You know I really like receiving feedback on my writing. Of course you know that, I complain about it constantly. My apologies, but let me explain myself further. It encourages me to hear from people, believe it or not I enjoy interaction with people in the states (go figure, I moved here nonetheless). At any rate, I received a good encouraging feedback message from a friend that I met at Vanguard. Rodrigo was certainly not a guy that I figured was reading any of my posts but nonetheless he hit me up with some encouraging words. Besides saying the normal courtesies like “you’re doing a good job,” “you write well,” and “you’re basically C.S. Lewis reincarnated” (okay, I’m fabricating a little), he gave a sound word that has certainly given me a mind frame for the last week. He shared a story about Mother Teresa and out of it encouraged me to just trust. Clarity and figuring out the how of things won’t get me close to where trust in God will. Obviously that’s a good word and after all that was on my mind last week, it was much needed.
Sunday came around and it was a great day. I was a bit frazzled when I got to church late on a morning that I was leading worship. I had already made the nearly fatal mistake of trimming my beard on the wrong setting and now I got to church late to find that I forgot my capo and there’s no power. Nonetheless, it continues on to be probably my favorite time leading worship at ICC. After that my Tanzanian brother Pastor Willy got up and delivered a word that was right in line with the thing I was talking to Melissa and Lauren about last week and certainly goes with this theme of trust, or as Brennan Manning says, ruthless trust.
We receive words, we receive promises from the Lord. There are righteous things that we desire and pray for and these are things that are important to Jesus as well. For me, no surprise here, it has to do with Awadhi, to see him healed and see God receive glory. Aside from ending every sentence with either “Praise the Lord” or “are we together?” (no fabrication there), Pastor Willy shared a good word and Bible passage. When Gabriel came to Zacharias, he told Zacharias that his wife Elizabeth he would have a child, a child that would “walk in the spirit and power of Elijah” (Luke 1:17) and that his name was to be John . As Zacharias looked at the situations surrounding such an incredible word, he probably chuckled before asking “How shall I know this? For I am an old man, and my wife is well advanced in years” (verse 18). Because of his unbelief, he spent the next 9 months as a mute. If he had received the word and trusted God and the messenger He sent, he would have gotten around that bit of trouble. He suffered from his lack of trust. When I think about what God’s spoken over Awadhi, or anything else, I don’t want to do anything other than trust His word, and trust that He’ll speak it clearly.
Nonetheless, that is something, to be honest, I have to contest for at times. I want to live my life in a way where I just trust God, period. Where my faith is in Him alone and His word. I think that we sometimes manufacture unbiblical sayings that cultivate a lack of faith. Ever heard the expression, “doubt isn’t the opposite of faith”? I’m going to run the risk of having someone disagree with me and say that that’s not biblical and not particularly helpful. What is faith? “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen” (Hebrews 11:1). So what would be the opposite of faith? Hopelessness and only being able to see in the natural. If you are hopeless and only seeing bad stuff, you’d probably doubt anything good could come from the situation. Certainly this is something we need to grow in and at times all we can muster up is the prayer of Mark 9:24 (I’m going to make you look that one up), but nonetheless there’s a lot more victory when we have a simple unrelenting trust in the Lord and walk by faith.
Trust. That’s something I have to hold on to right now with everything that is going on around me. Just trust the Lord. Sounds easy in theory but when the rubber hits the road and the brown sticky stuff hits the fan, it can be difficult. I’m not saying its too difficult or that hard stuff warrants our unbelief, doubt or worry, but rather the circumstances give an opportunity to endure the difficulty and advance in growth and knowledge. That’s exactly what I have to hold on to. Not only with Awadhi, but with my life period.
For me to come here with all that had previously happened in my life, I had to trust in His plan. Only by His grace and His Spirit was I able to make this decision. Signing up to leave people that you truly love and sell out to a plan that will include danger and hardship, is only possible by His Spirit. He had to move me to a place of a radical trust in Him. I’d like to say that that single decision to come here certified that I’ve achieved perfect trust in the Lord, but that’s not the case. I don’t say that because I have all these moments of unbelief, but rather because of the circumstances I’m in, He is calling me to a higher trust than I’ve known before.
Today, someone presented an option to me, an option that was never remotely an idea in my head. Its something that I don’t want to do, but might have to do. It is something that seems contrary to my being. I don’t say that flippantly, I honestly can’t stand it when people embellish their feelings. I am deep in prayer regarding this and trusting in God to speak, to lead, to encourage and to prepare me for whatever He has for me. I appreciate your prayers as well. This is a time for me to trust God and allow Him to lead.
God is faithful. God is true. God is love. God is with us. God is pure. God is trustworthy, for this we give praise.
