Generosity

You can say that I have a lifestyle job. It drastically affects my life and as taxing as it is at times, I absolutely love it. I remember when I was filling out some paperwork for our insurance with Hidden With Christ. As I was filling it out, Lydia came into my office and I asked her what she put for how many hours she works per week. Its kind of a hard thing to quantify, because it was  our “job” that drove us all the way to the other side of the earth in the first place. And time isn’t the only thing that my “job” affects. Read any blog from last year and you’ll see the emotional cost of this line of work. Not to mention the effect it has on close relationships that I have with people I’ve known for years. My lifestyle job has had a drastic effect on every area of my life. I wouldn’t trade it for the world, because the difficulties are only matched by the tremendous joys I experience with those around the kids, namely the kids.


Among the many areas that my job affects is our personal finances. Because of the line of work that Melissa and I are in we are forced to kind of live on the edge financially. In fact the entire operation at Hidden With Christ is a live by faith endeavor financially. We trust that God will provide and we realize that His major mode of financial transport is through generous people; most  Christians, many not. People will sometimes ask how we make money at TOA and how I get paid, in the framing of their question I can tell they seem to think that I must make “good money” or that that is one of the highlights of working in a developing country. I posture myself and highlight that we don’t have anything product that we’re producing that would return gains to us. In the strictly worldly sense, we’re a drain on the economy, outside of those Tanzanians that we employ.

Ministry

I feel a bit out of sorts. Ever since I graduated from Vanguard a few years ago, I’ve had a fairly well-defined area of expertise in regards to vocation and ministry. Over the last few months those lines have blurred to something that I can’t quite decipher. 


When I was previously in California, life was easier to understand. When I was in Costa Mesa, I was in charge of the after school program at Victoria and I served in the children’s ministries at a couple churches. When I was in Long Beach, I was the children’s pastor at a couple churches. I was single for all but a couple of months during that time and I had a pretty good handle on what life and ministry looked like. 


In step with the calling that the Lord had put on me, I moved into ultra full-time ministry when I moved to Tanzania (“full” takes on a whole new meaning when you move to the other side of the earth to “work”). Through the emotional ups and downs, I was able to get into a groove of what life in the ministry at TOA looked like; my work was blessed and my schedule became incredibly routine. My life was (and in most ways still is) devoted to the discipleship of the treasures. Again, I found my vocational ministry well-defined.


Now I’m here and I’m struggling to grasp what “ministry” looks like. Technically, I’m still on staff with Hidden With Christ, I’m still on payroll during my furlough and I’m itching to get back to the work (as we can best determine, the extended furlough is over half way over!) And while I may have responsibilities here in the states with office work and fund raising, those aren’t quite the same as being with the kids, teaching them and loving them. Office work is all well and good, but it hasn’t been the focus of my work. Fund raising can be fun and encouraging depending on who we’re speaking with, but in many instances I feel more like a salesman than I do someone that is called to the orphans of northern Tanzania. 

Theology of Action

I grew up in the church and have spent a lot of time listening to a lot of sermons. I then went to a Christian university and sat in a bunch of Bible classes and learned a lot. In the quick spread of information in the 21st-century, I’ve listened to pod casts, read blogs and books about God. All of this in an attempt to grow in my relationship with the Lord through glorifying Him with a proper theology; the study of God. All of this is well and good and I have indeed learned things about God and wouldn’t be ashamed to share my knowledge of the Bible and the ways of the Lord. I delight in this growing knowledge of Him.


At the same time, I have come to the realization that we learn a lot more about God through acting out our faith. The first service that I did as I began this gauntlet of speaking was at the Garden and as Darren was asking me questions on stage, I stated something that I hadn’t previously said before, but then realized that it was entirely true. I have learned more about the gospel in the last year through my relationship with 26 Tanzanian orphans than I have ever learned through all the sermons that I’ve ever heard combined. 


We always seem to have many words and can pay lip service to the Kingdom. As someone who enjoys writing and speaking, I probably am worst than most. And yet how many sermons have we heard, or even books have we read have truly changed our lives? We sometimes use that tag “changed my life” too flippantly, because the sincerity of such a change has to be played out for a much longer duration than the moment in which it happened. I will stress and strain over things I write or sermons I write and my intent is to inspire, encourage, challenge, bless, you know all those positive things that would change a person’s life. Yet in all truth, chances are I haven’t produced any words that have seriously altered someone’s life. 


Love. Isn’t that what we’re after? Jesus’ words in John 13:34-35: “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”  “Let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth.” (1 John 3:18). That is powerful stuff. I love the way the Bible builds on the same themes and love in the Kingdom of God is one of the most prominent. The implication in these verses is that we are not only defined by love, but that love is to be love in action. 

Radical

I had a nice long conversation on Sunday night with Melissa and I was sharing my heart as one might say. In the midst of exhaustion, a level of discouragement has been setting in from time to time as of late. I know the Lord has more for His people and yet I don’t know what to do in getting us all there. 


I’ve now been in California for over a month on this furlough. In so many ways, being here feels like one of the last places I want to be and yet I know that the Lord has me here for His own purposes. Five Sundays and six churches behind me, I’m left wanting. I have spoken at good churches full of people that I love and that God loves. Yet, there’s so much more that we could be doing, there’s so much more that we should be doing. 


I can’t tell if its wrong of me to say all this or if it would be wrong of me to not say it. Lord, help me. Shane Claiborne talks about a visit that he had to a church in Iraq. In seeing the vibrancy of the church and the amount of believers, he shares his amazement with the pastor. The pastor smirks and notes that America didn’t invent Christianity, we just domesticated it. 


Domestic gospel. We are to be the salt and light of the world, we are the bearers of the good news and our message comes across domicile. That’s wrong. It doesn’t even make sense and yet that appears to be what’s happening.   


Potential. That’s one thing that I kept repeating over and over to Melissa the other night. There is so much potential in the United States church. Do we really care about our witness or are we more interested in image management? There are some incredible ways that we could be living out our faith that would revolutionize not just our own lives but also the way that people see us. 

