Justification

I read through the book of Job recently and as always, I find it to be a strikingly intriguing book. There’s a lot of debate about the characters and the whole storyline of it all. People typically sum it up as such, Job was a good guy, God allowed Satan to afflict him, Job argued with a few friends and then God showed up and talked about creating a bunch of random stuff.


There’s a guy in the story that is often overlooked and his name is Elihu. Elihu is a young guy that waits his turn to talk and really sets the stage for God to burst in and speak out of the whirlwind (how righteous is that imagery?). Elihu comes on the scene in Job 32 and I love his introduction:


 “So these three men (Job’s friends) stopped answering Job, because he was righteous in his own eyes. But Elihu son of Barakel the Buzite, of the family of Ram, became very angry with Job for justifying himself rather than God. He was also angry with the three friends, because they had found no way to refute Job, yet condemned him. Now Elihu had waited before speaking to Job because they were older than he. But when he saw that the three men had nothing more to say, his anger was aroused.” (v. 1-5)


There’s a phrase in here that I find fascinating. Basically, this young guy comes in swinging. He’s angry with everyone that has just been going on and on about the situation. Its safe to say that everyone is angry with the friends, and with good reason. They are worthless comforters, as Job said. But what about Job? Why be angry with him? The Bible says at the start and the end that Job didn’t sin with his lips in this book of words and arguments (Job 1:22; 42:8). Yet this guy Elihu is mad him, really he’s mad for the same reason that moved God to put Job in his place - doesn’t this just send chills up your spine? “Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge? Brace yourself like a man; I will question you and you shall answer me.” (38:2).


He’s angry because Job justified himself rather than God.


That is a tough pill to swallow. Job didn’t do anything wrong. He was a righteous man, a prosperous man, a family man with integrity. All of a sudden everything hits the fan and he’s left high and dry. In his attempt to defend himself from his friends harsh words, Job points out how righteous he is, which is actually true. But in all of his discourses, he never justifies God, only himself. Its not until God shows up and Job is put in his place that he speaks what he should have from the get-go “I am unworthy - how can I reply to You?”(40:3).


I think that there’s something in here for us, certainly for me. God calls us to things, He calls us to be a certain person and to act a certain way. By His grace and Spirit, we actually do it sometimes. We are the people that He wants us to be. We’re like Job, we serve God, we love Him and fear Him. At some point, whether it be an attack from Satan, or a byproduct of sin and death in the world, we get hurt, something goes wrong. We ourselves didn’t do anything wrong, but now something’s amiss nonetheless.


Like Job, we often start sulking and point out how we didn’t do anything wrong. We didn’t do anything to bring this upon ourselves. We feel as though we need to defend ourselves from what others might think or say to us, like Job did in responding to his friends. We use all of our words to justify ourselves and we never stop to consider God.


You know what the funny thing is about God’s response to Job? He never tells him why He allowed all the hardship to happen. He never answers all those questions that Job and his friends posed. It seems like God comes in and talks about everything, BUT the question of why. He talks about stars, snow, mountain goats and ostriches, but doesn’t tell Job why all of this was allowed to happen to him.


What’s the point of God’s response? He’s God. That’s the point. We’re not God. That’s the first sub-point. What does it meant to justify God? It means to recognize Him as God. To agree with the Bible that He is higher, we can’t understand Him fully (Isaiah 55:8-9). We relinquish what control we think we have over our lives and tell God He is in control. We realize that He is for us and that He is working out things for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). We recognize not only that He’s on our side, but that He’s bigger than the problem. Lastly, we relinquish any thought that God needs to answer to us, that He owes us an explanation or an apology. That’s justification.


You might be doing exactly what God wants you to be doing and something blows up in your face. Now you have this huge problem and you don’t know what to do. You might be apt to say, “but I’m a pastor!” or “I’m witnessing to people at work!” or, as I’m tempted to say, “but Lord I’m way over here in Tanzania, being a missionary and helping orphans!” Just stop. He’s God. He is justified in all He does and He knows exactly what He’s doing, for this we give praise.

Suffering

At church this last Sunday, we had a guest speaker, a pastor from India. He delivered a message that I won’t soon forget. Besides the fact that I remain captivated by the country of India since even before my trip there last summer, this pastor’s knowledge of the word of God and succinct multi-layered message was quite impacting and memorable. He highlighted a scripture that I had never taken note of previously. As it should be, Paul is someone that is revered throughout Church history for his shear obedience to the Lord. His exploits to the glory of God are clear; wrote about half of the New Testament, undoubtedly the most effective missionary of all time and so on. His devotion to God is perhaps no more clearly displayed than in his exhortation to the elders of Ephesus in Acts 20. Paul says in verses 22 and 23:


“And see now I go bound in the spirit to Jerusalem, not knowing the things that will happen to me there, except that the Holy Spirit testifies in every city, saying that chains and tribulations await me.”


I find the calling of Paul among the most interesting throughout the entire Bible. When Christ appeared to Ananias before Paul was commissioned into the ministry, He said to Ananias: “I will show him how many things he must suffer for My name’s sake”(Acts 9:16). From the get-go Jesus made known this important element of walking in a divine calling: suffering.


I can’t say that such an element of the godly life jives with popular theology; not in America and not so much here either. In my book, there are two type of prosperity gospel adherents, and the prosperity gospel is no respecter of persons, there are plenty of impoverished brothers and sisters here in Tanzania that nonetheless subscribe to the theology. The first type is your prototypical Joel Osteen kind of guy. I’m not trying to bag on him, but I would make no jump in my speech to say that he and those that follow him, believe that Jesus’ painful victory on the cross entitle them to easy sailing in every aspect of their lives. I would go into this further, but this is merely a blog post and I only want to note it, not divulge through it all (click here for a little more on my thought process on Mr. Osteen). The second type is the more common type of prosperity gospel adherent. This is the person that rejects the theology mentally, but largely lives it out in practicum. They would agree with an accurate interpretation of those scriptures on suffering, bearing one’s cross and the like, but do things that make their lives more comfortable, more safe and less sacrificial. I believe that the stance of Paul and the stance of the Bible as a whole confront both of these standpoints.

