Generosity

You can say that I have a lifestyle job. It drastically affects my life and as taxing as it is at times, I absolutely love it. I remember when I was filling out some paperwork for our insurance with Hidden With Christ. As I was filling it out, Lydia came into my office and I asked her what she put for how many hours she works per week. Its kind of a hard thing to quantify, because it was  our “job” that drove us all the way to the other side of the earth in the first place. And time isn’t the only thing that my “job” affects. Read any blog from last year and you’ll see the emotional cost of this line of work. Not to mention the effect it has on close relationships that I have with people I’ve known for years. My lifestyle job has had a drastic effect on every area of my life. I wouldn’t trade it for the world, because the difficulties are only matched by the tremendous joys I experience with those around the kids, namely the kids.


Among the many areas that my job affects is our personal finances. Because of the line of work that Melissa and I are in we are forced to kind of live on the edge financially. In fact the entire operation at Hidden With Christ is a live by faith endeavor financially. We trust that God will provide and we realize that His major mode of financial transport is through generous people; most  Christians, many not. People will sometimes ask how we make money at TOA and how I get paid, in the framing of their question I can tell they seem to think that I must make “good money” or that that is one of the highlights of working in a developing country. I posture myself and highlight that we don’t have anything product that we’re producing that would return gains to us. In the strictly worldly sense, we’re a drain on the economy, outside of those Tanzanians that we employ.

Money

Welcome to Brandon’s therapy session.


Over the last couple weeks, as Snoop Doggy Dog would put it “I’ve had my mind on my money and my money on my mind.” Not just my money though, but money in general would probably be more apt. Nonetheless, I felt it was blog worthy as it is so integral to our society to the point that we come up with trite sayings like “Money makes the world go round” and what not. Not to mention money and personal finances are topics readily found throughout the Bible. It must be important. The only thing that Jesus talks about more than money in the gospel accounts is the Kingdom of God. That’s right, he talks more about money than he does about love, salvation, repentance and so on. Yeah, I’d say its quite important.


I was hanging out with Shawn the other day and we had some really good conversation as we tend to do. One of the topics, as one might suspect, was popular Christianity. Specifically we spoke at length about two individuals, one of them being Joel Osteen. He is undoubtedly the most prominent figure of the “prosperity gospel.” His book titles include Become a Better You, Its Your Time and Your Best Life Now. I don’t intend to bash another brother, I want God’s will for his life. However, I have a few reservations with the message he portrays. Mr. Osteen read the Bible and gave his life to a homeless first-century rabbi who told people to die to themselves before He Himself was tortured and murdered. Somehow, after this, Mr. Osteen landed on believing that God’s will is for us to be rich and indulge in treasures on this earth, even though they’ll rust and destroy as Jesus said they would.

When I write a book, I'm doing the same pose for the cover. Cover via Amazon

I watched a Larry King interview with Joel Osteen a while back and they showed video from his house and his church. Very big, very fancy, very expensive. He definitely lives out the gospel that he preaches. By his own definition, he has become a better him. The problem that I see with this view of money that many Christians believe in is two-fold. One, I find it unbiblical (as you could tell from the previous paragraph). I think that Mark Driscoll puts it well that when the message is “get rich, get healthy, be happy, that’s the equation… what we are saying is that as Christians we have nothing to offer that is any different from non-Christians or other religions.” Our life in Christ has the same end as that of those in the world: our own prosperity, as opposed to God’s glory. The prosperity gospel is the Christian American dream. Those are American ideals on those book covers, not biblical ideals. “Your,” its about you, its about the individual, “Best Life,” be all that you can be, humanism, health, wealth, indulgence. “Now,” immediately, don’t wait, don’t be patient, why sit down in the booth when you can get it from the drive-thru?


 Secondly, and this is the one that I’ll hit on more from my experience, I find the prosperity gospel doesn’t work out pragmatically. Do you have the kind of cash that Mr. Osteen has? It is a scary proposition when your faith is measured in dollar signs. Fortunately for Joe Christian like me, its not. I believe that God is a God of enough. He is gracious, He gives abundantly. He knows that we require some material things to survive and He has blessed not only the global church, but really the entire world with more than enough. The problem is that people (Americans for certain) horde. They don’t heed Jesus parable about the man that built the bigger barn to hold all his stuff (Luke 12:13-21). Furthermore, peoples’ eyes are bigger than their stomachs and their security and comfort become dependent on the things they own as opposed to the Lord. When this happens, some people wind up with way too much money and others, who might have faith through the roof, end up on the short end of the stick.