Movement

I had a great opportunity to speak at The Garden on Sunday in Long Beach. It was a great time seeing my friends there and to find myself right back in the community that has been and is so special to me. I really didn’t know how to prepare for what I would say. Darren said that it would be an interview type format and we would be talking about worship and justice and how that plays itself out in my context at Treasures of Africa. As I sat there waiting to go up in the morning service, I was praying and just trying to focus on the Holy Spirit and what He wanted to speak through me. It was a delight to just be used in that way and it went quite well if I do say so myself. 


As I was speaking, something came out that I believe with my whole heart. I’ll have to paraphrase myself because I don’t want to go back and check the pod cast (which you can listen to on iTunes by going to The Garden Church Long Beach in the Religion/Spirituality - Christianity section). I said something to the effect that the Kingdom of God and the Church, as the people of the Kingdom, are beautiful. They are beautiful because it is just this huge movement of people that are fulfilling the unique callings that the Lord has put on their lives. There is nothing on this world like the Church.


The more I think about it, that’s exactly what the Church is supposed to be; a movement. I am one man and by the grace and providence of God, I’ve stepped into a calling. I do indeed find it to be exciting. Not because of all the cool stuff that I’m doing, but because of all the stuff that the Lord is doing just because I’m walking in what He told me to do. It is so encouraging when people affirm, encourage and support me. It makes me that much happier to actually be walking in this small role that the Lord has entrusted to me within His Kingdom. I’m just one man though and nothing would get done if I were acting in isolation.

Familiarly Different

It is Thursday afternoon and I am in Portfolio Coffeehouse in Long Beach. This is a trip. I’m fully expecting at any moment for someone that I vaguely know to walk into the shop, because I definitely feel like I’ve walked into the past.

Its been so weird to be in the states. Its weird because everything here is so… familiar. Any changes to southern California that I’ve come across seem like mere nuances in light of the fact that this coffee shop is still the same coffee shop, my old life group is still my life group, the 55 is still the 55 and Newport Pier is still Newport Pier. True, the place that I’m sitting used to have a computer table in this spot. That’s different. But we’re still at 4^th and Junipero and its tripping me out.

I’m not the same person that sat in this same coffee shop 14 months ago. I’m different. To be honest its hard to reconcile the two things. I’ve spent the last year in Tanzania. I’m not the children’s pastor anymore and this is no longer my home. I’ve spent the last year falling in love in with 26 children in ways that so far surpassed anything that I could have imagined. Those kids, my kids, my sons and my daughters changed me. As did the culture. As did my friends there. The Lord has changed me and I’m not the same person. How could I be?

Be

You know, we try to make our lives about a lot of things. For whatever reason, we often feel like we need to force things and make it work. We formulate these ideas in our heads about who we are, what we do and why our lives are significant. In so many ways, I’ve fallen into this over the last however long and it certainly hasn’t been the first time I’ve found myself in this useless striving. Lord, help me to stop doing this to myself.

Call it an identity crisis, call it image management, call it what you will, this is something that I’ve struggled with for as long as I can remember. This inclination probably picked up the most steam in high school. There is so much need for godly adults to be active in the lives of our youth, because I’ve seen this search in the states and I see it here in Tanzania as well. They are searching for identity and want to define themselves by what they do. I was the epitome of this. I wanted to be a skater. I wanted to be known as a skater. I sucked at skating. Even what little natural talent I had was severely overshadowed by my lack of gall (to keep it G-rated) due to fear of hurting myself. I would skate, but never progressed much. I instead grabbed the camera, stuck with my crew and wore the right threads. They have a word for what I was in the skating community, a poser. The truth hurts. I also went through this phase where I wanted to listen to the cool music, which to many “popular” kids (which in high school means “more valuable” kids) was punk music. I started to act as though that was what I liked. I listened to MxPx as a kid and that was my “in.” That was only one band though, I needed more. People needed to know that I liked the right bands. I had to convince people I do the right things. First I had to convince myself though. I actually remember writing in my personal journal (I don’t dare call it a diary, although it essentially was) that I was now into New Found Glory and Relient K. Ouch, there’s a confession for you. The truth is more pathetic than if it were actually true that I liked those bands. The truth is I had never listened to those bands, I just heard from a friend that they were cool. I have long since listened to them a little and I, in fact, strongly dislike their sound. So much of my high school was spent trying to convey an image surrounded by the things that I’m into and the things that I do.

I wish that I could say that upon leaving my adolescence behind, I became secure in who I am. The truth is though, I just found new masks to put on and the façade became more subtle. I truly went to deeper levels with the Lord in college and as I settled into who He was shaping me into, I found new ways to perform in front of others. In a group, I’ll tune out while you’re praying so that I can plan my own prayer that will blow everyone away. At church, I’ll volunteer for a bunch of stuff so that everyone will see my servant’s heart. I’ll sing the right songs in worship and close my eyes so you all know that I’m being intimate with the Lord. I’ll speak up in conversations so that people realize how wise I am. You get the point. Now I don’t want to discredit the Lord, because the truth is that in all those things, He would put my heart in the right places at times and it was worship to Him. But I couldn’t pretend as though there wasn’t this desire to perform in front of others weaved through it as well.

Sin

Last week as I was in the hospital room, sitting at Awadhi‘s bed, I had a thought that was resounding in my head. You hear so many statistics about the ways disease and death ravage third world countries, specifically sub-Saharan Africa. As I was there in that room at Kilimanjaro Christian Medical Center, those numbers grew faces again as I realize that there are children in this ward that aren’t going to come out. I heard the cries of a family mourning just outside of Awadhi’s room in the hallway; a woman crying out loud over some child’s death, possibly hers. And this thought was resounding in my head: “Why don’t we realize the impact of our sin?”

This world has a major problem. This world is in sin. The impact of that results in all the woes that you can think of in this world. You name the ailment and its source is in sin; disease, dissatisfaction, shame, poverty, loneliness, death. When Adam and Eve chose to disobey God, which is the definition of sin, the consequences were severe and every aspect of their lives were changed as shame, poverty and death entered the world.

Himalayas Post #3 - The Gospel

Written on September 6th, 2010

Romans 1:16: “For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ, for it is the power of God to salvation for everyone who believes, for the Jew first and also for the Greek.”