I love these old Bible story art depictions... even if every character comes out a little feminine. Image via Wikipedia

I’m not intending to sound the least bit masochistic, we all know that suffering is not favorable, but I believe that there is something that is powerful, even beautiful, in such ardent devotion to God. That no matter what happens to a person, they choose to follow God. Its just like Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-Nego when they are about to be thrown into the fire. They trusted in God’s deliverance but told King Nebuchadnezzar that even if God didn’t deliver them, He would nonetheless be the one they serve and not the Babylonian gods (see Daniel 3:16-18). Yet it was in that time of such incredible trial that God met them in a powerful way; Nebuchadnezzar describing the delivering figure in the furnace to be “like the Son of God.” Seems as though those three men met Jesus even before Mary did!


And yet would they have missed such a powerful experience if they had chosen to not endure the suffering of following the Lord? Unequivocally I would argue yes, they indeed would have missed it.


It makes me wonder what it is that I’m missing in my life because of my hesitancy to suffer for His name. I feel as though the Lord perhaps knows my desire to know Him more and at the same time knows how inept I am to submit to His Spirit. My walk down this narrow path, is a bit slower I’m sure, but I do indeed see the Lord stripping me more and more of those things that I find comfort and security in. More and more, I see Him presenting me with small furnaces that I have the choice to jump into. By no means, am I on the level of those other followers of the Lord that I’ve mentioned, but I have indeed found my wife and I to be in a place of new difficulty. Its somewhat self-imposed you could say. Not that Melissa nor I have made things more difficult due to ignorance or incapability, but rather that we chose to say yes to God to follow Him to a land that is not our own and to a people that are vastly different from us. All my hopes of walking into that second year of overseas ministry as a knowledgeable veteran are yet to be brought to fruition and I’m left wondering why the last couple weeks have felt so difficult. Undoubtedly God has been good, as He always is. Yet it truly is by His goodness alone that we’re making it out here. I mean not to magnify our difficulties, because His grace is more than sufficient for us, as it was for Paul (see 2 Corinthians 12:9). But it has been nonetheless difficult. All the same, I know that this is only a stage. While there will be a time of reaping for those tears we sow (Psalm 126:5-6), there will also be another deeper level of suffering so long as Melissa and I continue to walk in the path He’s chosen for us.


I can only hope to have the resolve of Paul as he goes onto speak in the following verse of our original text. “But none of these things move me; nor do I count my life dear to myself, so that I may finish my race with joy, and the ministry which I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God” (Acts 20:24). I love this, “none of these things move me,” Paul was literally going around to different cities where people would give Him words of knowledge that he would suffer in Jerusalem, but he knew that that is exactly where he was to go. And the daunting truth that “chains and tribulations” awaited him did not sway him from fulfilling the ministry that God called him to. That’s beautiful.


Jesus is our only perfect example of what it means to be fully human and follow the Father’s will. The resurrection is infinitely more beautiful and enjoyable than the cross, but the cross is nonetheless necessary. To often we would like to skip to the resurrection without enduring the suffering of Christ. That’s unwise and we miss out on such an important element of following Jesus. The two go hand in hand. As Paul writes in Philippians 3:10-11, “that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death, if, by any means, I may attain to the resurrection from the dead.”


Let us not avoid our cross, let us not be moved by present circumstances or the foreboding future, but let us remember to allow God to meet us in the furnace. He has sent us His Spirit that we “may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings,” for this we give praise.


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*I would do my normal rundown of how things are going, but felt that Melissa's done a good job with that on her blog from the other day so check it out here.... http://becomingm.tumblr.com/

Strength

I used to think that I was a strong person. Sometimes people say that it takes a strong person to be a missionary overseas, I then wonder how in the world I’m making it out here. The emotions of being back have been overwhelming at times. I wish that I could say that they’ve all been positive, but it actually seems that most haven’t been. It just feels a little off. I try to be upbeat with the couple status updates I post on Facebook, but its been a little harder and I find myself at a bit of a loss.I look around at the fellow missionaries and perceive how well they have it all together. They are older, wiser and have a handle on things. I rarely see their emotions get to them or not know what to do in a particular situation. All the while, I can feel debilitated by all that I’m facing.


After arriving in Nairobi, we took the shuttle to Moshi the next morning. As we rode, I gazed out the window with so many things on my mind. As I looked out over the all too familiar terrain of East Africa, I was being reminded more of the hardships of living here than anything else. Melissa kept asking me if I was okay and while I said yes, I couldn’t hide from her that I was feeling a real weight. I was, and still am, feeling a weight of responsibility like I’ve never felt before and its more than I can bear in my own strength, help me Jesus.


When we got here in the late afternoon and got to see our new home, we were very pleased and realized how blessed we are. As our friends took off and left Melissa and I at the house by ourselves there was some excitement in the air, but in my soul, I also felt this sense of inadequacy for all that has been undertaken. I have always said that I want a life where people can see Christ in me due to the situation that I’m in requiring Him to move in powerful ways. I certainly have returned to that and now even to a greater degree with a wife to care for, and its not exactly romantic, its more like daunting, if not scary at times, because it is a situation that I can’t remotely handle in my own strength.

Trust: Revisited

Melissa and I are approaching a crossroads. Only three weeks ago, we had the biggest day of our life and now just a short time later we are preparing to re-launch into missionary work in Tanzania. It is a full-plate to be sure and difficult to take it all in. I feel like life just flies by and none more than the last six months. The traveling unsettledness and living out of our suitcases has been far from ideal, but its been the only way that we could see loved ones (though there are still people that we really need to hang out with!) and accomplish the things that we needed to do. And in the midst of it all, somehow we managed to get married a few Saturdays ago and will be in Tanzania in no time.


People keep asking us about when we’ll be heading back to Tanzania. All along we’ve been telling people that we were looking at the first week of July and that is still the plan as far as we know. We got all of the stuff for Melissa’s name change submitted, but are waiting on her new passport to come back. There’s nothing more we can do. Rita has itineraries picked out, but we have to wait to pull the trigger on them because they need Melissa’s new passport info. All the while, Melissa and I seem to be in this odd holding pattern. We had been telling people that our last commitment was Melissa’s friend’s wedding on June 24th, news flash, that’s tomorrow. All of a sudden, not only are we bouncing around and trying to get stuff done, but we could return to Tanzania at what seems to be the drop of a hat.