Radical

I had a nice long conversation on Sunday night with Melissa and I was sharing my heart as one might say. In the midst of exhaustion, a level of discouragement has been setting in from time to time as of late. I know the Lord has more for His people and yet I don’t know what to do in getting us all there. 


I’ve now been in California for over a month on this furlough. In so many ways, being here feels like one of the last places I want to be and yet I know that the Lord has me here for His own purposes. Five Sundays and six churches behind me, I’m left wanting. I have spoken at good churches full of people that I love and that God loves. Yet, there’s so much more that we could be doing, there’s so much more that we should be doing. 


I can’t tell if its wrong of me to say all this or if it would be wrong of me to not say it. Lord, help me. Shane Claiborne talks about a visit that he had to a church in Iraq. In seeing the vibrancy of the church and the amount of believers, he shares his amazement with the pastor. The pastor smirks and notes that America didn’t invent Christianity, we just domesticated it. 


Domestic gospel. We are to be the salt and light of the world, we are the bearers of the good news and our message comes across domicile. That’s wrong. It doesn’t even make sense and yet that appears to be what’s happening.   


Potential. That’s one thing that I kept repeating over and over to Melissa the other night. There is so much potential in the United States church. Do we really care about our witness or are we more interested in image management? There are some incredible ways that we could be living out our faith that would revolutionize not just our own lives but also the way that people see us. 

Himalayas Post #1 - Intentional

Written on September 2nd, 2010

We’ve safely arrived in the second country after spending about 14 hours driving here. The trip was exhaustingly long, but I was able to get a little sleep, listen to music, and finish a book then start a book. Nonetheless, by the time we rolled up to our hotel at 7:45 PM, we were ready for the day to be over. We walked into the lobby and were all taken back by how incredibly nice the hotel looked. We were all the more blown away when we got to our rooms. The girls had a laugh as I was the first to my room and was exclaiming out loud at how “legit” this place was and it was truly “off the chain” as I said. This place has free wireless internet, each room has a big Hi-Def TV, all the nice amenities that you would expect with furniture and the like. The tissue box is wrapped up like a Christmas gift for crying out loud. I can’t remember the last time I was in a nice hotel. After waking up at 3:30 in the morning and traveling all day, I was ready for a shower.

I was in the shower that had perfect temperature and water pressure and I was washing my hair with actual shampoo and conditioner for the first time in a week and a half and just enjoying the moment. I decided to release a worship song over the room and began singing. As I was in the shower I felt the Holy Spirit saying “don’t forget why you’re here.” The following thought that came to my mind was “I should sleep on the ground tonight.” I realized that the accommodations were not going to help, but rather detract, from my intercession. It was a quick thought in my mind when I first walked into the room that this could serve as a nice vacation from my work at TOA. “I’m a missionary in Africa, I can do it up here. I’ve earned it.” Such thoughts must go by the wayside when wanting to serve the Lord. Entitlement has been something that has strangled so much Christ-like life out of the American church. This life is so beautiful; the walk, the death, the resurrection, the ascension. We can follow Christ in all these things, but we get the life mixed up when we equate blessing with worldly prosperity. We must realize that the Lord’s ways are not that of the world’s, so true joy comes not from monetary affluence or comfort but rather from loving and obeying Jesus. There is nothing wrong with a comfortable bed, I in fact own one back in Moshi. But rather, if my highest calling is to love God and Jesus says the way you love Him is to obey Him (John 14:23) I must relinquish anything that would distract me from doing just that. So I gave up a comfortable bed so that I can focus on obeying Him in praying and interceding on behalf of this nation.

Sounds strange right? Have you read the actions of people in the Bible and realized the Bible heroes are indeed full of weirdos? I know that this is something I’ve mentioned before, but its worth mentioning again. Not merely as a defense of my seemingly useless action in sleeping on the floor, but rather so that we all remember that God does things that look quite strange to the natural eye. That’s why we aren’t to focus on the things that are seen, but rather those that are unseen (1 Corinthians 4:18).

