Belief and Unbelief

I shared on Wednesday during the morning devotional time at TOA about a miracle that Jesus performed in Mark 9. There is a man who has a son who is deaf, dumb and has frequent seizures. It is a spiritually related illness that had nearly cost him his life time after time. The father brings his son forth and asks Jesus to heal him. He tells Jesus what the problem is and that it has been happening since the boy’s childhood (implying that he’s no longer a child - so it must have been a long time). Jesus tells him that “all things are possible to him who believes.” And in completely honest fashion, the man says to Jesus, “Lord, I believe, help my unbelief!” I encouraged those at devotional that this prayer is good. Jesus doesn’t rebuke him and say its not enough belief or faith. He heals his son. Elsewhere Jesus says that faith the size of a mustard seed is enough to toss a mountain into the ocean. So just because the father had some unbelief, what he did believe was enough.


That’s what I taught and am being challenged in myself. 


Last week, Melissa and I came to a point of high frustration with Awadhi’s situation. I have been praying for him and his healing for nearly four years now and his situation hasn’t gotten any better. It, in fact, appears worse. We don’t get to see him often because of his boarding school schedule, it appears we aren’t eligible to adopt him (nor do we have the money to if we were) and he’s still HIV+ and deaf. My parents were asking us about him today and I really don’t have much to say. I can’t say that there’s much good news or a positive change. That doesn’t appear to be the case and we are profoundly frustrated. Needless to say, I can relate to the father from the story.


Beyond that, things are difficult for me and Melissa here. There’s a song by Jim Croce* and its called “The Hard Way Every Time.” He talks about how he’s been through so much and realized that he’s done life the hard way with every decision. But he gets to the end of the song and says that he wouldn’t have done it any other way. I listened to that song and it resonated with me. As a bright eyed, bushy haired Christian back in SoCal, I said that I would do things the hard way a time ago and now we find ourselves in our first year of marriage on the mission field. Its nuts. Furthermore, this is Melissa’s first term as a long-term missionary, which for every single missionary brings about so many other difficulties. We’ve been getting hit from every side. Socially its hard, because of all the friends and family that we left to be here and the process of cultivating friendships here. Financially its been difficult, because half of our income has been going to our student loans and even if they weren’t there it would still be tight. Spiritually, its been difficult we don’t understand what He’s up to and its hard to rest in His will when things are so crazy around us. And of course each of those areas have a significant impact on our emotional lives. All of the madness is enough to truly discourage us and leave us wondering if this is how it is supposed to be. 


I’m not so crazy about the hard way these days; the romance of it has worn off and this post will prove insufficient to capture all that’s going on over here. Just know that its hard and its trying, leaving us tired and often discouraged. 


Its times like these when the prayer of the father in Mark is all I’ve got. I daresay that I still believe. Indeed, I still believe. I believe the Lord and for the unbelief that has been mixed in, I ask for His help. I believe that I was called here, that Melissa was called here, that God has set Awadhi aside for His glory and that His purpose will unfold in Awadhi’s life. I still believe that Awadhi will be healed, just like the man’s son in the story. If Jesus can heal a deaf and dumb, demon-possessed epileptic child, He can heal our deaf and HIV+ child.  


God is big and He can handle any struggle that we’re having. He can take a little faith, a mixed bag of belief and unbelief and perform miracles. He is able, for this we give praise. 


*Yes, I listen to Jim Croce. If you think that‘s funny or weird, then Jim Croce is too good for your iPod

Justification

I read through the book of Job recently and as always, I find it to be a strikingly intriguing book. There’s a lot of debate about the characters and the whole storyline of it all. People typically sum it up as such, Job was a good guy, God allowed Satan to afflict him, Job argued with a few friends and then God showed up and talked about creating a bunch of random stuff.