We had moved on to the second hotel in another city that we were staying at and had the night free so we spent time together as a team. This was our third night in this nation, but only our first time meeting since we arrived. We were sharing about the times that we’ve had in intercession for and interaction with the people thus far. I shared what the Lord had been doing in my life over the last couple days and was encouraged by what the others were sharing. In particular, Noah and Katie shared about a young woman that worked at the previous hotel who they found out was a believer, secretly for the most part. They shared about their conversation with her and how she came to their room and they were able to pray over her. A conversation ensued in which I said something that just came out of my mouth without me thinking about it, but just resounded as truth in my soul: “When the Gospel is pure, it is unstoppable.”

Its quite an incredible thought to realize the impact that the Gospel has had on this world over the last 2000 years. It truly is the good news that has allowed millions upon millions of people to live a life that is satisfying, purposeful and full of love. The message is simple enough. Because of our shortcomings and sins, God, who is love, made and executed a divine plan for us to be reconciled to Him. He sent His beloved Son to come to Earth and pay the price for all of our sins through His crucifixion. Because He was without flaw and both God and Man, His sacrifice was sufficient for all of our sin. By the power of God, He overcame death and sin with one victorious resurrection and showed us the way to be fully human. An age old story, and ever refreshing as it is truly the best story ever written.

India Post #4 - Opportunity

I have come to a deeper realization over the last week about just how precious our time is and how much we ought to take advantage of every opportunity we have to advance the Kingdom.

My short term mission in India is a world of difference between my long term ministry in Tanzania. I see the Lord’s work in both of them for sure, but they are different. Its something that I was talking to Lauren about and we were both seeing the stark difference. In Tanzania, it’s the long haul and so much of what we do is based on long term relationship building and seeing the day to day progress being made by those we minister to. It is a blessing and I rest assured that Tanzania is where God has called me to deeply impact the lives of my Treasures. Then there’s India right now. I feel as though I have to take advantage of every opportunity to ensure my mission is the utmost successful. It seems to put a little pressure on me.

Before this time, I didn’t have the most thorough short term missions mindset and now I’m having to develop it out of the larger mindset that I am indeed a long term missionary elsewhere. Before this, I had been on three outside of North America missions trips. The first one was to Poland was blessed, but it wasn’t because I felt called there, but rather I was going where my girlfriend at the time wanted to go. The following two were to Tanzania, where I had learned God would call me long term, so my focus on the here and now of those trips was overshadowed by the larger ministry to come. Because of all that, my best picture of short term missions has actually come from observing short term missionaries come in to Moshi and minister amongst the people there. That picture is hard to take in because some people walk in their short term mission with excellence and others for the most part waste their time. I know that sounds harsh and I admit that I can’t see the whole picture, but nonetheless, for all intensive purposes, it appears they would’ve missed out on what the Lord really wanted to do. Trading the Lord’s highest purpose for a few good pictures and a stamp in their passport.

India Post #3 - Honor

Written on August 24th, 2010

The last two days of ministry have been wonderful. The Lord has done so much and we see His hand on us and His presence going with us. We have been able to meet some amazing people, heroes of the faith that may never get their story told beyond what you read in this blog. Nonetheless, the Lord knows their name and is well pleased with them.

Yesterday, I had the distinct honor to minister with my team to local pastors and church leaders throughout the region. The pastors would come through one by one or two by two and would go through essentially four stations of ministry. First they would have communion administered by Pastor Claude. Then they would enter the main room and have their feet washed. Following that would be a time of laying on of hands and soaking in impartation. The final spot was for the delivery of prophetic words and Bible verses. It was a wonderful time and the presence of the Holy Spirit was thick.

I will talk about this time and the burden that I felt for the people at a different time, but I want to tell you about Pastor Claude and the honor I had to minister to him. He is an incredible man. There is a circuit of village churches throughout the area and it has been through him that over 100 churches have been planted. Over 100! That’s incredible. In a land where so much darkness has been allowed by the futility of the people’s minds, the true Heavenly reign is advancing and the Lord has given an apostolic anointing to this man to be used in incredible ways.

Testimony

I have been very blessed over the last month or so with some friends that have come from California to work with Ryan. I’ve already mentioned Kelli who has been my friend for a few years now and we were in the same life group back in Costa Mesa. Also, Vanguard’s interns Nick, Taylor and Dalila as well as Melissa who got connected to Ryan through me and kind of a cool story of what God did and is doing in bringing her here. So these five are staying at Ryan’s place and its been really great to have a community of people around my age to share life with this summer.

Before Melissa and Kelli even got here, I mentioned to the others that I wanted to do testimonies as a group. I’ve always loved to hear stories of other believers and the work that the Lord has done in their lives and what He’s doing right now. It allows us to have better insight into those in our community and it encourages us because we realize that often some of the things they’ve gone through aren’t all that different from our own. Even for those in the group that drive you up the wall, it increases your ability to empathize with them and love them more.

So we started our testimonies a couple days ago. I got put in the hot seat first (that’s what I get for coming up with the big idea) on Wednesday. I managed to go for just over two hours. Yeah, a total snooze fest. I enjoy sharing of what the Lord is doing and has done. Because I’m so long winded I try to throw in a few completely irrelevant stories about stuff like being in a “club” as a child named after my friends stuffed bear (Club Ted) and how tea parties with girls played a part in such situations. Basically, I try to keep everyone awake, which isn’t all too dissimilar from preaching at a Tanzanian church service. After I went, Melissa shared (pushing us late into the night) and then last night Dalila and Taylor testified. Nick and Kelli are coming up next.

Kingdom

There are a lot of people in this world. Furthermore there are a lot of people that don’t know Christ, a lot of Christians sitting on their hands, a lot of people who are open to listen, a lot who aren’t and each person is on some sort of journey that we hope ends with them in the eternal Kingdom of Heaven.

