reconciliation over brokenness to pass, for this we give praise.

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*I realize that Planned Parenthood is a very controversial establishment and I personally disagree with a lot of their stances on sexuality and procreation, not the least of which is abortion. However, we decided that this is the best path for us with our financial situation. The organization does offer some good services, why not utilize them for two people that have chosen to wait for their marriage to become sexually active? Why should we pay more for choosing to do it the right way? Not to mention, I’m a tax payer and a third of the organization’s funding comes from government grants and contracts. Whether or not I think they should get government funding is another thing, but the fact is right now they do receive a significant portion of money from the feds which qualifies us to use the positive non-sinful practices of the establishment.

Verse of the Week: Ephesians 4:20-24

2011-05-04T10:57:00.000-07:00

Alright, I'm a couple days late on this this week, but here's the memory verse of the week. Its a long one, I suppose to make up for the short one last week. This verse is a reminder to the conduct of a person that the Lord has regenerated. Sometimes we feel inclined to walk in sin, but that's the old man that is fighting back and trying to act like he's still alive. As we remember from 1 Peter 2:23-24 (our verse from a few weeks ago), we have died to sin and as Paul affirms here we are created to live in righteousness and holiness as Jesus taught us.

"But you have not so learned Christ, if indeed you have heard Him and have been taught by Him, as the truth is in Jesus: that you put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according the deceitful lusts, and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness." -Ephesians 4:20-24

Dostoevsky Quote

2011-04-30T14:44:00.000-07:00

Image via Wikipedia

I came across this quote a long while ago and found it quite true of my own life. As Melissa and I were meeting with Rita yesterday, the Treasures weren't far from my mind. I miss them so much and look forward to returning home in a couple months with Melissa by my side. Spend time with kids... its good for you.

"The soul is healed by being with children."

-Fyodor Dostoevsky

Expectations

2011-04-25T23:06:00.000-07:00

This last week has flown by and to be quite honest its been a tough week for us. A lot of things didn’t go according to plan. Certainly not the least of which was losing the ring, but the hits didn’t stop there. It was a painful week for Melissa recovering from her eye surgery, as well as some additional financial hits and frustrations with wedding plans not going to plan. I often say that things in Tanzania just don’t ever go according to plan, well, this week California’s proving to be the same way. I think part of being human is building up high expectations and then being taken aback when such things don’t go according to what we thought.

Quite fittingly this was holy week - the week that we celebrate the most important event in history and the crowning work of Jesus’ ministry on earth. I sat in church last week on Palm Sunday and was reminded of all that the day meant. I had trouble following where the preacher was going and I couldn’t help but think about the people that greeted Jesus waving those palm branches. They had some lofty expectations of what Jesus was about to do.

I question the historical likelihood of Jesus riding side saddle sticking his right arm in front of Him as He rode. Image via Wikipedia

Do you ever wonder why the people were waving palm branches as Jesus entered Jerusalem? It was a symbol referring to Judas Maccabeus’ victory over the Syrian Seleucids that were occupying Jerusalem almost 200 years before Jesus took his donkey through the city that day. The palm branch was his sign of victory and was stamped on their coins. The revolt was, as all revolts are, a violent affair. The Maccabean Revolt is still revered in the Jewish religion and celebrated through the winter celebration of Hanukkah. It was even fresher in the Jews’ minds during the first century and they were looking forward to what they thought Jesus would do in overthrowing the oppressive Roman government. They basked in their heritage and waved a symbol of military victory as yelling to Jesus, “Hosanna!” “Save us!”

Funny how it was these same crowds that were riled up by the priesthood to have Jesus nailed to a cross only five days later. Fickle? Perhaps. But it goes deeper than that. These people were expecting him to do a mighty work. While He may have never exhibited violence towards people (let some tables have it in the temple though), the people recognized that He was indeed powerful - powerful enough to do a number to the Romans. Imagine their surprise and disgust when only five days later, this supposed prophet, was on trial for blasphemy. Safe to say that their previous expectations were unmet and the result was a historic upheaval.

A lot of crowds place expectations on Jesus; time after time, the expectations go unmet. We see this still today. People expect Jesus and His “religion” to fit into Box A and He exhibits zero interest in getting into said box. The people then get upset with Jesus and toss Him aside just as the crowd did in the early morning of Good Friday.

I knew that things would be hard for us in the coming season financially. I had an expectation of how much school debt was in my name and while steep, it was manageable on our minimal budget. Then something came in the mail from my mom. They were notices of a loan that I thought was consolidated with ones that I was already paying off and since there weren’t any payments made, a bunch of penalties and interest were thrown on top. I made a mistake for sure and the expectation I had was unmet.

Melissa is a very creative and somewhat meticulous woman when it comes to designing things. She certainly has visual/spatial intelligence and a knack for truly aesthetic design. You can imagine the ideas that have been going through her mind for our wedding coming up. Well, some of her ideas are starting to become a reality and as we learned this week with the bridesmaids attire, some ideas simply aren’t coming to fruition. Her expectations too were unmet and that can be discoursing as she pours herself into this special day.

There is a hope though in these unmet expectations and we learn that in the Easter story. This is a hope that is only for the followers of Jesus and the truth of this story comes forth when a few of His followers go to the tomb the Sunday after His crucifixion.

Pastor Bob spoke on Sunday about how the women that came to His tomb had prepared all these spices and aloes to give Jesus a proper burial (see Luke 24:1-12). They were expecting to find a dead man. Jesus didn’t meet that expectation either. As Bob mused, if they were on the same page with Jesus they would have brought him orange juice and a stack of pancakes as opposed to burial spices.

Jesus stated many times Who He was and what He was doing there. Jesus didn’t pull punches and while He did speak in perplexing parables, He always explained them to His followers. Had they believed Him in the first place and remembered His words, they would have known what to expect from Him during holy week. Unfortunately, the crowds, His disciples then and His disciples now are all sinful and forgetful people. We ought to take heart though because as our expectations go unmet, we can then change our focus to the good thing that He is about to do - as unexpected as it might be.

The hope of following Christ is that the resurrection into perfection always comes after the hardship. The wonder of following Jesus is that He always manages to blow our minds in a way that we couldn’t previously have imagined or expected. The hard thing about it all is that He uses our disappointingly unmet expectations to make us into the kind of people that are actually able to walk into the new reality He’s calling us into. Thanks be to God for His grace that guides us into that beautiful reality, for this we give praise.

Verse of the Week: Matthew 25:40

2011-04-25T20:10:00.000-07:00

This week's verse is one that a lot of people, especially those younger social activist Christians, will memorize or at least be aware of. This is a verse that I've quoted plenty of times, but not in full and never with the Bible address. I think that its important to know where we can find the verse in the Bible. It adds credibility when one is witnessing and it helps us in our own devotion and study. This verse in particular, and the passage it comes from, ought to cause all Christians to be on their toes, because Jesus clearly cares about how we take care of the less fortunate neighbors around us.

"And the king will answer and say to them, 'Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to me." - Matthew 25:40

Music Spotlight: Sound Off

2011-04-21T21:22:00.000-07:00

Today I was working on a welcome board that Melissa wants for the foyer at the wedding reception hall. After listening to the live album by Matisyahu, I threw on one of my favorite hip hop acts, Mars ILL. Hip hop has always been my favorite music genre and these guys keep it true to form. There's a lot of mainstream that is very self-glorifying and foul, but these guys are among an underground movement that is positive, conscious and just plain good. Manchild and DJ Dust for you and you and you and you too...

Money

2011-04-19T22:29:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Brandon’s therapy session.

Over the last couple weeks, as Snoop Doggy Dog would put it “I’ve had my mind on my money and my money on my mind.” Not just my money though, but money in general would probably be more apt. Nonetheless, I felt it was blog worthy as it is so integral to our society to the point that we come up with trite sayings like “Money makes the world go round” and what not. Not to mention money and personal finances are topics readily found throughout the Bible. It must be important. The only thing that Jesus talks about more than money in the gospel accounts is the Kingdom of God. That’s right, he talks more about money than he does about love, salvation, repentance and so on. Yeah, I’d say its quite important.

I was hanging out with Shawn the other day and we had some really good conversation as we tend to do. One of the topics, as one might suspect, was popular Christianity. Specifically we spoke at length about two individuals, one of them being Joel Osteen. He is undoubtedly the most prominent figure of the “prosperity gospel.” His book titles include Become a Better You, Its Your Time and Your Best Life Now. I don’t intend to bash another brother, I want God’s will for his life. However, I have a few reservations with the message he portrays. Mr. Osteen read the Bible and gave his life to a homeless first-century rabbi who told people to die to themselves before He Himself was tortured and murdered. Somehow, after this, Mr. Osteen landed on believing that God’s will is for us to be rich and indulge in treasures on this earth, even though they’ll rust and destroy as Jesus said they would.

When I write a book, I'm doing the same pose for the cover. Cover via Amazon

I watched a Larry King interview with Joel Osteen a while back and they showed video from his house and his church. Very big, very fancy, very expensive. He definitely lives out the gospel that he preaches. By his own definition, he has become a better him. The problem that I see with this view of money that many Christians believe in is two-fold. One, I find it unbiblical (as you could tell from the previous paragraph). I think that Mark Driscoll puts it well that when the message is “get rich, get healthy, be happy, that’s the equation… what we are saying is that as Christians we have nothing to offer that is any different from non-Christians or other religions.” Our life in Christ has the same end as that of those in the world: our own prosperity, as opposed to God’s glory. The prosperity gospel is the Christian American dream. Those are American ideals on those book covers, not biblical ideals. “Your,” its about you, its about the individual, “Best Life,” be all that you can be, humanism, health, wealth, indulgence. “Now,” immediately, don’t wait, don’t be patient, why sit down in the booth when you can get it from the drive-thru?

Secondly, and this is the one that I’ll hit on more from my experience, I find the prosperity gospel doesn’t work out pragmatically. Do you have the kind of cash that Mr. Osteen has? It is a scary proposition when your faith is measured in dollar signs. Fortunately for Joe Christian like me, its not. I believe that God is a God of enough. He is gracious, He gives abundantly. He knows that we require some material things to survive and He has blessed not only the global church, but really the entire world with more than enough. The problem is that people (Americans for certain) horde. They don’t heed Jesus parable about the man that built the bigger barn to hold all his stuff (Luke 12:13-21). Furthermore, peoples’ eyes are bigger than their stomachs and their security and comfort become dependent on the things they own as opposed to the Lord. When this happens, some people wind up with way too much money and others, who might have faith through the roof, end up on the short end of the stick.

The sad thing is that the prosperity gospel can be rejected on the surface with our minds, but when we choose to indulge ourselves at the expense of others, we are choosing to live a life that isn’t much different; we are choosing to just please ourselves as opposed to God. It is the less flashy, more common version of the prosperity gospel. Its predicated on the age-old “there’s nothing wrong with stuff” and “the amount of money you have is a gray area.” And yet a gray area to you, is black and white to people like impoverished Indians… or Shane Claiborne. And if stuff is good, which I think it generally is, then lack of stuff must be bad, which is what billions of people in the world suffer from everyday. They just happen to lack stuff like clean water, nutritious food, school materials and shelter, you know stuff like that.

When people ask about the treasures, one thing that I often say is that God is a good Father and He’ll take care of His kids. People realize that we are funded on what is given to us and in this economy that must have gone down, which it has. But because God is a good Father and He has plenty to give, He does take care of our home, as it is a home that is dedicated to Him. And yet, there is no surprise that there is such incredible poverty in Tanzania. Its not because it lacks natural resources, quite the contrary. But rather people are making money off the God-given land and robbing others of their natural due. Its selfishness and that’s sinful.

I believe that we are to pray “Thy Kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven.” I believe that that includes releasing people from poverty and disease. But to just focus on that as the goal begs the question. The inherent situation is that there are circumstances in our life and on this earth that are not heavenly. In regards to money, we do ungodly things with it and then suffer from un-heavenly results. I would like to say that I’ve gotten the Midas touch and that everything that comes to me, I’m able to master. Or that we don’t have any struggles with our finances or health for that matter. The Kingdom of God is certainly at hand and thus accessible to me, but I do live in the tension of the Kingdom being now, but not yet fully here.

So for those of us that aren’t rolling in it while following Jesus, what are we to do? First off, as we discussed with Shawn and Becky during pre-marital, we are to give our first fruits to the Lord. That’s not negotiable and the Bible calls for radical, sacrificial generosity not leftovers. At the same time, the truth is that we often find ourselves in a bind. After seeing fellow believers in India and Tanzania, I must qualify that by saying our binds don’t match their bonds. But nonetheless, things get tight. I get that. It sometimes seems as though anything out of the ordinary could send us over the edge. I feel like Melissa and I just about hit that today and that’s the impetus for this post as much as anything. I share this for the sake of realness in my writing. Beyond that writing is cathartic. That’s why I said this is my therapy session. There is no other reason than that, so don’t get any ideas, my pride couldn’t take it. Disclaimer aside…

Can you imagine if sin, poverty and sickness weren’t in this world? Or if people lived the way the Bible tells them to? That would have made my day a lot easier.

After many prayers asking the Lord to heal Melissa, I took her into to get her eye operated on this morning. We were really hoping that He would just heal her outright - she’s dealt with a pterygium on her left eye since she returned from a missions trip in Kenya back in 2008 - but alas, we went into surgery. Its only gotten worse over the last few years and with the wedding and move coming up, it was time to do something. Our doctor was a very nice man, a Christian, and he and the surgery center gave us a big discount which was most helpful. Nonetheless, it was a bit steep and its not just paying for the surgery, but for the pre-op appointment, pre-op physical, anesthesia, post-op radiation treatments and post-op medicine as well. Sure would be nice if Melissa had insurance, but she doesn’t. Praise God, Melissa’s folks helped us, but we paid quite a bit as well and more than we planned on. It was a hit, but knowing about it beforehand helped and there’s no question about spending money when a loved one has a health problem.

The surgery went fine and while Melissa is in pain in the room, she’ll recover. Praise God. The thing that put us on edge (especially me in more than one sense) is a big absent-minded mistake of mine this morning. After taking her and getting her settled in to the surgery center, I went out to get breakfast at Carl’s Jr. Somewhere between there and my return to the surgery center, I dropped something very important (and expensive). Right before Melissa went into the room she turned around and handed me her engagement ring to hold on to during the operation. I put it in my sweatshirt pocket and couldn’t find it after she asked for it following the operation. I’ve never felt worse. I drove around San Luis and Arroyo Grande, I turned our car upside down and dug through the trash at Carl’s Jr. No luck. One thing that I have thought about over and over is the price that potentially just got added on top of the medical bills.

As much as that hurt, as I was telling Melissa, it would have been easier to swallow on any other day than today. After she went into the room and before I lost the ring, I was sitting in the lobby when the nurse came back to me. She told me to come back to the pre-op room because Melissa needed some “boyfriend time.” I corrected her, “fiancé time.” She smiled. I went back and found Melissa in her gown and hair net with an IV in her. She was scared. Eye surgery takes a brave person, and she is just that. I crumbled to see her crying there and I tried to reassure her. I’m glad that I could be there, but it tears me up to see her upset. Because I love her. I want her to be happy. More than thinking about the price of replacing the ring, I thought about how happy she was when I surprised her with the ring after she picked me up in Long Beach when I got here in January. Money couldn’t buy love, but that ring showed her my love for her and that means the world to me.

I think that’s where I want to land this thing. The world wants to tell us, overtly or subconsciously, that money will buy us happiness and that money brings security. That’s a lie. Love based in God is happiness. Only God is strong enough to be our refuge. I’m so frustrated with myself for losing that ring, but that won’t help me find it. I may not have the money to get another one right now. But God will provide for me and Melissa. He’s faithful. His financial blessings only lead to true happiness when we do what He wants us to do with them and that’s blessing others in a loving relationship. I could kick myself for quite a while over this, but in light of my shortcomings it makes me all the more thankful to find happiness in such a wonderful and beautiful woman that the Lord has given me. She still engages me in a loving relationship, even when I fail. That’s priceless. The Lord is our provider and our joy, for this we give praise.

Verse of the Week: Psalm 82:3-4

2011-04-18T23:55:00.000-07:00

This week's memory verse is a very straightforward verse that shows God's heart for the oppressed. I say it everywhere I speak that you can't get through the Bible, either Testament, and not see God's evident heart for justice. Obviously, I have committed my life to the kids at TOA, but this is a biblical mandate to all believers for us to love our downtrodden neighbors. So here's the verse...