There’s a guy in the story that is often overlooked and his name is Elihu. Elihu is a young guy that waits his turn to talk and really sets the stage for God to burst in and speak out of the whirlwind (how righteous is that imagery?). Elihu comes on the scene in Job 32 and I love his introduction:


 “So these three men (Job’s friends) stopped answering Job, because he was righteous in his own eyes. But Elihu son of Barakel the Buzite, of the family of Ram, became very angry with Job for justifying himself rather than God. He was also angry with the three friends, because they had found no way to refute Job, yet condemned him. Now Elihu had waited before speaking to Job because they were older than he. But when he saw that the three men had nothing more to say, his anger was aroused.” (v. 1-5)


There’s a phrase in here that I find fascinating. Basically, this young guy comes in swinging. He’s angry with everyone that has just been going on and on about the situation. Its safe to say that everyone is angry with the friends, and with good reason. They are worthless comforters, as Job said. But what about Job? Why be angry with him? The Bible says at the start and the end that Job didn’t sin with his lips in this book of words and arguments (Job 1:22; 42:8). Yet this guy Elihu is mad him, really he’s mad for the same reason that moved God to put Job in his place - doesn’t this just send chills up your spine? “Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge? Brace yourself like a man; I will question you and you shall answer me.” (38:2).


He’s angry because Job justified himself rather than God.


That is a tough pill to swallow. Job didn’t do anything wrong. He was a righteous man, a prosperous man, a family man with integrity. All of a sudden everything hits the fan and he’s left high and dry. In his attempt to defend himself from his friends harsh words, Job points out how righteous he is, which is actually true. But in all of his discourses, he never justifies God, only himself. Its not until God shows up and Job is put in his place that he speaks what he should have from the get-go “I am unworthy - how can I reply to You?”(40:3).


I think that there’s something in here for us, certainly for me. God calls us to things, He calls us to be a certain person and to act a certain way. By His grace and Spirit, we actually do it sometimes. We are the people that He wants us to be. We’re like Job, we serve God, we love Him and fear Him. At some point, whether it be an attack from Satan, or a byproduct of sin and death in the world, we get hurt, something goes wrong. We ourselves didn’t do anything wrong, but now something’s amiss nonetheless.


Like Job, we often start sulking and point out how we didn’t do anything wrong. We didn’t do anything to bring this upon ourselves. We feel as though we need to defend ourselves from what others might think or say to us, like Job did in responding to his friends. We use all of our words to justify ourselves and we never stop to consider God.


You know what the funny thing is about God’s response to Job? He never tells him why He allowed all the hardship to happen. He never answers all those questions that Job and his friends posed. It seems like God comes in and talks about everything, BUT the question of why. He talks about stars, snow, mountain goats and ostriches, but doesn’t tell Job why all of this was allowed to happen to him.


What’s the point of God’s response? He’s God. That’s the point. We’re not God. That’s the first sub-point. What does it meant to justify God? It means to recognize Him as God. To agree with the Bible that He is higher, we can’t understand Him fully (Isaiah 55:8-9). We relinquish what control we think we have over our lives and tell God He is in control. We realize that He is for us and that He is working out things for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). We recognize not only that He’s on our side, but that He’s bigger than the problem. Lastly, we relinquish any thought that God needs to answer to us, that He owes us an explanation or an apology. That’s justification.


You might be doing exactly what God wants you to be doing and something blows up in your face. Now you have this huge problem and you don’t know what to do. You might be apt to say, “but I’m a pastor!” or “I’m witnessing to people at work!” or, as I’m tempted to say, “but Lord I’m way over here in Tanzania, being a missionary and helping orphans!” Just stop. He’s God. He is justified in all He does and He knows exactly what He’s doing, for this we give praise.

Point of View

Sometimes its difficult to live in the tension between what is happening physically and what is happening spiritually. Sometimes its hard to believe, or even imagine, that there are so many spiritual realities happening right in our midst and we continually only see what happens in the natural. It can be discouraging and requires us to be in touch with the Lord just to find reprieve by looking through the eyes of the Holy Spirit.

Great Book! Highly suggest it.
Cover via Amazon

My small group just started to go through the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan. I read the book a few years ago and absolutely loved it, so I suggested it as a good study for us. We had our initial discussion on the first chapter this last week and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Small groups are great because they bring out beliefs and thoughts that we weren’t even conscious of until we were compelled to articulate them during the conversation. Such was the case this last Thursday. 

