Trust: Revisited

Melissa and I are approaching a crossroads. Only three weeks ago, we had the biggest day of our life and now just a short time later we are preparing to re-launch into missionary work in Tanzania. It is a full-plate to be sure and difficult to take it all in. I feel like life just flies by and none more than the last six months. The traveling unsettledness and living out of our suitcases has been far from ideal, but its been the only way that we could see loved ones (though there are still people that we really need to hang out with!) and accomplish the things that we needed to do. And in the midst of it all, somehow we managed to get married a few Saturdays ago and will be in Tanzania in no time.


People keep asking us about when we’ll be heading back to Tanzania. All along we’ve been telling people that we were looking at the first week of July and that is still the plan as far as we know. We got all of the stuff for Melissa’s name change submitted, but are waiting on her new passport to come back. There’s nothing more we can do. Rita has itineraries picked out, but we have to wait to pull the trigger on them because they need Melissa’s new passport info. All the while, Melissa and I seem to be in this odd holding pattern. We had been telling people that our last commitment was Melissa’s friend’s wedding on June 24th, news flash, that’s tomorrow. All of a sudden, not only are we bouncing around and trying to get stuff done, but we could return to Tanzania at what seems to be the drop of a hat.


I had to take a day this week and fast for Melissa. Please be praying for my wife. She’s such a strong woman, but this is a whole new kind of weight on her. She knows what the Lord has been calling her to since she was 16, but it doesn’t change the emotional strain and the huge sacrifice that comes with leaving everything you’ve every truly known to move to the mission field in a foreign land. I didn’t help the situation much early on as I assumed the role of killjoy and devil’s advocate telling her of all the extraordinary difficulties of living on the mission field without emphasizing that the incredible lows are accentuated by the incredible (and incredibly simple) joys. I know she’s going to do great, but it’s certainly a tall order. I can only imagine what it feels like for her to be starting a month by getting married and ending it with moving for the long-term indefinite future to a foreign country. Talk about transitions!


Its during these times of trial and transition that we learn to trust. Not only do we learn to trust but we learn what or who it is that we trust in. If you trust in your country and its government entities, you trust that its “safety net” will catch you if you lose your job. If you invest a lot of money into your retirement plan, you’re trusting that it will be there when you get to the age of 55 (or 65 as it’s looking like more and more these days). If you get emotionally and physically connected to your boyfriend or girlfriend, you are trusting that they are going to be there for you forever, no matter what.


The problem with each of those things is that our trust, our reliance, is on something that is not automatically secure. They may seem secure, but looks can often be deceiving. How many stories have we heard in the last couple years of people that thought their financial future was secure and then all of a sudden, they’re up a creek without a paddle? How many people have you heard with those awful break-up stories where they’re just destroyed because their loved one left them? Everybody has had something or someone that they relied in a major way give out or give up on them. Our trust, our very faith, was tied up in that and then it’s just gone.

Image by Thorne Enterprises via Flickr

At the end of Matthew 7, as Jesus is wrapping up His most famous sermon (the one on the mount as we say), He tells a parable to encourage the people to follow all the things He just spoke. He talks about two men who were building houses. In verses 24-27, He says,

“whoever hears these sayings of Mine, and does them [trust in action], I will liken him to a wise man who built his house on the rock: and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it did not fall, for it was founded on the rock. But everyone who hears these sayings of Mine, and does not do them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand: and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it fell. And great was its fall.” (parentheses mine)

It is easy for us as Christians to say that our trust is in Jesus and that we are “on the rock,” but it would be unwise of us to act as though there aren’t countless things that are vying for our trust and faith in this world; things that seem secure as the rock is secure - sand posing as synthetic rocks if you will. When that storm hits and certain structures that we’ve built on the sand start falling down, we begin to have no other option but to cling to the rock. We then learn to start building there more. We start to learn what trust actually looks like.


Its interesting that the previous post I wrote called “Trust” was dealing with the potential of me staying in the states for the first half of 2011 and now I (and Melissa as well) are learning trust again as we prepare to head back to Moshi. Another angle this time around is that we aren’t only having to trust in God for all the things across every physical, spiritual, emotional and relational facet, but we are having to do it from a place where we feel more distant from God then we typically do. There are of course a hundred and one different theologies of what is actually happening during spiritual times like these. Our hearts are confused as to why the distance seems to be present and our heads can’t understand what caused it or why we can’t get back on board with the Lord. It sucks and makes us all the more blind to what’s actually going to happen. Our adversary doesn’t waste the opportunity to try and discourage us, driving us to immeasurable tears and countless questions. Not fun.