"Defend the poor and fatherless;
Do justice to the afflicted and needy.
Deliver the poor and needy;
Free them from the hand of the wicked."

-Psalm 82:3-4

Ministry

2011-04-14T17:19:00.000-07:00

I feel a bit out of sorts. Ever since I graduated from Vanguard a few years ago, I’ve had a fairly well-defined area of expertise in regards to vocation and ministry. Over the last few months those lines have blurred to something that I can’t quite decipher.

When I was previously in California, life was easier to understand. When I was in Costa Mesa, I was in charge of the after school program at Victoria and I served in the children’s ministries at a couple churches. When I was in Long Beach, I was the children’s pastor at a couple churches. I was single for all but a couple of months during that time and I had a pretty good handle on what life and ministry looked like.

In step with the calling that the Lord had put on me, I moved into ultra full-time ministry when I moved to Tanzania (“full” takes on a whole new meaning when you move to the other side of the earth to “work”). Through the emotional ups and downs, I was able to get into a groove of what life in the ministry at TOA looked like; my work was blessed and my schedule became incredibly routine. My life was (and in most ways still is) devoted to the discipleship of the treasures. Again, I found my vocational ministry well-defined.

Now I’m here and I’m struggling to grasp what “ministry” looks like. Technically, I’m still on staff with Hidden With Christ, I’m still on payroll during my furlough and I’m itching to get back to the work (as we can best determine, the extended furlough is over half way over!) And while I may have responsibilities here in the states with office work and fund raising, those aren’t quite the same as being with the kids, teaching them and loving them. Office work is all well and good, but it hasn’t been the focus of my work. Fund raising can be fun and encouraging depending on who we’re speaking with, but in many instances I feel more like a salesman than I do someone that is called to the orphans of northern Tanzania.

All that is to say, I don’t know what I’m doing right now.

As followers of Jesus, we are all called to ministers. Each and everyone of us are called to make disciples. Each and everyone of us are given biblical mandates in addition to specific callings to a certain group of people. The mandates are non-negotiable and the callings must be divinely given. I know that the Lord is calling me to specific things during this time in the states and yet it is really hard to see them. In the midst of all that I’m not praying enough for that direction and the things that I do see as part of my current ministry, I feel as though I’m failing in them.

The mindset that I’m currently falling into, that I think is all too common amongst believers, is that I’m not even considering myself to be in ministry. Sure, normally when I’m at TOA I am in ministry, but right now I’m “on a break” from ministry altogether. Its not dissimilar from people who have non-church jobs that feel ministry is something that only clergymen do. Its not to say that we can’t be released to a time of Sabbath, that’s entirely biblical and good. But Sabbath isn’t equivalent to laziness or apathy, as even Jesus said that Sabbath is for man and for man to do good as He Himself healed the man with the withered hand in ministry on the Sabbath. (Matthew 12:9-14) So whether it’s a season of rest or not, we are called to be active in ministry.

The truth is that in all this ambiguity, I do have a very good idea of what ministry is to look like for me right now. My growing knowledge of the importance of my ministry to Melissa is only matched by growing bewilderment of just how exactly that is done. As I shared with her on the Avila pier a few days ago, I want to be a good spiritual leader, a pastor, to her. The Lord has put that within me and yet my ineptness is only complimented by my laziness to figure out how to best serve her. The Lord is giving this time to me, because she has now become ministry number one at the same time becoming my biggest asset to other ministries. I can’t wait to see the way that my relationship with the treasures is transformed for the better because of my relationship with Missy. Lord knows, I love both with my whole being and can’t imagine my life without them. It’ll take the Lord just to have any positive effect on those around me in light of my own inability to minister.

So what’s a guy to do?

I think so much of our walk as followers of Christ comes down to one endeavor. Can we love Christ on His terms? Jesus says that if we love Him, then we’ll obey Him (John 14:15). The disobedience of a disciple is not to be taken lightly. When we choose to not obey Him, nor put forth the effort to love Him on His terms, then we are allowing a venomous infection into our lives that will derail our entire lives. That’s one dramatic side of the spectrum. The other side of the spectrum is simple in understanding, yet difficult in practice: we obey the Lord. We allow Him to minister through us. I’m fully convinced that all the Lord is looking for is people that will obey Him wholeheartedly (2 Chronicles 16:9a). The beautiful thing is that no matter how inept we are (and we all are) the Lord shows His strength through us and its for His glory. Ministry is as simple as saying “yes” to God… then it starts to get difficult.

The beauty of the Church is that She is the people in the Kingdom of God and the Lord is calling Her into the ministry of reconciling all of creation to Him. He invites us to be ministers. We don’t deserve it, we aren’t suited for it. He knows that and yet He calls us into a radical discipleship in reconciliation. Such an endeavor would be impossible, yet for the sake of His glory and our enjoyment, we are given His Holy Spirit to be such ministers, for this we give praise.

Verse of the Week: 1 Peter 2:23-24

2011-04-11T23:42:00.000-07:00

So this is something that I've wanted to do for awhile and finally got around to actually organizing it. I've heard plenty of times how children in first century Judea would memorize the whole Old Testament and then how people today in third world countries where persecution is intense, will memorize entire chapters and books of the Bible. And then here's me. I have deep need for the Word of God to be active in my life and yet I don't put forth the effort to write it on my heart. Not too long ago I wanted to be like those guys that memorize entire sections of the Bible so I gave it a try. I memorized the majority of Amos 5, but apparently lacked the fortitude or discipline to follow it through to the end.

So here's what I'm going to do now. I've begun selecting verses that I know of, but don't have memorized or forget the address of it. I'm going to memorize them along with where they're found in the Bible. I figured I might as well share them on the blog as well and if you don't currently have a system for memorizing scripture feel free to do the verse of the week with me on the blog. I'll post the new one every Monday. Here's this week's verse.

This verse gets quoted often when people talk about the Lord healing us because of the last clause in the verse. I love it for that and also because you see Jesus' nature as He went to the cross. We can get so up in arms when people hurt us, but Jesus didn't return the pain to others and that's a beautiful thing and the way that we ought to behave as well. And then this is a great verse because it features the centrality of our Christian faith which is that Christ died for us, that we might be freed from sin and live righteously grounded in our faith in Him.

"When He was reviled, He did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but committed Himself to Him who judges righteously; who Himself bore our sins in His own body on the tree, that we, having died to sins, might live for righteousness - by whose stripes you were healed." - 1 Peter 2:23-24

Tozer Quote

2011-04-10T19:37:00.000-07:00

"If my fire is not large, it is yet real, and there may be those who can light their candle as its flame."

-A.W. Tozer

The Pursuit of God

Image via Wikipedia

Music Spotlight: Running Around In My Dreams

2011-04-04T19:27:00.000-07:00

So I love music. Because I love music and I have the opportunity to share good music on my blog I'm going to do just that. We'll go ahead and call it Music Spotlight (because that's what everyone else calls it).

Today, I'm sharing a song that is quite important to me. This is the song that my lovely fiancé Melissa and I will be dancing to at our wedding. Before Melissa and I met face to face, the Lord gave me many dreams with her in them. It was one of the things that He used to prepare me for our coming together. I found this song shortly thereafter and shared it with Melissa. We found it quite fitting. Beware this song is quite catchy and you'll joyfully get it stuck in your head. Without further ado, here's "Running Around In My Dreams" by Tyrone Wells.

Cool

2011-04-03T21:55:00.000-07:00

We live in a very celebrity driven culture. Its certainly a form of idolatry and we have many idols in America. We sometimes look at ancient cultures with a sense of snobbery believing that their worship of carved images was incredibly primitive and odd. All the while we exalt plenty of images ourselves.

We figure it to be harmless and at the same time can’t explain to ourselves why we are so enthralled by these people with whom we don’t have a personal relationship. Their personal matters get exposed in every tabloid and then shared with millions upon millions of people who for whatever reason actually care. Its not that these famous people aren’t important; its that they are just as important as the person sitting next to you at the restaurant whom you know nothing about.

The problem with society is that the people start to internalize the structure of whose important and whose not. Or more importantly, whose “cool” and whose not. Next thing you know we have this stratosphere that categorizes every single person. Such a hierarchy produces two attitudes.

The first person realizes that they are not far enough up the ladder and thus doesn’t realize their inherent worth and beauty. This is often classified as a lack of self-esteem, and biblically you would say that this person doesn’t realize the value of being made in the very image of God. Melissa has shared with me that in her teenage years, she would read “People” and had a sort of obsession with it. She also perpetually felt poorly of herself during that time. This is the kind of thing the culture drives. However, this by no means is relegated merely to the “ordinary” person. Many people that have attained an impressive level of fame have had one failure and then perceive themselves as very unimportant subsequently treating themselves poorly, even to the point of suicide.

The second attitude that is created is arrogance. A person attains a certain level in the stratosphere and feels accomplished enough to put everyone else down. They embrace the thought that they are more important and let others know it. They’re self-absorbed jerks. They take upon themselves to be the enforcers of the entire system; not realizing that their own pursuits are only producing a counterfeit satisfaction predicated on the belittling of others.

This is something that I’ve been praying through and it came up again this weekend as I was praying at the Holy Spirit Conference put on by the Garden. I, like most people, have internalized this whole categorical system. I think for many Americans this happens in school. To varying degrees this enculturation was happening in elementary and junior high for me, but the crowning of my personal stratosphere came in high school. I went to a small K-8 school in junior high and when I got to high school, I was bussed into a two thousand student campus in Paso Robles. I was previously a small fish in a small pond and now I was a small fish in a big pond. I quickly realized who the cool kids were and that was anyone above me in the hierarchy. I would try to do well in sports or make friendship with popular kids in class to move up the stratosphere. If I didn’t make it to the top, that was manageable, so long as I wasn’t on the bottom rung. Those kids were put through hell.

I found Vanguard to be much more inclusive than other campuses and thus felt comfortable to not strive. However, when I moved to Tanzania, a whole new opportunity to engage in the game arrived. Its almost as if a person feels the need to have a resume that says why they are important; why they shouldn’t be kicked off the lifeboat as Donald Miller would say. And whatever impressive aspects of my personal resume would go, they seemed to be overlooked by the glaring reality of “out of sight, out of mind.” People could think the world of me and Treasures of Africa, we could have had a good friendship in the states and all, but with little contact as I was so far away, my success in the stratosphere took a serious hit. This says less about people back in California; I have been learning to accept that this is just the way it goes when one moves away. This is more of a critique on the system itself and the fact that my enculturation into it caused me a significant level of insecurity.

As I shared in previous blogs, towards the end of my first year as a missionary, I began to realize this insecurity of mine. I no longer thought of myself as loved or important to many people whom I previously did receive this affection from. I had even become somewhat envious of the work of some of my Vanguard peers in nearby Uganda, because their work in every right is “cool.” Whereas, the only four Americans involved at TOA are me and three middle-aged women. I felt as though my location and my work had lowered me to the bottom of the ladder.

And yet God works in a whole other framework. His ways are not ours as Isaiah says. Among many wise words that Lydia has shared with me came on Awadhi’s birthday last year. We were sitting at this restaurant where you can view many Tanzanian animals. She told me quite plainly that God isn’t into what’s cool. At the age of 24, such a thought had never dawned on me. I always thought that God was cool. Little did I realize just how deep this internalization of the hierarchy had on me. I took my unbiblical mindset and just added God to it. If the top of the system is cool and God is the greatest, than God must be cool. In reality, cool is merely a label that describes what is popular at the moment within the fallen system. You know what’s cool right now? Plaid. When I left for Tanzania at the start of 2010, no one was wearing plaid. I came back and it looked like Gap opened a Jeff Foxworthy line. A couple years from now, it’ll be something entirely different. God isn’t like that. He’s not into things that are cool. He’s not into our perceptions of whose “in” and whose not. We’re all valuable to Him and He loves all His creation.

Jesus had a very good opportunity to be cool in the midst of His peers. His talents ranged from his craftsmanship as a builder to gifted orator to supernatural healing power. People took notice and crowds would gather to Him. Yet throughout the gospel accounts you see Him evading such gatherings. He’d teach some, but then all of a sudden He’d take off to be by Himself. Better yet, with people all gathered around, He’d say something kooky like “most assuredly, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink His blood, you have no life in you. Whoever eats My flesh and drinks My blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day” (John 8:53-54). Can’t you just imagine a cocky disciple like Peter exclaiming to Him, “Hey! That’s not cool! That‘s messed up, dude.” And yet the truth that Jesus was sharing is an integral piece in following Him.

Bear with me, I was a fan of TGIF growing up. There is this exchange between Shawn and Corey in Boy Meets World that for whatever reason has stuck with me. Corey is having this identity crisis because he realizes how popular Shawn is and he wants to be worthy of their friendship. He’s failing in the hierarchy. Towards the end of the episode, Corey asks Shawn something to the effect of “do you think I’m lame?” and Shawn says “of course not.” Corey gets a confident little smirk and asks “so, you think I’m cool then?” “Of course not,” Shawn replies. “So what am I?” “You’re Corey, I’m Shawn.” Shawn affirmed Corey in something so much stronger than the social structures that we create; he affirmed him in love and friendship. That’s how we ought to be. That’s how God is.

So in the light of my failure within the system of what’s cool and whose important, I asked the Lord a very simple question at the conference yesterday: “who do You say I am?” His response touched me. It affirmed me. It had nothing to do with the people around me that I would perceive as cool. It had nothing to do with that system as a whole. It was a mark of acceptance and was brimming with love, purpose and calling. It took the things I twisted and misunderstood about my identity and unveiled who He’s actually called me to be. It isn’t something that could always be labeled as “cool” but it was certainly good.

Jonathan Edwards Quote

2011-03-29T15:06:00.000-07:00

"Resolved: that all men should live for the glory of God. Resolved second: that whether others do or not, I will."

-Jonathan Edwards

Image via Wikipedia

War

2011-03-27T15:33:00.000-07:00

So I was in Branson, Missouri last week and found myself engulfed in a culture that was a bit different than I’ve grown accustomed to. Quite certain if you were to take a poll most of the people there were “red state” kind of people. It got me thinking about what it means to be a Christian that lives in the states; and thinking subsequently led to writing of course (click here for my post on patriotism and here for my blog on government). I knew that inevitably, I couldn’t approach this monster topic without approaching the issue of war as the military is a major facet of a country and its government. I’ve been excited to tackle it and try to look at it in the scope of the New Testament/ New Covenant theology that I believe the Bible presents. And yet, its obviously a very touchy subject, because the military is something that people give their lives to and in turn are revered for their commitment. With that in mind, I feel like I’m supposed to give a disclaimer and say that these are my personal views and do not necessarily reflect those of Hidden With Christ (as if people care what a non-profit NGO completely unrelated to the military cares about war). And I certainly hope that people would want to help HWC because of the mandates of scripture and the work that we do amongst orphans, not because of the views of one of their missionaries - how’s that for starting with a disclaimer?

So I heard it said not long ago that Branson is Vegas without teeth, or maybe it was dentures, I can’t remember. At any rate, one of this city’s major attractions are its performance shows. My parents have taken a liking to this interesting city tucked away in the Ozarks and wanted to take me and Melissa to their favorite show, Pierce Arrow. It is a variety show and while I don’t typically listen to southern rock, country or gospel music, I was entertained. The show was going well and as it came to its finale, I started feeling a little uncomfortable. The comedian came out and for the first time in the show was being serious. He said that they do shows often and never want to miss a chance to honor the military veterans that come. He asked all those that have served in the military to stand up and I was astounded as I saw what seemed like half the men in the theater rise to their feet. The people then began to give them a huge round of applause and one of the singers came out to begin a very patriotic song. The grand crescendo and finale of the show had every singer as well as the comedian and band singing the song as American flags waved across the TV screen and red, white and blue confetti fell from the ceiling. I was blown away.

There is something that the Lord has put inside of people that drives them to want to live for something bigger than themselves. Many people ignore this and live domicile lifestyles. While others take up a cause that is bigger than themselves. Not all of these causes are worthwhile - I’m sure that you can think of some cause (NRA, PETA, countless world governments, etc.) that you personally disagree with. I believe that this desire for something greater is part of being created in the image of God. God knew that He is bigger than us and to live for Him would require us to have something inside us driving us to such a life. I believe that sometimes that desire becomes misdirected to something other than Christ.

Jesus knew that His Kingdom was the only one that was worth living for; His Kingdom is the only one in which people get it right and live right. Every person in the world ought to follow Jesus and advance the Kingdom of Heaven. There is nothing else worthwhile. Any part of our lives that doesn’t see His glory and His Kingdom as the focus is a waste. We ought to repent and walk in His ways. As a human, I fully realize in my own life that there are aspects, be them desires, thoughts or actions, that are twisted and wrong. Lord have mercy on me.

