Reality

This summer New Life Foundation had a New Zealand team come to serve in Moshi. Since we were also serving with NLF, our paths crossed a little while they were here. They were kind, but a little quirky. The leader was speaking during the morning devotional one day and he asked a somewhat rhetorical question. As he paused for the implied answer, he then burst out and said “Jesus is always the answer!” I smirked, then leaned over to Ann and asked her what one plus one is.

I know Jesus is the answer. I just don’t understand reality at times. There are transcendent truths that I know. God is good. God is holy. God is love. God is gracious. God is unfathomable. And so on. But I don’t always get life or why things happen like they do. All the truth about reality that has ever existed from 1+1 to awe-inspiring beauty to the heavenly truths that are too lofty for humans to comprehend are all within one God as three Persons. I even know apologetically, the problem of evil and so on. I know this. I live this and these truths effect me beyond putting the words on paper. Yet, life is a little more tricky than a theology course.

This month marks two years since I started sponsoring Awadhi. Along with my monthly financial sponsorship, came my prayers. I have positively affected Awadhi’s life with my prayers. One year is 365 days, two years makes 730, I have prayed and do pray for him every morning and every night since I started sponsoring him. This isn’t including other prayers, but lets go with the minimum here. I have prayed for the same person, a five year old Tanzanian orphan, over 1400 times. I don’t say this to boast, this is God’s plan and there is nothing more important that I do in a day than pray for Awadhi and there is nothing I enjoy more either. The first time I did a week long fast, I was solely focused on praying for him and his healing. The second week long fast, Clesi and I prayed for many things and people, none more important to me than Awadhi. I count sister Clesi among my closest spiritual advisors and it was at the end of that fast as we were driving home (after punishing/rewarding ourselves with Chipotle) that she shared with me a word of knowledge and a change in direction for Awadhi. She told me that the Lord had heard our prayers and seen our fasting and He would now be healing Awadhi from the inside out. I would fast for much longer just to get those words that He so graciously spoke through my dear friend. Tears came to my eyes in light of God’s grace. Awadhi is important to me. His healing is important to me.

Now I live here. Its wonderful. Its exactly where I want to be and I am so excited that I don’t have to leave anytime soon. And yet, there is some frustration here. I do trust in the Lord’s timing, but we are getting close to a critical point for Awadhi. Friday as I returned to Moshi for the weekend, I walked to TOA to get my piki and say hi to the kids briefly. I was greeted at the carport by Lydia and Jodie. They had had themselves a day and a half. Things in Tanzania are different. I don’t say this in the cute way, or it’s just a difference in culture. There are some messed up things that go on here and a lot of the reason people suffer here, like anywhere else, is because of their own sin.^[i] Lydia had been dealing with a very mean Tanzanian woman who was threatening to turn off our electricity for no reason. Also, we are trying to figure out Awadhi’s education plan and stuff for that had come up, because hearing aids are up in the air and its hard to get him in places because he is HIV+. I stood there and listened to Lydia, who is an amazingly strong woman in the Lord, tell me that with Anjela passing and the chance of having to send Awadhi to a boarding school for education, she fears she is doing something wrong as the director. I told her that that was not it, but I couldn’t tell her why this is happening. I don’t get this reality.

Furthermore, it is a tough pill for me to swallow to think that after all my time in the states and all that the Lord did to bring me here, and the significant role that my son played, for me to get here and then for Awadhi’s best option to learn is for him to go off to boarding school. So no longer would it be, I see him everyday, but rather I see him every weekend at best. That sucks. When Lyd told me last month about Awadhi’s education, the thing that I’ve kept praying is “Please, Lord, allow another way than having to send him off.” And now I don’t know. I don’t get this reality and I continue to pray that with the coming events of the week, the Lord provides another way.

I woke up Saturday morning, I was at peace and also prayerful because of the things that were on my heart. I had another confusing dream the night before (I’ve had like four on the same issue this week) and also I was thinking about Awadhi and I prayed that when I got there today that the moment I touched him, that it would bring about his healing finally. That didn’t happen.

I’ll tell you what did happen though. The kids, me, Lydia, Jodie and a few of the caregivers went to the banda and worshiped this afternoon. We rejoiced and sang. The two year olds led some, the older kids led some and we all worshiped and laughed and played before the Lord, including Awadhi. That boy wants to talk, he wants to sing. Anapiga kelele. He shouts. He makes noise. The kids get in a line and do their dance and he gets right in there with them. And while he may have faint hearing, he can’t hear his own laugh or his father’s voice.

Faith is the currency of life here. Just because its been over 1400 prayers, many days of fasting, thousands of miles traveled, 56 hours so far at language school and countless hugs and kisses, laughs and tears and he still hasn’t been healed, I will still pray. We will still pray. We don’t lose hope. We pray and hope that the higher reality, where sickness doesn’t exist, will come down to this world and touch him. We take in faith what has been spoken over Awadhi. Until then, we rejoice, we praise, we will dance upon the injustice and look forward to the good report of God’s hand nailing all his sickness to the cross and the resurrection of Awadhi’s blood and hearing.

^[i]I am more than aware of the beauty of this place as well (I moved here for crying out loud!) I love this country and the people in it. Some of the most wonderful people and believers I know are Tanzanian. I just get frustrated at times, when people get so wrapped up in “Africa” and “Africans” and don’t acknowledge that SIN is a humongous problem here and its not only Joseph Kony. Yes, we are African, we dance and rejoice in worship, but we also struggle with holiness and some Africans are very mean. Hey, I used a footnote. Is that allowed in blogging?

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The Rundown: Two weeks of language school are in the can and I look forward to life in Moshi as opposed to Usa River, which will happen after one more week. Language school has been good, but it wears me out. I love talking and being friends with non-believers, but this time at language school is the first time that I don’t have fellowship with believers to go with my non-believer relationships. That can be taxing because its like no one gets close to knowing who I am deep down. At any rate, I do like the people I am studying with and I had a really good conversation with Stefano the other day and I was able to witness some. I am in Moshi right now. I had dinner Friday night at the Helblings, which is so great. I love that family. Saturday, I was getting settled into life at TOA some and also spending time with the kids and everyone else. I am very much enjoying my mode of transportation around which is the pikipiki (a motorized scooter). All the kids are good and we had fun playing. Although I may have over done it with my elbow. It still hasn’t healed all the way from when I hurt it on New Year’s Day! This morning, I went to ICC again and I am continuing to walk in church life in Moshi as opposed to just visiting churches as it was when I was only here on short term trips. Last week, I was unexpectedly asked to bless the congregation with the final prayer of the service and this week I was unexpectedly asked to help lead worship on the ashika right before service started. Its all good. Thats church here and I like the spontaneity. Still no Facebook and its adding to my frustration. I don’t want to start over with a new profile, but if I don’t hear back from them in the next week, I’ll probably just make a new one even if it complicates restoring my old one. Please do email me though, I check it consistently. I guess that’s life right now. Thanks for all your prayers, family!