Its times like these that all we can do is call our emotions into alignment with the Lord’s word and move forward blindly trusting Him who sent us. That’s a scary notion. Moving forward blindly. Such a notion seems like absolute foolishness to the world, but the gospel itself is foolishness to the world (1 Corinthians 1:18).


Who do you trust? If you’re a believer, I’m sure you would quickly answer Christ. If that’s the case, and I hope it is, how does your life reflect your trust in Him? Do you have every worldly security known to man? At what expense? What does relational security look like to you? If any given loved one (or most of them) suddenly left or became far less involved, would you be okay with just you and God? He promises to be enough. He has created you and proven Himself trustworthy. If He nonetheless feels distant, are you going to go ahead with the word that He spoke to you previously? Are you going to follow His biblical principles even though He seems aloof? Who do you trust?


My family is at a crossroads and are in need of our God to come through. We trust that He will, for this we give praise.

A Look Back... A Look Ahead

It seemed fitting to do an end of 2010 blog post. This was without a doubt, quite clearly and unequivocally the most life altering year of my life. The Lord has shown Himself to be faithful to me over and over again and for this I must testify...

2010

• January ~ I left my home that was the good ol' U.S. of A. and journeyed to Tanzania to take up my position at Treasures of Africa Children's Home. The tears of leaving friends and family behind were many, but the refreshment of landing in Kilimanjaro and knowing I was in the center of God's will for me was my strength. Loneliness begins to take hold of me during my three weeks at language school, detached not only from my loved ones in the states, but also my kids in Moshi for most of the week and away from significant Christian fellowship.
• February ~ My work formally starts at TOA as I finish language school. I take Awadhi to church for the first time on the first Sunday of the month and return with an interesting Facebook message from a young woman named Melissa. She seems to feel called to work at TOA; one of the bigger storylines of the year (or life if you will) truly ensues.
• March ~ I find fellowship with a short term team of other Christians my age and don't waste the opportunity to try and show off my missional long-term-ness for the first time. 
• April ~ I spend my birthday in Tanzania and it is far different than any other I've ever had. I was blessed by those friends here in Moshi and everyone at TOA. My favorite was receiving birthday greetings from my life group in Costa Mesa who managed to bring me to tears thousands of miles away.  
• May ~ My first (and truly my only time thus far) having Rita Tanzania-side. It was a refreshing time as she came along with a team that really blessed us. I received meaningful inner healing prayer from them as well. The summer wave of teams continued and I was able to meet many new people. 
• June ~ My close friend Ryan who was a significant mentor and help this year had his interns here who provided for me the closest community that I experienced this year. I was very blessed by all of them. I became a leader and elder at ICC, my church here in Moshi; the youngest elder in the history of the church.
• July ~ I met my future wife face to face for the first time the same day that my first friend from the states, Kelli, came to visit me. I began upping my prayers in regards to if anything would happen with this Melissa girl and then stuff started happening.
• August ~ I got engaged after a turbulent few weeks of courtship. At times I felt like I was crazy, but throughout it the Lord was helping me to see His hand in it all along the way. I spent the end of the month in Darjeeling, India ministering with friends and family and seeing the Lord move in powerful ways.
• September ~ I started off the month in the Himalayas and ministered there amongst people that are not supposed to be the followers of the Way that they are. I returned to Moshi the second week and began my final season of the year. Soon, Lauren and Lydia left as well and I realized just how empty my normal Moshi community was at this point. Luckily, Melissa and I were able to begin skyping frequently. I also began four months of acting worship pastor at ICC and was stretched in ministry in new ways.
• October ~ I spent the first 21 days of October doing a juice only fast. The Lord did a good work, but it wasn't all intense like I thought it would be. He increased my faith and my desire for Him and those are obviously worth the fasting. I also saw breakthrough in my relationship and conversations with Melissa. 
• November ~ I struggled in my writing and feelings of insecurity came up that I didn't realize were present. A time of testing was in full swing as the Lord brought up and began to rid out false feelings and sins that were in me. 
• December ~ I took a break from my beloved blog and didn't write for three weeks. The Lord brought me to a place of repentance and refocus. The preparation for my furlough began.