I had to take a day this week and fast for Melissa. Please be praying for my wife. She’s such a strong woman, but this is a whole new kind of weight on her. She knows what the Lord has been calling her to since she was 16, but it doesn’t change the emotional strain and the huge sacrifice that comes with leaving everything you’ve every truly known to move to the mission field in a foreign land. I didn’t help the situation much early on as I assumed the role of killjoy and devil’s advocate telling her of all the extraordinary difficulties of living on the mission field without emphasizing that the incredible lows are accentuated by the incredible (and incredibly simple) joys. I know she’s going to do great, but it’s certainly a tall order. I can only imagine what it feels like for her to be starting a month by getting married and ending it with moving for the long-term indefinite future to a foreign country. Talk about transitions!


Its during these times of trial and transition that we learn to trust. Not only do we learn to trust but we learn what or who it is that we trust in. If you trust in your country and its government entities, you trust that its “safety net” will catch you if you lose your job. If you invest a lot of money into your retirement plan, you’re trusting that it will be there when you get to the age of 55 (or 65 as it’s looking like more and more these days). If you get emotionally and physically connected to your boyfriend or girlfriend, you are trusting that they are going to be there for you forever, no matter what.


The problem with each of those things is that our trust, our reliance, is on something that is not automatically secure. They may seem secure, but looks can often be deceiving. How many stories have we heard in the last couple years of people that thought their financial future was secure and then all of a sudden, they’re up a creek without a paddle? How many people have you heard with those awful break-up stories where they’re just destroyed because their loved one left them? Everybody has had something or someone that they relied in a major way give out or give up on them. Our trust, our very faith, was tied up in that and then it’s just gone.

Image by Thorne Enterprises via Flickr

At the end of Matthew 7, as Jesus is wrapping up His most famous sermon (the one on the mount as we say), He tells a parable to encourage the people to follow all the things He just spoke. He talks about two men who were building houses. In verses 24-27, He says,

“whoever hears these sayings of Mine, and does them [trust in action], I will liken him to a wise man who built his house on the rock: and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it did not fall, for it was founded on the rock. But everyone who hears these sayings of Mine, and does not do them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand: and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it fell. And great was its fall.” (parentheses mine)

It is easy for us as Christians to say that our trust is in Jesus and that we are “on the rock,” but it would be unwise of us to act as though there aren’t countless things that are vying for our trust and faith in this world; things that seem secure as the rock is secure - sand posing as synthetic rocks if you will. When that storm hits and certain structures that we’ve built on the sand start falling down, we begin to have no other option but to cling to the rock. We then learn to start building there more. We start to learn what trust actually looks like.


Its interesting that the previous post I wrote called “Trust” was dealing with the potential of me staying in the states for the first half of 2011 and now I (and Melissa as well) are learning trust again as we prepare to head back to Moshi. Another angle this time around is that we aren’t only having to trust in God for all the things across every physical, spiritual, emotional and relational facet, but we are having to do it from a place where we feel more distant from God then we typically do. There are of course a hundred and one different theologies of what is actually happening during spiritual times like these. Our hearts are confused as to why the distance seems to be present and our heads can’t understand what caused it or why we can’t get back on board with the Lord. It sucks and makes us all the more blind to what’s actually going to happen. Our adversary doesn’t waste the opportunity to try and discourage us, driving us to immeasurable tears and countless questions. Not fun.


Its times like these that all we can do is call our emotions into alignment with the Lord’s word and move forward blindly trusting Him who sent us. That’s a scary notion. Moving forward blindly. Such a notion seems like absolute foolishness to the world, but the gospel itself is foolishness to the world (1 Corinthians 1:18).


Who do you trust? If you’re a believer, I’m sure you would quickly answer Christ. If that’s the case, and I hope it is, how does your life reflect your trust in Him? Do you have every worldly security known to man? At what expense? What does relational security look like to you? If any given loved one (or most of them) suddenly left or became far less involved, would you be okay with just you and God? He promises to be enough. He has created you and proven Himself trustworthy. If He nonetheless feels distant, are you going to go ahead with the word that He spoke to you previously? Are you going to follow His biblical principles even though He seems aloof? Who do you trust?


My family is at a crossroads and are in need of our God to come through. We trust that He will, for this we give praise.

Together-ness

(This blog was written with a previous blog of mine in mind. It was called “Single-ness” and played a role in what God did for me and Melissa… I’m not single anymore)


I am learning this word “together” in whole new measures as of late. Two weeks ago today, there was a wedding. It was my wedding. It was my and Melissa’s wedding. The day that the average person would consider the best day of their life, I would be one such person. It wasn’t only a day that I committed myself to Christ like my day of salvation, but it was even more than that. It was a day that I was again committing myself to Christ as a man that is mature enough to take on the responsibility of being a husband and together with my wife, committing ourselves to the Lord. The best day of my life.


There was so much that went into the wedding. I hope to put up more pictures soon once we get them (although you could see some on Facebook right now and the ceremony video is here on the blog). It was truly an incredible production and my talented wife would be the one to credit for all that. She really did a tremendous job down to the most minute detail. Decorations, wardrobe, ceremony and reception events, everything. And it was a lot. We got some important help in the last week or so and help from others here and there, but a lot of the footwork came down to us doing stuff ourselves. It truly monopolized most of our time over April and May. I found myself working on stuff that I don’t even know if I would've noticed if I were a guest there, but it indeed turned out beautiful.


However, not everything came together beautifully. The final product was indeed beautiful, but Melissa and I can see from the big picture that it wasn’t perfect, or at least not in the physical circumstantial aspect. A few things that didn’t work out you ask? First off, something happened to the ceremony’s sound system which messed up our perfect play list - I kid you not it was perfect, check out this line up: Mumford & Sons “Sigh No More,” Norah Jones’ “Don’t Know Why,” Jack Johnson “Banana Pancakes,” Sixpence None The Richer “Kiss Me,” Donavon Frankenreiter “Free,” The OC Supertones “So Great A Salvation,” Melody Gardot “If The Stars Were Mine,” Tyrone Wells “And The Birds Sing,” Amos Lee “Sweet Pea,” candle lighting to Jon Foreman “House of God Forever” and the processional was Phil Wickham “Divine Romance” … I rest my case. I don’t know if the general songs were played at all but Mr. Foreman and Mr. Wickham sounded like they were under water. Furthermore, Melissa spent a painstakingly long time picking out dresses for the bridesmaids, seven of the eight girls ordered through the same bridal shop and they botched the order so the girls didn’t get the dresses Melissa chose, except for my sister who paid more to get the dress because her dress shop actually did get it in time, but the other problem came too late to cancel her order. The guys suits didn’t come either, so we ended up wearing different ones. The caterer didn’t fulfill some of his promises (for example, he himself showing up to the reception).  As if all that weren’t enough, it rained on our wedding day and we scrambled the morning to change locations altogether. So yeah, you could say that not everything “came together.”