We talked about the throne room of God. Chan shares in the complimentary video about how when he starts praying he envisions God in His true form of glory. He asks the reader what our first words would be if we were to be right there in the throne room as Isaiah was in Isaiah 6. He then says that whatever the answer to that question is, that should be the same first response when we go to the Lord in prayer. Such a profound yet clearly accurate mindset put me in a humbling position. 


I shared with the group, that I really don’t do that the vast majority of the time. Rather, I pray from where I am. If I’m frustrated, I pray from frustration. If I’m sad, then that’s where I pray from. Even if I’m overjoyed, its as though I rush into the throne room without pausing to recognize the awesomeness of God in all His glory. I don’t pray from where God is, I pray from where I am.

Music Spotlight: You Won't Relent

If you were to ask Melissa what is the song that Brandon has played most on guitar over the last several months, she would provide an answer for you quite easily. It would be this song and while I may not be able to rock it quite like the originals here, its such a powerful song no matter which way you cut it. A beautiful picture of God's pursuit of us. I was turned on to Jesus Culture last year and they have since become one of my favorite worship groups. All of there stuff is so moving and the music itself is incredible. I would definitely suggest it to ANYONE. You can put this song on and just let it move you by the power of the Spirit. Its really great and is an especially important reminder to me and Melissa right now. Enjoy.

Devotion

I don't always do what is best for me. Foolishly, I often realize it as its happening. Lord help me.


I often think back to the time that I was in Long Beach and remember it with a sense of romance. I remember what God was doing during that time and felt quite close to Him. I felt that my ministry in church was meaningful and even powerful. I saw God moving in the communities that I was involved in and it was exciting. It was the perfect staging area for my launch into the mission field of Tanzania.

I get these random images through Zemanta. To be honest, this blog doesn't need the seal of Long Beach, just because I mentioned Long Beach, but I did it anyway. Image via Wikipedia

I now often find myself taken aback and feeling like over a year and a half later, I'm further from God. I of course chalk some of this up to seeing the past through rose-colored glasses, but I know that there's more to it than just that. As I've been reminded of the last several days, that distance has a lot to do with the way that I spent my time back then. Namely that during that season, I committed myself to spending a hour with God everyday.


I remember it quite well. I lived in the upstairs of a four unit apartment complex. Our balcony was merely a walkway, but I would set up shop there and look over the city of Long Beach. On top of my spot on Signal Hill, I could see downtown LB and beyond one direction, then Belmont Shore down into Seal Beach and beyond the other way. I set up my little fold out chair, my Oswald Chambers devotional and of course my study Bible. That time was so special, so restful and in the most important way, believe it or not, productive.


Now I find myself too busy to set aside that much time. Its disgraceful really. How I spend my time is indicative of my priorities and not spending time with the Lord is a bad sign. Now, the truth is I still read my Bible everyday and I of course pray everyday, but I'm far less intentional and the time has waned considerably.


I was convicted of this through a couple sermons that I listened to the other day. I always listen to a lot of podcasts, but during my time in the states, I fell way behind. The first was by Darren at the Garden where he challenged the congregation to do very simple disciplines that would bless God and draw us close to Him during Lent ("So two rabbis get into an argument..." on The Garden Church Long Beach iTunes podcast) and the second was by Becky Tirabassi at Rock Harbor, emphasizing the importance of the Bible and having that daily time in the word ("The Good Book: Love It. Read It. Live It" on ROCKHARBOR Messages iTunes podcast) . I knew that these two messages were just for me.


I had been holding out on starting my "read it in a year" NIV Bible, because I wanted to finish reading through my entire study Bible first, which has been a multi-year project (I'm down to three Old Testament books and three New Testament books). I had read through the Bible in a year before, but was feeling enticed to do it again. I decided after listening to the sermons that I didn't need be finicky about it and when it comes to reading the Bible, I don't need to finish one project before starting another... so I'm doing both.


Still, even after all that on Friday, I'm not spending adequate time with the Lord. So the Lord put me on my back today... literally. I pulled it the other day, but re-aggravated much worse this morning bending over for shampoo in our very small shower. Melissa has been gracious enough to take care of me, but I thank God, because I haven't been able to do much other than sit around for the day. Not only did I have time to finish Rita's book on Pastor Zablon (Its great! Go get it!), but also got to read in another book, my study Bible and my daily Bible. Furthermore, I had personal time in prayer and had devotional time with Melissa too. So necessary.


