Familiarly Different

It is Thursday afternoon and I am in Portfolio Coffeehouse in Long Beach. This is a trip. I’m fully expecting at any moment for someone that I vaguely know to walk into the shop, because I definitely feel like I’ve walked into the past.

Its been so weird to be in the states. Its weird because everything here is so… familiar. Any changes to southern California that I’ve come across seem like mere nuances in light of the fact that this coffee shop is still the same coffee shop, my old life group is still my life group, the 55 is still the 55 and Newport Pier is still Newport Pier. True, the place that I’m sitting used to have a computer table in this spot. That’s different. But we’re still at 4^th and Junipero and its tripping me out.

I’m not the same person that sat in this same coffee shop 14 months ago. I’m different. To be honest its hard to reconcile the two things. I’ve spent the last year in Tanzania. I’m not the children’s pastor anymore and this is no longer my home. I’ve spent the last year falling in love in with 26 children in ways that so far surpassed anything that I could have imagined. Those kids, my kids, my sons and my daughters changed me. As did the culture. As did my friends there. The Lord has changed me and I’m not the same person. How could I be?

Himalayas Post #1 - Intentional

Written on September 2nd, 2010

We’ve safely arrived in the second country after spending about 14 hours driving here. The trip was exhaustingly long, but I was able to get a little sleep, listen to music, and finish a book then start a book. Nonetheless, by the time we rolled up to our hotel at 7:45 PM, we were ready for the day to be over. We walked into the lobby and were all taken back by how incredibly nice the hotel looked. We were all the more blown away when we got to our rooms. The girls had a laugh as I was the first to my room and was exclaiming out loud at how “legit” this place was and it was truly “off the chain” as I said. This place has free wireless internet, each room has a big Hi-Def TV, all the nice amenities that you would expect with furniture and the like. The tissue box is wrapped up like a Christmas gift for crying out loud. I can’t remember the last time I was in a nice hotel. After waking up at 3:30 in the morning and traveling all day, I was ready for a shower.

I was in the shower that had perfect temperature and water pressure and I was washing my hair with actual shampoo and conditioner for the first time in a week and a half and just enjoying the moment. I decided to release a worship song over the room and began singing. As I was in the shower I felt the Holy Spirit saying “don’t forget why you’re here.” The following thought that came to my mind was “I should sleep on the ground tonight.” I realized that the accommodations were not going to help, but rather detract, from my intercession. It was a quick thought in my mind when I first walked into the room that this could serve as a nice vacation from my work at TOA. “I’m a missionary in Africa, I can do it up here. I’ve earned it.” Such thoughts must go by the wayside when wanting to serve the Lord. Entitlement has been something that has strangled so much Christ-like life out of the American church. This life is so beautiful; the walk, the death, the resurrection, the ascension. We can follow Christ in all these things, but we get the life mixed up when we equate blessing with worldly prosperity. We must realize that the Lord’s ways are not that of the world’s, so true joy comes not from monetary affluence or comfort but rather from loving and obeying Jesus. There is nothing wrong with a comfortable bed, I in fact own one back in Moshi. But rather, if my highest calling is to love God and Jesus says the way you love Him is to obey Him (John 14:23) I must relinquish anything that would distract me from doing just that. So I gave up a comfortable bed so that I can focus on obeying Him in praying and interceding on behalf of this nation.

Sounds strange right? Have you read the actions of people in the Bible and realized the Bible heroes are indeed full of weirdos? I know that this is something I’ve mentioned before, but its worth mentioning again. Not merely as a defense of my seemingly useless action in sleeping on the floor, but rather so that we all remember that God does things that look quite strange to the natural eye. That’s why we aren’t to focus on the things that are seen, but rather those that are unseen (1 Corinthians 4:18).

India Post #5 - Power

We serve a powerful God and He makes His ways known throughout His creation. Praise the Lord.

I find that I’m in a place of seeing God’s power and being satisfied and at the same time wanting more. The last few days of ministry have gone well and I truly do see Him working. He moves in supernatural ways and His desire is for us. His desire is to bless us by giving us more of Him, our only true need.