Sacrifice and Selfishness

Thursday night worship this week was amazing. Before Lauren got back from furlough and even some sporadic nights since then, worship has consisted of me, Ryan and Alice. However, this week there was quite the crowd there. Dusty and Marlena had a team that came in addition to the Vanguard team that is here right now. I love the intimacy of three, but something special takes place when that many believers come in and worship in such a manner (Ryan is a very anointed worship leader). The worship led to about fifteen short sermons from various people and that led to a time of prayer and impartation.

I have the utmost respect for Lauren. There isn’t another peer of mine that I revere more. If you don’t know who I’m talking about, she was one of my housemates last summer and is in Moshi with an organization called Courage To Be You. She is preparing a home that will house girls broken out of the brothels in the region. Anyways, enough tooting her horn… she said something at worship that really struck me as true and I think diagnoses most of the ills of my generation. I’ll steal it from her, but to be honest she said she got it from a Beth Moore study.

She was speaking specifically to our generation and said that she sees our biggest ailment as unwillingness to sacrifice specifically stemming from selfishness. I concur.

Missionary

I was in my small group on Wednesday and as our discussion was wrapping up I said something (I don’t even remember what it was) and in it I referred to myself as a missionary. A friend of mine from the group, Victor, was sparked by my off hand reference and asked me to divulge further on why I referred to myself as such. He went on to say how it is his belief (which I agree with mostly) that being a missionary should be synonymous with being a Christian, so either every Christian should get the title or none should. A discussion ensued to say the least.

Why did I refer to myself as a missionary? The truth is that I typically don’t, and it is striking to think of myself as such. Growing up, the picture in my mind of a missionary was somebody going out into the middle of the Amazon, learning the language, sharing the Gospel and living there for at least twenty years straight. You know what a lot of my work detail involves? Construction paper. I use a lot of construction paper for the preschool. That isn’t what I had in mind growing up with a picture of being a missionary. I found myself explaining that its not because of my personal view of myself, but rather I’m playing off the typical American Christian mindset of what a missionary is. The way that my other friend from group, Phillip, was explaining it made sense to me and essentially there are three things that would lead me to call myself a “missionary.” 1. I live in a country that I am not native to. 2. I am here fulfilling some sort of mission that goes in line with The Great Commission (I’m in the discipleship business). 3. I am sent, supported and funded by the church I am native to, the American church. It would be accurate to say I am an Education Director which I typically follow up with, but if I were visiting the states and speaking to someone they could think Education Director at the YMCA around the corner. Whereas, those three points shape my life a lot more then the work detail itself.

Phillip’s wife Joy was talking about how when she goes back to Norway, she deliberately doesn’t say “missionary” because that will send the person’s walls up and they’ll put her in a box. That’s wise and I pray for the same discernment. I’ll try to be all things to all men on something like a title for myself (1 Corinthians 9:22). If you are an American Christian, I’m a missionary. If you don’t like that term, I’m an Education Director and Business Manager. If you’re not a believer, I’m a humanitarian worker. Above all those, I’m a father.

The following day I was emailing my South African friend Portia (here’s your shout out, sister) and she was responding to my previous post and my thoughts on short-term missions. She went on to talk about her belief that some Christians are called to hang with the kids on their own block and work the soup kitchens in their own neighborhood. I totally agree. Victor had asked me if I would consider all Christians to be missionaries and I replied conditionally. I said in calling, yes, all Christians are called to be missionaries. But in actuality, no, not all who call themselves Christian live like they’re on a mission.

The Lord’s ways are higher than mine and yours. I feel from time to time the things that I speak of sound like I am firmly on one side or another of an old Christian debate (all my Calvinists say ‘hey’ all my free-willers say ‘ho’). The following is such a comment, but I humbly say I don’t know how the big picture works exactly. I do believe that we as Christians miss out on things that the Lord had planned for us to do. I mentioned this idea towards the end of my blog last week also. John Piper’s book Don’t Waste Your Life was largely focused on this idea that we don’t waste our life, fitting title right? He shares a story of this man who has lived most of his life and comes to the Lord for the first time. While he is now saved, he repeatedly says “I’ve wasted it, I’ve wasted it.” He wasted so much of his life. Praise God his life wasn’t over right then, but that is a tough thing to look back on. All the worse I believe, if we were saved a long time ago, but kept the Holy Spirit bottled up and kept our salvation in our pocket instead of sharing it. Don’t hide it under a bushel now.