Jesus talks about this Kingdom of His in John 18:36 as he converses with Pilate before His execution. The first phrase is something that people often hear, its become trendy even. You can’t drive for more than fifteen minutes without seeing a car that has “Not Of This World” on it. But that’s not the end of the verse.

Jesus indeed found Himself in quite the predicament. He was (and still is) the King of a particular kingdom. As you normally see when two kingdoms conflict, they are taking up arms with one another. If the king of one such kingdom were taken captive, what would be operative number one for the subjects of his kingdom? Storm the stronghold by force, kill anyone that gets in the way and get your king back. Jesus was in this exact situation but said something totally different. What His subjects would do was contingent on the fact that His Kingdom is not of this world. The whole verse goes like this “My kingdom is not of this world. If My kingdom were of this world, My servants would fight, so that I should not be delivered to the Jews; but now My kingdom is not from here.” As you often get with Jesus’ teaching, His way is totally different from the status quo. Such is the case here. He says that those in His kingdom are not going to fight.

I don’t want to overstate the verse and make a blanket statement over all of Christianity from one particular verse. However it ought to be said that nowhere in the New Testament does one see God tell people to go to war, nor do the leaders of the church get led by the Holy Spirit into war. Furthermore, the apostles do not speak of such action in the epistles. They will use such imagery as the “armor of God“, but its taken as a spiritual metaphor. Because after all, for believers, “we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places” (Ephesians 6:12).

This isn't the flag of Israel, just so you know. Or America, for that matter. Image via Wikipedia

One might feel inclined to look at the Old Testament and see the Lord tell the Israelites to go into the Promised Land and expel the unrepentant and wicked nations from before them. Its true that He did just that and was righteous in it. However, that was a part of the Old Covenant. At the time, Israel was God’s Kingdom and it was on earth. No one could claim such a title in this day and age as the New Covenant has brought with it a Kingdom that is not of this world. And the Kingdom’s servants that are in the world span across man-made country lines. Furthermore, to take such a militaristic charge, one must remain consistent and take on the Old Testament law, which Paul teaches we are no longer bound by (Romans 6:14). We are under grace, everyone is under grace.
Sometimes I look at the gospel accounts of Jesus, read some of the things He says, and wonder how did we take that and get to where we are. The members of that singing group are nice Christian men and I see good in what they do. I pray and hope the best for them as my brothers. But it did get me thinking… The same guy that started the patriotic song, earlier in the show shared a part of the gospel message (he left out parts like “die to yourself,” “take up your cross,” “drink My blood” and stuff like that). Although he did share with the crowd that God loves them and sent Jesus, which I thought was good. But I was wondering how a Jewish man hanging on a cross in the Middle East led to a group of American men, covered in rhinestones singing about God blessing their country two thousand years later. I think that our marriage between God, country and military ought to receive the same consideration. How did we get here? But more importantly, is this biblical? Is this right?

I assert that looking at the Bible, especially life in the New Covenant, points to a laying down of arms. I already mentioned some of those reasons why I believe this. And I tell you that the true gospel lived out is far better than what we experience at the moment. The Lord has His purposes and it fulfilled His will to pour out His wrath on His Son, though it seemed counter-intuitive to His followers. Jesus knew this and said that those that are of His kingdom would not fight, but let the will of God take place. As we examine Jesus’ life and try to model our own after Him, we ought to remember that unlike many American Christians, Jesus was not an advocate of governmental militarism, but rather a victim of it.

Not once during Jesus’ ministry did he use violence to get a point across. Not once did He tell His disciples to do so. And even when a disciple tried this tactic in the Garden of Gethsemane, it was followed by a rebuke from Jesus (even coined the “live by the sword, die by the sword” phrase in the process) and then He healed their enemy (Matthew 26:51-52; Luke 22:49-51). I can’t emphasize this enough, and if you disagree please write a comment, but there is nothing in the New Testament that should lead a person to think that war will be helpful in advancing the Kingdom of God. What are the things that Jesus did and the apostles wrote of? Healing, encouraging, praying, loving, speaking truth, edifying, performing miracles, teaching. These are the things that we should focus on.

As Shane Claiborne says, the greatest commandment is love God and the second is like it, love people. I doubt that loving people looks like killing them. Other favorite Claiborne thought on this, if we think that God can’t redeem terrorists, then we ought to throw out half of our New Testament, because Paul was exactly that.

Now I want to turn the corner a little. As you can tell by this point, I don’t merely disagree with war, but I find it to be unbiblical, hence something that followers of Christ shouldn’t engage in. And yet, I am hesitant to say all of this. Why? Because I have friends that are in the military or have been in the military. Because you have friends in the military. Because maybe you’re reading this and you have been or are in the military. These are valuable and precious people that I honor and have love for. I also have a desire for the Word of God and a desire to see His people live lives based on the Word of God.

Let me take a moment to say what’s special about military service men and women. They are preciously and uniquely created by the Father. He has divine purposes for them that lead to His glory. He loves them. He wants them to find their delight in Him. He wants to heal them, mind, body and soul. They have a worth that is neither diminished nor appraised by what they do or don’t do, whether good or bad. He sees their strength (He put it in there Himself) and wants to use them in mighty ways for His kingdom. I honor them for all these things.

I think that we might not believe God in some of these things. For such ungodly beliefs, we need to repent. Jesus said that love changes the world. When we take matters into our own hands and think that killing evil people will lead to good, we are only plunging deeper into the darkness. The truth is, there are evil people in the world. Pick a continent and you’ll find them. “All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23). The truth is that more times than not these people need to be removed from positions of power. The problem with taking up arms is that it means we are in charge now and we become their judge, not Jesus. Make no mistake about it, Hitler, Stalin, Polpot, Mao, Saddam, Bin Laden and the rest will be judged and punished for their wrongs. They sealed their own fates. But everyone’s favorite post-modern, lazy Christian verse applies to them as well “judge not that you not be judged” (Matthew 7:1).

So what are we supposed to do then as Christians? Pray. Jesus seems to think that we can move mountains (Mark 11:23), what’s one evil dictator? Do we believe Him? There is this story that I read about in this book by Michael Howard called Intercession. It is one of the best books that I’ve read; it revolutionized my thoughts on life and prayer. He shares about his ministry in Mozambique and the time where the leader of the government was an evil, bloodthirsty man. He was responsible for many deaths and evils in the country. Howard and his fellow Christians, set up a regular meeting where they would be interceding for their government and for this evil man to be removed from his place of power. During a meeting, a Holy Spirit led prayer chant began to be lifted up, louder and louder and louder. They were shouting “Bring it down, bring it down.” The prayer meeting ended and the next day, a friend came to his house and asked if he had heard the news. Apparently the previous night, the government leader was flying back from South Africa and inexplicably the airplane crashed and he was now dead.

Does that blow your mind? It is a crazy story to be sure and its even crazier to think that we have such power when we commit to prayer. And those people weren’t the leader’s judge, but they agreed with God and with the Bible that what he was doing was evil and he needed to be removed. But they didn’t shed his blood.

War and the militaries that engage in it are products of the world, not the Kingdom of God. Am I surprised when nations go to war? No. The prophets speak that it will take place throughout the Bible. That’s what nation-states do and its sad. As the church, we ought to be going before the war to warn people and give them the good news, during the war as blessed peacemakers and after the war to clean up the mess that people did to one another. I don’t hope for war, I don’t like war, I don’t revere or romanticize war and at the same time I do expect it.

Why do I expect war? Because I know that for the time being, creation is still groaning and people still sin. People are still selfish. The best explanation that I find in the Bible for war likens it to personal quarrels. James 4:1-3: “Where do wars and fights come from among you? Do they not come from your desires for pleasure that war in your members? You lust and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and war. Yet you do not have because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures.”

I see two reasons for why there is war. Countries go to war because one, they don’t believe God can stop the evil without them taking up arms and two, they’re selfish and want the stuff that other people have. Two reasons people go to war, they want to live for something bigger than themselves and its misdirected or two, they realize that there are many benefits within the American system (education, salary, prestige) that they can obtain through the military.

Is war a good thing? No. Does war happen? Of course. Should Christians serve in violent ways (I wouldn’t include roles like medics or clerics) within the military? Biblically, I would say no. Can God redeem systems? Yes. Can God redeem people? Emphatically yes, he in fact is in the business of it. That’s why He is my hope for my family and the nations.

MLK Quote

2011-03-25T19:19:00.000-07:00

"Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars... hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."

-Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Cover of Martin Luther King, Jr.

Government

2011-03-23T21:24:00.000-07:00

*Note to reader: I’m doing a three part series on America and the gospel of Jesus. The first one on patriotism is here. You may or may not want to check that out before reading this one. Now back to our regularly scheduled blog…

One of the things that I love about studying Jesus in the Bible is that in all His interactions, He doesn’t seem to leave any stone unturned. All of His teachings and actions have huge impacts across all facets of society. His economic stance is that there’s enough for everyone, like with the loaves and fishes. His thoughts on race are that it doesn’t matter if you’re Jewish or a hated Samaritan, or any other Gentile for that matter, He invites you into the Kingdom, like the woman at the well. As he teaches His family values in the sermon on the mount, He says that marriage is sacred and binding. And then there’s this other area of our society.

A bit more controversial I suppose is Christ’s view on government. I believe that Jesus and the Bible say a lot about government and politics. People tend to camp around different flags as to what they think a biblical view of government is. Some are apathetic, believing that Jesus wasn’t political at all. They think about the fact that He perpetually dodged the idea that the Messiah would come and set up an earthly government right away. Others belittle His interaction in American politics, relegating Him to little sayings like, “The Father is a Republican, Jesus is a Democrat and the Holy Spirit is Independent.” No matter what stance an individual takes, they are quite certain that God is on their political side.

As we try to become like Christ and model our lives after the principles that He teaches us in the Bible, we must maintain this solemn stance: God is holy. He’s entirely different and He doesn’t fit nicely into the little boxes that we’d like to put Him in. There are very clear mandates and principles throughout the Bible that we can bank on, but there are also areas that appear more gray that require a more discerning eye and a gracious understanding of His magnitude. When we try to say that God is on our side with our particular party, we should always remember this stance of humility.

Jesus gets after this idea of holiness in the verse that I’m primarily examining in this series. In Jesus’ conversation with Pilate before his crucifixion, He tells Pilate quite plainly “My kingdom is not of this world” (John 18:36). If Eugene Peterson wrote a slang Message it’d be like Jesus saying “You don’t even get it, man. That’s not how we roll in my hood.” The way that God does things is totally different. Pilate tried to pin Jesus into a corner and assume what being this type of king was like and Jesus just pointed out that he doesn‘t understand how it works. He doesn’t understand His kingdom, His government.

With that humble stance that He is totally other, we can begin to look at His life and what the Bible says about earthly governments and our interaction with them.

The first view of a godly government that we see in the Bible is the nation of Israel. This is the only true theocracy in the history of mankind as that was the only government that was based on the true God. The base of the Israelites’ government was the Torah, which means the Law or the Way of Life. God showed them the way to live in very specific ways. Much of the law was summed up in the Ten Commandments which showed them Who to worship and how to treat others. Beyond that, and this is equally relevant for us today, is God’s attention throughout the Torah to what we would call social justice. Moses goes to great pains throughout the Torah to show that God’s heart was for the oppressed and the law had them in mind as it was written. God cared about the widow, the orphan and the alien. He ingrained it into the very fabric of their government that they be taken care of and that is beautiful. The truth is that in life, things can go very bad and a good government protects its people. This law that God gave them always had that in mind for the oppressed. And it came with a reminder. The Israelites were the ones that were oppressed when they were under an evil government in Egypt. We can learn so much for our interaction with government when we observe the way that He ruled as the King of Israel.

And yet, that theocracy is not what Christians today experience. We are indeed members of a heavenly government that is not of this world and we have no physical home on this earth. So we turn to the New Testament. Paul talks in Romans 13 about submitting to government. This is sometimes a tough one for guys like me to swallow, because we see the follies in government and don’t want to submit to their authority. Nonetheless, we are to obey the law of the land and Paul is clear in why. The sovereign God is above all governments and while they may be wrong or unbiblical in some dealings, we do it in recognition of His omnipotence. This by no means is telling us to not stand against a government that would force sin upon us. The Roman Empire was far more oppressive to Christians than anything that we experience in the states and that‘s who Paul wrote to. And yet the subversive nature of pure Christianity brought that government to its knees. There is nothing that can stop a true movement of God’s people; we take stuff over like wild mustard seeds. That’s the kind of movement that we need in America as a matter of fact.

Jesus Himself interacted with the Roman government. In complete understanding of His own kingdom, he acted in righteousness. People were always trying to pin Jesus down and put Him in a bad spot, but He was far too clever for that. In one such instance, He told a questioner in relation to taxes to “render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s” (Matthew 22:21). He recognized and even submitted to the Roman rule. But He brought it back to the important thing, and that’s God. In our submission to the government, we must have integrity and out of honor for God, we engage accordingly. But at the end of the day, its about the Lord. Its about the things that are His (psst… that means everything). There was never an earthly government stronger than the Rome, but while it has long passed away, the Lord and His government remain; its built on His very shoulders (Isaiah 9:6-7).

Indeed, the Bible speaks to things that regularly come up on our ballots in the states. I value and appreciate the American government and the democratic process. Its not a perfect system, but it could be a ton worse. The ability to vote and have even a small voice is something that many citizens of other governments only dream of. I thank God for that opportunity.

With all these things in mind, I do my best to understand scripture and vote biblically. As I do that, I quickly realize that I don’t fit on any particular party platform. This last week as I was in Missouri, I came across many folks that believe God is a Republican; that’s not correct. And as much as that’s been played out, there is also this tide amongst younger Christians that hope in Obama and believe God is a Democrat. That’s not right either. In the 2008 election I was torn between candidates. Not because I liked different aspects of two candidates, but rather because these were mere men and my President is already sitting on a throne in Heaven. I believe the Bible values all life, even convicts and people in other countries (my next blog will be on war... so check back soon), so I couldn’t vote for McCain. At the same time, I believe the Bible values all life, even unborn children, so I couldn’t vote for Obama either. (I’ll just let you guess who I ended up voting for). Furthermore, the Bible speaks on social welfare, a definition of marriage, immigration rights, the qualifications of a godly leader and many other items that show up on American dockets. I believe as American Christians we are to engage our representative government by voting biblically. Nonetheless, we realize that such issues fall across all party lines and hence, it is difficult to navigate through.

Here's my Hope - Image via Wikipedia

And that brings me to the beauty of Jesus and His kingdom. Paul uses governmental terms when he says that “our citizenship is in heaven” (Philippians 3:20). The way that manifests itself during our brief stay on earth is that we are a part of a subversive, multiethnic Kingdom. We are to be spreading like that wild mustard seed. And such an expansion quickly spreads beyond man-made country lines. Its quite easy for me to have more patriotic camaraderie with a fellow disciple in India than a fellow non-disciple in America. Because my relationship with that Indian man is tied to a cause far greater, far more powerful and far more beautiful than anything the American government, or any other for that matter, has to offer. As it spreads, we remember His law, only now in the new covenant it is written on our hearts and minds (Hebrews 8:10). For such a Kingdom there is no comparison.

He is worthy of this: to be our hope and to have our undivided allegiance. He is the base of our government. I leave with this exhortation from Ephesians 1:18-20 concerning our King and His Kingdom, “that you may know the hope of His calling, the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, and the exceeding greatness of His power toward us who believe, according to the working of His mighty power which He worked in Christ when He raised Him from the dead and seated Him at His right hand in the heavenly places.”

Patriotism

2011-03-21T11:38:00.000-07:00

This week, I found myself in a bit of a culture shock. You’d think that after spending time in different countries on different continents that nothing would surprise me anymore. Especially after actually living in a very unique culture such as northern Tanzania. Nonetheless, in the middle of my own home country, I indeed have been shocked.

This week, I at moments felt bombarded by the cultural ideal of what I can best call uber-patriotism. The reason that I say that this patriotism is cultural, is because I’ve been in other countries where this level of patriotism is not seen. Not that those countries don’t appreciate their country nor that they don’t feel a sense of pride and affection for their country. However, the level of patriotism in the states as exemplified through the praise and pomp of the people, I have yet to see matched in other contexts that I’ve been in. Undoubtedly, this patriotism is held by some states and certainly some people more than others, but go with me here.