The Lord was faithful this year and I praise Him for all that He did.  I leave in just over a week for my first furlough. I don't really know how to navigate being away from the kids for that long. The main reason that I didn't write much about them above is because they haven't changed; they've been my constant, they've been my comfort over the last year. In any hard time that I fell into, a hug, a kiss, a word, a laugh, a smile, anything from any of my children would lift my spirit. They are the reason the Lord has called me here and for that I am eternally grateful to Him. He has shown Himself to me in a new way this year and I'm not the same man that left the states a year ago.

2011 is shaping up to be just as crazy for me. I do leave for my furlough in just over a week and plenty of nutty stuff will happen. I'll get to see friends and family that I haven't seen in a long while. I'll get to try my hand at being a real missionary state-side, complete with all the fundraising (or marketing if you will) that it entails. I'll get to prepare for my wedding for the first five months and then get married to an incredibly godly woman on June 4th. Along with that, I get to navigate through countless people that seem to think that they're invited to our wedding until then (we've only got about 215 spots, people, and Melissa's got a big family!). After our wedding (the sooner the better), I'll be relaunched out of the states, this time with my wife by my side. I'm already looking forward to that and whatever the Lord may bring after it... to Him be the glory for it all.

Desire

Having ended the fast in the last half hour (first thing in my mouth was a spoonful of peanut butter, in case you were wondering), there are so many different things that I can write about, because the Lord was definitely at work in the fast. I’m going to try to roll up several of them into this post and share what the Lord has done.

I have this tendency towards idle productivity. I notice this at my house first and foremost. At my house, there’s not a whole lot to do. I don’t have a TV, I don’t have a DVD drive on my computer (or a single DVD for that matter), I don’t have internet at my house and I don’t have anyone to talk to aside from the Lord and if I’m feeling delusional, any of the various lizards that come in to visit me. Because of that, I try to toil in the interest of growing spiritually. How many pod casts can I listen to tonight? How many chapters will I read in my book? Will I master any new worship songs on the guitar? All of these are good things, but I find that my mindset isn’t always coming from the best angle.

Sin

Last week as I was in the hospital room, sitting at Awadhi‘s bed, I had a thought that was resounding in my head. You hear so many statistics about the ways disease and death ravage third world countries, specifically sub-Saharan Africa. As I was there in that room at Kilimanjaro Christian Medical Center, those numbers grew faces again as I realize that there are children in this ward that aren’t going to come out. I heard the cries of a family mourning just outside of Awadhi’s room in the hallway; a woman crying out loud over some child’s death, possibly hers. And this thought was resounding in my head: “Why don’t we realize the impact of our sin?”

This world has a major problem. This world is in sin. The impact of that results in all the woes that you can think of in this world. You name the ailment and its source is in sin; disease, dissatisfaction, shame, poverty, loneliness, death. When Adam and Eve chose to disobey God, which is the definition of sin, the consequences were severe and every aspect of their lives were changed as shame, poverty and death entered the world.

Plans

“A man’s heart plans his way; But the Lord directs his steps” Proverbs 16:9

A seemingly common thing that Lydia and I have discussed both in regards to my time at TOA as well as the concept in general is that we as people love to try and figure things out in our heads. We love to plan and scheme and think how we’ll get ourselves in this position and then we can perform this task and so on. Perhaps one of the biggest things that living in Tanzania is teaching me, is that doing that is quite useless.

There was a time in my life when I was planning. I was planning a lot of things. I had one year left at Vanguard and I had a plan, a pretty good one I thought. I loved living in southern California, I loved working with kids, I loved my current schooling, I loved the girl I was a dating. Taking all those things, I came up with a good plan. I would finish my schooling, get engaged, get my teaching credential, get married, start teaching and settle down in sunny southern California. I planned from my heart, then the Lord directed me elsewhere.

Fasting

From time to time, I have friends that will ask me about my take on fasting, if you will. For those friends, this one’s for you… and its also for me.

It wasn’t until my junior year of college, at the age of 20, that I had my first fast. Somewhat surprising due to the fact that I had accepted the Lord when I was in preschool; it shouldn’t take a believer 16 years to get around to a part of the Christian walk that is so vital and helpful. For that year of schooling, I set aside every Thursday to fast and then it would be ended after my Thursday night prayer meeting. That year was definitely a growing year for me as I found out more about fasting; physically, theologically and emotionally.