So okay then I’m a missionary missionary. I’m a missionary (because I’m a Christian) missionary (because I live a mission in a foreign country and am supported by the church) and what effect does that have on my life? Those three points I mentioned earlier have a profound impact on my life and what I am able to do and what I choose to do with my life. I inherently don’t see friends and family, because I live in a country that I’m not native to. I have to be ultra focused on my mission because its what the Lord has called me to and anything else here would be a waste. But its that third thing that came up again this week.

For those of you that saw one of my most commented on FB status updates, you know that I have tickets to a game for the World Cup. I have played soccer since I was five and love to watch it as well. I remember the last World Cup in Germany and was so stoked on it. One of my favorite mini games during soccer practice growing up was even called “World Cup.” There’s a contest Coca-Cola is doing down here that has all these Tanzanians checking their soda bottle caps to see if they won tickets to a game down there. Yeah, its kind of a big deal and I have tickets. Some volunteers that are here were planning on being down there in South Africa during the tournament, but can’t go so they gave the tickets to me and Lauren. Needless to say I was flipping out when Lauren first told me. Well if only it were that simple… Lauren has been contacting people, I’ve been contacting people and going online and the cheapest plane tickets out of Kilimanjaro are over $700 and the cheaper option is taking a bus up to Nairobi first (an 8 hour bus ride) and flying out of there for $634. Unless something happens, it doesn’t look like we’re going.

The truth is that I could spend $700 on a plane ticket, my finances would take a hit, but its feasible. The Lord has been gracious to me over the last couple months and I‘m not in the spot I was in back in February. Between my friend taking the load off of me with my credit card plus my parents giving me $400 for my birthday last month, $700 is feasible. I don’t see myself pulling the trigger on it though. It is against my personal nature of living minimally. I know that the Lord owns all things, plane tickets, money whatever. So if I’ve wanted something, I’ve prayed for it and He’s provided for me that way. I definitely live with less than the average 24 year old American but I’m satisfied and my most expensive things are not things that I’ve paid anything for, because He’s provided for me. Between that and the whole “missionary” thing I can’t do it. My supporters are wonderful, amazing people. They gave to Hidden With Christ towards my personal support and I can’t justify taking that money and spending $700+ on a three day trip to South Africa.

What point is there in me telling you all that? I wish I had some great moral of the story but the following will have to suffice. Because I live on a mission, I have to remain focused. Every action I perform has a repercussion and I want every action of mine to honor God. Last night a good Christian Tanzanian woman who runs another children’s home here, was encouraging me to go through with the decision and just spend the $700. She talked about how I’m a prince and since I’ve put God first and am fulfilling His mission here, its okay for me to spend some money on something I like. I am a prince and I do need to give myself grace sometimes to do things like that. I love my supporters and I know they love me, because they love me I’m sure they’ll email me or comment telling me its okay to go down there. I appreciate your love and your support. However that’s only one of three pieces in this (how Trinitarian am I being today?).

The second piece is this… I may be a prince and I may be able to afford it, but there are other things that $700 could go towards and advance the Kingdom. There are children that are going to starve tonight. Even TOA has some big financial needs right now. In light of the suffering around me, I couldn’t bring myself to be that rich white person that flies down to South Africa for a few days to catch a World Cup match. The third piece is a realization of faith in my Father, the King. He owns all the money, all the airlines, everything. I don’t need to spend anything. I can use that money for a need of another and He can still provide me a way to South Africa if that’s what He wants. So I’m not throwing away an opportunity of a life time, but I’m just going to completely leave it in His hands and ask for His will.

You are a missionary. I’m not being corny, I’m not being cliché. Whether you live in California, South Africa or wherever, you are called to fulfill a specific mission that the Lord has put before you. You are called to not waste your time and to not lose focus. You are called to the person standing in front of you and to advance His Kingdom in your sphere of influence. Don’t let this roll of your mind because you’ve heard it before in some fashion. If this rolls of your mind and you haven’t been living out the mission, you are going to continue in wasteful living. This probably doesn’t look like moving to a foreign country (although it could). It does, however, look like difficulty, looks like sacrifice, looks like fulfillment, looks like purpose. Be so bold as to fulfill the mission that He’s put before you. He will give you the grace for all such things, for this we give praise.