I moved here because I wanted to advance the Kingdom and I wanted to obey the Lord’s voice that Tanzania is where I’m supposed to be. He has been gracious to bestow upon me the position of teacher, elder, leader and above all father. I didn’t come here on a whim and I’m certainly not leaving on one, much less anytime soon. Tanzania is where the Lord has planted me for a while to advance His Kingdom. First and foremost, with the Treasures, but His Kingdom isn’t confined to TOA. It may advance at ICC, any other church I speak at or attend, it could advance through our worship nights, through my conversations with my friends, or with George, the old guy that hangs out by the bread shop that I’ve gotten to pray with before. Nor is my work in His Kingdom confined to Tanzania.

I’ve been so blessed by some wonderful encouragements from people back in the states that have said that the blogs and other things I’m putting out are encouraging them in their own faith. For all my complaining about close friends that don’t read my blogs (my apologies), I’m truly humbled by those of you that have told me how the Lord has used the writings in your life. It is a blessing to me to know that He is still using me in any small way back in my home country, because Americans are still close to my heart and my desire is to see Americans, especially those of my generation, completely sell out for the Lord and His business. And yet, that’s not really the country I’m getting at in this particular post…

Something to Say

From time to time, I fancy myself as a writer. Call it pride if you will, but its probably mere delusion. Here’s another attempt at something meaningful…

When I was back in California, I taught kids at church. I was in a groove and whether it was Rock Harbor, Pacific Pointe or The Garden I could step in and teach the kids something about Jesus and their lives. It was fairly easy. I would have a curriculum and I would fill it out with my own ideas. Even if I was making my own curriculum like I did for the junior highers at PPC, it was more of a give and take discussion so the teaching just came naturally. I’m no longer a children’s pastor, junior high pastor or Sunday school teacher and trying to impart anything to anyone seems to have gotten harder.

Last Saturday, I preached at Pastor Unity’s Youth Conference. Sunday I preached at ICC. When did this start happening? In the states, I’m not a preacher. Culturally I realize that Tanzanian Christians want to honor Americans and feel like they could get something from us spiritually. That is true, but its far from automatic. An American is just as likely to get up there and blow a bunch of hot air as a Tanzanian, conversely a Tanzanian is just as likely to stand up and deliver a moving sermon. And yet I’m an American, although I’m young and don’t have seminary experience, I’m now a default preacher (and elder apparently).

Sacrifice and Selfishness

Thursday night worship this week was amazing. Before Lauren got back from furlough and even some sporadic nights since then, worship has consisted of me, Ryan and Alice. However, this week there was quite the crowd there. Dusty and Marlena had a team that came in addition to the Vanguard team that is here right now. I love the intimacy of three, but something special takes place when that many believers come in and worship in such a manner (Ryan is a very anointed worship leader). The worship led to about fifteen short sermons from various people and that led to a time of prayer and impartation.

I have the utmost respect for Lauren. There isn’t another peer of mine that I revere more. If you don’t know who I’m talking about, she was one of my housemates last summer and is in Moshi with an organization called Courage To Be You. She is preparing a home that will house girls broken out of the brothels in the region. Anyways, enough tooting her horn… she said something at worship that really struck me as true and I think diagnoses most of the ills of my generation. I’ll steal it from her, but to be honest she said she got it from a Beth Moore study.

She was speaking specifically to our generation and said that she sees our biggest ailment as unwillingness to sacrifice specifically stemming from selfishness. I concur.

Church

I have decided to resist them the temptation of doing a reprisal and revisiting last week’s topic of singleness. I got a grip more feedback on that blog as opposed to previous ones and even had a couple friends ready to set me up (do you realize you’d be sending your loved ones to live in Africa?) Second observation, other than one random comment from a guy friend, all of my responses were from women. It would be easy for me to think that the reason for this is because women are more interested in “relationships” or lack thereof as in the previous writing. And yet, I believe a more accurate extrapolation would be that the vast majority of those that read my blogs are women, period. Guys don’t really sit down and read blogs unless I sat down and talked about why the Lakers are better than the Cavs (if Stick doesn’t comment I know he didn’t read this). Most guy friends that have contacted me have told me that they haven’t read all the blogs or “need to catch up” which translates, “I haven’t read any since mid-January.” So, most of my readers are women, the people that email me mostly women, two of my three colleagues, the majority of the workers at TOA, there are six more girls at TOA as opposed to boys, and the majority of the missionaries are all WOMEN. The feminization of Brandon unfolding before your very eyes… and yet what is the one thing that I want? A WOMAN in my life. Funny how these things figure. But there are other relationships that are important and God-ordained (note transition)…

As I was at church on Sunday the Holy Spirit brought a question to my mind. How would my life at TOA and in Moshi be different, if I were going to the Garden? Now of course this connection is impossible to translate across the physical and cultural boundaries, but just imagine with me for a second. Okay, let’s say I’m not the Children’s Pastor like I used to be, because I work at TOA. But on Sundays, the services are the same, I meet with my life group on Thursdays and get coffee with friends from church regularly. But I lived in Moshi and worked at TOA. Would my life or my experience look different? COMPLETELY!

Much to my chagrin, I don’t go to the Garden anymore. I do go to a good church here called International Christian Center (ICC). But there would be no point in me pretending that its my preference. I like the people there and I enjoy going. This Sunday was…unique. The second service, which I attend, is designed to be evolving into an international service and is completely in English. The Senior Pastor, Pastor Shoo is a very gifted and intelligent man and a personal friend. But with this congregation, he is very hands off and so he doesn’t come most Sundays (he also is the head of New Life Foundation, travels frequently and has at least one other congregation that I know of). So the responsibility falls on other NLF workers, namely Ryan. Well, Ryan was off ministering in Manyara this Sunday. With him not there, the worship was done by the Fountain of Hope students who did a good job and I’m increasingly impressed with a couple of them and their growing leadership. Nonetheless, it was different. They go a little heavy on the keyboard and like most churches I’ve been to in Moshi use these awkward pre-programmed drum beats that come on the keyboard. It gets a little distracting, but the worship was relatively good, very Tanzanian (not the Masai drum thumping worship, I LOVE THAT, it was like normal Tanzanian church worship). Anyway, after worship we took up the offering and then Patrick (a NLF employee) asked me to come up and pray for the preacher. It was spontaneous but not abnormal for here. I came up and whispered asking him who was preaching today and he muttered something, but I didn’t understand. So I just prayed in the general “Lord anoint their words” prayer. I said amen and looked up to see Patrick talking to a visitor Mike, who is a friend of mine and a missionary here, he is actually in my small group. This was the first time I’d seen his family at ICC though. Patrick came back to me and asked “are you the one preaching?” and I chuckled and said “no.” Then I gave the mic to Patrick and he went on to explain that Ryan had appointed someone to preach, but he didn’t know who it was and asked the congregation who is supposed to be preaching. No one moved, no one spoke. So Patrick humbly asked Mike to come up and share whatever is on his heart. I have a new level of respect for Mike, because he got up and just delivered a sermon on self-control and didn’t bat an eye. I’m really glad that he was there, or I’m pretty sure that I would have had to give the impromptu sermon! Apparently, the NLF guy that was supposed to be preaching left after first service and left our visitor Mike (who didn’t know he was even coming to ICC until 15 minutes after the worship had started) up there to do his thing.