Its amazing what these times of devotion can do. Today I feel refreshed spiritually and more like God and I are on the same page. I know that if I continue to do it, its going to build me up spiritually. The fifteen minutes I've been spending has been good, but I know that there's more for me as I put more emphasis on my time with Him. I'm looking forward to returning to TOA next week not only because I'll get to be with the kids, but because for the first time this year, I'll be on a normal schedule. In that schedule I can give God my first fruits of time, quality and quantity, and make sure that I'm connected to Him daily.


Its a love relationship. We spend time with people that we love and God is anything but an exception to that. I intend to spend more time devoted to Him, just us together. I know that its in those times that we find purpose, rest and focus, for this we give praise.

Jim Elliot Quote

Image via Wikipedia

I love this quote. Its well known of course, but considering what an incredibly sacrificial life he lived, it is all that more profound. Something worth writing somewhere to reflect on...


"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose."

-Jim Elliot

Suffering

At church this last Sunday, we had a guest speaker, a pastor from India. He delivered a message that I won’t soon forget. Besides the fact that I remain captivated by the country of India since even before my trip there last summer, this pastor’s knowledge of the word of God and succinct multi-layered message was quite impacting and memorable. He highlighted a scripture that I had never taken note of previously. As it should be, Paul is someone that is revered throughout Church history for his shear obedience to the Lord. His exploits to the glory of God are clear; wrote about half of the New Testament, undoubtedly the most effective missionary of all time and so on. His devotion to God is perhaps no more clearly displayed than in his exhortation to the elders of Ephesus in Acts 20. Paul says in verses 22 and 23:


“And see now I go bound in the spirit to Jerusalem, not knowing the things that will happen to me there, except that the Holy Spirit testifies in every city, saying that chains and tribulations await me.”


I find the calling of Paul among the most interesting throughout the entire Bible. When Christ appeared to Ananias before Paul was commissioned into the ministry, He said to Ananias: “I will show him how many things he must suffer for My name’s sake”(Acts 9:16). From the get-go Jesus made known this important element of walking in a divine calling: suffering.


I can’t say that such an element of the godly life jives with popular theology; not in America and not so much here either. In my book, there are two type of prosperity gospel adherents, and the prosperity gospel is no respecter of persons, there are plenty of impoverished brothers and sisters here in Tanzania that nonetheless subscribe to the theology. The first type is your prototypical Joel Osteen kind of guy. I’m not trying to bag on him, but I would make no jump in my speech to say that he and those that follow him, believe that Jesus’ painful victory on the cross entitle them to easy sailing in every aspect of their lives. I would go into this further, but this is merely a blog post and I only want to note it, not divulge through it all (click here for a little more on my thought process on Mr. Osteen). The second type is the more common type of prosperity gospel adherent. This is the person that rejects the theology mentally, but largely lives it out in practicum. They would agree with an accurate interpretation of those scriptures on suffering, bearing one’s cross and the like, but do things that make their lives more comfortable, more safe and less sacrificial. I believe that the stance of Paul and the stance of the Bible as a whole confront both of these standpoints.

I love these old Bible story art depictions... even if every character comes out a little feminine. Image via Wikipedia

I’m not intending to sound the least bit masochistic, we all know that suffering is not favorable, but I believe that there is something that is powerful, even beautiful, in such ardent devotion to God. That no matter what happens to a person, they choose to follow God. Its just like Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-Nego when they are about to be thrown into the fire. They trusted in God’s deliverance but told King Nebuchadnezzar that even if God didn’t deliver them, He would nonetheless be the one they serve and not the Babylonian gods (see Daniel 3:16-18). Yet it was in that time of such incredible trial that God met them in a powerful way; Nebuchadnezzar describing the delivering figure in the furnace to be “like the Son of God.” Seems as though those three men met Jesus even before Mary did!


And yet would they have missed such a powerful experience if they had chosen to not endure the suffering of following the Lord? Unequivocally I would argue yes, they indeed would have missed it.