The day went by so fast and all the big problems were totally out of our hands. I can’t say how our guests felt, but it seemed like a rapid, hectic ordeal to me and Melissa. There’s just so much. I praise God that much of the stuff did work out well and even more so for those that helped us out the day of  the wedding (our families, our bridal party, our pastors, our DJ -Jessica, our Mcs - Adrian and Kelli and our point-person for the day Mona). Lord knows nothing could have happened without them. And yet, Melissa and I cringe to think about Phil singing the submarine version of “Divine Romance.”


You know when it comes down to it though, it isn’t about all that stuff anyway. I marveled and told Missy a bunch afterwards how I wish that I could have had more time to visit with all the people. That may be the only day in my life where we have both families, our closest friends from childhood, high school, college and church all together. Even Jodie, who is on furlough, came with Rita and Pastor Dave to the wedding to represent Tanzania. It was incredible. These relationships mean so much to us and it was such a wonderful sight to have all of us together in Jesus’ name to celebrate what He’s done for me and Melissa.


And yet far more than any other relationship with a friend or family member there, it meant the world to me to be holding the hand and looking into the eyes of my best friend and beautiful bride, Melissa. As I think about that day, the most prominent pictures I remember are my first look with Melissa, Pastor Bob’s pronouncement into the recessional, our first dance, and when her and I left the reception. Just Missy and I being together and enjoying the love that the Lord has put in us for one another. All that other stuff just fades away in light of such a beautiful picture that He gave us.


Melissa means the world to me. I’ve never loved another person like I love her. I’ve never known another person like I know her. I’ve never been committed to another person the way that I’m committed to her. In the moments that we share together, especially when its just the two of us, I am in awe of just how perfect she is for me and how blessed I truly am to have such a wonderful wife. 


I think that in life we get hung up on a lot of stuff that doesn’t really matter. Sure, they may enhance certain experiences or we may truly enjoy them, but I know that I am guilty of getting bent out of shape when more peripheral things don’t go my way. I then lose focus of what is important in my life, more like Who and who is important in my life. In the Old Testament, God made a very in-depth outline of how we are to live in relationships. Jesus, in Matthew 22, summed them up in two easy-to-remember parts “Love God, love people.” That’s what’s important. A huge component of love is enjoying the communion, or together-ness if you will, with the Godhead and the people that He places around us. I praise God for walking with me over these years. He’s never left me nor forsaken me, we’ve always been together. I also praise Him that He brought Melissa and I together in such a beautiful story, as well as every other person that He‘s allowed me to share in life with. 


He is faithful to do that for each person that He created. He is not only the Author and Perfecter of our faith (Hebrews 12:2), but He is the Author and Perfecter of the love that He puts in people for Himself and for one another, for this we give praise.  

"Together"
Photo Credit: Benjamin Braff - http://thebenjaminbraff.com/

Mission

Over the last several hours, I feel as though a new weight has come upon me. Its funny that a single day isn’t a very long period of time. Yet, going from eight days till the wedding to a week till the wedding felt like a huge shift. The line of where responsibility ends and feelings of anxiety begins is a bit blurry over the last day or so.


Its not hesitancy, its not cold feet, its not worry. Its just a weight. A weight of responsibility. It is a bit of realizing not only the magnitude of what Melissa and I going to walk into for our personal lives, but also the magnitude of the effect that this will have on the Kingdom. To be sure, the most important person in our marriage is neither of us. And while that’s easy enough to say for any Christian relationship, saying that God is the center, the focus and the most important Person in our relationship takes on another meaning when the couple have chosen to do something that is beyond themselves.


I’ve said it before, but I really have no interest in living a life that is meaningless or understandable. I think that God does things that are supernatural and impossible to comprehend, He then calls us into that same life. I want that. I am grieved by the moments of my life that don’t reflect Who He is. I know that it is the same for Melissa. I’ll be the first to say that I don’t know what I’m doing. I really don’t. I have friends that are missionaries or pastors and sometimes I feel like they have such a handle on things. They know what they’re doing and have effective Kingdom advancing techniques. At other times, I see into their lives at more real moments and realize that they don’t know what they’re doing either. And I really think that that is the way that God designed it, because if all of life and ministry came down to checking off a list and having things figured out, it would be nothing more than empty religion and passion would become non-existent. Praise God that such a life like that doesn’t even work.


Instead of dead religion, He calls us to go on a mission with Him. He will tell us things, but only when He wants to and only when its necessary. He could give us a perfect plan at one time and we do it and it works great for His purposes. We could then figure that that will do the trick every time, try it again, and fall flat on our face. It seems unpredictable to us, but its perfect sense to Him, whose ways our higher than our own.

Ministry

I feel a bit out of sorts. Ever since I graduated from Vanguard a few years ago, I’ve had a fairly well-defined area of expertise in regards to vocation and ministry. Over the last few months those lines have blurred to something that I can’t quite decipher. 


When I was previously in California, life was easier to understand. When I was in Costa Mesa, I was in charge of the after school program at Victoria and I served in the children’s ministries at a couple churches. When I was in Long Beach, I was the children’s pastor at a couple churches. I was single for all but a couple of months during that time and I had a pretty good handle on what life and ministry looked like. 


In step with the calling that the Lord had put on me, I moved into ultra full-time ministry when I moved to Tanzania (“full” takes on a whole new meaning when you move to the other side of the earth to “work”). Through the emotional ups and downs, I was able to get into a groove of what life in the ministry at TOA looked like; my work was blessed and my schedule became incredibly routine. My life was (and in most ways still is) devoted to the discipleship of the treasures. Again, I found my vocational ministry well-defined.


Now I’m here and I’m struggling to grasp what “ministry” looks like. Technically, I’m still on staff with Hidden With Christ, I’m still on payroll during my furlough and I’m itching to get back to the work (as we can best determine, the extended furlough is over half way over!) And while I may have responsibilities here in the states with office work and fund raising, those aren’t quite the same as being with the kids, teaching them and loving them. Office work is all well and good, but it hasn’t been the focus of my work. Fund raising can be fun and encouraging depending on who we’re speaking with, but in many instances I feel more like a salesman than I do someone that is called to the orphans of northern Tanzania. 