Church is different here. Witnessing that experience along with what the Lord put on my heart during worship, got me thinking. What is my role within the church supposed to be here? When I was here last summer, I preached four times. I did that because I was a visitor, a short termer, and that’s what short termers are supposed to do. I enjoyed it, but I’ve never felt called to be a pastor or a preacher. Now, I live here and I don’t know what my mode of operation is to be in regards to church life. I’m not going to go visit a bunch of churches and preach. I’m a missionary, but my service is to father and educate orphans, I didn’t come here to preach.

And yet, I’m going to preach. Its inevitable. I’m white, I’m a missionary, I’m whatever a preacher is supposed to be to Tanzanians. If I were in California still, no one would expect me to preach. I don’t think Darren or John Blue would scoot over in the pulpit for me even if I asked. I’ll teach kids. I’ll facilitate a life group. But my major wasn’t Biblical Studies, I don’t have an M. Div. nor did I go to any special Bible training. I’ll be a lay person. Here though, no one has gone to a university to become a pastor, they just love the Lord and preaching is something that comes out. Ryan mentioned how in many villages here, the pastor is whoever can read the Bible to everyone else. How’s that for qualifications? If you want to be a missionary here, forget about that degree in intercultural studies, the thesis paper, and choosing an organization, if you can read and you like rice and beans, come on down, we’ll find a congregation for you.

The Lord has put it on my heart to help and impart myself to ICC. During discipleship today (I write at night and post the next morning) I talked with Ryan about the direction of ICC and told him that I’m willing to fill whatever need they might have. I’m not going to do children’s ministry. I have 26 kids now and that is my life. Just over the last couple days, I’m feeling an increased calling to bless that second service at ICC. Its okay that the services are different, we are truly a multi-cultural congregation and there is freedom for people to worship in one service or the other or both. I’ve never felt called to be a preacher, but by the Holy Spirit’s help, I’ll preach at ICC regularly. I’ve never envisioned myself leading worship (not just drumming, but playing guitar and leading) in a church service, but I’ve just made myself the second service alternate if Ryan can’t show up (any other day, I will be drumming.) These aren’t things that I envisioned myself or felt called to. They are things that the Holy Spirit can do through me though. I am called to my church. I am called to the church. If you believe in Jesus and have entered into that blessed relationship, you are called to His body, His church with Him as the Head. I sat on my butt, for over a year at Rock Harbor before serving in children’s ministry. When I got up and did something, it was amazing! The Lord used that experience to prepare me for increased roles at Pacific Pointe and The Garden. When I joined the Modern Lovers (miss you guys) I wasn’t expecting nor feeling called to lead the group. There was a need and I wanted to bless my church. A lot of the time, that’s what it takes. You are called to serve and bless your church, it may be weird or awkward or you may not want to, but you are called nonetheless. In that though, know that the Holy Spirit will prepare you and use you in the work. For this we give praise.

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The Rundown: Its been a pretty eventful week. Many of the kids have recovered from being sick, including Awadhi. His fever came down and we noted that it was the first time that his fever was that high without him going into convulsions, so praise God for that. Still Lydia, Jodie and Ema all have malaria so pray for them. The last week with programs have been good, I don’t know if I’ll ever not be figuring stuff out in those regards, but I at least feel like I’m making somewhat of a difference in the education area. On Saturday, we had some visitors at the TOA. They are from an organization called Adventures in Missions and are doing something called the World Race and are going to like eleven different countries or something. Their team leader used to teach at the same school as Lydia and his squad just happens to be spending most of March in Moshi. They were over at Lydia and Jodie’s for dinner last night and I joined them. It was really cool to just sit down with American Christians that are close to my age. It really was the first time that’s happened since I was in Long Beach three months ago. I don’t know all their ages, but its still weird to me that I’m a little younger than a couple of them and thinking how I’m the long-term missionary. I’m seriously an anomaly. It’s been cool to be on the other end of the exchange though. Obviously, I’m not as experienced as Lyd and Jodie, but I’m still a long term missionary and instead of coming to visit “their” children, the team is coming to visit “my” children. I like that. They’re coming back to TOA on Saturday and I invited them to Thursday night worship. Saturday morning I met with a guy that is helping me get connected with Tanzanian Sign Language for Awadhi. Jodie and I might be beginning lessons this coming Saturday, so pray that works out. Yeah, that’s pretty much it.

"I Have Not Forgotten You"

God's grace is always sufficient. Praise the Lord.

This weekend has been in a word, normal. I cannot tell you how much joy it brings me to tell you that. This is my life. This is my work. This is my home. I'm blessed.

This week was hard and so blessed. This week was busy and so joyful. The last few days have been so good and I believe they've given me my best picture yet of what life in Moshi will look like.

Let me run through the anointed normality.

Friday was my first day really doing hands-on education stuff with the kids and it was so much fun. I busted out the play-dough and finger paint and we went through eight different colors and trying to get the kids to memorize both the English and Swahili names for each of them. I love working with kids and the preschool age always seems to be the funniest. No matter what color I held up and no matter which language I asked for, half their answers were "yellow" unless of course I held up the color yellow. Justina has really taken the game on in normal life, anytime we're together, we ask each other "rangi gani?" ("which color?") and she's starting to get them down. After that I took the three older ones upstairs for computer time. Lucy and Justina did really good, but Jerry was in way over his head so I let him go back with the toddlers outside.