It makes me wonder what it is that I’m missing in my life because of my hesitancy to suffer for His name. I feel as though the Lord perhaps knows my desire to know Him more and at the same time knows how inept I am to submit to His Spirit. My walk down this narrow path, is a bit slower I’m sure, but I do indeed see the Lord stripping me more and more of those things that I find comfort and security in. More and more, I see Him presenting me with small furnaces that I have the choice to jump into. By no means, am I on the level of those other followers of the Lord that I’ve mentioned, but I have indeed found my wife and I to be in a place of new difficulty. Its somewhat self-imposed you could say. Not that Melissa nor I have made things more difficult due to ignorance or incapability, but rather that we chose to say yes to God to follow Him to a land that is not our own and to a people that are vastly different from us. All my hopes of walking into that second year of overseas ministry as a knowledgeable veteran are yet to be brought to fruition and I’m left wondering why the last couple weeks have felt so difficult. Undoubtedly God has been good, as He always is. Yet it truly is by His goodness alone that we’re making it out here. I mean not to magnify our difficulties, because His grace is more than sufficient for us, as it was for Paul (see 2 Corinthians 12:9). But it has been nonetheless difficult. All the same, I know that this is only a stage. While there will be a time of reaping for those tears we sow (Psalm 126:5-6), there will also be another deeper level of suffering so long as Melissa and I continue to walk in the path He’s chosen for us.


I can only hope to have the resolve of Paul as he goes onto speak in the following verse of our original text. “But none of these things move me; nor do I count my life dear to myself, so that I may finish my race with joy, and the ministry which I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God” (Acts 20:24). I love this, “none of these things move me,” Paul was literally going around to different cities where people would give Him words of knowledge that he would suffer in Jerusalem, but he knew that that is exactly where he was to go. And the daunting truth that “chains and tribulations” awaited him did not sway him from fulfilling the ministry that God called him to. That’s beautiful.


Jesus is our only perfect example of what it means to be fully human and follow the Father’s will. The resurrection is infinitely more beautiful and enjoyable than the cross, but the cross is nonetheless necessary. To often we would like to skip to the resurrection without enduring the suffering of Christ. That’s unwise and we miss out on such an important element of following Jesus. The two go hand in hand. As Paul writes in Philippians 3:10-11, “that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death, if, by any means, I may attain to the resurrection from the dead.”


Let us not avoid our cross, let us not be moved by present circumstances or the foreboding future, but let us remember to allow God to meet us in the furnace. He has sent us His Spirit that we “may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings,” for this we give praise.


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*I would do my normal rundown of how things are going, but felt that Melissa's done a good job with that on her blog from the other day so check it out here.... http://becomingm.tumblr.com/

Strength

I used to think that I was a strong person. Sometimes people say that it takes a strong person to be a missionary overseas, I then wonder how in the world I’m making it out here. The emotions of being back have been overwhelming at times. I wish that I could say that they’ve all been positive, but it actually seems that most haven’t been. It just feels a little off. I try to be upbeat with the couple status updates I post on Facebook, but its been a little harder and I find myself at a bit of a loss.I look around at the fellow missionaries and perceive how well they have it all together. They are older, wiser and have a handle on things. I rarely see their emotions get to them or not know what to do in a particular situation. All the while, I can feel debilitated by all that I’m facing.


After arriving in Nairobi, we took the shuttle to Moshi the next morning. As we rode, I gazed out the window with so many things on my mind. As I looked out over the all too familiar terrain of East Africa, I was being reminded more of the hardships of living here than anything else. Melissa kept asking me if I was okay and while I said yes, I couldn’t hide from her that I was feeling a real weight. I was, and still am, feeling a weight of responsibility like I’ve never felt before and its more than I can bear in my own strength, help me Jesus.


When we got here in the late afternoon and got to see our new home, we were very pleased and realized how blessed we are. As our friends took off and left Melissa and I at the house by ourselves there was some excitement in the air, but in my soul, I also felt this sense of inadequacy for all that has been undertaken. I have always said that I want a life where people can see Christ in me due to the situation that I’m in requiring Him to move in powerful ways. I certainly have returned to that and now even to a greater degree with a wife to care for, and its not exactly romantic, its more like daunting, if not scary at times, because it is a situation that I can’t remotely handle in my own strength.