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The Rundown: Related to the things that I spoke of but also not, I’ve felt a bit of a heaviness this week. Earlier this week, I truly found myself to be bored one afternoon. Along with that is a lack of motivation that comes from time to time. Its hard out here guys and I feel like I’m not understanding much a lot of the time. Its been good to have some reflective prayer though and I trust that the Lord is at work with something. On worship on Thursday, I was just realizing that I need a rest of some sort. I’ve been at TOA everyday since language school ended in January. I get caught up in my work and want to do it well and this is the most significant work of my life so I want to be there always. Also, a weekend would be the best time to break, but that’s the only time that Awadhi’s home, so I’m still there doing one thing or another. Anyways, other than that, the NMC team is gone and the Vanguard team is here. I saw a friend from the team, but not the whole team yet. They’re coming to TOA tomorrow (Saturday) so that should be cool. Today was good. I picked Awadhi up from school and had a good conversation with his Headmistress and she was telling me how well he’s doing. I also told her that I’m interested in hiring a tutor so hopefully that bears some fruit. After that, all the little ones were on a walk, the lower elementary kids were doing homework and the older kids were at school still so Awadhi and I just went out and played by ourselves. We played soccer and I’m trying to get him ready to start playing in the big games with the older kids. I know he’s little, but he’s athletic like his dad. After that we shot hoop and he was knocking down granny shots from ten or twelve feet back so I showed him how to shoot normal and he started making those from close range. Then he did the ultimate copy-dad and shot it over the backboard and made it twice. It reminded me of playing horse with my dad growing up and was definitely a highlight of my week. Other than that, I got back to pick-up soccer now that teams are gone and nothing was going on today. It is a lot of fun to get out there and mix it up with all those Tanzanians. Wow, long rundown. Don’t worry, I’m done now.

Time

Birthdays always seem to get a person thinking about their lives and how they’ve been spending their time. For us as believers it poses a perfect time for us to reflect on our lives in the last year and point to God’s faithfulness in that time. Such was the case for me this week.

I am no longer 23. I have officially entered my mid-twenties. On Thursday, I was thinking how I spent my 23rd birthday. I was in the dumps a bit actually. A girl I had been dating and I broke up the week before and so went my plans for my birthday. The big highlight ended up being going out with some of my guy friends to ESPN Zone to watch the Dodgers game and I actually think they lost. That was the day that started my year as a 23 year old; the year that definitely saw the most change in my life. I moved from Costa Mesa to Moshi to Long Beach back to Moshi and here I am.

That same woman, who I remain close friends with, emailed me this week and asked me for my thoughts on that season in our lives. I enjoyed thinking back, but now it all seems so odd and distant. Well, okay, that was my last year in Costa Mesa, I struggled with feelings towards this person and I was working this job and I was going to this church, my final year rooming with Josh and Cody. Yeah, that was a good time in my life, but its gone and things will never be like that again. Do I wish some things of that season were still a part of my current life? Totally! I’ve never had roommates that I laughed with and grew with like Josh and Cody. I’d love to have that again. I’d love to have many parts of my past to be parts of my present.

You know what I remember about that time? Alta. With Clesi, with Ash, with whoever. I remember the sights and smells of preaching and doing evangelism at Newport Pier. I remember getting calloused fingers for the first time while learning to play guitar. I remember songs from worship times with my life group. That’s where I was when I turned 23. Isn’t it funny how all these different aspects of our physical lives are linked together? Like a certain song brings you back to such and such time or reminds you of this person. Blue Fruitopia (do they still make that?) is forever linked to my freshman year of high school and I get sad with any similar smell because that was a lonely time for me. Amos Lee’s self-titled album is linked to my internship in Moshi, it brings back memories of my roommates and the excitement of getting hired at TOA, whereas Matthew Mayfield makes me somber as I found his music during a very hard and sad time in my life. The Lord constructed us to remember things and remember His faithfulness in every season of our lives.