Prophecy is such a powerful tool that He has given us and something that is becoming a bigger and bigger work in my ministry. Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 14: 1; 3 “Pursue love, and desire spiritual gifts, but especially that you may prophesy… He who prophesies speaks edification and exhortation and comfort to men.” I’ve seen the power of this many times before and the ministry recently has given more examples that exactly fulfill this scripture. I know for all my non-charismatic brothers and sisters this may seem a little out there, but I testify to you that it is powerful and this scripture backs me up. The prophecy given does not carry the weight of scripture and like prayer, disciplines and everything else in the Christian walk, it is something that we can practice. A person that loves the Lord and desires to do His will in encouraging others will say something that is truly of the Lord, at the same time it is possible to slip slightly and say something that isn’t exactly what God would say. That doesn’t make the believer a false prophet. A false prophet seeks to devour, deceive and destroy. He stands against the Lord and uses counterfeit, even demonic, power to persuade people away from the true God. Whereas, the believer prophesying will allow the Holy Spirit to confirm the words within the heart and mind of the person that is receiving the word. As Ryan put it they can “chew up the meat and spit out the bone.”

Intercession

The Lord has been teaching me a lot lately about intercession. This has largely come through the reading of a book simply titled Intercession. I’m a pretty regular reader, but this book has taken me embarrassingly long, mostly due to the fact that I’ve actually had a bit of a social life over the last couple months. Imagine that. No worries though, my social summer climaxed at getting engaged on Sunday and with Melissa taking off on Tuesday, I’m officially a loner again and that will only increase after I get back from India and most of the other missionaries go on furlough. Yay! I have time to read again…

Anyways, intercession. To be honest, I’ve gone a lot of my Christian life without that word even in my vocabulary. When I first heard of it, I figured it was synonymous with prayer or at best really intense prayer. This book has opened my eyes in so many ways and yet I realize I’m only at the start of this journey. Intercession is so much more than just prayer I’ve been finding. Prayer is a big part of it, but it also has to do with fasting, waiting on the Lord, praying in tongues, seeing with spiritual eyes, hearing from the Lord with specificity, and taking up a position for those whom you intercede on behalf of.

I feel as though I’m about to go through a spiritual baptism of intercession. I know that word baptism brings about different thoughts for people. There is a physical baptism that all believers should go through as an outward sign of the inward reality. There is also the baptism of the Spirit, yay controversy! Don’t worry I’m not going down that path, or at least not exactly. I believe that as we walk in the Spirit of God and in step with sanctification, we get new levels and more outpourings of the Spirit. The way that He does this is much like the physical baptism that we all go through. I am anticipating a spiritual baptism of intercession on new levels very soon.

Weird

Wow, I went like eleven days between my blogs. I’ve failed all (both) of you. Don’t worry, I’m sure what I’m about to share about will scare you off, so you won’t worry about missing my weekly thoughts anymore.

A couple of weeks ago, I watched this movie called “Finger of God” and it talked about how the Lord is moving throughout the world. It was all about this conservative Christian guy going out and documenting some of the things that happen that seem “weird” to the “normal” person. A guy on the video brought up a good point, saying that using the word “weird” presupposes that something else is “normal,” but that can vary from person to person and church to church, so there’s not really a true normal. If there’s no true “normal” there can’t be a true “weird.” So for some churches they think about your service and think, “wait, you actually spend time in worship and no gold feathers, manna or flawless stones materialize out of thin air? That’s weird.”

I was raised in a good, conservative church. At the age of 19, I moved down to the Pentecostal (where most people aren’t) school of Vanguard University. Shortly after I got there, Katrina rocked New Orleans and they had a prayer meeting for the people. I went and loved it. I found out that this isn’t just a one time thing, but rather a small portion of these people get together every Thursday night and pray for anything and everything. It became a staple in my life for the next two years. Through Prayer Movement, I became introduced to words of prophecy and people that speak in tongues. At the time, I personally didn’t prophesy or speak in tongues, but it became less weird.