Generosity

You can say that I have a lifestyle job. It drastically affects my life and as taxing as it is at times, I absolutely love it. I remember when I was filling out some paperwork for our insurance with Hidden With Christ. As I was filling it out, Lydia came into my office and I asked her what she put for how many hours she works per week. Its kind of a hard thing to quantify, because it was  our “job” that drove us all the way to the other side of the earth in the first place. And time isn’t the only thing that my “job” affects. Read any blog from last year and you’ll see the emotional cost of this line of work. Not to mention the effect it has on close relationships that I have with people I’ve known for years. My lifestyle job has had a drastic effect on every area of my life. I wouldn’t trade it for the world, because the difficulties are only matched by the tremendous joys I experience with those around the kids, namely the kids.


Among the many areas that my job affects is our personal finances. Because of the line of work that Melissa and I are in we are forced to kind of live on the edge financially. In fact the entire operation at Hidden With Christ is a live by faith endeavor financially. We trust that God will provide and we realize that His major mode of financial transport is through generous people; most  Christians, many not. People will sometimes ask how we make money at TOA and how I get paid, in the framing of their question I can tell they seem to think that I must make “good money” or that that is one of the highlights of working in a developing country. I posture myself and highlight that we don’t have anything product that we’re producing that would return gains to us. In the strictly worldly sense, we’re a drain on the economy, outside of those Tanzanians that we employ.

Getting Ready For Our Return

So, I realize that I'm bad. I'm not just speaking to my personal depravity without the love and grace of God, but that I'm bad at blogging. I can't say that I'm uninspired, but rather I don't have a whole lot of time to set aside to write something worth reading (ahem...not that everything I write could fit under the "worth reading" category). At any rate, I will be writing again soon, but in the meantime you can check out the blog that Melissa and I have started on our personal website. You can subscribe to that as well. Stuff that goes on there won't be on my blog or on Melissa's blog. So click below and check it out! 

The Stivers In Tanzania

Trust: Revisited

Melissa and I are approaching a crossroads. Only three weeks ago, we had the biggest day of our life and now just a short time later we are preparing to re-launch into missionary work in Tanzania. It is a full-plate to be sure and difficult to take it all in. I feel like life just flies by and none more than the last six months. The traveling unsettledness and living out of our suitcases has been far from ideal, but its been the only way that we could see loved ones (though there are still people that we really need to hang out with!) and accomplish the things that we needed to do. And in the midst of it all, somehow we managed to get married a few Saturdays ago and will be in Tanzania in no time.


People keep asking us about when we’ll be heading back to Tanzania. All along we’ve been telling people that we were looking at the first week of July and that is still the plan as far as we know. We got all of the stuff for Melissa’s name change submitted, but are waiting on her new passport to come back. There’s nothing more we can do. Rita has itineraries picked out, but we have to wait to pull the trigger on them because they need Melissa’s new passport info. All the while, Melissa and I seem to be in this odd holding pattern. We had been telling people that our last commitment was Melissa’s friend’s wedding on June 24th, news flash, that’s tomorrow. All of a sudden, not only are we bouncing around and trying to get stuff done, but we could return to Tanzania at what seems to be the drop of a hat.


I had to take a day this week and fast for Melissa. Please be praying for my wife. She’s such a strong woman, but this is a whole new kind of weight on her. She knows what the Lord has been calling her to since she was 16, but it doesn’t change the emotional strain and the huge sacrifice that comes with leaving everything you’ve every truly known to move to the mission field in a foreign land. I didn’t help the situation much early on as I assumed the role of killjoy and devil’s advocate telling her of all the extraordinary difficulties of living on the mission field without emphasizing that the incredible lows are accentuated by the incredible (and incredibly simple) joys. I know she’s going to do great, but it’s certainly a tall order. I can only imagine what it feels like for her to be starting a month by getting married and ending it with moving for the long-term indefinite future to a foreign country. Talk about transitions!