Survival

Last week I found myself doing something quite odd, something that I would take no pride in nor aspire to do. I watched an episode of  American Idol. My mom is a fan of the show and Melissa’s interest was peaked so as the Magic were making a big comeback against the Heat on another channel, I was sitting in the TV room watching twenty-four people trying to become one of thirteen people that would advance to the next round. Its an interesting situation to be sure. American Idol has apparently been the number one show on TV for several years now (not that I helped it become as such) and there have been myriad other shows (Survivor, Last Comic Standing, The Apprentice, etc.) that have this survival mentality that I find quite fascinating.


As I mentioned in a previous post, I’ve been reading Searching For God Knows What by Donald Miller. It is an interesting social commentary and in it he introduces an analysis called the lifeboat theory. In a nutshell, it says that people want to rank themselves in an order of whose the greatest. If a group of random people were in a lifeboat and somebody needed to be thrown off to save the rest, who would it be? This predicates the power play of survival. How that plays out in society is that we are constantly striving to be seen as important so as to receive the much needed security that comes from living in the lifeboat. For the society at large, I think the analysis is spot on. 


When you look around popular culture in the United States, its quite clear that in every realm of society this hierarchy is formed. Donald Trump is important because he’s got a lot of money. Tyra Banks is safe in the lifeboat because she‘s beautiful. Natalie Portman‘s important because she won an Oscar. Lebron James is safe in the lifeboat because he plays basketball well (not as good as Kobe though). Jerry Brown is important because he’s a powerful politician. You get the idea. 


And while such people sometimes set the culture’s pace, this isn’t just about those famous people out there. You find this mentality anywhere you find a group of people. Think about the popularity contest that is junior high and high school. Beyond that you can see the power play in full effect amongst college coeds that are vying for position as the real world approaches. The same mentality translates to the office, the business and yes, even the church. Its not hard to see where a guy like Charles Darwin would come up with a theory like survival of the fittest, when we’ve been playing this odd ranking game for so long. Its active in ways in the animal kingdom and when we choose to not allow God to define our identity and worth, it happens in our lives as well.

Movement

I had a great opportunity to speak at The Garden on Sunday in Long Beach. It was a great time seeing my friends there and to find myself right back in the community that has been and is so special to me. I really didn’t know how to prepare for what I would say. Darren said that it would be an interview type format and we would be talking about worship and justice and how that plays itself out in my context at Treasures of Africa. As I sat there waiting to go up in the morning service, I was praying and just trying to focus on the Holy Spirit and what He wanted to speak through me. It was a delight to just be used in that way and it went quite well if I do say so myself. 


As I was speaking, something came out that I believe with my whole heart. I’ll have to paraphrase myself because I don’t want to go back and check the pod cast (which you can listen to on iTunes by going to The Garden Church Long Beach in the Religion/Spirituality - Christianity section). I said something to the effect that the Kingdom of God and the Church, as the people of the Kingdom, are beautiful. They are beautiful because it is just this huge movement of people that are fulfilling the unique callings that the Lord has put on their lives. There is nothing on this world like the Church.


The more I think about it, that’s exactly what the Church is supposed to be; a movement. I am one man and by the grace and providence of God, I’ve stepped into a calling. I do indeed find it to be exciting. Not because of all the cool stuff that I’m doing, but because of all the stuff that the Lord is doing just because I’m walking in what He told me to do. It is so encouraging when people affirm, encourage and support me. It makes me that much happier to actually be walking in this small role that the Lord has entrusted to me within His Kingdom. I’m just one man though and nothing would get done if I were acting in isolation.

Familiarly Different

It is Thursday afternoon and I am in Portfolio Coffeehouse in Long Beach. This is a trip. I’m fully expecting at any moment for someone that I vaguely know to walk into the shop, because I definitely feel like I’ve walked into the past.

Its been so weird to be in the states. Its weird because everything here is so… familiar. Any changes to southern California that I’ve come across seem like mere nuances in light of the fact that this coffee shop is still the same coffee shop, my old life group is still my life group, the 55 is still the 55 and Newport Pier is still Newport Pier. True, the place that I’m sitting used to have a computer table in this spot. That’s different. But we’re still at 4^th and Junipero and its tripping me out.

I’m not the same person that sat in this same coffee shop 14 months ago. I’m different. To be honest its hard to reconcile the two things. I’ve spent the last year in Tanzania. I’m not the children’s pastor anymore and this is no longer my home. I’ve spent the last year falling in love in with 26 children in ways that so far surpassed anything that I could have imagined. Those kids, my kids, my sons and my daughters changed me. As did the culture. As did my friends there. The Lord has changed me and I’m not the same person. How could I be?

A Look Back... A Look Ahead

It seemed fitting to do an end of 2010 blog post. This was without a doubt, quite clearly and unequivocally the most life altering year of my life. The Lord has shown Himself to be faithful to me over and over again and for this I must testify...

2010

• January ~ I left my home that was the good ol' U.S. of A. and journeyed to Tanzania to take up my position at Treasures of Africa Children's Home. The tears of leaving friends and family behind were many, but the refreshment of landing in Kilimanjaro and knowing I was in the center of God's will for me was my strength. Loneliness begins to take hold of me during my three weeks at language school, detached not only from my loved ones in the states, but also my kids in Moshi for most of the week and away from significant Christian fellowship.
• February ~ My work formally starts at TOA as I finish language school. I take Awadhi to church for the first time on the first Sunday of the month and return with an interesting Facebook message from a young woman named Melissa. She seems to feel called to work at TOA; one of the bigger storylines of the year (or life if you will) truly ensues.
• March ~ I find fellowship with a short term team of other Christians my age and don't waste the opportunity to try and show off my missional long-term-ness for the first time. 
• April ~ I spend my birthday in Tanzania and it is far different than any other I've ever had. I was blessed by those friends here in Moshi and everyone at TOA. My favorite was receiving birthday greetings from my life group in Costa Mesa who managed to bring me to tears thousands of miles away.  
• May ~ My first (and truly my only time thus far) having Rita Tanzania-side. It was a refreshing time as she came along with a team that really blessed us. I received meaningful inner healing prayer from them as well. The summer wave of teams continued and I was able to meet many new people. 
• June ~ My close friend Ryan who was a significant mentor and help this year had his interns here who provided for me the closest community that I experienced this year. I was very blessed by all of them. I became a leader and elder at ICC, my church here in Moshi; the youngest elder in the history of the church.
• July ~ I met my future wife face to face for the first time the same day that my first friend from the states, Kelli, came to visit me. I began upping my prayers in regards to if anything would happen with this Melissa girl and then stuff started happening.
• August ~ I got engaged after a turbulent few weeks of courtship. At times I felt like I was crazy, but throughout it the Lord was helping me to see His hand in it all along the way. I spent the end of the month in Darjeeling, India ministering with friends and family and seeing the Lord move in powerful ways.
• September ~ I started off the month in the Himalayas and ministered there amongst people that are not supposed to be the followers of the Way that they are. I returned to Moshi the second week and began my final season of the year. Soon, Lauren and Lydia left as well and I realized just how empty my normal Moshi community was at this point. Luckily, Melissa and I were able to begin skyping frequently. I also began four months of acting worship pastor at ICC and was stretched in ministry in new ways.
• October ~ I spent the first 21 days of October doing a juice only fast. The Lord did a good work, but it wasn't all intense like I thought it would be. He increased my faith and my desire for Him and those are obviously worth the fasting. I also saw breakthrough in my relationship and conversations with Melissa. 
• November ~ I struggled in my writing and feelings of insecurity came up that I didn't realize were present. A time of testing was in full swing as the Lord brought up and began to rid out false feelings and sins that were in me. 
• December ~ I took a break from my beloved blog and didn't write for three weeks. The Lord brought me to a place of repentance and refocus. The preparation for my furlough began.