It would be quite ethnocentric to say that other countries don’t express themselves in such ways, because they, in fact, aren’t as good as us. It sounds harsh when I word it like that, but how many times have you heard various Americans say that the United States is the best country or best nation in the world. What does that imply about other countries and the people that live in them? I assure you not only of America’s follies, but also the positive aspects of many other countries. The playing field is more level than you might realize, yet we maintain an air of superiority.

A messy thing that often gets mixed in with this patriotism is the name of God. There is this perception that the founders of this country were all Christians. I don’t have the time to get into all that for this post, but I certainly don’t buy such a thought whole-heartedly. There were many deists among the founding fathers and ungodly practices such as slavery were commonplace. Nonetheless, this romantic view of the nation’s founding has snowballed over the years amongst many to the point that the lines between America the beautiful and Christianity as we know it run together, blur and intersect all at the same time. We are God’s chosen people as some would suggest.

Image via Wikipedia

You often see bumper stickers, signs or hear people say “God bless America.” I do want God’s blessing to rest on this country and in seeing other places, I realize just how much He has blessed us. Unfortunately, we took His blessing and sat on it. Whenever God blesses someone in the Bible, He points them to spreading the blessing to others (see Genesis 12:1-3; 1 John 3:17-18) in this He is blessed and exalted. The truth is that God has blessed America and as a whole, America does not seek to bless Him or others. Instead we look at our blessing and just assume that He is completely on our side in all our dealings.

Every country ever set up has in one form or another tried to achieve Utopia. There have of course been both positive and negative, good and evil pursuits done amongst the societies of history in this regard. Even the Nazi regime of Germany sought to do what they saw as good in setting up a man’s perception of heaven on earth. What they said was good in this Utopian pursuit, was indeed evil. They perceived that God was on their side and would help them achieve paradise. A major component of this was “eradicating” the earth of an entire people group, the Jews. I don’t say that to compare America’s woes to those of Nazi Germany, but rather to say that even the most depraved societies have had this notion of “God-on-our-side patriotism.” And yes, the Nazis were very patriotic and the most patriotic countries tend to be the most imposing.

I will expound on these thoughts more in my next post on government, but it is relevant to this discussion to say that as followers of Christ, we are to realize that our allegiance is to a “Kingdom that is not of this world” (John 18:36). The United States and the entities across economic, societal and political lines are, indeed, of this world. Furthermore, there are elements of these spheres and even the American dream itself that are entirely contrary to the gospel of Jesus. In my eyes, there really isn’t two ways about it. To be sure, elements such as hard work and determination are to be affirmed. But making the most of ourselves as the American Dream suggests, leads to self-glorification and a rogue individualism that are far from what the Lord wants from us. Beyond that, our clause to pursue happiness has been taken primarily in material terms, which of course has led to the exaltation of the American god that is consumerism. Interesting that the term “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness” was borrowed from John Locke who spoke of “life, liberty and property;” property, of course, speaking to that material possession that Americans pursues for their happiness.

As a follower of Christ, in realizing these stark differences between God’s will and American ideals, it makes it hard for me to say that I am proud to be an American. I often feel humbled by the fact that I’m an American and humility is more virtuous than pride. I’m humbled because I realize that God has blessed America and we have access to things that others in the world cannot get. Its humbling because I’m no better than those people and did nothing personally to achieve this blessing. Its hard to be proud about something that I didn’t work towards achieving or even choose for myself; I was born an American. In my view, we ought to be careful because we are speaking about things that are given to us by birth and then exalting those things to make us out as better than others in the world. The justification is not dissimilar from old-fashioned racism. Whether it’s the American government or Christian American missions, we often have this god complex in our dealing with other countries. Our government is world police and our Christianity will save your country. We take pride in this because we feel that we are unequivocally solving everything, when in really it’s a mixed bag and we often do more harm than good.

So if national pride, at least to that exorbitant level, is taken out of the picture, what are we to be proud about. If you follow Christ, let us boast in Him. Our pride should not be based in anything that is of us, but it should all be about Him. I, for one, find it far more exhilarating to be a part of the Kingdom of Heaven than any kingdom of this earth. We are to realize that any pursuit that doesn’t lead to His glory and the advancement of His kingdom is vain and pointless. All those contrary-to-the-gospel elements that are encapsulated within the idea of America that I mentioned are just that, vain and pointless. When I compare the ideals of the Kingdom of God and American dream, there really is no comparison. Instead of having an allegiance and citizenship contained within one country, I find myself being a part of a global family that is stronger than any nation-state could ever boast. While so many empires have come and gone, this movement that the Creator has called me into has been going since the beginning of time itself. Furthermore, the Head of this Kingdom is not a flawed man, but a perfect Leader that intricately loves me and knows me. Such a Person and Cause are worthy of my pride, affection and yes, whole-hearted patriotism.

Allegiance and pride are powerful stances. Jesus spoke about an ardent devotion to Him and to Him alone. We are to be so committed to him that even our dearest relationships could be perceived as hate compared to our love, affection and allegiance to Him (Luke 14:26). I realize that others would not agree with me on some of these things, but for me, I know that I can only muster up so much devotion and passion in my being. In realizing how great God is, I know that I must give Him everything and not try to serve two masters.

I am thankful for where I have been born. There are many countries that I would be equally thankful for being born in. Far beyond that gift that was given me, I am infinitely more thankful for the Father’s gift to us, Jesus. I take pride in Him and being a part of His Kingdom, any other allegiance doesn’t come close.

*Note to reader: I realize that this can be controversial, I appreciate your grace and I invite your opinions in the comment section. There are related elements that I’ll be talking about in my next two blogs, so keep an eye on the blog to see when I post them. The next blog on government can be seen here.

Poetry Corner: Constance

2011-03-11T10:04:00.000-08:00

Last night, Melissa and I found ourselves watching hip hop videos on YouTube and I showed her this one. I wanted to put it out here, because hip hop is close to my heart and is the reason I got into poetry in the first place. This song is intense and quite sad, but the heart behind it is so good. Mr J Medeiros shows what hip hop ought to be and that's an art form that expresses truth in a way that is bigger than the form itself. More of this meaningful music is what I would love to see and certainly what I dream for for hip hop.

Survival

2011-03-09T16:41:00.000-08:00

Last week I found myself doing something quite odd, something that I would take no pride in nor aspire to do. I watched an episode of American Idol. My mom is a fan of the show and Melissa’s interest was peaked so as the Magic were making a big comeback against the Heat on another channel, I was sitting in the TV room watching twenty-four people trying to become one of thirteen people that would advance to the next round. Its an interesting situation to be sure. American Idol has apparently been the number one show on TV for several years now (not that I helped it become as such) and there have been myriad other shows (Survivor, Last Comic Standing, The Apprentice, etc.) that have this survival mentality that I find quite fascinating.

As I mentioned in a previous post, I’ve been reading Searching For God Knows What by Donald Miller. It is an interesting social commentary and in it he introduces an analysis called the lifeboat theory. In a nutshell, it says that people want to rank themselves in an order of whose the greatest. If a group of random people were in a lifeboat and somebody needed to be thrown off to save the rest, who would it be? This predicates the power play of survival. How that plays out in society is that we are constantly striving to be seen as important so as to receive the much needed security that comes from living in the lifeboat. For the society at large, I think the analysis is spot on.

When you look around popular culture in the United States, its quite clear that in every realm of society this hierarchy is formed. Donald Trump is important because he’s got a lot of money. Tyra Banks is safe in the lifeboat because she‘s beautiful. Natalie Portman‘s important because she won an Oscar. Lebron James is safe in the lifeboat because he plays basketball well (not as good as Kobe though). Jerry Brown is important because he’s a powerful politician. You get the idea.

And while such people sometimes set the culture’s pace, this isn’t just about those famous people out there. You find this mentality anywhere you find a group of people. Think about the popularity contest that is junior high and high school. Beyond that you can see the power play in full effect amongst college coeds that are vying for position as the real world approaches. The same mentality translates to the office, the business and yes, even the church. Its not hard to see where a guy like Charles Darwin would come up with a theory like survival of the fittest, when we’ve been playing this odd ranking game for so long. Its active in ways in the animal kingdom and when we choose to not allow God to define our identity and worth, it happens in our lives as well.

Undoubtedly, this absurd, yet common, system has its perks. In the high stakes game of popularity and material gain, there can be a sense of adventure, albeit a false one. As humans, its in our DNA to want to live for an adventure bigger than ourselves. The problem is that we trade in our true callings in Christ for the pseudo-risk we find in the lifeboat. We can get highs of feeling important as we score the game-winning shot, make a successful business deal or in my case, get more than two comments on a blog. Yet such things don’t remotely compare from the joy one receives from advancing God’s Kingdom in the unique way in which He called them.

An ironic contrast to this game that is being played out is the fact that many in this world really are in a fight for survival - like the over one million people that die from malaria every year or the fifteen million children that starve to death. From my experience living in a developing country, I’ve found that people aren’t all that different. They are just as sinful in the same ways that Americans can be sinful and these power plays happen there as well. However, the backdrop is different in that many of their countrymen are dying from curable diseases and ailments. As members of a Kingdom without borders, we are to see these people as our countrymen as well. Specifically that these are people we are called to help. To not only feed them and save them from a physical death, but to share with them the good news and the love that will transform their lives.

The beautiful thing about following God is that He is the one that sets up the rule to the game. We are no longer bound by the cruel and unjust rules that are arbitrarily set-up in the lifeboat game. But rather the loving and kind Lord calls us into a whole other identity and a true reality. In that reality we are just as loved and just as important as the next person. And that love is not a miniscule love, but rather a big infinite love that is bestowed upon us from the only One that matters. He then calls us to be ministers of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:18-19) and we pass along the freedom that has been extended to us. That is the beauty of the gospel and for this we give praise.

Don Miller Quote

2011-03-07T18:27:00.000-08:00

"If we are preaching morality without Christ, and using war rhetoric to communicate a battle mentality, we are fighting on Satan's side. This battle we are in is a battle against the principalities of darkness, not against people who are different from us. In war you shoot the enemy, not the hostage."

-Donald Miller

Searching For God Knows What

Image via Wikipedia

Complicated

2011-03-04T21:31:00.000-08:00

Sometimes my desire to write exceeds my ability to do so. I, perhaps, find myself in such a position right now. I’ve ingrained it into my psyche that I need to write on a regular basis for some odd reason; be it a false illusion that what I write matters or a need to organize my thoughts into something meaningful. And yet at this particular moment, I find myself bound and debilitated by the complexity of life.

My mother has always said that I’m a very black and white person, my fiancé agrees. I often wish that things in life were clearly marked and that dashed lines were drawn everywhere we go, showing us what is good and what is bad. The gray areas are by definition hard to discern and I really hate that. I feel like when Thing A happens then the natural progression should result in Thing B occurring. And if Black is Black and Black is bad, then I shouldn’t do Black ever. Unfortunately for simpletons like me, some things are dark gray which means sometimes they’re okay even if they normally aren’t. Its all quite confusing to be sure and a Christ follower ought to realize that a godly spirit of discernment is much needed at all times.

I’ve been seeing just how complicated life can be more and more recently. For example, this morning I was reading in the book Searching For God Knows What and Donald Miller was talking about the circus and his love for elephants. In a brief side note, he questioned why we keep elephants in circus cages. In my mind, even such an off-hand comment sends me into this inner dialogue where I argue with myself, “Yeah! Let those elephants out! They weren’t created in cages, so don’t keep them there.” “But we have dominion over them and we ought to be able to do with them as we please. And its not like we’re torturing them, people ought be allowed to enjoy them.” “Asian elephants belong in Asian jungles and African elephants belong in African savannahs. If people want to see them they can go on a safari in their natural habitat.” “Oh, but that would be an awful waste to spend all that money on airfare and the like just for the sake of tourism.” And so on and so on.

This is only one quite random example. As of late, thoughts have ranged from politics and spiritual disciplines to sports and entertainment. There always seems to be more than meets the eye and black is rarely just black and white the same.

I’m perhaps pining for the simplicity that life sometimes seems to be back in Moshi. Life, of course, isn’t simple there but perhaps areas of life seem simpler compared to the different complexities we experience in the states. It wouldn’t take too long of a gander at previous posts to see the emotional complexity of living there.

On certain things, especially those that are explicit in the Bible, the line is clearly drawn. When the Bible speaks about care for orphans, which I’ve given my life to help fulfill, it is quite clear what we are charged to do. There’s no two ways about it, we are called to care for orphans, as well as those others that are cast aside in society. And yet how does that affect the way that we live our lives? To be sure, when these children are living in abject poverty, we ought to realize that sending money through the right channels is entirely necessary. And then the gray areas come in. How much money ought I send? If I send some does that mean that I can spend the rest on whatever I want for myself? Frivolity aside, is it a sin to spend money on things that are unnecessary in light of the dire needs of others? Finding a place on such an complex topic is imperative and that’s just the financial side of it.

I don’t even have the proverbial breath to speak about those things of an even more personal nature, namely relationships. Last night I had a dream where I was in the backseat of a car speaking with Awadhi and then later in the dream I was with several of the other treasures in a kitchen. I don’t know what it means, but I know that I miss them. And yet my emotions are beyond my understanding. I miss them so much and yet I don’t spend all this time crying or anything like that. I feel like there’s something wrong with me, but because I can’t understand my emotions, I’m lost. Its complicated.

In the midst of this whirlwind of a furlough, its easy to get bogged down in the amount of things going on and the implications of it all. Any particular item of life can serve as a starting point for endless thought rabbit trails and over analysis by yours truly. This time in Wisconsin is giving me an opportunity to not only wind down, but also hopefully simplify my life. Its hard to not think that perhaps we are the ones making all of this so complicated. Our sin, our compromises, our excuses are what’s mucking so much of it up.

Love, that seems simple enough. Obedience to God’s Word, by the power of the Holy Spirit, its entirely possible. I think that complexities are inevitable in this life, but hopefully if we can get our minds focused on the Lord we’ll know what to do when each gray area arises. By the power of the Lord such a sound mind is attainable and for this we give praise.

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The Rundown: My beautiful, wonderful, inspiring fiancé and I landed in Wisconsin on Monday. Its been so great to spend time with my folks and sister. Each day we’ve been able to get out and play with the dogs, or go sledding, or go for a walk and its been the relaxation that I’ve need so far. Our time together has been great. Not much going on other than that. We had a nice last few speaking engagements before taking off and we were able to move Melissa out of her apartment in Ventura. Yeah, that’s pretty much it. PEACE!

Poetry Corner: I Am The Song

2011-02-23T13:54:00.000-08:00

Image from theweeweb.co.uk

I love this poem by Charles Causley and the meaning that you can extract from it. Its actually quite mind-blowing and beautifully written. Thinking of God as the Great I AM lights this imagery up as you realize the way He moves through creation and our very lives. This is the first poem that I have penned in my journal and I think you can see why.

I am the song that sings the bird.
I am the leaf that grows the land.
I am the tide that moves the moon.
I am the stream that halts the sand.
I am the cloud that drives the storm.
I am the earth that lights the sun.
I am the fire that strikes the stone.
I am the clay that shapes the hand.
I am the word that speaks the man.

Theology of Action

2011-02-20T17:54:00.000-08:00

I grew up in the church and have spent a lot of time listening to a lot of sermons. I then went to a Christian university and sat in a bunch of Bible classes and learned a lot. In the quick spread of information in the 21st-century, I’ve listened to pod casts, read blogs and books about God. All of this in an attempt to grow in my relationship with the Lord through glorifying Him with a proper theology; the study of God. All of this is well and good and I have indeed learned things about God and wouldn’t be ashamed to share my knowledge of the Bible and the ways of the Lord. I delight in this growing knowledge of Him.

At the same time, I have come to the realization that we learn a lot more about God through acting out our faith. The first service that I did as I began this gauntlet of speaking was at the Garden and as Darren was asking me questions on stage, I stated something that I hadn’t previously said before, but then realized that it was entirely true. I have learned more about the gospel in the last year through my relationship with 26 Tanzanian orphans than I have ever learned through all the sermons that I’ve ever heard combined.

We always seem to have many words and can pay lip service to the Kingdom. As someone who enjoys writing and speaking, I probably am worst than most. And yet how many sermons have we heard, or even books have we read have truly changed our lives? We sometimes use that tag “changed my life” too flippantly, because the sincerity of such a change has to be played out for a much longer duration than the moment in which it happened. I will stress and strain over things I write or sermons I write and my intent is to inspire, encourage, challenge, bless, you know all those positive things that would change a person’s life. Yet in all truth, chances are I haven’t produced any words that have seriously altered someone’s life.