The hardest part since getting back to Moshi was on Friday afternoon, when Baba Pendo and I went to pick Awadhi up from his school. I was distracted enough during the week to not focus on the fact that he wasn't there, but it hit me like a ton of bricks when we went to get him. We got there and he walked up with his caregiver and he was so lethargic. He didn't smile until we got home and saw his friends, had a snack and got back into the swing of things at TOA. I don't know what to say. I wasn't able to talk to anyone really because only one person there spoke Swahili and the rest were deaf. Keep praying. I don't know what to say, but please do pray.

Friday night, I had a great time over at Lydia and Jodie's place. They cooked a bomb meal and we were able to talk about the kids, about our lives, share stories and so on. I am feeling more and more blessed to have them and Eli as my partners in this wonderful ministry.

Saturday was a good day, mostly. It didn't start off too great. I went and picked up Awadhi and then Jodie to go to a place where a lady was supposed to meet us and hook Awadhi up with a hearing aid, but to no avail. The lady had told Jodie to come Saturday and she never showed. That is not uncommon here. The rest of the day was great though. Playing with the kids outside, singing, teaching the older boys to play guitar, and so on. The best part was Awadhi's first skype conversation with Babu na Bibi (Grandpa and Grandma) back in Wisconsin. He really got a kick out of it as did mom and dad. You'd think a deaf kid wouldn't get much out of that, but the kid is so visually geared with facial expressions and everything that he was perfectly content to stare and make faces at these wazungu on the screen.

Today was special. I had a very anticipatory sense throughout the morning and God was faithful to speak as well as give me new things to pray about and remember. I went and picked Awadhi up from TOA and then him and I went to church together just the two of us. I had heard good things about the community at this Anglican church (shout out to Scott) so him and I went there. I doubt he's ever seen so many wazungu (white/western people) in one place. He was so so so good! I didn't feel comfortable taking him to the children's service, but he did a great job sitting next to me in service, cuddling, coloring and playing with my sunglasses. The service was good, I certainly enjoyed the sermon and there was a time where the guest speaker had us hear from the Lord. It was hard to focus on her prompting with Awadhi by my side totally clueless, but in the brief moment I closed my eyes, the Lord took me back to the time when I first held Awadhi in that hospital and to think that He has brought me all the way to where my son and I are sitting in a church service together. With that came the words "I have not forgotten you." All the worries about being here not knowing what I'm doing, being single, having so much to do in a culture that is not my own, waiting on Awadhi's healing and being frustrated with his schooling, and any lack of money, all these things fall by the wayside as I remember that He remembers.

Praise the Lord. I'm not forgotten, God knows my name. Awadhi's not forgotten, God knows his name. You are not forgotten, God knows your name.

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The Rundown (SPECIAL HOME EDITION): As I said above the week was good. Progressively getting stuff done and next week will be even more normal. All the most important stuff was put above and the only other things were that had a good time in worship at Ryan and Stacy's on Thursday and we had a rad drum circle going on at the end. I took my first spill on the pikipiki on Friday. Nothing serious, just glad to have gotten it out of the way. I played indoor soccer a couple times this week with Noe at ISM which resulted in the biggest blister of my life. I was astounded and it gave me a limp for two days. And that is pretty much all I can think of.

Since this is my home, you may want to see it (or you might not, in which case, thanks for stopping by!) so I've got some pictures of life here and the places I am daily. The most important pictures were posted on Facebook this week. All the Treasures' pictures are in the album "January and February," but here are pictures of my house and my office. This is my home...

Nyumba Kwangu (My home)

My Living Room (The floor's filthy and the furniture's not mine)

I duct tape paintings to the wall, not because I live in Africa, but because I can.

The kitchen (gotta love the ugly gas tank right under the counter)

Can you spot yourself on the fridge?

Still working on that whole shower curtain thing. One of the joys of living alone.

Plenty of closet space

The mosquito net is a God send. So long as no mosquitoes get trapped inside.

My main ride. I love him so long as he doesn't kill me.

Secondary vehicle.

My office. The source of all my webcam pictures and skype conversations.

Family Family and LG Family don my desk with Awadhi and JuJu on the screen.

Risk

I can't live a domicile Christianity. That sounds so unappealing to me. I want to enjoy my life and enjoy Christ and enjoy the thrill of really following Him.

I was having a conversation over Chipotle yesterday with my pastor Darren. I always enjoy our conversations and yesterday's seemed especially poignant as I wrap up my time here in Long Beach (or California period for that matter). We were both reflecting on what the Lord's been doing in the last year since The Garden really took off, what He's doing in our church now and what the future is looking like and specifically what The Garden's future partnership with me in Tanzania is going to be like. I love dreaming with a coworker in the Harvest and Darren is up there as far dreaming workers go.

In speaking of our individual stories, one thing seems to stick out and is a recurrence when we speak with other people... our age. Darren is 25 and is a pastor to a quickly growing congregation in an internationally influential city where the diversity across socioeconomic, cultural and racial fronts is vast. I am 23 and in 6 weeks I am moving to a foreign country for a stay that can best be described as "long term indefinite" doing kingdom work that will affect not only the 27 kids at Treasures of Africa, but the nation of Tanzania as a whole. Now if I boast in anything let me boast in Christ resurrected and Him working through me by His Holy Spirit. I was a total punk in high school (and I still have my moments). I was a timid, tame and worldly Christian (is that even possible?) when I transferred to Vanguard. These great things now and on the horizon are only through His guidance and ordination and the work He's done to change my heart and my life is the biggest miracle I've experienced.

Having said all that, I can't tell you how excited I am for the road ahead of me. I think about those kids at TOA and I can't help but smile and be in awe that in all His goodness, the Lord was so gracious as to give me this position. If I've made one good decision in my life, it was taking this position. But such great joys do not come without great risk and sacrifice. I could spend a whole blog (and probably will at some point) talking about sacrifice and my experience, but today risk is on my heart.