The Lord was faithful this year and I praise Him for all that He did.  I leave in just over a week for my first furlough. I don't really know how to navigate being away from the kids for that long. The main reason that I didn't write much about them above is because they haven't changed; they've been my constant, they've been my comfort over the last year. In any hard time that I fell into, a hug, a kiss, a word, a laugh, a smile, anything from any of my children would lift my spirit. They are the reason the Lord has called me here and for that I am eternally grateful to Him. He has shown Himself to me in a new way this year and I'm not the same man that left the states a year ago.

2011 is shaping up to be just as crazy for me. I do leave for my furlough in just over a week and plenty of nutty stuff will happen. I'll get to see friends and family that I haven't seen in a long while. I'll get to try my hand at being a real missionary state-side, complete with all the fundraising (or marketing if you will) that it entails. I'll get to prepare for my wedding for the first five months and then get married to an incredibly godly woman on June 4th. Along with that, I get to navigate through countless people that seem to think that they're invited to our wedding until then (we've only got about 215 spots, people, and Melissa's got a big family!). After our wedding (the sooner the better), I'll be relaunched out of the states, this time with my wife by my side. I'm already looking forward to that and whatever the Lord may bring after it... to Him be the glory for it all.

Little Girl

Lord Jesus, there's so much pain in this world
As I look into the eyes of this starving little girl
Who doesn't have a father, a mother or a friend
Whose only four years old, but nearly reaching her end
And Lord Jesus when I see her, I can't help but see
The Man on the cross staring back at me
This is what it means to love the least of these
And I don't know who else will go, but Jesus please send me
Because that was me, I was that little girl
Naked, hungry and lost with only one prayer in this world
But as soon as I said it, You were quick to save
And it took the blood of perfection, but You freely gave
And I'm so moved by Your love and moved by Your grace
That I'll help every child in this world just to catch a glimpse of Your face
You're worthy of so much more, but all I have is one life
But I'll lay it down for You, this I vow tonight.
Amen.

Brandon Michael

January 13th, 2008

Of Storms and Reflections

Before I get going on this blog, I feel like I should have literary integrity and come clean with you. Writing this blog was my back-up plan for the evening. I was supposed to skype with my folks followed by Melissa. However, I live in Tanzania and simple things don’t always go according to plan. Instead of skyping with loved ones on this Thanksgiving weekend, its been one thing after another keeping that from happening. Thursday the internet was down all day, Friday the power was out altogether, today everything was good to go except that a power surge fried the network switch for the internet upstairs and I have no way of getting on to skype. However, the good news (aside from “talking” with all of you lovely people) is that it gave me time to run to the store to pick up a few essentials and in the process found that my most frequented store has begun carrying Mountain Dew. Thank you Lord. I’m not much of a soda drinker these days, but MD has a special place in my heart. During high school I hit that drink hard; I consistently had a Blood-Mountain Dew Content Level of .08 or higher. I was legally stoked/hyper. Good times, good times. Makes me think back on life, ah the memories.

Speaking of reflecting on life (forgive my lame transition), this weekend offers me a unique opportunity to reminisce. I received an email on Thursday informing me that I’d be preaching this Sunday at ICC. Not uncommon to find that out only a few days before getting up there. I began preparing last night and I as I was asking the Lord what to speak on, he gave me the words “heartbreak” and “loneliness.” I didn’t really know what to do with those, but then He guided me to Mark 4:35-41. The first scripture that I ever preached on and haven‘t preached on against since.

My final semester of college was nuts. I did 21 units on top of working and only the Lord got me through it all. One of my classes was an upper division class on The Gospel of Mark. I loved that class and the culmination was my 14 page exegetical analysis paper on Mark 4:35-41. I was quite proud of the paper and while the Bible is enormous, I do fancy myself somewhat of an expert on those seven verses. I took all that info and crammed it into a sermon that I delivered in the Tanzanite capital of the world, Mererani, Tanzania two and a half years ago.

I’ve noticed that when I preach, and also when I write, I tend to speak out of what the Lord is teaching right then. That was certainly the case when the Lord opened my eyes to this passage that I subsequently preached on. I’ve written about what was going on in my life at that time, so I won’t bore you all with that rabbit trail. Needless to say, life was tough. I grew more in that season of my life than perhaps any other. It wasn’t pretty though; it truly was a storm like the one in this passage. The change towards righteousness took place not out of a joyous victory, but rather heartbreak. I was confused, sad and lost. The Lord spoke to me out of the storm and took me so radically in a new life direction that I stand on the other side of that storm and thank the Lord that He not only calmed the wind and waves, but used the storm to bring me to where I am today.

Lately, I find myself not only reflecting on that time of my life, but also the last year of ministry. Believe it or not, I’m wrapping up month eleven right now and I leave for my furlough in about five weeks. Nuts. Yesterday morning, as I was getting ready for work I was listening to the worship play list that I listen to every morning. I always put the play list on shuffle and as chance would have it, back to back Phil Wickham songs came on. The first was “Heaven Song” and it took me back to January when I landed in TZ and found out that Anjela had passed away while I was in transit. The second was “Divine Romance” and it took me back to my birthday in April when my Life Group sent me a affirmation video that had the song in the background. Both of those seem like so long ago now and that is because they are pretty long ago now. Its been a long year. Its been a hard year with more difficulty to come for sure. Its been a great year too though.