My head always wants to make sense of these things and make it into a formula. I remember driving to work one Thursday, profoundly frustrated with my fast and whether or not I was “doing it the right way.” The thing that made sense in my mind was to add an element to this particular formula of Thursday fasts. I prayed to the Lord in my frustration and asked “What do you want? Do you want me to just not end it late Thursday night and just go to sleep to end it in the morning?” “No!” He replied instantly. I was quite taken back, because I thought that was the part that I, quite grudgingly, would need to add. He instead talked to me that He didn’t want that, He wanted my heart. So its not some religious practice that I have to do out of obligation? No, it’s a way that our hearts become rendered to His heart and that’s what moves the stuff around us.

Fighting

I find myself in an interesting spot of my life and an interesting spot of my first year on the missionary field. Its quite unique and I can honestly say that I’ve never been in any situation like this one.

The Lord has done an incredible amount of drastic life changing experiences over the last two months. As I sat at my house in February, March and April writhing from loneliness some of the time, I dreamed about all that would take place over the coming summer. Ryan would have all these teams come out and more importantly his interns; I would have a group of friends actually close to my age. Eventually, Melissa was on board to come out and help at Global-EFFECT and that led to a whole new level of dreaming, knowing that she was feeling called to TOA and could potentially be that one woman I’ve been waiting for. Then the second half of May came, the NMC team came with my friend Tyler, then the VU team with my friend Denny and the first intern Dalila, then Nick and Taylor came out, then the Lord put India on my heart, then Melissa and Kelli came, then I realized the magnitude of what God was doing in my relationship with Melissa, then I got engaged (a month ago today), then Melissa left, then I left for Asia, then I had an amazing and anointed time there. And now I’m back. The summer is so officially over, its not funny at all.

Himalayas Post #1 - Intentional

Written on September 2nd, 2010

We’ve safely arrived in the second country after spending about 14 hours driving here. The trip was exhaustingly long, but I was able to get a little sleep, listen to music, and finish a book then start a book. Nonetheless, by the time we rolled up to our hotel at 7:45 PM, we were ready for the day to be over. We walked into the lobby and were all taken back by how incredibly nice the hotel looked. We were all the more blown away when we got to our rooms. The girls had a laugh as I was the first to my room and was exclaiming out loud at how “legit” this place was and it was truly “off the chain” as I said. This place has free wireless internet, each room has a big Hi-Def TV, all the nice amenities that you would expect with furniture and the like. The tissue box is wrapped up like a Christmas gift for crying out loud. I can’t remember the last time I was in a nice hotel. After waking up at 3:30 in the morning and traveling all day, I was ready for a shower.

I was in the shower that had perfect temperature and water pressure and I was washing my hair with actual shampoo and conditioner for the first time in a week and a half and just enjoying the moment. I decided to release a worship song over the room and began singing. As I was in the shower I felt the Holy Spirit saying “don’t forget why you’re here.” The following thought that came to my mind was “I should sleep on the ground tonight.” I realized that the accommodations were not going to help, but rather detract, from my intercession. It was a quick thought in my mind when I first walked into the room that this could serve as a nice vacation from my work at TOA. “I’m a missionary in Africa, I can do it up here. I’ve earned it.” Such thoughts must go by the wayside when wanting to serve the Lord. Entitlement has been something that has strangled so much Christ-like life out of the American church. This life is so beautiful; the walk, the death, the resurrection, the ascension. We can follow Christ in all these things, but we get the life mixed up when we equate blessing with worldly prosperity. We must realize that the Lord’s ways are not that of the world’s, so true joy comes not from monetary affluence or comfort but rather from loving and obeying Jesus. There is nothing wrong with a comfortable bed, I in fact own one back in Moshi. But rather, if my highest calling is to love God and Jesus says the way you love Him is to obey Him (John 14:23) I must relinquish anything that would distract me from doing just that. So I gave up a comfortable bed so that I can focus on obeying Him in praying and interceding on behalf of this nation.

Sounds strange right? Have you read the actions of people in the Bible and realized the Bible heroes are indeed full of weirdos? I know that this is something I’ve mentioned before, but its worth mentioning again. Not merely as a defense of my seemingly useless action in sleeping on the floor, but rather so that we all remember that God does things that look quite strange to the natural eye. That’s why we aren’t to focus on the things that are seen, but rather those that are unseen (1 Corinthians 4:18).

India Post #1 - Around You

Do we realize the realities that are going on around us at every moment?