Since then, through my first trip to Tanzania, normal Christian growth, stepping into a personal prophetic ministry in California and realizing the legitimacy of this strange stream, I have begun to act a bit more weird in my personal faith. I’m realizing more and more that I’m not the only weird guy out there (and far from the weirdest) and that this weird stream isn’t really weird at all.

Praying in tongues is often one of the first steps down this road. This could be the interpretive tongue, or it could be a personal prayer language. I speak in a tongue that I don’t understand in my mind. I am conscious when I do it and I know what I’m praying about, but not what the words mean. I’m not the only one that does it. A friend of yours does probably, someone in your family might. I have friends and family that do this and it makes it not so strange. I remember when I first started speaking in tongues, I was questioning if it was legit. As I do, I asked Clesi for her thoughts knowing that she regularly spoke in tongues. I asked her to say something from her prayer language, she paused for a moment and said something that didn’t sound anything like what I had been speaking in my language. Each is so unique. I’ve got another friend who just makes this tic-tic-tic noise super fast. I’ve heard Lydia speak in tongues so much, I could probably speak her language. People do this.

Well after I first spoke in tongues and figured that I was the only weirdo in my family, I heard someone else in my family do it and it maybe added to the legitimacy of it more than any other event (even though I already knew it was legit). Right before I moved here, I was at my parents house and packing for Tanzania. I had received prayer earlier and as I was packing, my dad came in the room and said that he wanted a time to just pray for me alone. I said okay of course and he hugged me. He prayed in English and then he started praying in a language I’ve never heard him speak before, it was a spiritual language.* And that’s probably the best part about praying in a different tongue. If I’ve reached the point where I can’t fit my emotions or thoughts into articulate words, I can switch to another language and the words will fit the prayer.

Its not just tongues though. I have a friend who every Thursday night during worship, gets a case of the holy giggles. Giggles isn’t a sufficient word… she laughs like a crazy person. Its quite contagious and enjoyable. I have a growing number of friends that utilize prophecy during times of prayer. To be honest, that’s my favorite part of this stream. Also, we get words from the Lord through our dreams. All sorts of stuff. Stuff that wasn’t previously a part of my “normal” Christian life.

I know what you’re thinking. I know it because it was (and at times is) my thought. Some of that stuff is NOT legit. Some of those guys are fakes, some of them have no integrity. Totally, and they ruin it for the rest of us. Even some of the good guys get caught up in religiosity. Last summer, I came to a training and impartation for The Call Africa conference that took place here. That afternoon, for the first time while I received prayer, I could feel the Holy Spirit so much that I hit the ground, or rather someone caught me as I fell down. I was standing one moment with my arms out and the next moment I felt this weight fall on my body and gracefully fell to the ground. I was at an incredible state of peace. After I got up, I was wanting a certain individual to pray for me. As I was waiting to ask him to pray for me, another man, a well-known preacher, came up to me and next thing I know he’s praying for me. It was brief and then he did something. Essentially, he kissed me on the forehead and pushed me over. Moments before I felt the Holy Spirit (legit) and the next moment I got pushed (not legit).

I know that’s out there, but nonetheless we should be careful not to discredit the real stuff, because there is power in it and it ministers deeply.

We have a team here right now and on Monday night, Eli, Rosa, and I joined everyone else and the team at Lydia and Jodie’s place. The team ministered prayer to the five of us staff members and it was legit. Like really legit. Before I received prayer, I told them how I had been under attack the last few days. Saturday night, I was incredibly lonely and couldn’t sleep well. When I did fall asleep, the Lord gave me a prophetic dream and two hours later after I fell back to sleep, I was attacked by a demonic dream. The next two days I also had a terrible stomach ache. I shared some of this briefly with them and then they interceded for me. These people that I hardly knew, started speaking such truth in my life, I was weeping like I haven’t in a long time. I was weeping over something that was way overdue. I realized how wounded I had been by a previous experience and that it was affecting me drastically. And yeah, if you looked in and saw me sitting in a chair with these six people encircling me, you’d say “that looks strange.” On top of receiving the prayers and prophecy, I had one invisible arrow pulled out of me (like the wound that I had suffered), I had my stomach sliced open and my stomach ache pulled out and I took two soft karate chops to the back (I forget what that signified… it was a little weird.) I’ll be honest, I was deeply ministered to and the “weird” stuff played a part. The next day, my stomach ache was gone and the words they gave me and the prayer I received has given me a clearer direction.