Love. Isn’t that what we’re after? Jesus’ words in John 13:34-35: “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” “Let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth.” (1 John 3:18). That is powerful stuff. I love the way the Bible builds on the same themes and love in the Kingdom of God is one of the most prominent. The implication in these verses is that we are not only defined by love, but that love is to be love in action.

One of the verses that ought to scare American Christians is the verse right before that last one. 1 John 3:18 is a pretty popular verse, but if you read it in context you’ll see a challenge in the form of an example of love in action. 1 John 3:17 (emphasis added): “But whoever has this world’s goods, and sees his brother in need, and shuts up his heart from him, how does the love of God abide in him?” If you are an American and you are reading this, I hope you realize that we consume an inordinate amount of the world’s goods. We have them and others are in need.

Conversation. That is the furthest extent of reading the Bible of so many Christians; the writers would be shocked. Conversation is good, small groups are great, sermons are biblical and necessary, but its foolish for us to not let the truth of the Bible extend to powerful action. “For the Kingdom of God is not in word but in power” (1 Corinthians 4:20).

I don’t like labels, because they write people off. For example, “activist” in Christian circles is awful. It makes individual people look like action is just their “thing” and that its okay for others to be non-engaging. The only way that I would appreciate the term “activist” would be if it were synonymous with “Christian.” In light of just the few verses that I’ve shared, I would say that such an estimation is entirely biblical. Yet “activist” and “Christian” are not synonymous in the American context and I’d say that’s a problem.

His love and life in His Kingdom ought to compel us to action and all theology is useless if we can’t exhibit our love for one another. The truth is His truth, love and power is compelling and for this we give praise.

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The Rundown: We had a great week visiting with brothers, sisters and supporters at FBC Paso. I’m grateful for those there and others on the central coast. We’re especially blessed by the kindness of the Varners, Garmans and Donny and Melissa. Total blessings from all of them. I’m in Camarillo at the moment and we will be heading back down to Orange County tomorrow for an event in Santa Ana. We leave for Wisconsin in a week. All is well and God is good… all the time.

Dorothy Day Quote

2011-02-16T23:13:00.000-08:00

"Our faith is stronger than death, our philosophy is firmer than flesh, and the spread of the Kingdom of God on the earth is more sublime and more compelling."

-Dorothy Day

Image via Wikipedia

Radical

2011-02-15T16:40:00.000-08:00

I had a nice long conversation on Sunday night with Melissa and I was sharing my heart as one might say. In the midst of exhaustion, a level of discouragement has been setting in from time to time as of late. I know the Lord has more for His people and yet I don’t know what to do in getting us all there.

I’ve now been in California for over a month on this furlough. In so many ways, being here feels like one of the last places I want to be and yet I know that the Lord has me here for His own purposes. Five Sundays and six churches behind me, I’m left wanting. I have spoken at good churches full of people that I love and that God loves. Yet, there’s so much more that we could be doing, there’s so much more that we should be doing.

I can’t tell if its wrong of me to say all this or if it would be wrong of me to not say it. Lord, help me. Shane Claiborne talks about a visit that he had to a church in Iraq. In seeing the vibrancy of the church and the amount of believers, he shares his amazement with the pastor. The pastor smirks and notes that America didn’t invent Christianity, we just domesticated it.

Domestic gospel. We are to be the salt and light of the world, we are the bearers of the good news and our message comes across domicile. That’s wrong. It doesn’t even make sense and yet that appears to be what’s happening.

Potential. That’s one thing that I kept repeating over and over to Melissa the other night. There is so much potential in the United States church. Do we really care about our witness or are we more interested in image management? There are some incredible ways that we could be living out our faith that would revolutionize not just our own lives but also the way that people see us.

Let me throw out something radical. There are about 143 million orphans in the world. The global church, or even just the American church, has the power to eliminate that number. I’m not exaggerating. It may not all look like adoption, it could have to do with larger homes like TOA, it could have churches taking on communities to sustain them and stuff like that. But could you just picture that? Christ’s body steps up and tells the world “Oh the orphan problem? Yeah, we’ll take care of that” and then we do. That would make some serious waves and so many people that ride the church for all her transgressions and perceived transgressions would almost completely be silenced. People would not be able to say of Christians, “they’re bad people,” because we just unilaterally solved the world’s orphan problem. We get hyped and then realize that we could go through world crisis by world crisis and by the power of the Holy Spirit be the answer to the world’s ailments. His Kingdom come, His will be done. That’d be incredible. Undoubtedly, as Jesus said, many would stand against us still, but our discipleship in Christ would be unmistakable.

And yet the reality is that opportunities to engage in radical deeds to see His Kingdom come are always present, but people just allow such to go by. I never realized that being an orphan advocate and overseas missionary meant that I also had to be an excellent marketer to the church. In light of the biblical mandate to take care of orphans, I’m astounded at how lightly people take it. There is of course many other “issues” that are equally relevant to this conversation, but I speak in regard to my line of ministry.

I see the number one reason that people aren’t radical is because it takes sacrifice. I don’t know how to navigate through all this. There is a severe misappropriation of funds and time in the church. American Christians give less than 4% away to Kingdom causes, 85% of church income go to staff and facilities. Things like High-Def televisions, surround systems and fancy computers that are not necessary are often found in the homes of Christian Americans. I do the bookkeeping at TOA so I’ll just let you know that if you were to not buy that $1000 TV and instead gave the money away, you could buy the food for 26 orphans and the staff that work at the home for three weeks. I fully realize that those things are cool. If I came to your house, I’d probably use them, because they’re cool. But there is no eternal value to any of them and those things will be destroyed.

You want to know what’s radical? Following the teachings of Jesus and the words of the Bible. Its radical to actually take the verses that are meant to be taken literally, literally. Matthew 6:19-20: “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal.” What are the first two words of that verse? “Do not.” So should we do what it says not to do? No. And yet there are so many Christians in this country (its not as readily available in the majority world) that are doing just that. It would be radical to actually get rid of that stuff and store up some treasure in heaven.

Another verse that leads to radical action is Psalm 82:3-4: “Defend the poor and fatherless; do justice to the afflicted and the needy. Deliver the poor and needy; free them from the hand of the wicked.” What if our church gatherings looked more like this? What if our churches just practiced this on a regular basis? That would be radical. There are a lot of defenseless poor and fatherless people. There are a slew of injustices enacted upon the afflicted and needy. There are plenty of poor and needy that need deliverance and this verse is written in command form.

Following what the Bible teaches and the promptings of the Holy Spirit lead to radical living. It is the only logical outcome of a life that is devoted to God. There are some challenges that are presented to us in the word and we are called to take them seriously. Living radically is beautiful and leads to world change for Christ, for this we give praise.

Poetry Corner: Sonnet 18

2011-02-14T11:50:00.000-08:00

Cover of William Shakespeare

In honor of St. Valentine and his day. I decided to post William Shakespeare's probably most famous sonnet. Take a sec and breathe it all in. Happy Valentine's Day.

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date:
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimm'd;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest;
Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou growest:
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this and this gives life to thee.

Productivity

2011-02-12T15:26:00.000-08:00

My name is Brandon and I have a problem. Something’s not clicking and I’m not sure what to make of it. Over the last few weeks, I’ve been go-go-going and am struggling to see the fruit of my labor. In my vain attempt to be productive, I feel as though I’ve succeeded in exhausting myself but failed in getting some meaningful things done. Allow me to divulge a little…

I’ve been focusing a lot on fundraising as of late. So many of those dates that I had posted on my blog site have now come and past and the big things that I’ve wanted to accomplish in the office are now done as well. I have been so focused on fulfilling my commitment to Hidden With Christ that I question if I haven’t had a bit of a trade-off and have missed something along the way. In my foolish analysis of every single thing in my life, I too question my effectiveness in what I’ve been doing for the organization; walking a way from a few consecutive events with only $30 and a new Facebook friend.

All the while, spiritual things are taking the back seat. Last time I was in the states fund raising for Hidden With Christ, the most “productive” thing that I did was taking a week to fast about it. I haven’t done that and have actually, embarrassingly, only fasted once since my three week fast back in October. My prayer life has been a bit distracted and my time reading the Bible has been diminished as well. And yet at the end of the day, I’m exhausted from all my “productivity” with all the spiritual meat essentially stripped to a minimum in my life.

And its not only that. Those things that feed my soul in other ways have diminished as well; reading, writing (as you can tell by my infrequent posts) and playing guitar. In many ways, I see how the person that I’ve become in the last year has specifically been curtailed to my mode of life in Moshi. Its actually quite a good thing that I don’t have a TV in Moshi. Its also good that I can’t play DVDs on my laptop. It means that I feed my soul with literature and music. The only trade-off there is that I don’t know what’s going on with “The Office,” which is actually more manageable than you might think.

Melissa and I have been sick the last week. We were totally sidelined on Monday and Tuesday, just crashed out in Cody and Alaina’s living room. That productivity fix was put on the bench as well which makes me feel guilty. Its bad that I’ve convinced myself to be such a doer that I’m not even allowed to be sick. Equally as bad, is the fact that even with the time on my hands, I didn’t do a whole lot of spiritually minded things while I was on the couch. I know that most people would just watch TV and movies and watching them to some extent is of course fine. But I just cringe to think that I had all that time and did so little that fed my spirit man; blaming it on my screaming headache and inability to think and focus. I exchanged true godly rest for mere laziness.

A new definition is what I’m getting at.

The lie that I see in this culture and one that unfortunately has been ingrained into my own psyche is a bad definition of productivity. The culture tends to dictate that there is no value in rest and things like prayer and fasting are only as good as what they show in isolation in the natural, which is no meaningful result. If you must have some down-time, its best to just watch TV or something else that promotes the celebrity-driven culture that we live in.

Instead of these lies, we must realize that the only thing that we are to be striving for is to become more like Christ and to see Him glorified. The culture’s definition of productivity doesn’t have that as its end. With this in mind, we must see Jesus of course as our model. Jesus was never in so much of a rush that He couldn’t help someone, He always took time to talk with His Father, He valued and studied the scriptures, fasting was a norm in His life, He made people His emphasis over programs or other activities. Lord help me to learn.

His yoke is easy and His burden is light. There’s freedom in allowing His schedule, rhythm of life and plans rule in our lives, for this we give praise.

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The Rundown: Being sick was lame. I’m better now and Melissa’s getting there too. We got up to the central coast on Thursday somewhat delayed thanks to sickness and a couple car problems. All is well now though and I’m spending the week meeting with folks at First Baptist Church Paso, which is something I’m very much looking forward to, despite my exhaustion. Your prayers are appreciated as always. That’s enough for a rundown. If you are on the central coast hit me up this week to chill and if you are down south, I’ll be there again the last week of February.

Bonhoeffer Quote

2011-02-03T22:30:00.000-08:00

"We are not to simply bandage the wounds of victims beneath the wheels of injustice, but we are to drive a spoke into the wheel itself."

-Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Image via Wikipedia

Distractions

2011-01-29T23:23:00.000-08:00

I seem to have come up against a wall of some sort here in the golden state. I keep wanting to do things and then ending my days feeling like nothing is getting done. The American culture is quite the life to be thrust back into after spending the last year in the laid back life of East Africa. I’ve always said that I love southern California, as opposed to northern California or the East Coast, because of how much more chill life is here. I’ll tell you that it doesn’t even compare to the chillness of Kilimanjaro. Its all flying by and every flashing advertisement, new fancy gadget and have-to-be-there event is only accelerating this precious experience we call life.

I had dinner with my friend Rodrigo the other day and he asked me if I felt American culture has more distractions. I said no at the time, citing that in my experience in Moshi, I was pretty constantly distracted by my loneliness and what not. That makes sense in my personal experience, but I would say that American culture has many distractions that are ingrained into the very fabric of society.

When I was cleaning out my house in Moshi, I came across my planner from 2009. As I flipped through the pages, I saw so many coffee dates, church events, errands to be run and the like all penciled into my full schedule. One might say that a planner could keep your head from spinning, but more accurately its just the thing that keeps your head spinning at a decent speed without falling off the swivel. I bought a 2010 planner before moving to Moshi and didn’t use it once. As soon as I came back though, I knew that I should get one for 2011 and sure enough its filling up and I’m trying to get stuff done without becoming too distracted by all the things vying for my attention.

After spending some time traveling, I’m realizing more and more that Americans are an anomaly. We like to think about the fact that we are the most powerful nation and that other countries try to emulate us, not realizing that our standard and mode of life isn’t duplicated in any other country. This constant barrage of advertisements and the “time is money and money is god” attitude easily and subtly distracts us from the things that really matter, the things that take time. Not the least of which is cultivating a meaningful relationship with the Lord.

I don’t know where my time is going. On one hand, I like that because it means that I’ll be back home in Moshi soon and be back with my kids. On the other hand, it’ll be a bummer to leave my friends and family again. Far more daunting than that is the realization that our wedding on June 4th is coming quicker than we realize and there’s so so much that needs to get done. And as I try to get that stuff done, I keep getting sidetracked by all this other stuff that I had no real intent to do. There just a bunch of distractions and I can’t exactly put my finger on what they are all the time. Sure, some of the things are pretty clear… wasting time on the internet, playing video games and the like, but it wouldn’t seem that these things would take away as much time as they do, yet they do.

In the midst of all the things that are taking my time and attention, my relationship building seems to be the one taking the backseat. First and foremost with the Lord, my time reading the Bible has gone down, my prayer time the same. Melissa and I are praying together everyday, but were not doing a great job with getting in the word. There are some pre-marital books we’ve been meaning to start that we haven’t gotten to yet. I haven’t been reading other books either. Even my writing has been taking a dip due to an idle mind that isn’t feeding on spiritual meat. I don’t know about you, but I feel like I need to get a better grip on my time management and redeem the time by putting the distractions aside and focusing on the Lord.

Its something that I’ve struggled with before and something that has bugged me in the lives of other followers as well. Its pretty ridiculous some of the things that we engage in while letting eternally meaningful activities fall by the wayside. These meaningless activities are just distracting us away from what we ought to be doing.

I suppose to whatever degree, I’ve gotten out of touch with what it feels like to follow Jesus in the American context. That makes sense. As I’ve been reminded of lately, we as followers of Christ have to be vehemently counter-cultural. That’s even an understatement. Its not just being counter-culture, because that is often predicated off of some bitterness felt towards the mainstream culture. We, instead, need to be entirely “other” culture. Part of that is not getting swept up in the hype and values of the society around us; such things are distractions and hinder the gospel. On the contrary, we are to be agents of redemption for those elements of culture that we interact with; at the same time not buying into the underlying, subconscious systems that propagate such cultural elements.

Focus. We are here for divine purposes. Our lives have been given to us by the Lord that we might do something significant and holy with them. By allowing ourselves to indulge in distractions, we forfeit God-ordained time for something better. He is the Giver of time, the Giver of days and the Giver of life, for this we give praise.

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The Rundown: Stuff with Melissa is going well. I love her so much and more and more reminded of the Lord’s hand in our relationship. Everything coming up is quite daunting, but we are excited for what He’ll do. The wedding plans and stuff are a work in progress, but it’ll all get done. I preached at FBC Los Osos on Sunday which went well and this next week will be bigger. See the furlough tab for specifics. Hanging with friends down here has been especially great and Melissa is fitting right in. I’ll be meeting more of her friends tomorrow as we travel up to Ventura so that’ll be good. Yeah, that’s it.

No Breathe Left

2011-01-24T15:26:00.000-08:00

There's a void in this world where the darkness is deep
Where men run with demons and the evil things creep
Where men have chosen sin and Satan obliged
They've put on masks and its darkened their eyes
So they can't see light; they can't hear truth
Injustice rules their world, but the people stay mute
The people stay blind, the people stay deaf
They're trying to get air, but there's no breath left
There's silence, to go with despair
A world without love, a world without care
There's an existence of death and a problem of sin
But I've found the remedy, indeed, I've found Him
In my soul there's hope, in my heart there's love
And the peaceful Spirit that descends like a dove
I know of the beauty that pierces through the blind
And the truth that changes a man's dark mind
And I have heard the music that angels sweetly sing
Crying "Holy, holy, holy, hallelujah to the King!"
I have tasted His goodness and I tell you it is sweet
And I'm in love with His love, I cast my crown at His feet
And now I must go with the light that I've been given
By His blood, to His glory, I am graciously driven
To move into the valley of the shadow of death
Giving all glory to Christ Jesus till there's no breath left.