I got on the flight from Nairobi to Dubai and was going about my business as normal. Joking with the Tanzanian girls in Swahili, trying to look as American as possible, looking forward to the in-flight movie and the good food. I sit down in my chair and browse what movies are going to be showing while we are in the air. “Iron Man 2, haven’t seen it, heard good stuff, yeah I’ll watch it.” My screen wasn’t working and I decide that if it doesn’t work then I’ll grit my teeth, smile and choose to read, pray, intercede and prepare a sermon. I tell the attendant my screen isn’t working and leave it in the hands of God. Does He want me to watch this cool movie or feed myself spiritually and engage the lives of the people around me? If it comes down to what He wants it could just be a coin flip, right? She resets my screen and after missing the first ten minutes, I get to watch the rest of the movie. Good movie.


It finishes and I decide to finish my chapter in the book that I mentioned in the previous post. I can’t even finish the chapter without the Holy Spirit calling me to intercession.

Kingdom

There are a lot of people in this world. Furthermore there are a lot of people that don’t know Christ, a lot of Christians sitting on their hands, a lot of people who are open to listen, a lot who aren’t and each person is on some sort of journey that we hope ends with them in the eternal Kingdom of Heaven.

I moved here because I wanted to advance the Kingdom and I wanted to obey the Lord’s voice that Tanzania is where I’m supposed to be. He has been gracious to bestow upon me the position of teacher, elder, leader and above all father. I didn’t come here on a whim and I’m certainly not leaving on one, much less anytime soon. Tanzania is where the Lord has planted me for a while to advance His Kingdom. First and foremost, with the Treasures, but His Kingdom isn’t confined to TOA. It may advance at ICC, any other church I speak at or attend, it could advance through our worship nights, through my conversations with my friends, or with George, the old guy that hangs out by the bread shop that I’ve gotten to pray with before. Nor is my work in His Kingdom confined to Tanzania.

I’ve been so blessed by some wonderful encouragements from people back in the states that have said that the blogs and other things I’m putting out are encouraging them in their own faith. For all my complaining about close friends that don’t read my blogs (my apologies), I’m truly humbled by those of you that have told me how the Lord has used the writings in your life. It is a blessing to me to know that He is still using me in any small way back in my home country, because Americans are still close to my heart and my desire is to see Americans, especially those of my generation, completely sell out for the Lord and His business. And yet, that’s not really the country I’m getting at in this particular post…

Voice

I’ve reached a point where enough is enough. I’m not bitter, I’m not upset with the Lord. He has been more than gracious with me over the last several months. He has guided and directed me and I don’t doubt that I’m doing at least some of what He wants. I know for certain that I’m where He wants me today. And yet I want more and I want to hear His voice on new levels and in new ways.

When I accepted this position last summer (hard to believe its been a year already), my life sped up to new speeds that I wasn’t previously aware of. One thing led to another and I was simultaneously being called to Long Beach for a season and Moshi for the long term. I have never had so much on my mind and that hasn’t just let off, because I’m here now. Quite the opposite actually, each day seems to bring something new to ponder and get stuffed into my already active mind. Huge questions like wondering if such a woman exists that would both work well in ministry with me and would actually be called here or wondering the big time table of my life here in Tanzania are the setting for all the small questions that come into play daily like what am I going to teach the preschoolers tomorrow and how am I going to get somewhere tonight if I only have the motorbike. My mind has been going non-stop at a fast pace for a long while now.

With all of these things going on between my ears, it can be very easy to have the voice of God crowded out and take a backseat to whatever passing thought resides in the driver’s seat. I said last week in regards to my relationship with/adoption of Awadhi that “I don’t want to waste my time doing something that He’s not speaking.” That’s true. For the Lord, speaking and doing are one and the same. Think about the creation account or watching His hand move throughout the Bible. If He is completely faithful, completely honest, the Spirit of Truth Himself, He can’t say something that isn’t going to happen. The action and the word aren’t merely hand-in-hand, they are one and the same. If I want to make sure I’m acting as the Lord wants I have to be able to hear His voice as it matches up with His written word.

Something Big

The more I talk to people that are around my age, the more I hear their passion and how they feel that the Lord is going to do “something big” with their lives to advance His Kingdom. “Well, right now I flip burgers at In’n’Out (oh, how I miss that place), but I feel like the Lord is going to use me to preach around the world… or I want to start a homeless shelter… or I want run an orphanage… or I want to (fill in the blank)”

I think about this and it seems to be that one of two things are happening. Either one, it is a perfectly normal thing that happens when people are in there twenties and at some point they’ll stumble across a good paying job, fall in love, get married and live a “normal” life, which is sweet and option one. Or two, there is something special about my generation (as opposed to The Who’s generation) and we’re going to move the world in unheard of and radical ways for Christ.