In a moment of unrest as I was unloading recent troubles on Melissa over skype, I could hardly continue to talk. At one point all I could muster up was “I’m not the same person that left Long Beach in December.” I don’t think I even realize how true that is. Perhaps I’ll have a better idea when I’m back in those similar situations in California. I can’t get my mind around all that’s taken place in my soul this year. I feel like I know the Lord so much better and yet am more mystified than ever. I feel like I’ve learned so much and yet know so little. I feel like I’m spending so much more time organizing my thoughts and yet have so much less clarity. It is a strange tension to be in and I can’t grasp it myself.  

This passage remains important to me and continues to teach me. In verse 38 it says that Jesus “was in the stern, asleep on a pillow.” The cool thing about exegesis is that you get more out of the little unnoticeable parts of scripture like “He was in the stern.” In boats of that time and place, the stern was the place where the helmsman sat to steer the ship. The pillow was heavy and was a normal accessory for shifting weight in the boat. So it wasn’t just that Jesus was sleeping, He was in fact asleep as opposed to steering the boat. He was asleep at the wheel. Meanwhile, the waves are crashing, the wind is blowing and the disciples are freaking out.

Remember how I said that the Lord typically leads me to preach/write on something He’s doing in me right now? Well, in reflecting on my recent feelings of frustration, anxiety and loneliness in addition to the physical changes to take place soon through taking a break from TOA, spending a longer furlough in CA and getting married in June, I realize that I am once again in a storm of sorts. The dialogue between Jesus and His disciples undoubtedly is reiterated countless times between Him and His disciples today: “Teacher, do You not care that we are perishing?” (v. 38) “Why are you so fearful? How is it that you have no faith?” (v. 40).

When the Lord first began speaking this passage to me in early 2008, it felt like I was perishing at times. To some extent, it felt like God didn’t care; like He was asleep at the wheel. I was fearful and based my charges against Him out of a lack of faith and understanding. Storms are common in our walk. There is so much in this fallen world that seeks to scare us, thus debilitating us from walking in the destinies that the Lord has put before us. When we come through these seasons of testing, He wants to know the answer to those same questions. Are you a fearful person? Do you have faith? My prayer, hope and resolution is that I will be a person that is based in faith, not fear.

Faith. The Lord has been faithful. He has increased my faith by so much over the last few years. He is using my current situations to continue to grow my faith. As we turn to Him through the storms in life, He will do that for all of us, for this we give praise.

Submission

You know the Bible is not a random book. And all those little tidbits of “advice” that you find in there aren’t random either. The Holy Spirit used some forty odd writers and delivered God’s very word to us, He then enlightens us to understanding and we figure out how we’re supposed to live this life. Sometimes you can read things in there and they can be a bit hard to swallow, or you’ll want to soften it with some poor interpretation of the scripture. Well, I’ve been learning more and more about one of those such things.

Submission is something that is in many ways a hot button topic in the Church. It plays a role in various topics from gender and church leadership to marriage and government authorities. The Bible is certainly not silent about the topic and it wouldn’t take a long look through the holy book to come across its reference in some fashion.

Trust

Basically at any moment after Sunday, my spirit (if not my “material”) seemed ready to sit down and write a post. Sunday, I’m resting it and its only been a few days since my last post. Monday, I skype with Melissa and goes a little long and there’s not enough time. Tuesday, I say tomorrow. Wednesday, I skype with Melissa again then come home and opt to clean instead. I plan on Thursday for sure until Lauren asks if I want to lead worship at their house, I go with that. Then today comes, Friday. Alright, now I’m at the computer and I’m more than ready. After all that’s happened today, I’m so ready.

You know I really like receiving feedback on my writing. Of course you know that, I complain about it constantly. My apologies, but let me explain myself further. It encourages me to hear from people, believe it or not I enjoy interaction with people in the states (go figure, I moved here nonetheless). At any rate, I received a good encouraging feedback message from a friend that I met at Vanguard. Rodrigo was certainly not a guy that I figured was reading any of my posts but nonetheless he hit me up with some encouraging words. Besides saying the normal courtesies like “you’re doing a good job,” “you write well,” and “you’re basically C.S. Lewis reincarnated” (okay, I’m fabricating a little), he gave a sound word that has certainly given me a mind frame for the last week. He shared a story about Mother Teresa and out of it encouraged me to just trust. Clarity and figuring out the how of things won’t get me close to where trust in God will. Obviously that’s a good word and after all that was on my mind last week, it was much needed.

India Post #4 - Opportunity

I have come to a deeper realization over the last week about just how precious our time is and how much we ought to take advantage of every opportunity we have to advance the Kingdom.

My short term mission in India is a world of difference between my long term ministry in Tanzania. I see the Lord’s work in both of them for sure, but they are different. Its something that I was talking to Lauren about and we were both seeing the stark difference. In Tanzania, it’s the long haul and so much of what we do is based on long term relationship building and seeing the day to day progress being made by those we minister to. It is a blessing and I rest assured that Tanzania is where God has called me to deeply impact the lives of my Treasures. Then there’s India right now. I feel as though I have to take advantage of every opportunity to ensure my mission is the utmost successful. It seems to put a little pressure on me.

Before this time, I didn’t have the most thorough short term missions mindset and now I’m having to develop it out of the larger mindset that I am indeed a long term missionary elsewhere. Before this, I had been on three outside of North America missions trips. The first one was to Poland was blessed, but it wasn’t because I felt called there, but rather I was going where my girlfriend at the time wanted to go. The following two were to Tanzania, where I had learned God would call me long term, so my focus on the here and now of those trips was overshadowed by the larger ministry to come. Because of all that, my best picture of short term missions has actually come from observing short term missionaries come in to Moshi and minister amongst the people there. That picture is hard to take in because some people walk in their short term mission with excellence and others for the most part waste their time. I know that sounds harsh and I admit that I can’t see the whole picture, but nonetheless, for all intensive purposes, it appears they would’ve missed out on what the Lord really wanted to do. Trading the Lord’s highest purpose for a few good pictures and a stamp in their passport.