Brandon Michael

May 3rd, 2008

Stephen Manley Quote

2011-01-21T15:09:00.000-08:00

"There isn't such a thing as a lukewarm Christian, they don't exist. That's like talking about dry water."

-Stephen Manley

"Obsession"

Movement

2011-01-20T19:21:00.000-08:00

I had a great opportunity to speak at The Garden on Sunday in Long Beach. It was a great time seeing my friends there and to find myself right back in the community that has been and is so special to me. I really didn’t know how to prepare for what I would say. Darren said that it would be an interview type format and we would be talking about worship and justice and how that plays itself out in my context at Treasures of Africa. As I sat there waiting to go up in the morning service, I was praying and just trying to focus on the Holy Spirit and what He wanted to speak through me. It was a delight to just be used in that way and it went quite well if I do say so myself.

As I was speaking, something came out that I believe with my whole heart. I’ll have to paraphrase myself because I don’t want to go back and check the pod cast (which you can listen to on iTunes by going to The Garden Church Long Beach in the Religion/Spirituality - Christianity section). I said something to the effect that the Kingdom of God and the Church, as the people of the Kingdom, are beautiful. They are beautiful because it is just this huge movement of people that are fulfilling the unique callings that the Lord has put on their lives. There is nothing on this world like the Church.

The more I think about it, that’s exactly what the Church is supposed to be; a movement. I am one man and by the grace and providence of God, I’ve stepped into a calling. I do indeed find it to be exciting. Not because of all the cool stuff that I’m doing, but because of all the stuff that the Lord is doing just because I’m walking in what He told me to do. It is so encouraging when people affirm, encourage and support me. It makes me that much happier to actually be walking in this small role that the Lord has entrusted to me within His Kingdom. I’m just one man though and nothing would get done if I were acting in isolation.

I’ve said it before and its worth saying again; the Lord has big plans, good plans for His people. He invites us into something special. He invites us into this movement that has been going on since the dawn of creation and continues to the very moment that you are reading this blog. He is inviting you to fulfill a calling within His Kingdom that He specifically designed you for. It is an incredible thing to ponder and an infinitely more incredible thing to pursue and walk in.

Unfortunately, the Church as a whole has traditionally fallen into this cycle where the freshness of a new movement within the movement becomes institutionalized and subsequently loses its punch. As I passed through Templeton today I saw this cute little Presbyterian church and wondered if we haven’t missed the point with what the American church has evolved to become. As we look around the society in which we live, its hard to not question whether what we’re doing is truly the most effective way to advance the Kingdom. Because there are so many church buildings in the states, there are quite a few in Tanzania as well, but despite them all, the Church doesn’t seem to be growing much.

I shouldn’t have to tell people that I work for a para-Church organization. It makes it sound like we’re doing the work of the Church, but we’re not the Church. That doesn’t even make any sense. We’ve got to break out of this mindset that says unless there’s a building involved, you’re not in a church. We must be in fellowship with other believers, that is the Church. And within that, if I partner with the other believers at Hidden With Christ and we do Kingdom work, that too is the Church.

We’ve got to get back to our roots. We’ve got to get radical. As Shane Claiborne points out there is a direct link between those two words. The root of the Christian faith was based on the life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. And the inception of the Church at Pentecost wasn’t marked by twelve men erecting a building, but rather proclaiming the good news in word and deed then letting that fire spread to the nations. That’s what we’ve got to do. And we’ve got to blow up these mindsets that segregate the work of the Lord. We are the Church. We are a collection, a movement, of people fulfilling individual callings that the Lord has placed on our lives.

The Lord has a calling on your life; fulfill it. He has called you to play a role within this incredible movement; walk in it. His grace and providence is always sufficient for you to do so, for this we give praise.

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The Rundown: Its been a good and busy week here in Califlippinfornia. Its hard to believe that I’m here and in many ways I’m hoping and praying that the time here flies by so that I can return to be with my kids. Yet, I know that there are many things the Lord has planned for my time here in the states. Joel and Rachel got hitched on Saturday and it was a beautiful and godly wedding. I know that they will do mighty things for the Kingdom, by the power of the Holy Ghost. Being in Long Beach on Sunday was great and I truly loved speaking at church and being with them there. The service went well and I value my blessed partnership with them. Monday we drove up to the central coast, slept at the Varners then headed up to Sacramento on Tuesday. Melissa and I got to see Lauren and hang out with my aunt, uncle and cousins as well for a day and a half. We’re back on the central coast for a few days and will be speaking at First Baptist Church of Los Osos on Sunday. All good stuff. The Lord is up to good things.

Familiarly Different

2011-01-13T17:34:00.000-08:00

It is Thursday afternoon and I am in Portfolio Coffeehouse in Long Beach. This is a trip. I’m fully expecting at any moment for someone that I vaguely know to walk into the shop, because I definitely feel like I’ve walked into the past.

Its been so weird to be in the states. Its weird because everything here is so… familiar. Any changes to southern California that I’ve come across seem like mere nuances in light of the fact that this coffee shop is still the same coffee shop, my old life group is still my life group, the 55 is still the 55 and Newport Pier is still Newport Pier. True, the place that I’m sitting used to have a computer table in this spot. That’s different. But we’re still at 4^th and Junipero and its tripping me out.

I’m not the same person that sat in this same coffee shop 14 months ago. I’m different. To be honest its hard to reconcile the two things. I’ve spent the last year in Tanzania. I’m not the children’s pastor anymore and this is no longer my home. I’ve spent the last year falling in love in with 26 children in ways that so far surpassed anything that I could have imagined. Those kids, my kids, my sons and my daughters changed me. As did the culture. As did my friends there. The Lord has changed me and I’m not the same person. How could I be?

Its really an intriguing spot to be in. I’m visiting Long Beach right now because I love the city and wanted to show it to Melissa, but I’m staying in Costa Mesa. That city is even more of a story. Melissa and I’ve spent the last couple nights hanging out with Cody and Alaina at their place, which is oddly enough the house that Cody grew up in. I’ve told him repeatedly that its really weird that he and Alaina live in his mom’s house and they sleep in her room... yet I digress. It was so crazy to hang out with them and Josh last night. It was so familiar. The inside jokes that range from one year to five years old yet are still so funny and so good, the stories of old experiences, the laughs, all of it is so, so… familiar.

Its got me thinking about who I am as a person. If you’ve ever hung out with me, Josh and Cody, you’ll quickly realize that we have the strangest, over the top, completely ridiculous conversations. We know how to conduct ourselves in public, but if we’re not in public, watch out. And yet that part of me has been so far beyond dormant over the last 12+ months. All it took was seeing Cody for it to come back. Our being is so multi-faceted. I am Brandon. I am the man that loves and has given his life to 26 orphans. Also, I am the man that likes to wander through record stores looking at underground hip hop albums. I’m the guy that has these absurd conversations with my weird friends. I’m the man that worships freely in the back of American church services. I am that guy that sits in a coffee shop writing a blog while listening to Jon Foreman. And at any time you come across me, the same person, you could find any of these things to be true.

Its hard to know how to be in California in light of who I’ve become over the last year. Its hard to know how to be here, because California hasn’t changed me over the last year; Tanzania has. The easy thing would be to just dive back in and act as though only my profession has changed over the last year; when in all reality I’ve changed as a person. I feel that tug on me in just these two short days. That tug to just be who I used to be and pretend that I fit in here. That’d be easier and more familiar. Actually navigating through this new context of being in California but not of California is a bit more difficult. I am only a visitor here; I live in Tanzania. I’m no longer the guy that says Tanzania is a whole other world from California. Now, I say California is a whole other world from Tanzania and despite the familiarity, I’m not Long Beach Brandon anymore.

I started this blog not knowing where I would try and land it, but I think that what I’m experiencing is not unlike what we as followers of Christ are to be. Stepping out of the context of California so long has helped me to see just how overbearing the current of culture is here. The culture, which in so many ways is incredibly ungodly, seeks to conform us and make us into people that can go with the flow. We as disciples are not supposed to allow that to happen and be conformed to the patterns of this world. Instead we are to allow the Lord to transform our minds (Romans 12:2). Having our mind transformed looks like taking on the mind of Christ (Philippians 2:5). The end result of this is proving the will of God in our lives (Romans 12:2) and fulfilling His will and calling on our lives. What does that look like in the torrent that is American culture? To be honest, it looks like swimming upstream as opposed to getting your inner tube out and floating along. Fulfilling the calling that the Lord has put on us is painstakingly difficult. A cross is a cross, my friends. But the sadness that we could get from the suffering and difficulties that come from following Christ don’t compare to the surpassing joy of knowing Him. Nor do they compare to the sadness of a meaningless and wasteful existence.

I was talking with Darren this morning on the phone and we talked a little about our relationship going forward as the Garden continues to partner with Treasures of Africa. Furthermore, we talked about what it looks like to just build the Kingdom of God together as the Church. I don’t want this furlough to be only about preparing for my marriage to Melissa, even though that is the reason the Lord has led me here for this time and it is beyond crucial. As Darren and I talked, I shared with him that I want to be able to call people out to their callings and if there’s anything that I would want people to say of my testimony is that the Lord blessed me to obey Him in His calling on my life, despite the pain I’ve gone through in it. I want to see people fulfill their calling and for the Kingdom to advance through the lives of those in it. May my life be as such.

Following Christ is against the grain in the darkness that the world offers. Its hard and can be awkward to feel out of place in a land that is not your own. Sometimes the most comfortable and familiar thing is the exact thing that is hindering your discipleship to Jesus. Yet, there is no greater joy than fulfilling the calling the Lord has placed on your life and allowing Him to be Lord of your life, for this we give praise.

---------------------------

The Rundown: I landed in Long Beach on Tuesday night and it was a joy to see Melissa waiting at the airport for me. I love her. Its been great just being together and building our relationship over the last couple days. I went to my life group on Tuesday and I tried to surprise them as they tried to surprise me, it didn’t work too well. Haha. Nonetheless, they brought food and it was great to see them. I was feeling a bit detached though which was never been the case with my life group. The conversation was centered on the current state of the life group and not being a part of the life group and having limited contact with many in it somewhat estranged me from the conversation. At any rate, it was good to see them. Melissa and I have been able to hang out with Cody, Alaina and Josh which has been great. We went to Whittier yesterday and got to see Joel while I got my suit tailored for the wedding on Saturday. Tonight we’re going back there for the bachelor and bachelorette parties, respectively. My speaking starts this Sunday at the Garden and I’m so, so looking forward to reconnecting with them. Yeah, that’s life. Hope to see you soon!

Poetry Corner: Not In Vain

2011-01-13T17:30:00.000-08:00

Image via Wikipedia

Can't go wrong with Emily Dickinson and I love this poem. Its beautifully simple and so profound. Drink deep, friends.

If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain:
If I can ease one life the aching
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.

Observations in Transit

2011-01-10T09:49:00.001-08:00

An airport is one of the most interesting places to me. For those of us that enjoy people watching its hard to beat the incredible array of people across ethnic, cultural and religious lines. I like to people watch and try to guess where people are from by their appearance or what their language/accent sounds like. Religion is too easy or too difficult, so nationality has to suffice. Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, Sikhs, Jews are easy to spot, but the Christians essentially look like they could be Atheist, Agnostic or any of those western philosophies if you only get one glance.

You can learn a lot and prayer as you go is so important. Prayer is important because the people around us need the Lord. Our thoughts can only scratch the surface of the depths of the people’s lives; the same goes for the depth of their pain, sin and brokenness. Could you just imagine taking the time to go into a busy airport lobby in Heathrow or LAX and just get the stories of the people there? It would blow our minds and they’re just people like you and me. Yet their lives are so unique and so precious, yet so under attack from Satan and their own flesh; present company included.

You do get a picture of our depravity across the board and sin is infused in different cultures in myriad ways. I have seen a man of a particular religious tradition with an entourage of what clearly are his four wives. You see how rude, mean and discourteous people are across ethnic and religious fronts. Little things become big things and any small thing can be taken as an attack on self.

Its not only “those people,” unfortunately I see it in my own culture as much, if not more, than any other. Most in America don’t realize the depth of our materialistic idolatry. That drum has been beat undoubtedly, but no matter how many times we in the church call out the materialism, little changes (do you know that this holiday season in the “tough economy,” Americans exceeded previous holiday seasons in regards to purchasing? Will we ever learn?) So I think the drum can afford to be beat again. Why do we need Duty Free shops? We can make fun of their weird or unnecessary products all we want, but the fact is Duty Free shops exist because people buy from them. How pathetic is that? We are so addicted to entertainment and materialism that we can’t just enjoy traveling thousands of miles in hours, but we in fact must spend that time indulging ourselves in sin.

I was reminded of this again in the plane as I watched a couple movies. I try to beat jet lag by timing when I go to sleep and if I need to be awake, watching movies is a way to pass the time relatively quickly. The first movie that I watched would seem innocuous enough, but it in fact glorified the act of adultery and sex before marriage; two things that as a follower of Christ I am against. Yet I watched most of it. The other one was about some bank robbers and glorified violence, greed and lust; all of which are spoken against in the Bible. Yet I watched most of it. Its bad and inexcusable. Trying to watch something more light, I found myself watching one of my old favorites as a kid, Aladdin. Oh boy, am I about to go there and rob us all of our fond childhood memories? Yep. The movie makes light of poverty, even romanticizes it. Furthermore, some of the elements of the “magic” in that movie come from what most would call ancient Middle Eastern fables. But to look at it from a biblical worldview, we realize that these “fables” have their root in the occult. Of course, I’m a twenty-four year old follower of Christ who can’t help but analyze these things and a six year old wouldn’t pick all that up, but it doesn’t make those things any less true. And I certainly hope that it wouldn’t surprise anyone to hear that Disney, despite the bells and whistles, is not a godly organization, not at all.

I see two things in every person in the airport and on the plane. One, a precious person created in the image of God that I’m called to love. A person that the Father loves more than I can realize. Two, I see sin and bondage. And it is being enacted by and enacted against the beloved of God. I see the way that this sin infiltrates every crack in society from novelty stores to children’s movies to the way people dress to the way people live. An airport is a very easy place to see why the earth needs the Kingdom of God, the Kingdom of Heaven, to come.

Home

2011-01-05T23:46:00.001-08:00

I feel like I’ve had a hard time with a seemingly simple question for a number of years now. It is a very common question as well and the answer is assumingly easy. You fill it out when you purchase something online or fill out a job application. It is often one of the first questions asked when you meet a new person and it in so many ways has an important part in the composition of one’s identity… Where’s your home?

When I was in college, I would tip-toe around this question. I transferred to Vanguard in August 2005 only a few months after my parents moved to Wisconsin. I would go visit them for Christmas or during the summer and friends from school would say, “Oh, you’re going home for the break.” I would quickly correct them and say “No, I’m going to my parents house, I’m not from there, I’m from California.” Your home is such an important part of who you are and I didn’t want to be associated with the dairy farmers of the mid-west when I had lived in beautiful and sunny California for essentially my whole life.

I seem to find myself in that same tension this week. When missionaries head to the states for their furlough, they often talk about “going home.” This conflicts me. I’m sitting in a house that I moved into a year ago and often refer to it as home. I often say to myself that TOA is my home, but its not my house. And now people are talking about me going home to the states. I don’t know if I want to be associated with that. This is a tension that I’m not unfamiliar with. As I write this, I remember writing about it just over a year ago as I sat in Portfolio Coffee in Long Beach. My heart was all over the place and that doesn’t bode well for having a single place worthy of the title “home.”

You know what feels like home to me? My mom’s chicken broccoli casserole, Zoe wrapping her arms tightly around my neck, coffee with a close friend at Alta in Newport Beach, playing soccer with my kids, worship nights at Ryan’s, sitting in Shawn’s garage with my buddies in Paso, Awadhi’s smile, gatherings at the Garden in Long Beach, ridiculous conversations with Josh and Cody or real good conversations with my life group in Costa Mesa, holding Melissa’s hand, holding Diamond’s hand. That feels like home to me and I couldn’t settle for anything less than that.

I leave for my furlough on Saturday and this tension in my mind is having a profound effect on my emotions as well. There is this huge part of me that is just so ready to have a change of pace, see family and friends and most importantly spend time with my fiancé. And yet I am really struggling with being away from the kids for so long. It would have been a lot easier to swallow had it been a two month furlough, but six months is close to my breaking point. My desire to be there and my desire to be here are battling within me and that plane is leaving Kilimanjaro International on Saturday afternoon regardless of my uneasiness. Prayers are appreciated.