I like to look at the people in the Bible and see how they served the Lord. Each one is so unique. Paul was an anointed preacher, writer and theologian and the Lord used him to add many people to the His family. There has never been another Paul, but some people have walked in a similar anointing and calling in their lives. Same with Peter, Moses and David. People that have these amazing roles in the story of God. They are righteous leaders that the Lord used in amazing ways.

It is my firm belief that the Lord wants to use every single person in big ways. “Big” can of course look very different from person to person and calling to calling. I named some of the more renowned leaders in the Bible, but there were other people that the Lord used in huge ways. Think about Noah, he loved the Lord, and God told him to build a boat, a really big boat, but a boat all the same. In faith, Noah did what the Lord asked him to do, the Lord brought animals and it led to the preservation of mankind. Or Nehemiah, he was an anointed leader, but it looked totally different. He motivated and led the demoralized Israelites to rebuild the walls of Jerusalem. He was a builder, previously a cupbearer. Not a king, not a prophet, not a priest. The Lord used him tremendously all the same. How about Mary? She is so admired throughout the Christian eras. What did she do? She was faithful to the Lord and what He told her to do. She did “something big” for one Person and that one Person went on to pay the price and overcome death on behalf of all of humankind.

There are people that the Lord uses to run these huge orphanages and they positively affect the lives of so many African children. Praise God for that its Him using them in their something big. We have 26 kids right now. Our something big is blessing the children He gives us. At the end of Crazy Love, Francis Chan tells the story of a woman who came to Tanzania for a short term deal, but was so moved by the poverty and devastation here that she had to do “something big” for someone. So she delayed her return home, until she, a young single woman, could adopt one child and do “something big” for that one person.

No matter the calling, these people had one thing in common… obedience. The Lord chose them and their calling. Think about how each of these Bible people came to the Lord. Paul killed Christians and Jesus appeared to him on a road and soon began obedience to Him. Peter a lowly fisherman obeyed Jesus’ simple words “follow me.” Moses was just an old dude chillin’ in the desert and the Lord spoke to Him as a burning bush and told him what to do, Moses, somewhat reluctantly, obeyed Him. David, the youngest son, a mere shepherd. Mary, a teenager. You catch my drift. Each person had a humble background and the Lord chose for them to do “something big” in myriad ways. In the same way, you aren’t too old, too young, too married, too single, too settled into your job, too whatever to have God do something big through you.

We have a boy named Raymond. I love Ray so much. He is an amazing nine year old. Ray is an orphan in one of the poorest nations in the world. You know what though? He believes in God and he believes that God can do anything. You know what Ray wants to do? He wants to become an advisor to the president of Tanzania. He is in fourth grade and that’s what is on his heart. The Tanzanian government is an incredibly corrupt entity, having a godly man advising the president could help change the course of the entire nation. We pray that Ray continues to walk in the ways of the Lord and trust that as He does, the Lord will do something big through him.

For Ray and for anyone, it’ll take obedience. So Ray tries hard in school. He gave me a stack of his recent exams so we can track how he does and help him achieve his education. Ray practices his English and is excelling past even some of the kids that are older than him. Ray will have to continue to walk in obedience until he is able to sit next to the president and advise him in the ways of righteousness.

I’ve started something big with my life. I don’t say that in pride. This is what the Lord has called me to and if anything it is humbling, both in position and process. The Lord told me to “go run an orphanage in Africa.” Two months ago, I took a huge-mongous step towards doing just that. I had to wait two and a half years, before I was released to tangibly start that and it was the hardest period of my life. I had to choose many times if I was going to obey Him or abandon the “big” thing. Not necessarily obey or abandon God Himself, but rather what He told me to do. By God’s grace, I’m writing this blog from Tanzania. Returning to the states back in August was my final reminder that I didn’t have to come back to Africa, that I could settle for that normal life, which still included following the Lord in normal things and maintaining the right theology, but I wanted to follow God in the big things He had specifically for me as well.