I think that risk is inescapably attached to LIVING by faith. I think that it is possible (and often happens here in America) to have faith and be saved, but not live by faith. I was saved at the age of four with a saint named Margaret Glore who had a profound effect on my life. On that day, I professed my faith in the death and resurrection of Jesus by the power of the Holy Spirit and confessed my need for Him to pardon my sins forever. (I don't think those were the exact words of four year old Brandon, but you get my eloquent drift). I don't think that it would surprise anyone for me to say that my life wasn't radically transformed. I wasn't some wicked heathen of a four year old, I was just a four year old with four year old sin. Now I was pretty much the same kid, only now with a basic understanding of who I am to God. I lived the majority of my life with faith, but how that enacted in my life was largely non-existent. I know kids in Tanzania that will lay hands on you and you'll be healed, they've cast out demons even. Not me, my sister Bobbie and I were a part of group called Club Ted when I was a kid and we really liked to do Valentines Day parties and put on plays for our parents, but no, no demon casting. And its not even all about the supernatural, that's only a facet of the larger picture. In junior high and high school, I didn't have an evangelistic bone in my body, or one for social justice, or one for the majority of the things exemplified the disciples' lives. Yes, I was saved, I had head knowledge and knew the Bible answers and stories, I even knew the moral code in the Bible (which I even followed sometimes), but LIVING by faith wasn't really there and the risk of following an awesome and holy God wasn't there either.

Unfortunately, I don't think that this is uncommon in American Christianity. (Sidenote: I am not trying to pick on American Christians, I am an American Christian, this is my culture and I can best speak out of my own experience.) In the messy union of Christianity, consumerism and American politics, we seem to miss the risk that marks those believers in the Bible. It is very easy to follow God here and that's pretty scary. People will say to me sometimes, "Wow, you're going to be a missionary in Tanzania? God bless you that will be hard." I agree, it is going to be hard, but in all honesty its the easier path for me to choose. I could stay in California and be a Children's Pastor and get married to a woman that loves the Lord and continue to fight those desires to be complacent and just give in and consume, consume, consume. But the Lord isn't calling me or anyone else to complacency and consumerism. The reason its easier for me to live out the Gospel in Tanzania, is because its going to force me to actually rely on Him and being complacent and or consumeristic isn't an option at all.

That's one of the most inspiring things to me about my brothers and sisters in Tanzania, they are LIVING by faith, they have to. Why would we need to have faith that the Lord will provide us our daily bread? We can go to the store and get all the food we need (and all the fun superfluous things we want). That's not an option for my family there. They have to risk going hungry, have faith in His provision and then rejoice when they see that their Heavenly Baba really does provide them their daily bread.

I am always encouraged by the stories of saints past. Two that jump to mind are George Muller and Brother Yun.

George Muller (a Hidden With Christ Ministries inspiration) was a German missionary to England. The Lord gave him congregations to pastor and while he was doing so, he was moved to no longer take pay from the church. Rather, he and his wife would pray that the Lord would provide what they need day to day. Reading his biography is amazingly monotonous as radical provision and answer to prayer come to mark his life. The churches weren't big enough though. The Lord then put it on his heart to do something about the orphans throughout the nation and as the ministry grew, not only he and his wife, but thousands of orphans were literally LIVING by faith. They would only pray that the Lord would provide the food, shelter and education for these kids and it would happen, time and time again. That's risk. I want to live a life like that. I want to live a life where if God doesn't show up and do something, I, and thousands of orphans, are up a creek without a paddle, royally screwed. That's LIVING by faith. And the thing is, you can tell from his story that it wasn't even mainly about the physical care of the orphans (social justice) it was about the glory of the Lord. He wanted to live an appealing life that pointed to the existence of a gracious Father in heaven.

Brother Yun is a pioneer of the modern underground house church movement in China. I'm still reading the book, but have already read stories where he is beaten up and nearly killed for the sake of the Gospel and had it not been for the miraculous intervention of the Lord he'd be dead a long time ago. My favorite part is when he meets is his wife.

The first time Deling and I met I told her, "God has chosen me to be his witness and to follow him through great hardships and the way of the cross. I don't have any money and am always being pursued by the authorities. Do you really want to marry me?"
She answered, "Don't worry, I will never let you down. I will join with you and together we'll serve the Lord."

I need a wife like that!!! Holy love, that blows me a way. That's risk. That's LIVING by faith.

So, enough about the daunting part. There's a tremendous amount of joy that far outweighs any hardship or risk. I was speaking with my friend Megan after church on Sunday and the term "bitter-sweet" came up. "Leaving Long Beach is bitter-sweet". You know, that's the thing though, its more sweet than it is bitter and I think that's how it is supposed to be in the Kingdom. I love California and it is going to be very hard to leave, the "bitter" part if you will. But if my missing the people stateside is any indication of the sweetness of following the Lord in Tanzania, where He's called me, I am in for the most beautiful adventure ever. And I have only scratched the surface. If I (or anyone) continue to choose to follow the Lord and get through the bitter part and experience the sweet, we are going to have some amazing testimonies of the Lord when we are sweet old people (as opposed to bitter old people).

I like risk. Its exciting.

I am risking my finances and what people think of me as monetarily wise (or in Christian terms how I steward). Yeah, I have a degree from Vanguard and that cost me some loans, but people can just watch as I not only raise all the money for my missionary work but the Lord WILL pay off every single loan, and it will be soon. He is faithful. He is already taking care of my finances. I have to raise about $25,000 for a year on the field. My launch number is $7,500 to get out of the states. As of last week, I've already reached that. I've raised more in the last three and a half months then I did the previous two summers going to Tanzania. Its far from over of course, that's only 30% of what I need and monthly sponsors are the biggest need now. [Pause for fundraising ad]

If you would like to help Brandon Stiver father Tanzanian orphans you can donate at www.treasuresofafrica.org/staff/brandon_s.htm

[Back to our regular scheduled blog]

I am risking making a grip load of mistakes. I am a naive 23 year old. Darren is only 25 (but sweet mercy he walks in anointing). Our new children's director Alex is only 21 (But I'm gladly throwing her in the deep end). Like them, I'm in way over my head and I risk failing. My fear would be that the kids won't respond to the programs and my work there is voided by failure. But I want to be in over my head, that way because I can't do it the Lord will do it. I have to rely on Him and have faith that I will positively affect these kids' lives and their education.