In all our reflection, we should be sure to evaluate our effectiveness for the Kingdom and take note of what God was doing in that time. God’s movement of course can look so different from person to person, same with the advancement of His Kingdom. Maybe the last year His Kingdom and His Spirit was expanding in your life personally and this next year will see the fruit affecting the lives of the people around you. Or maybe, the Lord spent the last year radically using you and changing you and the Kingdom grew because He chose you. Or maybe, you spent the last year sitting on your hands, trying to see if you could get the coolest new gadget, that significant other you‘ve been longing for, or any other arbitrary thing that pulled you away from what the Lord was trying to do.

I am 24. Our lives are short. Its funny how we always want to think about the future and how we hope things will be. Typically that goes about five years in the future, we’d like to be there because then we’ll have our spouse, our own house, our family, our own business, our whatever. We don’t like to look to the future that is fifty years from now. The truth is that those things you plan on having in five years may be further than you expect and that fifty years is coming quicker than any of us realize. In fifty years, I may very well be dead. It wouldn’t even have to be anything particularly tragic or odd. I’d be in my seventies, people just die in their seventies. If I am just an average man, I’ve essentially lived a third of my life and yet in so many ways, I feel as though my life has just started.

How morbid of me, the Lord has given me another year completed in my life and I’m talking about death. I’m not trying to be morbid or foreboding, but it is biblical to realize that our time on this earth is fleeting, a mere vapor in the wind (James 4:14). So how are we spending our time? Are we capturing every moment for the glory of God or are we just trying to keep our heads afloat? Are we intentionally seeking to enjoy our time in accordance with His spiritual fruit of joy and peacefulness? Or are we constantly longing, even lusting, after whatever thing we think will satisfy, therein driving us to the point of misery? When your life is said and done will people be able to tell that you existed? If so is it because you made a positive impact or is it because you became an infamous waste of God’s creation?

Our tendency is often to look to mediocrity. I don’t have to be like Mother Theresa, so long as I don’t become like Hitler. You’ll have to forgive me, I’m a bit of an idealist, but I would hope that more people would strive to reach levels of goodness and worth-living life that would reflect that of a saint like Mother Theresa. But rather than trying to be like her, lets try to be like the Guy that was her inspiration and walk in the same Spirit that empowered her. Let’s live our lives in front of God and only look for His satisfaction in us. Mother Theresa did that. I feel like much of the world missed out on her passing because it was overshadowed by the wasteful death of Princess Diana around the same time. But that wouldn’t matter to Momma T for one second, because she didn’t spend her time thinking about publicity or what people thought and noticed about her. She lived her life and spent her time with her eyes on her Creator and the life to come.

I don’t want to waste my time on earth. I don’t want to get old and look back and see a garage full of cars and realize its all vanity. I don’t want to wait for tomorrow to be great in God’s sight, because tomorrow might not even come. I don’t know how much time I have on this earth, but I know that whatever time He gives me, that time is important and I should use it wisely. I realize this is only a vapor in the light of eternity. I realize that “the Christians who did the most for the present world were precisely those who thought most of the next” (C.S. Lewis) I thank the Lord for the last 24 years. I pray that He is glorified in me today and that I can focus on Him and Heaven so that I don’t waste the moments He gives me.

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The Rundown: My birthday was very blessed and memorable. I started off the day at devotion and Jodie prompted people to do affirmations for me and I was affirmed by Eli, a few of our workers and one of our kids Irene, then everyone prayed for me. My parents gave me some money and after an ordeal for a few days, I was able to download a really sweet editor that I will be using to get quality videos of me and the kids out to all of you. Lyd and Jodie took me out for lunch which was nice. We also celebrated altogether at TOA where we ate cookies the older boys had made the night before and Mary prayed a blessing over me. I had a good time of English Bible teaching with the Form One students. And that night I had dinner at the Helblings and Lauren made a cake for us to enjoy after worship. A very blessed day overall. The only other two things would be that Friday, I played pickup soccer for the first time with a bunch of Tanzanians and that was fun. Playing with Tanzanians is similar to playing with Mexicans, which is what I’m used to. Its like they’re good, but its not like they’re necessarily better than me and I just have to get used to speaking in a language other than English. Tanzanians don’t celebrate as much though, I will say that. I scored my team’s only goal. I will be preaching at Pastor Unity’s on Sunday and will be bringing Innocent and Awadhi with me which will be great. I’ve preached there before and I really love Pastor and his wife Grace, who is like my right hand at TOA. That’s it!

Wow, I think my blogs keep getting longer and longer…