The obedience doesn’t start with the big thing, it starts before. God didn’t tell me to go run an orphanage in Africa and the next day there was a ticket to Kilimanjaro International in my mailbox. That’d be like God telling Noah to build the ark right when it started raining. I’m waiting to see if my generation is going to collectively do “something big.” I know this much though, if we can’t be obedient with the things he gives us as we’re flipping burgers and waiting, He’s not going to give anyone an orphanage, a podium or a shelter. And as we flip those burgers in the name of Jesus, we are praying and fasting for the big thing. I haven’t “arrived” by any means and I myself need to be faithful and obedient as Education/Business Director before the Lord will give me my own orphanage to run in His name.

Lastly, a word of warning and a heads up, just in case anybody reads this and wants to drive straight to Mexico and try to get a center for street children started. When I said “praying and fasting for the big thing” I meant just that. If we don’t continue to communicate with the Caller about the calling, it won’t work. If He has you waiting first and you spend that time sitting on your hands as opposed to kneeling in prayer, it may not even happen at all. That’s the warning. The heads up is that its going to be inexplicably hard. I was this close (I just stopped typing and held my index finger and thumb an inch apart) to writing about how incredibly frustrating a couple days this week were. Like new levels of frustration, nearly debilitating. If you are on the narrow path that is marked with suffering and you find it easy, I have one of two hypotheses for you, either you aren’t doing enough for His Kingdom (no matter where you are) or you’re not doing it right. If the Lord has released you to a season of rest, praise Him for that and walk in it for the time period. But those are only seasons and having one assumes that it was sandwiched between two seasons of actively advancing the Kingdom on Earth.

In all things, we give Him praise that He uses us in every big and small way to bless the people in the world and exalt Him wherever He has us.

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The Rundown: This week has been up and down. Wednesday and Thursday morning were very frustrating and I sent a nice long email to my prayer list (let me know if you want on that) talking about some of the things that were going on. Know that all your prayers are appreciated and so needed. Thursday night was the refreshment that I needed. I picked up the short termers from AIM and they went to worship with me at Ryan and Stacy’s. It was a good time and all involved were ministered to. Friday was much better and I had new motivation to get stuff done too. Lydia and Jodie are feeling better so thanks for those prayers. Saturday, the short termers came to TOA and its been overall nice to have some American believers around that are my age, so praise God for that as well. Lastly, the epic Freecell streak has ended at 70 wins, which signifies completion, so I might take a break for now. I know that’s important to you, so I wanted to let you know.

The Joys of Fundraising

Well I am about halfway through my time in the states before heading back to Tanzania. It has been a sometimes easy, sometimes difficult, sometimes joyful, sometimes sorrowful, but always always blessed time. I have so much enjoyed being a part of the Long Beach community especially those people at The Garden that the Lord has graciously given to me as brothers and sisters. I have also been so blessed to resume my relationships with my family in Irvine at Pacific Pointe and other friends throughout Orange County.

A question that keeps coming up is... how's fundraising going? Fundraising always seemed to be the drawback to missions. You have all these aspirations of how God will use you and then as you do the work you get stories of how God came through and you share them with others, BUT you have to fundraise. You get to impart knowledge and education to the kids, "Alright!" And you get to worship with the Masai, "Yes!" And you can be baba to all these wonderful children and live an exciting life before God, "Amen!" But you have to raise $25,000 for a year of ministry "Oh." But fundraising has been more than just "oh" and its turning into "Oh Wow! God is so good!" So I wanted to take a moment and testify of just how this tough season financially has showed the mighty hand of God and His faithfulness to me in all things He's called me to. All glory to Him in any good thing I say here. I wanted to share a few stories...

I hit the ground running in August and quickly got the word out of my new position and the money that I'll be needing to be with my family at Treasures of Africa and throughout Moshi. I got pumped up by reading the Autobiography of George Muller and was ready to see the miracles and radical answers to prayer. I was sending out letters by the dozens, contacting newspapers and radio stations, abusing Face Book in biblical proportions and telling everyone that would give me thirty seconds about what I was undertaking by God's grace. After I had done the majority of my letters, I asked Rita at Hidden With Christ for my update and a couple days later, I got a report from the office saying that I had raised like $230 or something. Essentially I had raised less than 1% of what I need. A tough pill to swallow considering all my toil. I then went six weeks or so without an update from HWCM.