God’s ways are higher than ours and His thoughts are higher than ours. Despite that, our services seem pretty fathomable. He should be the ultimate pastor and director over our gatherings and if that is the case, it will probably cause our services to not look like anything to be described as “normal.” If Jesus were transplanted into the states or Tanzania and walked into a church gathering, He’d probably think “this is kind of weird.” Jesus did strange things (anybody else see blind dudes get mud on them and getting healed normally). The Holy Spirit continues that ministry in the authority of Christ today and we need to allow ourselves to be in step with Him. Even if that seems “weird.”

* I’d apologize for outing my dad, but its not really anything to be embarrassed about in the first place. Besides, everyone who knows my dad, knows he’s a roller in all other regards already.

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The Rundown: Boy, its been so long, its hard to say. My fast went well. I had told some friends that I was going to do it and a few of them decided to do it with me. So I spent the evenings of Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday of last week at Lauren, Ronda and Gina’s place for prayer and worship which was really great. We ended the fast after prayer on Wednesday night at El Rancho. Friday night, a six-person team from a church in Florida came to work with Hidden With Christ and they spent the first four days with us. Rita came in the following night, so its been great having all of them around. The team brought a bunch of education and overall children’s home supplies for us and I have enjoyed getting acquainted with all my new tools. Rita meanwhile brought me a whole bag of non-perishable food from the states, which is also quite nice. Saturday we went around Moshi and then they came and hung out at TOA with us. Sunday, I went with some of them out to Pastor Mbasha’s church and it was wonderful as always. Afterwards, we had lunch at his and Mama Janet’s place. I love Pastor Mbasha so much. He’s like my Tanzanian dad. He called me “kijana yangu” which means “my young man.” We just laugh so much together. Monday and Tuesday the team was at work at TOA and they got a grip load done. Wow, it was really remarkable and we are very blessed. They are off to Arusha now and will be going on safari before ministering out at Pastor Zablon’s village. Now, its back to business as usual.

Satisfaction

One of my favorite authors/speakers is Francis Chan and I’m about to do something that he often does in his books. Before you read another word of my blog, go and read Isaiah 55. I will wait for you.

…

Thoughts?

The Bible is the living Word of God. I don’t know if I’ve ever experienced that as much as I did tonight.

I’ve had a very busy day, running errands, hanging out with Corey, preparing some prayer raising letters and in the midst of all that I quickly found that I was going late into the night (thank you Tanzanian Peaberry coffee from Badger Brew) without yet spending my devotion with the Lord. In my busyness, I was feeling sad and anxious. I began to spend time in prayer as I was moving. With me leaving for Tanzania on Sunday, I again am feeling the whole sacrifice deal, so I pray that I would be able to feel some of the joy right off the bat despite my current condition. A little after 1 AM, I finish preparing for tomorrow’s trip to Minneapolis for supply getting and picking Donny and Melissa up from the airport. I go downstairs to spend sometime in the Word before going to sleep. Since being here I’ve read 1st and 2nd Samuel and now am in 1st Kings, enjoying the kingship of Solomon. However, rather than committing to my normal two chapters plus commentaries, I wanted an easy reading for the night so I decided to read a random passage from either the Writings or the Prophets. As I sit down, the Holy Spirit gives me the word “Satisfy.” “Okay,” I say “I will look up the word ‘satisfy’ in my concordance and go with the third time it is listed.” As I turn there the Holy Spirit gives me the number four. “Okay,” I say, “I will go with the fourth time it is used.” Doing that led me to Isaiah 55. I went on to read the Word of the Lord and found it at work in my life immediately.

Isaiah wrote this thousands of years ago. It was not written to Americans that are missionaries to Tanzania. It was written to Israelite exiles to Babylon. Yet every Word tonight was for me.