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Treasure: Jeremiah is a very special little boy. Ever since I first came here in 2008, he was always coined as Awadhi’s best friend. While they do have a special relationship, with Awadhi away at school, I’m being able to see the uniqueness of who Jerry is more and more. Jerry, we have pegged at almost five and that might be a close age to what he really is. We are not sure what happened while he was in the womb, but he was born with a mental handicap that can best be described as a degree of retardation. Due to this, he has certain inabilities and his speech is significantly behind that of a normal five year old. Nonetheless, Jeremiah has the sweetest disposition. He is a very sensitive and very loving boy. He has bonded with me in a special way and he is a blessing. He, without a doubt, gives the biggest hugs to me. Since he doesn’t realize his own strength, if the kids run up and give me hugs, he often knocks someone else over in his excitement. He is quite giddy. Over the last couple weeks since I returned from India, I have had special time six days a week working specifically with Jerry. He was previously in a special education preschool, but it became clear to us that that is not a good environment for him as the facility and staffing are inadequate. So now he stays home and I’m working with him regularly. I have seen some progress over the last couple weeks, but it has also been an immensely frustrating time. While I may be more qualified than most Tanzanians, special education and speech therapy is not something that I have training in. So its not the lack of development in him (it has only been a couple weeks), but rather that I myself feel unprepared. I’m getting a hold on it a little, but your prayers are appreciated. Jeremiah is such a special boy and like all of our kids we look forward to seeing what God does in and through his life.
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The Rundown: Well, there was a couple hour gap between when I first posted my last blog and the time that I did a significant edit. So in case you read the initial post and are wondering how my fast is going, I’ll just fill you in that I had to postpone it. While my spirit was ready to start that fast, my body wasn’t. I ended the fast after a day and a half because of the state of my body, namely my stomach. The following day after I could muster something up (I’m referring to a stool sample, for your information), Jodie (yes, she’s a nurse and she deals in poop) took it in for me. The result, worms and bacteria. As every other short-termer’s “inside” joke goes “TIA.” Haha, I shouldn’t be cynical, I have friends that say that. Anyways, I got a bit of action on that status update. All is well now thanks to medicine and the Lord of course. Those aren’t uncommon here, so have no fear. The plan now is to start the extended fast on the first, so Friday. I’m planning on a three week juice fast. It should be good and with the events of today, it seems like the Lord knew the timing would be right on. The kids are all well. I love them so much. At the end of a hard (yet good) day, they were my saving grace. Thank you for praying for my kids. God is doing good things at TOA. Other than that, not too much going on. I’ve been blessed to be able to skype with Melissa three times this week and we’ll do so again tomorrow (Saturday). We’re trying to squeeze everything we can out of this time of being physically apart. She is an amazing woman and I’m excited to see what the Lord does in our lives and how He works out the upcoming months leading up to our wedding and far beyond. Please be in prayer for that as well. You can also pray for Lydia. The Lord is releasing our godly leader to the states for just over two months while she rests and also does some speaking engagements. If you’re interested in having her come and talk, you can contact her through Facebook and see what the prospects are. She leaves on Wednesday. Alright, that’s long enough for a rundown. Be blessed!
"It's something that I don’t want to do, but might have to do. It is something that seems contrary to my being. I don’t say that flippantly, I honestly can’t stand it when people embellish their feelings."
ReplyDeletewow dude. This sentence and the bit about "Praise God," and "Are we togetha?" really touched me. haha! But seriously ...
I echo what you are saying regarding faith and trust even when things aren't materializing in the natural... That was one of my BIGGEST lessons during the times I spent in Moshi; it still is, really. and whatever this decision you have ahead of you, I pray to our wise, sweet Jesus that you will not make ANY steps in fear, rather, with boldness and confidence to choose whatever and wherever IT may be. Only wisdom, faith, hope, and love will be your final tie-breaker. There is no fear in love, and the decision you will make WILL be out of a deep love for God, His glory, AND His kingdom (especially his children).
salama kaka yangu
Bee, after reading this post today I wanted to share something that I had just got done reading out of the book of Job.
ReplyDeleteJob 5:6-27
"6)For hardship does not spring from the soil, nor does trouble from the ground.
7)Yet man is born to trouble as surely as sparks fly upward
8)But if it were I, I would appeal to God; I would lay my cause before Him.
9)He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, and miracles that cannot be counted.
10)He bestows rain on the earth; He sends upon the countryside.
11)The lowly He sets on high, and those who mourn are lifted to safety.
12)He thwarts the plans of the crafty, so the their hands achive no success.
13)He catches the wise in their craftiness, and the schemes of the wily are swept away.
14)Darkness comes upon them in the daytime; at noon they grope as in the night.
15)He saves the needy from the sword in their mouth; He saves them from the clutches of the powerful.
16)So the poor have hope, and injustice shuts its mouth.
17)Blessed is the man whom God corrects; so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty.
18)For He wounds, but He also binds up; He injures, but His hands also heal.
19)From six calamities He will rescue you; in seven no harm will befall you.
20)In famine He will ransom you from death, and in battle from the stroke of the sword.
21)You will be protected from the lash of the tongue, and need not fear when destruction comes.
22)You will laugh at destruction and famine, and need not fear the beast of the earth.
23)For you will have a covenant with the stones of the field, and the wild animals will be at peace with you.
24)You will know that your tent is secure; you will take stock of your property and find nothing missing.
25)You will know that your children will be many, and your descendants like grass of the earth.
26)You will come to the grave in full vigor, like sheaves gathered in season.
27)We have examined this, and it is true. So hear it and apply it to yourself."
Be incouraged brother and know that our Lord is using you in mighty ways. Not only in Africa but in every nation and people that you have ever prayed for. Be faithful, be encouraged, and trust in Him! For He will always be constant and will always be with you. I love you Bee and am praying for both you and Melissa (That is "your" Melissa :))
-Donny