In my new home on Signal Hill, I live on the second floor and from my patio I can see to Seal Beach and all the way up the coast to northwest Long Beach. I can see Belmont Shore, the big buildings in downtown Long Beach and everything in between. Something that I've gotten into the habit of doing is saying to myself "My Dad owns all of that" and remind myself that if not one person supported me, He would take care of me and bring His good plans to pass in accordance with His riches in Heaven, because He is always always faithful. It helps keep my head on when things don't look good.

Then a few weeks ago I set aside a week to fast and pray for three big things in my life. One of them was of course fundraising and finances in general. I don't know of your experience, but mine has been that when you set aside a period of time to fast, that guaranteed will be the time that you are presented with bomb food for free. Well, by God's grace I got through the week and after giving me a dream, He had me end it and He told me to spend the final day celebrating as He would be moving me into a time of harvest in all the areas of my life that I'd been praying for. Pretty satisfying way to end the fast.

Well, the harvest started the next day. In regards to finances, the following day my pastor and friend at The Garden, Darren, called me and told me that as the church is progressing they would like to hire me to run children's ministry at the Garden (an answer to another thing I was fasting for as well, because I was seeking the Lord to give me more direction in Long Beach). That same day, I finished my drudging time with paper work in getting my retirement money from my previous job and they expedited it so that I would get it sooner (which I have now).

From that point though, the harvest looked a little different as I continued to struggle in personal finances (even though in all truth the Lord has provided and has not forsaken me a single moment, despite my stress) and I again came to a time of high stress, being drained and needing refreshment. Right at that time, the Lord opened up an opportunity for me to head up to my hometown of Paso Robles. My family at First Baptist was so gracious with me. They gave me the chance to speak at the Youth Group and I had an amazing time telling the high schoolers my story and how the Lord has been at work. I encouraged them with the story of Abraham which has played a significant role in my life. The following day, I got to meet with the elders of the church and share my story. That too was a blessed time and I was very encouraged by those that were in the meeting. They prayed for me and also gave me a generous starting sum of money with continued prospects of future partnership.

As I was heading out of Paso Robles, I was able to pick up the Tribune, which is a paper that is distributed throughout San Luis Obispo county (this was the fourth paper I've been in on the central coast), and found my story on the front page of the Local section with a big picture of me and Awadhi. It was a blessing to read and I'm glad that AnnMarie (the reporter) helped me out. It was funny during the interview, she asked me what I would pack to come to Tanzania and I told her I didn't know, but probably not too much. Clothes, pictures, not too much. As an aside I told her that I live minimally and didn't even own my own laptop since mine was stolen in college four years ago. Well for whatever reason, she decided to make that particular item a part of the article. Then on Thursday a lady that works for a San Luis law firm contacted me via Face Book and told me that one of their clients was touched by the story and thought that since I'll be Education Director, I should probably have a laptop, so he decided that he would like to bless me with that. Isn't that amazing! I had been planning on squeezing a few dollars together to just get the cheapest netbook possible, but now its all taken care of and its on its way to my house. Out of the humility of this man's heart, he decided to not tell me his name, so as far as I know it could've been the Lord Himself. Whoever it was, praise God from whom all blessings flow!

These are just a few of the stories. There have been plenty more. I have a friend who by his own accord decided to let me borrow his truck three days a week, which helps so much for work and getting around for fundraising opportunities. I have another friend who on top of supporting me for TOA, loaned some money to me, when I paid her back out of the goodness of her heart she tore up the check and allowed me to have the money for good. I have an elderly couple up in Paso who have been out of work for two years but were still moved to donate what little they could. I've got a boy at FBC collecting recycling and giving the money to me and a friend from Rock Harbor that is giving a portion of her art proceeds to support me. I've had people give that I don't even know or hardly know. And yeah, I've had friends who won't so much as join a Face Book cause or respond in any way and at times it gets discouraging but above all these things, good and bad, is my Heavenly Father who is taking care of me and will continue to do so.

So how is fundraising going? Well, that's how its going. Logistically, I've raised about half ($3,700) of my launch number which is $7,500 and that is about 15% of my year total goal of $25,000. I am trusting that the Lord will take care of the rest of the years support as well as personal finances in all respects. Please believe alongside me! If you feel so inclined, check out www.treasuresofafrica.org/staff/brandon_s.htm for both my bio and my donation link. Also, if you have any questions, comments, encouragements, or words from the Lord please share them with me. Above all, PRAY!!! Thank you so much for those that have prayed, those that have given and those that took the time to read this ultra long blog. I bless you in the name of the Lord.

To The Glory of Jesus,

Brandon