Guys, I don’t know what to feel or how I’m supposed to feel. I don’t feel prepared for Tanzania. I can’t fathom what moving or living in a foreign country is like. I’m not only in over my head, I have no idea if I will even be remotely effective. I don’t say this for a “woe is me” effect, but rather to convey that I am ambiguously overwhelmed, if that makes sense to you. But the Lord has spoken to me tonight and I hope that the message rings with you as well.

A couple weeks ago, the youth pastor at my parents church spoke and said something that didn’t sit well with me. He was mentioning how people will say things that sound biblical but really aren’t in the Bible at all. He specifically said how people say “God wants me to be happy” and how that is not in the Bible. That is true and it is indeed more important that we glorify Him, making Him happy. Yet there is more to it than that. Throughout the Bible we are called to delight ourselves in the Lord. The idea isn’t “this Lamborghini makes me happy and God wants me happy, so its okay.” The idea is “God is holy, loving, just and good, and I am stoked on that.” He is my satisfaction, my delight, my happiness, my joy. We are to be as MacArthur (I think it was him) says “Christian Hedonists.” This passage calls us to that.

I love how it starts and how aptly it applies (redundant to word it that way?). “Everyone who thirsts, come to the waters; And you who have no money, come, buy and eat. Yes, come, buy wine and milk without money and without price.” Since I am now a missionary and live solely off of what the church/God gives me, I have truly tasted this. I am making no money right now. I have bills, I need to eat and yet I don’t pay for any of it, I’m a conduit at best. In my distress, the Lord reminds me of His gracious unwarranted provision in my life.

And yet how many times do we find ourselves being those people from verse 2 who “spend money for what is not bread, and wages for what does not satisfy.” Think about that. Think about what you got last Christmas (2008). How much satisfaction does that pricy thing bring you now? Are you satisfied? This can be applied to be an analogy for what we put our effort into and find no satisfaction (think relationships, status, etc.) and yet don’t discredit the fact that this is a reference to money and we live in a consumer world and the church is often as bad as anyone. We spend our money on what doesn’t satisfy and we do it continually, meanwhile the peace and joy and blessings of the Lord are right there for free.

In verse 5 the Lord really spoke to me as well. Remember that I have no idea what I’m getting myself into. “Surely you shall call a nation you do not know.” Can I be candid with you? I love Tanzanians so much. They are some of the dearest people to me. Having said that, they are often strange to me and I them I’m sure. I don’t get them. They snap thumbs when you shake hands, they carry chickens on crammed public transit, many of them stare (and smell), and so many other things that are just a part of their naturally different culture. These aren’t negative things, but I don’t get them. And yet I am calling that nation. The next sentence is also speaking to me “nations who do not know you shall run to you.” I highly doubt that I will spend the rest of my life in Tanzania, and I highly doubt that is because I will spend my time after TZ in the states. The Lord has given me dreams and aspirations for other nations as well and that’s what I want. Lord willing, He’ll shine through and the other nations will come running.

Isaiah goes on to talk about the importance of repentance and the unfathomable nature of the Lord which are so important in finding true satisfaction. Going on to remind us that He is the Giver of the rain and the blessings.

Then prophesies that God’s “word shall go forth from (His) mouth; it shall not return to (Him) void, but it shall accomplish what (He) pleases.” If you know my story you know my story, you know the Word that the Lord gave me; “Go run an orphanage in Africa.” Here I am starting down that path and I still have no idea what that is going to look like. I’m excited sure, but how do I get from point A to point B? The only thing that I can hold on to is the Word that He gave me and trust that it will not return void but will accomplish what He pleases and prosper just as He sent it.

And lastly, before the Lord spoke to me I asked Him for joy right off the bat. This is what He replied: “You shall go out with joy, and be led out with peace.” Thank you Father.

Be satisfied. Be happy. Be delighted. Repent. Don’t spend your money or efforts on what doesn’t satisfy. Be blown away by the unfathomable God that wants to glorify you. Walk in His peace and joy.

Please pray for me as I leave Sunday to go get satisfied in Tanzania on the Word of the Lord…and the chapati of Tanzania.