I remember my final week in California quite vividly. I had my going away party on December 6^th and that is the day that it hit me like a ton of bricks that I was going to be leaving California; the only place, whether I was on the central coast or in southern California, that I could beyond a shadow of a doubt call home. If you were there, you’ll probably remember my little address to the friends at that gathering. Through many tears and hugs I gave my best to be composed, Lord knows I’m an emotional guy. Two days later, I was re-drained of my tears at my final life group in Costa Mesa. The week went by in slow motion and the many goodbyes were difficult.

In so many ways this week seems quite similar. Praise God I’ll be returning, but six months away from my kids seems like an eternity considering how fast they grow and the things that I’ll miss by being in the states. This morning, during my devotional, I told all the kids and the staff that I would be going on my furlough on Saturday and that it was looking like I’d be gone for about six months. They knew that I was going to be on furlough, but I had not yet told them that it’d be for six months. More importantly, only Lydia, Jodie, Eli and Arnold knew why I was going. I told them that as well. They gave me their congratulations and were happy for Melissa and I. I continued on and began to tell the kids how much I love them and I started to choke up. I really really really didn’t want to lose it or even cry at all. I could tell that some of the workers were uneasy with my tears and I tried to get through my spiel as painlessly as possible. It was the tearful encoure of the night before when I just sat in my living room crying over leaving the kids. It is all in the process I suppose and the Lord’s grace is sufficient for me. As I wrapped up, Lydia invited everyone to pray for me. I picked up Awadhi and we stood in the circle as my Tanzanian family gathered around me and prayed. That’s exactly what I need.

It would be great to not have to leave here. It would be great to have all my loved ones in the states here with me and my kids. It would be great if all those people and things that I listed earlier were in one centralized location. You know what? It would be great to be Home. It would be great if Jesus would come back already. I am homesick.

I was listening to a Rock Harbor pod cast not long ago and was taken back by the way the preacher pinpointed what I was going through. He was talking about this huge group of people that did one of those things where they randomly break out in a chorus in a public area, they did it accompanied by the world’s largest organ and sang an old Christ centered composition. People were taken back and some of their faces would lead one to think that Jesus was coming back that very moment. He then talked about that desire for Jesus to come back. I’m tearing up as I write this, because there isn’t a thing that I would rather have happen. I want Jesus to come back, I want to go home.

This scripture has been on my heart lately and keeps popping up, whether it be in my friend Lauren’s blog or a random text from Melissa. Hebrews 11:13-16

These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off were assured of them, embraced them and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth. For those who say such things declare plainly that they seek a homeland. And truly if the had called to mind that country from which they had come out, they would have had opportunity to return. But now they desire a better, that is, a heavenly country. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared a city for them.

In one of the new adjustments to my blog, I wrote a simple description of who I am and one of the words that I used was sojourner. I love that word and in my case it has a double meaning. One could think that it is referring to the fact that I am an American living in Tanzania, but that’s not the primary meaning for me. I’m a sojourner on this earth, I’m a stranger and a pilgrim. I’m not of this world and I don’t need a trendy Christian shirt label to show it, because its not something that goes on the outside, its something I feel in my heart and know in my mind. This world has too much pain, too much suffering, too many things that are screwed up. My home is a place where the Lord’s will is done perfectly and we lack no good thing. That’s the Kingdom, that’s the reality that I pray down to touch this earth. I could settle for nothing less than that heavenly country for my home and the Lord is not ashamed when I call Him my God.

The Lord has been too good to me. He has been so faithful. His will being enacted in my life is my greatest delight and in Him we can all find satisfaction, purpose and our true home, for this we give praise.

--------------------------

The Rundown: Obviously the big thing is that I’m about to take off from here and come for my furlough, but I’ve talked about that enough already and you can check my website to see where I’ll be and all that info. On Friday, the Helblings got back so that’s been nice to hang out with them and catch up. Tomorrow (Thursday) a bunch of my friends are getting together at Peter and Mary’s for a going away send-off party type deal for me. It’ll be nice to see them all and say some of those goodbyes at the end of the day. After today’s devotional and being able to spend sometime crying (how manly does that sound?), I’m starting to get ready emotionally for the furlough. Its not over yet though so keep praying. I’ve been packing and will continue over the next couple days. I am trying to figure out how to navigate “PR” things, if you will. I haven’t seen so many friends, of varying degrees of affection, in so long and now I’m going to be overwhelmed by them. The question of who is getting an invite to the wedding is an annoying one, but a necessary one because the facility only seats so many people. Also in regards to supporters, I’m bringing back some gifts, but couldn’t afford to get every single supporter something, so the question comes in what qualifies a supporter worthy of a gift. That’s probably the wrong way to look at it (especially when the supporters weren’t expecting or asking for such things), but my heart is just to bless them without going broke or not having room in my suitcase. Anyways, all things will be taken care of by the sovereign goodness of the Lord. I’ll maybe do a quick post before I get on the plane, but consider this my last real post of my first year of ministry in Tanzania. For those that have read every single one, I applaud and thank you. For those that have read many but not all, I thank you. For those that are reading for the first time, thank you, welcome and I invite you to check out past ones to hear about what the Lord’s been up to. Alright, PEACE!

This Child

2011-01-05T02:16:00.006-08:00

Do you see this child? He's standing right here
Screaming his lungs out, but you've covered your ears
Injustice rules her life and everyday she's beat down
Thorns are forced upon her head and they call it a crown
His life is consumed by disease, blood, tears,
Loneliness, violence, sadness, fear
But she deserves so much more, every human does
And yet she walks this earth and no one shows her love
Now is that okay with you? Can you just let that go?
Or does something scream inside of you that justice must flow?
'Cause this is real life people, its sad but true
He's screaming out loud, the next action's on you

Oh praise You Lord Jesus, thank you Lord that You hear
That as she walks along, I know that You're near
And his burden is so heavy and its something he can't bear
And yet You reach out to him and let him know that You care
Oh, let us be like You Lord - Holy, Righteous and Just
And speak truth into lives as we give You our trust

And now my precious little children, put your hope in the Lord
Trust that He loves you and blesses with every word
Daughter, know that you're beautiful. Son, know that you're strong.
Bad times may come, but they won't last long
You're such a strong daughter and a beautiful son
Let us find our peace in Jesus, the Holy and Just One.

Brandon Michael

March 28th, 2008

Let It Rain

2011-01-02T06:30:00.005-08:00

Let it rain

Replenish the soil and keep the dust dirt

The fire's bane

Reduce destruction and pacify the earth

Let it rain

Enter the bloodstream and cleanse the flow

Every vein

The healing power runs through and all will know

Let it rain

Touch past hurts and then unveil

No more shame

Wash over sins, black hearts turn pale

Let it rain

Flood us with the truth and overflow the brim

Give my name

That I would jump into the goodness and know how to swim

Let it rain

May the heavens open up and the showers come down

Not in vain

But prosper in the thing for which it was sent to the ground

Let it rain

And it rained

On Calvary's hill where my life was saved

By His pain

And it continues to pour since the defeated grave

Let it rain

Brandon Michael

March 3rd, 2010

A Look Back... A Look Ahead

2010-12-31T07:58:00.002-08:00

It seemed fitting to do an end of 2010 blog post. This was without a doubt, quite clearly and unequivocally the most life altering year of my life. The Lord has shown Himself to be faithful to me over and over again and for this I must testify...

2010

January ~ I left my home that was the good ol' U.S. of A. and journeyed to Tanzania to take up my position at Treasures of Africa Children's Home. The tears of leaving friends and family behind were many, but the refreshment of landing in Kilimanjaro and knowing I was in the center of God's will for me was my strength. Loneliness begins to take hold of me during my three weeks at language school, detached not only from my loved ones in the states, but also my kids in Moshi for most of the week and away from significant Christian fellowship.
February ~ My work formally starts at TOA as I finish language school. I take Awadhi to church for the first time on the first Sunday of the month and return with an interesting Facebook message from a young woman named Melissa. She seems to feel called to work at TOA; one of the bigger storylines of the year (or life if you will) truly ensues.
March ~ I find fellowship with a short term team of other Christians my age and don't waste the opportunity to try and show off my missional long-term-ness for the first time.
April ~ I spend my birthday in Tanzania and it is far different than any other I've ever had. I was blessed by those friends here in Moshi and everyone at TOA. My favorite was receiving birthday greetings from my life group in Costa Mesa who managed to bring me to tears thousands of miles away.
May ~ My first (and truly my only time thus far) having Rita Tanzania-side. It was a refreshing time as she came along with a team that really blessed us. I received meaningful inner healing prayer from them as well. The summer wave of teams continued and I was able to meet many new people.
June ~ My close friend Ryan who was a significant mentor and help this year had his interns here who provided for me the closest community that I experienced this year. I was very blessed by all of them. I became a leader and elder at ICC, my church here in Moshi; the youngest elder in the history of the church.
July ~ I met my future wife face to face for the first time the same day that my first friend from the states, Kelli, came to visit me. I began upping my prayers in regards to if anything would happen with this Melissa girl and then stuff started happening.
August ~ I got engaged after a turbulent few weeks of courtship. At times I felt like I was crazy, but throughout it the Lord was helping me to see His hand in it all along the way. I spent the end of the month in Darjeeling, India ministering with friends and family and seeing the Lord move in powerful ways.
September ~ I started off the month in the Himalayas and ministered there amongst people that are not supposed to be the followers of the Way that they are. I returned to Moshi the second week and began my final season of the year. Soon, Lauren and Lydia left as well and I realized just how empty my normal Moshi community was at this point. Luckily, Melissa and I were able to begin skyping frequently. I also began four months of acting worship pastor at ICC and was stretched in ministry in new ways.
October ~ I spent the first 21 days of October doing a juice only fast. The Lord did a good work, but it wasn't all intense like I thought it would be. He increased my faith and my desire for Him and those are obviously worth the fasting. I also saw breakthrough in my relationship and conversations with Melissa.
November ~ I struggled in my writing and feelings of insecurity came up that I didn't realize were present. A time of testing was in full swing as the Lord brought up and began to rid out false feelings and sins that were in me.
December ~ I took a break from my beloved blog and didn't write for three weeks. The Lord brought me to a place of repentance and refocus. The preparation for my furlough began.

The Lord was faithful this year and I praise Him for all that He did. I leave in just over a week for my first furlough. I don't really know how to navigate being away from the kids for that long. The main reason that I didn't write much about them above is because they haven't changed; they've been my constant, they've been my comfort over the last year. In any hard time that I fell into, a hug, a kiss, a word, a laugh, a smile, anything from any of my children would lift my spirit. They are the reason the Lord has called me here and for that I am eternally grateful to Him. He has shown Himself to me in a new way this year and I'm not the same man that left the states a year ago.

2011 is shaping up to be just as crazy for me. I do leave for my furlough in just over a week and plenty of nutty stuff will happen. I'll get to see friends and family that I haven't seen in a long while. I'll get to try my hand at being a real missionary state-side, complete with all the fundraising (or marketing if you will) that it entails. I'll get to prepare for my wedding for the first five months and then get married to an incredibly godly woman on June 4th. Along with that, I get to navigate through countless people that seem to think that they're invited to our wedding until then (we've only got about 215 spots, people, and Melissa's got a big family!). After our wedding (the sooner the better), I'll be relaunched out of the states, this time with my wife by my side. I'm already looking forward to that and whatever the Lord may bring after it... to Him be the glory for it all.

Little Girl

2010-12-28T02:28:00.008-08:00

Lord Jesus, there's so much pain in this world
As I look into the eyes of this starving little girl
Who doesn't have a father, a mother or a friend
Whose only four years old, but nearly reaching her end
And Lord Jesus when I see her, I can't help but see
The Man on the cross staring back at me
This is what it means to love the least of these
And I don't know who else will go, but Jesus please send me
Because that was me, I was that little girl
Naked, hungry and lost with only one prayer in this world
But as soon as I said it, You were quick to save
And it took the blood of perfection, but You freely gave
And I'm so moved by Your love and moved by Your grace
That I'll help every child in this world just to catch a glimpse of Your face
You're worthy of so much more, but all I have is one life
But I'll lay it down for You, this I vow tonight.
Amen.

Brandon Michael

January 13th, 2008

Be

2010-12-26T06:28:00.003-08:00

You know, we try to make our lives about a lot of things. For whatever reason, we often feel like we need to force things and make it work. We formulate these ideas in our heads about who we are, what we do and why our lives are significant. In so many ways, I’ve fallen into this over the last however long and it certainly hasn’t been the first time I’ve found myself in this useless striving. Lord, help me to stop doing this to myself.

Call it an identity crisis, call it image management, call it what you will, this is something that I’ve struggled with for as long as I can remember. This inclination probably picked up the most steam in high school. There is so much need for godly adults to be active in the lives of our youth, because I’ve seen this search in the states and I see it here in Tanzania as well. They are searching for identity and want to define themselves by what they do. I was the epitome of this. I wanted to be a skater. I wanted to be known as a skater. I sucked at skating. Even what little natural talent I had was severely overshadowed by my lack of gall (to keep it G-rated) due to fear of hurting myself. I would skate, but never progressed much. I instead grabbed the camera, stuck with my crew and wore the right threads. They have a word for what I was in the skating community, a poser. The truth hurts. I also went through this phase where I wanted to listen to the cool music, which to many “popular” kids (which in high school means “more valuable” kids) was punk music. I started to act as though that was what I liked. I listened to MxPx as a kid and that was my “in.” That was only one band though, I needed more. People needed to know that I liked the right bands. I had to convince people I do the right things. First I had to convince myself though. I actually remember writing in my personal journal (I don’t dare call it a diary, although it essentially was) that I was now into New Found Glory and Relient K. Ouch, there’s a confession for you. The truth is more pathetic than if it were actually true that I liked those bands. The truth is I had never listened to those bands, I just heard from a friend that they were cool. I have long since listened to them a little and I, in fact, strongly dislike their sound. So much of my high school was spent trying to convey an image surrounded by the things that I’m into and the things that I do.

I wish that I could say that upon leaving my adolescence behind, I became secure in who I am. The truth is though, I just found new masks to put on and the façade became more subtle. I truly went to deeper levels with the Lord in college and as I settled into who He was shaping me into, I found new ways to perform in front of others. In a group, I’ll tune out while you’re praying so that I can plan my own prayer that will blow everyone away. At church, I’ll volunteer for a bunch of stuff so that everyone will see my servant’s heart. I’ll sing the right songs in worship and close my eyes so you all know that I’m being intimate with the Lord. I’ll speak up in conversations so that people realize how wise I am. You get the point. Now I don’t want to discredit the Lord, because the truth is that in all those things, He would put my heart in the right places at times and it was worship to Him. But I couldn’t pretend as though there wasn’t this desire to perform in front of others weaved through it as well.

Now, I’m a missionary in Tanzania; a development of 2010 for those that have been keeping track. The audience that had been before me in that performance thread of my life has evolved and changed. The truth is, most people in Moshi don’t seem too impressed (as if they should have been). My kids are just my kids, most Tanzanians have their minds made up about who you are as soon as they see your skin color and the other missionaries are doing their own amazing things. So my audience had to switch to those in the states that hold whatever romantic view of those that live in foreign countries, such as myself. Therefore, I have to do good writing. I have to make good videos and take good pictures. My status updates have to be humorous and I have to make my blog site look good. I have to impress visitors from the states. Do, do, do.

I can’t deny that the Lord really is doing something and that often my intentions are pure and my worship is true, but its this performance thread that can and, at times, has derailed everything. For example, probably my highest calling as a human is to worship the Lord. A common way that we do that is through Spirit filled songs in a community setting. Over the last year, I in some ways have traded my heart of worship for proper musical instrumentation. I’ve grown as a drummer and a guitar player. When I drum alongside Ryan, I sometimes have so much fun drumming and singing that I tune out what the worship experience is about. The truth is, some of those times, I should have put my drum down and examined my own heart. I also have the honor to be a worship leader at a church here in Tanzania. Over the last four months, I’ve assumed the role of worship pastor for the second service at ICC. Several weeks ago, I taught the congregation the song “Happy Day” and it was beautiful to see them take to it and let their voices be heard. I was swept up into the moment of worship and forsook the microphone so that I could dance off to the side of the stage. I used to dance in the back of service at Rock Harbor and the Garden, but I had nowhere else to go at ICC but the front as I was already there leading the song. It was freeing, it was worship. I was fulfilling my calling as a worshipper of the most high God. However, subsequently, knowing that people saw me dancing during the upbeat song, I began to have this tug in my mind. As I play an upbeat song, my head tells me “if you want to do worship the right way so they’ll all see, you better get out there and dance.” Who was I dancing for? The Lord. Did it matter if other people saw? It shouldn’t have, but in subsequent times that thought did come across my mind and it mattered to me to whatever degree.