What I'm about to say next is very contrary to American Christian life. But I have every intent on living a type of Christian life that is set on the cross. What I mean by that, is that I intend to suffer and die for the cause. I will live and I will die for the Lord. Being in Tanzania gives me more of an opportunity to do that, but I don't know where I'll be buried. I think about the great saints of old and I would love to count myself among the "blessed are the persecuted" crowd. You often hear people say "I would die for the Gospel" but how many times IN the United States would you get that opportunity. I would like to at least have the opportunity to do so. I'm not going to be the person that says "Dying is the easy part, living for the Gospel is the hard part." Yeah, maybe that's true, but you gotta admit, dying would be pretty hard. And if I risk my life for the sake of the Kingdom, I can only imagine what the sweetness of my reward in Heaven would be.

Risk it. The most you could lose is your life and the gain in life or death is of infinite worth.



...boy, long blogs are so cathartic.

Flying

I seem to have been walking in a bit of a fog for the last couple weeks. I feel like life is speeding past me and I can hardly comprehend the smallest bit of it. I don't feel distant from God, I don't feel disconnect with those I spend time with, I don't feel unproductive, I just have been walking in this perpetual surreality.

I was spending time with the Lord last night on top of Signal Hill and I was reflecting on life and how I was choosing to spend this particular Friday night and it hit me, "Holy love, its Friday!" Am I seriously at the end of another week? November 6th, what does that mean to me... it means that in two months, not "just over two months," literally in two months, I will be LIVING in Tanzania. That's nuts. That's absolutely insane. And tomorrow it will be "less than two months." "Hey Brandon when will you be living in Tanzania?" "Oh, less than two months." That blows my mind.

And that's just Tanzania.

In five weeks, I will be moving away from California where I've lived for the last 23 years (or since I was five months old, however you want to put it). The place I've laid my head and heart for so many years, peace out.

Oh here's a somewhat applicable tangent... On Saturday, I was working at Pacific Pointe's Harvest Fest and I ran into an RD from Vanguard. We are more like acquaintances, but I know both her and her husband. Good people. Anyways, she asked me what I'd been up to and I gave her the run-down. "I live in Long Beach, I am the children's director at two churches and in January I am moving to Tanzania to be the Education Director at an orphanage." We go on to talk and she says "So is that just where your heart is?" "...Yes?" That is a trick question. Not fair at all. Moshi is where I want to be. Moshi is where I'm called to. Moshi is where Awadhi and all my TOA kids are. Moshi is where my Masai brothers and sisters are. Moshi is where I have so many inspiring friends. Moshi is where my heart is... but what about other places? Paso Robles is where I grew up and where my heart is most comfortable. Costa Mesa is where I grew into a man and where I've left so many friends. Rice Lake is where my parents, brother and sister are and where my heart finds rest. Long Beach is where my church community is and where I see the Lord moving now. My heart is all over the place. So are there compartments to my heart? Is my heart confused? I try to liken it to my physical heart. My heart is a muscle, the strongest most enduring muscle. If I love you with all my heart, thats not saying that I've given you every compartment of my heart, it means that I've put my all my heart strength into loving you and I'm squeezing as tight as possible with that love muscle. I'm sure that this analogy breaks down somewhere but its the best I got.

Anyways, this fog...

Its not a spiritual fog like I've had before or other people speak of. The Lord is quite present right now. His Spirit was moving in Moshi this summer and He hasn't stopped here in Long Beach. The last few months have seen an increase in prophecy in my life to new levels (literally waking up in the middle of night with prophetic dreams getting confirmed by other people). This fog is like a focus fog. So much is happening, that it is hard to focus. If anyone is responsible for this fog its the Lord. And just as I say that, I realize this isn't really a fog, its more like a cloud. That's it. I'm flying with Jesus! WEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Cue flashback music*

After my graduation ceremony at Vanguard, I was going to go with my family to get some grub. I had driven myself so I was going to meet them there. I got into my car (Frank R.I.P.) and I felt this profound sense of the Lord's presence in my car. I literally felt Jesus sitting with me in the car and knowing that Him and I were about to start a grand adventure. I smiled. I was excited. Grinning like an idiot in the middle of a parking lot but at full peace with Who I was with and what we were embarking on. Lo and behold, only a year and a half later, I'm moving to Tanzania to begin the biggest Kingdom job of my life. I didn't know it would be so big so quick, but I'm certainly excited.

It doesn't fit my personal theology to walk slowly with Jesus. Perhaps if I am seeking rest or restoration for a season, but I want my relationship with Jesus to be more. I want my relationship with Jesus to be running and running as fast as possible. I didn't realize that in this running, Jesus could get us going so fast that we start to fly... (note continued theme)... among the clouds. That's so exciting! But sweet mercy, that can be scary and daunting.

So there you go, I'm flying with Jesus and there is no ground beneath me. I am between four cities right now (living in LB for the next month and a half, thanksgiving in Paso, Christmas and sabbath in Rice Lake, then moving to Moshi). Even beyond my location there isn't really anything that grounds me. Both of my jobs have known I'm leaving since they brought me on. As far as relationships go. I don't have my family with me, nor will I in Moshi. I do have friends here in Long Beach, but my oldest and closest friends are between Paso and Costa Mesa. And I'm single (regrettably). I have to consistently remind myself and confess during my prayer time that the only constant in my life is the Lord. I have a feeling that will be a theme in my life.

So pray that I can focus on the Lord and whatever it is He has me doing. As much as I love being in SoCal, a part of these last couple weeks has been a longing to get to Tanzania and getting to work there. So pray that He would prepare me in every aspect to fulfill my role there. If you are in California and you want to hang out before I take off, please let me know. I'd love to see you.

I bless you in the name of the Lord and pray that you will experience the joy, thrill and holy fear of flying with the Creator of the universe.

Editor's Note: Just so we have an understanding going forward, Brandon is incapable of writing short blogs. He'll try his best to make them enjoyable and a suggestion for finding time to read is to multi-task and read on the can. (Just throwing it out there).