India Post #3 - Honor

Written on August 24th, 2010

The last two days of ministry have been wonderful. The Lord has done so much and we see His hand on us and His presence going with us. We have been able to meet some amazing people, heroes of the faith that may never get their story told beyond what you read in this blog. Nonetheless, the Lord knows their name and is well pleased with them.

Yesterday, I had the distinct honor to minister with my team to local pastors and church leaders throughout the region. The pastors would come through one by one or two by two and would go through essentially four stations of ministry. First they would have communion administered by Pastor Claude. Then they would enter the main room and have their feet washed. Following that would be a time of laying on of hands and soaking in impartation. The final spot was for the delivery of prophetic words and Bible verses. It was a wonderful time and the presence of the Holy Spirit was thick.

I will talk about this time and the burden that I felt for the people at a different time, but I want to tell you about Pastor Claude and the honor I had to minister to him. He is an incredible man. There is a circuit of village churches throughout the area and it has been through him that over 100 churches have been planted. Over 100! That’s incredible. In a land where so much darkness has been allowed by the futility of the people’s minds, the true Heavenly reign is advancing and the Lord has given an apostolic anointing to this man to be used in incredible ways.

Intercession

The Lord has been teaching me a lot lately about intercession. This has largely come through the reading of a book simply titled Intercession. I’m a pretty regular reader, but this book has taken me embarrassingly long, mostly due to the fact that I’ve actually had a bit of a social life over the last couple months. Imagine that. No worries though, my social summer climaxed at getting engaged on Sunday and with Melissa taking off on Tuesday, I’m officially a loner again and that will only increase after I get back from India and most of the other missionaries go on furlough. Yay! I have time to read again…

Anyways, intercession. To be honest, I’ve gone a lot of my Christian life without that word even in my vocabulary. When I first heard of it, I figured it was synonymous with prayer or at best really intense prayer. This book has opened my eyes in so many ways and yet I realize I’m only at the start of this journey. Intercession is so much more than just prayer I’ve been finding. Prayer is a big part of it, but it also has to do with fasting, waiting on the Lord, praying in tongues, seeing with spiritual eyes, hearing from the Lord with specificity, and taking up a position for those whom you intercede on behalf of.

I feel as though I’m about to go through a spiritual baptism of intercession. I know that word baptism brings about different thoughts for people. There is a physical baptism that all believers should go through as an outward sign of the inward reality. There is also the baptism of the Spirit, yay controversy! Don’t worry I’m not going down that path, or at least not exactly. I believe that as we walk in the Spirit of God and in step with sanctification, we get new levels and more outpourings of the Spirit. The way that He does this is much like the physical baptism that we all go through. I am anticipating a spiritual baptism of intercession on new levels very soon.

A Story

How do you start a good story? How do you live a good story? Over the last few weeks, I have found myself in the midst of one of the best stories I’ve ever heard. Its one of the greatest stories I’ve ever heard, because I know who the Author is and I know that He does all things well. The real life story has all the suspense and great scenes that you would want in your favorite fiction book, but this is real. The Writer has chosen to use real people in real places in an effort to not only bless and write a good story, but so that people will observe and read the story and point to Him as the Giver of all good things. This is one of the many amazing stories that He’s planned since the dawn of time. It is impossible to fully capture the depth of the story in a finite world when its already been written by the eternal God. At any point in the story, any small thing, a newspaper thrown away, a rejected internship, a stolen identity could have upset the story, but it was in fact written masterfully. So how am I suppose to start this? Do I start it when I first came on the scene on April 8th, 1986? Do I start it at the age of four when I gave my heart to the Lord and His plan of redemption, blessing and purpose began in my life? Do I start it when I first got called to Tanzania? Or when I left California totally single and not knowing what God was going to do? My feeble words couldn’t match the masterful penmanship of the Lord and yet here’s my attempt to tell one of the best stories I’ve ever heard… or been a part of.

I was at the Hidden With Christ office in Tustin. As I was walking through our small office space and looking at the hangings in the hallway, I was pleased to see newspaper clippings of past and current Hidden With Christ missionaries. Lydia, Jodie and the first director Melissa Hermann were in an LA paper, Rita’s son Andy was in an OC paper and I thought that it was a cool way to witness and potentially fundraise. As I commented on them, Rita told me that it would be a good idea to contact local papers back on the central coast where I grew up and see if they would be interested in running my story about moving to Tanzania. I took on that idea and subsequently contacted a couple newspapers up in San Luis Obispo county. I was in a story that ran in the Paso Robles Press, Atascadero News, and Paso Robles Gazette. Also I was in a totally separate article in The Tribune which goes throughout the county. I was pleasantly surprised when it led to some support that came in as well as a donated laptop, on which I’m writing this story. While those things are good, the Lord had so much more planned.

Voice

I’ve reached a point where enough is enough. I’m not bitter, I’m not upset with the Lord. He has been more than gracious with me over the last several months. He has guided and directed me and I don’t doubt that I’m doing at least some of what He wants. I know for certain that I’m where He wants me today. And yet I want more and I want to hear His voice on new levels and in new ways.

When I accepted this position last summer (hard to believe its been a year already), my life sped up to new speeds that I wasn’t previously aware of. One thing led to another and I was simultaneously being called to Long Beach for a season and Moshi for the long term. I have never had so much on my mind and that hasn’t just let off, because I’m here now. Quite the opposite actually, each day seems to bring something new to ponder and get stuffed into my already active mind. Huge questions like wondering if such a woman exists that would both work well in ministry with me and would actually be called here or wondering the big time table of my life here in Tanzania are the setting for all the small questions that come into play daily like what am I going to teach the preschoolers tomorrow and how am I going to get somewhere tonight if I only have the motorbike. My mind has been going non-stop at a fast pace for a long while now.

With all of these things going on between my ears, it can be very easy to have the voice of God crowded out and take a backseat to whatever passing thought resides in the driver’s seat. I said last week in regards to my relationship with/adoption of Awadhi that “I don’t want to waste my time doing something that He’s not speaking.” That’s true. For the Lord, speaking and doing are one and the same. Think about the creation account or watching His hand move throughout the Bible. If He is completely faithful, completely honest, the Spirit of Truth Himself, He can’t say something that isn’t going to happen. The action and the word aren’t merely hand-in-hand, they are one and the same. If I want to make sure I’m acting as the Lord wants I have to be able to hear His voice as it matches up with His written word.