I took off the last few weeks from writing. I love writing. Up until this year, I didn’t think of myself as a writer. I thought a writer writes books. Whereas, I write blogs. It was important for me to take the time off, because I needed to refocus, repent and give it to the Lord again. I had gotten so caught up in the blogging culture that I lost my orientation as one that writes for the Lord first and foremost. Upon leaving my blog, figuring that everyone is as invested as me, I was going to suggest you all read Donald Miller’s blog while I was gone, because it’s a blog that I enjoy. Many times, he’s written about things that I’ve found interesting or spoke to what I was going through. It would figure that after I left my blog for a few weeks, he ended up doing the same thing and left a blog post explaining it. If writers had periods, I think Donald Miller and I would be on the same cycle (did I just lose my G-rating?). Anyways… I am going to continue to write, more importantly I’m going to seek the Lord to show me how to be a Spirit led writer and remove that thread that seeks after other people’s approval and interest. I want to testify, but I can’t keep confusing that with my number of blog hits, because that muddles the message and my intent.

It is a strange spot to be in, but I feel the Lord is helping me out of it and I pray that I don’t go back there. I want to live a life of being, not doing. I have been tiring myself out from all this doing and its only confused my identity more. I have tired myself out spiritually, mentally and physically and plugged myself up emotionally. Instead of allowing my work at TOA to flow out of being a son of God and a vessel of the Holy Spirit, I strived to do everything that would please Lydia. Instead of being a Holy Spirit led writer, I’ve been trying to write inspirational (or more accurately, popular) blogs. Instead of being a spiritual and truthful worshipper, I’ve tried to play guitar and sing well. That’s not the right way.

This led me to do the only appropriate thing. Repent. Repentance is so important and I’m astounded that I don’t do it more often. I had somehow fooled myself into thinking that I wasn’t that messed up, but the Lord has been gracious to show me the areas of my life that I haven’t given Him complete control. Here is the most significant thing that I wrote while I was off the blog… it is a confession.

I have committed the sin of performance.
I have wasted time striving.
I have put all I had towards the Kingdom, while losing focus of the King.
I have maintained an idle productivity.
I have ceased covering my thoughts in prayer, instead covering them in a vain inner dialogue centered on putting forth a false perception.
I have forgotten how to be, rather than do.
I have forsaken the Sabbath.
I have allowed discontent, dissatisfaction and frustration in my life.
I have quenched the Holy Spirit.
I have listened to and dwelt on lies.
I have passed the blame onto others.
Father forgive me.
I don’t know how to be or how to live.
Lord, please show me.
Amen

I don’t know how this lands with you, but I know, at times more apparent than others, this is something that we all struggle with. The Bible speaks about being and doing, but the doing always flows out of the being. Thus the being should be the focus, while the doing takes care of itself. I am a son of God, I am a vessel of the Holy Spirit, I am a disciple of Jesus, I am a worshipper of the Holy God, I am a friend, I am a father, I am a brother, I am a fiancé, I am a teacher, I am a sojourner in a foreign land, I am a writer of the testimony of Christ’s work in my life. By the grace of God, I’m learning to embrace these as fundamental truths of my existence and let the “do“ take care of itself. The Lord has spoken our identity over all of us and we aren’t called to toil or strive, but rather to relax and just be, for this we give praise.

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The Rundown: Well, needless to say a bit has happened over the last few weeks. I won’t bore you with all of those details. Christmas has come and passed by now. I saw one Christmas tree outside of the small fake one at TOA and saw Christmas lights on one house in all of Moshi. Yeah, it was a different feel to be sure. Christmas day was good and you should check my Facebook to see a video that I made of the festivities. It was great being with the kids, but I obviously missed loved ones in the states as well and all the traditions that I‘ve grown up with. The Lord has been gracious to me in having skype conversations with Melissa and we’ve been able to have important conversations over the last few weeks. We are both pretty much over being this far apart and having to rely on the internet though. That will be solved soon though as I’ll be leaving Tanzania in under two weeks and will be in California on the 11th of January. Totally nuts. More on that in the next blog. Be blessed!

A Farewell To Blogs... For Now

2010-12-07T02:01:00.001-08:00

I am now entering the twelfth and final month of my first year as a full time missionary in Tanzania. This has been a wild year to say the least and you could catch that from reading the previous blogs on this page. The emotional highs and lows have left me a bit exhausted by this time of the year and the emotions and struggles of the last few weeks have possibly been the hardest yet. I'm living in this tension where I know that the Lord is using me and I see His will unfolding in my life, yet I’m perhaps more self-aware than I can ever remember being; that’s in regards to my position in life and my personal sin issues. I have been reflective lately to say the least.

To be honest, I’ve felt quite under attack lately. Its sometimes hard to put a finger on where a spiritual attack comes from because the forces are invisible and yet the Bible is clear that that is where the battle is (Ephesians 6:12). This has manifested itself in multiple areas of my life. There has been a growing discouragement coming against me that has been very disheartening. The feelings of frustration and restlessness that I’ve shared recently tie into this and I realize that these are not merely mental, but spiritual as well. It has also manifested in the physical realm. I’m not the guy that finds a demon in every stubbed toe and hangnail, but it would be foolish to think that our adversary wouldn’t want to attack us through our health, when disease is such a prominent result of the fall. So this weekend, I got malaria for the first time. I almost made it through the year without it, but nope. Its worse than worms, I'll tell you that much. I was sick for all of Friday, complete with vomit, body aches, weakness, soreness and nausea. Lame. Furthermore, I've felt attacked mentally as some ungodly thoughts have made their way into my mind somehow and I recognize its not from me, but the enemy attacking me in my flesh. Yeah, its been rough. I could really use your prayers.

And yet so many amazing things have happened too this year. How about actually stepping out and starting to fulfill this big calling? How about cultivating relationships with children on a completely new level - indeed calling them my own? How about getting engaged? The Lord has been good to me this year and in any month that I look back, whether it was good or painful, I see that He was at work and that He is working out all things for my good (Romans 8:28).

In this year, I began doing something that was not previously an important part of my life. I found writing. I have truly enjoyed sharing my stories and thoughts with everyone out there over the last year and its something that I want to grow into more. My talent is questionable, however my delight in writing is confirmed.

And yet, because I want to be a good writer, I need to write with integrity. Not merely meaning that everything I write is uplifting and powerful, but also that I would have emotional and artistic integrity. As you could tell from the previous post, people's thoughts have had more and more of an effect on my writing. I feel like the art form of writing is good enough in itself that if I write a good piece in the middle of a forest and no one is there to read it, then it is still worth the effort that I put into it. I can't go about curtailing my writing or website to anyone other than the Lord and I have to figure out what that looks like. I also need to have emotional integrity with my writing. What I mean by that is not allowing my emotions to manipulate the way that I write or the message that I convey. I think writing and art should evoke emotion, but emotion should not be its dictator. Furthermore, I simply don't want to write out of a place of insecurity, which has proven to be the case a couple of times.

I want to glorify the Lord. I want Him to receive honor from what I write. I want to testify of His goodness and His grace to me and my children. I am still figuring out what that is supposed to look like and its something that requires more prayer. I think with any gift that the Lord gives us, it can be easy to exalt that gift over the Giver, or focus on the present more than He who entrusted us with it. Times like these call for a laying down of the gift and to truly center oneself on the One who gave it to them. This has been a thought on my mind over the last week and I'm going to break from blogging for a few weeks (this would have been posted a couple days ago had the power been regular in Moshi). Its actually been a relieving feel and the last couple days have been much better for me and my emotions. I don't know how long I'll break, but a little time. I've not gone over a week and a half without a post this entire year, but I'm going to take that time off now. I need to pray and evaluate my life and what I invest my writing into. This is far from the logical time to take a break, both with Christmas around the corner and my leaving for furlough in a month. It seems like I would want to gain some steam heading into my time in the states, but the Lord will take care of all that. There's a lot more that I could say on all this, but I suppose its enough. Because I truly appreciate and thank God for my supporters and those friends that keep up with me on the blog and pray, I wanted to tell you this here. Many people will leave their blogs for a few weeks and its no biggie, but I want you to know that I truly value my readers and I ask you to continue to pray for me and the kids. I do plan on writing again before I come back. I leave Tanzania a month from tomorrow. I'll still be emailing though so you can always drop me a line there or on Facebook. If you're interested in the blog, I suppose you can just keep your eyes peeled around Christmas and New Year's to see when I start writing again. Thanks for all your prayers and support family. I bless you in the name of the Lord.

And in case I don't get the chance... Merry Christmas.

Numbers

2010-12-01T20:52:00.001-08:00

A couple weeks ago, I was hurrying to get to ICC. One thing had led to another that particular morning and now I was late. You’d think I would have known by this point that there is no such thing as “late” in Tanzania. I was to lead worship and got there right when we start at 10 o’clock. There was just about no one there. There was no one up on the outside platform we meet on and when I went by our building, I was greeted by another elder, Evelyn, who told me that there wouldn’t be too many people at church today because the Fountain of Hope students had gone on break. A few minutes later as we started worship, I was on stage with two others, the percussionist and a backup singer. There were four people in the seats. That turned to 14-15 by the end of worship, but not exactly the turn-out you would typically expect or hope for.

I’m struggling with this notion of numbers. We typically lean towards this idea that bigger is better or if one is good, two is better and so forth. The last couple weeks at ICC is starkly contrasted by my recent listening ear to the Mariners Church- Mission Viejo pod casts. Probably my favorite preacher (if that’s allowed) Mike Erre has become the lead pastor at that church. If you know of Mariners, you know that it is a mega-church. Its huge. Does that qualify them as the better church?

Though this instance highlights the issue, my struggle with numbers isn’t necessarily that my sermons or worship sessions at ICC only account for upwards of 20 people or so. That may be a part of it, but I’m noticing it play out in other areas of my life that are potentially closer to my heart. One being my writing. I recently found something that I guess Blogger started doing back in the summer. They keep your stats for you. This could be the end of my ego or more likely a bigger feeder into it. I just happen to know that since they started keeping the stats in July, I’ve had over 4,200 hits on my blog. Now undoubtedly, some of those are my own views and I’m willing to bet that most of the people that go to my blog don’t bother to read my flippin’ long posts (I can’t say I blame them). Thus, the number of hits really shouldn’t boost my ego, however in my own vanity, my ego will probably take it.

I struggle with pride. Just so that’s out there, now you all know. I find myself relying on the internet a lot more to have any type of social interaction. I’d say that the way technology has evolved the American culture over the last several years, the computer lends itself to my detached predicament. And yet, it also lends itself to what I see as a negative celebrity culture that we are living in. I’m not specifically talking about “real” famous people, although that’s a component. I think that many people, myself included, use the internet as way to put up an image that they want people to like (even with the omnipresent “Like” button). As I’ve been finding in my own situation, this desire for people’s interest is based out of my insecurity and perpetuated by my pride. Its true that the Lord called me to what I’m doing, but for whatever contorted, stupid reason I look to other people for validation. If I get a bunch of blog hits or whatever, that means that people value my ministry and thus I can get a pat on the back for the sacrifice I’ve given up to be here. That, however, is antithetical to the reason that I came here in the first place; its just my pride really.

Now I truly have been blessed by supporters back home, but the support that Hidden With Christ brings in on my behalf also weighs on me to whatever extent. The Lord has been faithful through my supporters and friends; so much that I’ve eclipsed my support target for the year. I shouldn’t really say that “I” eclipsed it, because it had so much more to do with the Lord working through the lives of other people. If you are a financial supporter, thank you. And yet, while those numbers have been more than enough for this year, I’m now faced with a bigger obstacle in regards to “numbers.” When I come back to the states next month, I’m no longer fundraising for one person, but two. Furthermore, I’m not fundraising for just me and Melissa, but rather the entirety of Treasures of Africa as we look to expand and get the new property that Rita’s been featuring in the last couple newsletters. Granted, these things are not solely on me, but with an expanding vision comes a growing personal responsibility as well, especially in light of the duration that I’ll be in the states.

I am anticipating a surprising furlough. Largely because I will seemingly have time on my hands. I know the Lord will be faithful; its in his very nature and that’s who He’s shown me He is in the past . But for the time being there are still questions as to where I’ll be speaking and all that. I only have two dates carved out for speaking engagements and the other ones that are being worked out are all with current contacts, no new ones yet. So we’ll see. While I wish that I had these large numbers of people that are lining up to have me speak and support our ministry at TOA, all I can do is try and be faithful with right now.

To be honest, I think that’s where this plane needs to land. Just being faithful, just being obedient. Numbers seem too arbitrary. Undoubtedly, in regards to salvation, it is the Lord’s desire that all would come into relationship with Him and that should be our desire as well. But to gauge personal success or strength of character by popularity is a vain pursuit. The Lord will do what the Lord will do and the crowds will do what the crowds will do. Peter was faithful to preach at Pentecost and 3,000 people came into the fellowship. Jeremiah was faithful and wrote the longest book by a single author in the whole Bible and didn’t have any converts of note. The point is that they were both faithful and that’s all that we can hang our hats on.

To live our lives in this way is both more difficult and easier. Its more difficult in that it is harder to “quantify success” (if those are even the right words). If we go by this standard that all we have to do is attain a certain number of people interested, than our steps can seem more tangible. That is juxtaposed against living our lives in front an invisible being who is mysterious and infinitely beyond our ability to fathom. Thus it can be difficult to understand what we are to do with our lives pragmatically; a discerning ear becomes necessary. However, it is easier to live our lives in front of this One, in that we realize that He is a much more gracious audience. We no longer place such high value in the numbers or thoughts of other people. The numbers of Facebook friends, blog subscribers or church pew fillers no longer matter, nor do their often misunderstanding or insensitive comments. Conversely, our audience has Himself imputed righteousness to us and is already pleased with us by the sake of His own goodness. He makes it worth being faithful.

I feel that this topic is of growing importance in my life. So much of the growth in my life over the last year has been based out of my realization of my own depravity, insufficiency and sin. I thought that I had it all together when I got here, but pretty much from the get-go the Lord has shown me just how reliant I am on His grace. And yet in my sinful pride, I’ve tried to make it about things other than my personal discipleship. I’d like to think that I have it all together and now I’m supposed to disperse that to the multitudes of people and that’s what the Lord is calling me to do. Hogwash. Forgive me if my sinful mindset has manifested itself in anything that you’ve read from me. The Lord is doing a work in me.

The Lord has set us free. He has set us free from striving after other people’s approval and the worries it entails. Let us walk in that freedom, I pray that I would be as such. Let us live our lives in front of the One that matters. He is an attentive, caring and righteous audience that loves us more than we can imagine, for this we give praise.

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The Rundown: Well, once again, I find that it has been a normal week. I did manage to get the internet fixed upstairs and had a nice skype conversation with Melissa on Monday which was nice. This blog was written from Protea Hotel and Restaurant which is where I went this afternoon for some rest and relaxation. I haven’t taken any days off since I got back from Asia and my normal Sunday off still entails responsibilities at ICC. So I took a half day and went to a special place for peace, quiet, prayer, reading and writing (it is a special place because Melissa and I went there the day we got engaged). Things should be picking up though, Lydia comes back Thursday night (also known as today, by the time this gets posted). If finances open up (please pray they do), Rita will be coming shortly thereafter for a visit. I would really love for her to come and spend time with her in this context before my furlough next month, so join us in praying (or giving). Yeah, that’s it for now. Barikiwe!

Kingdom

2010-11-29T02:21:00.000-08:00

Resurrection, bringing life out of death
Filling up lungs, suffocation brings breath
Night time falls and still a light shines
And it consumes the darkness as we shield our eyes
We beat our tanks into tractors, guns into rakes
Discord disappears with the music we make
Out of doubt and confusion, hope will arise
We'll watch Heaven come to Earth with our very own eyes
Love overcomes hate, unity over division
The deaf will hear the music and blind receive the vision
The lame will rise up and come to their feet
And lead the parade as we dance in the street
Finally there's peace and everlasting joy
And the King will call before Him every girl, every boy
We'll delight in His presence each singing a new song
And we'll live in perfection for all eternity long
In adoring reverence we'll humbly bow
Oh, Lord Jesus, bring Your Kingdom now

Brandon Michael

April 4th, 2009