Its during these times of trial and transition that we learn to trust. Not only do we learn to trust but we learn what or who it is that we trust in. If you trust in your country and its government entities, you trust that its “safety net” will catch you if you lose your job. If you invest a lot of money into your retirement plan, you’re trusting that it will be there when you get to the age of 55 (or 65 as it’s looking like more and more these days). If you get emotionally and physically connected to your boyfriend or girlfriend, you are trusting that they are going to be there for you forever, no matter what.


The problem with each of those things is that our trust, our reliance, is on something that is not automatically secure. They may seem secure, but looks can often be deceiving. How many stories have we heard in the last couple years of people that thought their financial future was secure and then all of a sudden, they’re up a creek without a paddle? How many people have you heard with those awful break-up stories where they’re just destroyed because their loved one left them? Everybody has had something or someone that they relied in a major way give out or give up on them. Our trust, our very faith, was tied up in that and then it’s just gone.

Image by Thorne Enterprises via Flickr

At the end of Matthew 7, as Jesus is wrapping up His most famous sermon (the one on the mount as we say), He tells a parable to encourage the people to follow all the things He just spoke. He talks about two men who were building houses. In verses 24-27, He says,

“whoever hears these sayings of Mine, and does them [trust in action], I will liken him to a wise man who built his house on the rock: and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it did not fall, for it was founded on the rock. But everyone who hears these sayings of Mine, and does not do them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand: and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it fell. And great was its fall.” (parentheses mine)

It is easy for us as Christians to say that our trust is in Jesus and that we are “on the rock,” but it would be unwise of us to act as though there aren’t countless things that are vying for our trust and faith in this world; things that seem secure as the rock is secure - sand posing as synthetic rocks if you will. When that storm hits and certain structures that we’ve built on the sand start falling down, we begin to have no other option but to cling to the rock. We then learn to start building there more. We start to learn what trust actually looks like.


Its interesting that the previous post I wrote called “Trust” was dealing with the potential of me staying in the states for the first half of 2011 and now I (and Melissa as well) are learning trust again as we prepare to head back to Moshi. Another angle this time around is that we aren’t only having to trust in God for all the things across every physical, spiritual, emotional and relational facet, but we are having to do it from a place where we feel more distant from God then we typically do. There are of course a hundred and one different theologies of what is actually happening during spiritual times like these. Our hearts are confused as to why the distance seems to be present and our heads can’t understand what caused it or why we can’t get back on board with the Lord. It sucks and makes us all the more blind to what’s actually going to happen. Our adversary doesn’t waste the opportunity to try and discourage us, driving us to immeasurable tears and countless questions. Not fun.


Its times like these that all we can do is call our emotions into alignment with the Lord’s word and move forward blindly trusting Him who sent us. That’s a scary notion. Moving forward blindly. Such a notion seems like absolute foolishness to the world, but the gospel itself is foolishness to the world (1 Corinthians 1:18).


Who do you trust? If you’re a believer, I’m sure you would quickly answer Christ. If that’s the case, and I hope it is, how does your life reflect your trust in Him? Do you have every worldly security known to man? At what expense? What does relational security look like to you? If any given loved one (or most of them) suddenly left or became far less involved, would you be okay with just you and God? He promises to be enough. He has created you and proven Himself trustworthy. If He nonetheless feels distant, are you going to go ahead with the word that He spoke to you previously? Are you going to follow His biblical principles even though He seems aloof? Who do you trust?


My family is at a crossroads and are in need of our God to come through. We trust that He will, for this we give praise.

the letter m

So my beautiful wife is back on with her blogging and I highly suggest it to my readers. Whereas my blogs are long, difficult to read through and border on drudgery, her blogs are more concise with short anecdotal tales of life and lots of pictures, hence they are more enjoyable than my blogs. So if you are out in cyber land and want a good blog to follow or just another way to keep up with the Stivers, especially as we'll be returning to Tanzania soon, you should check out her blog: 
the letter m on tumblr.

A picture from her blog post yesterday

Together-ness

(This blog was written with a previous blog of mine in mind. It was called “Single-ness” and played a role in what God did for me and Melissa… I’m not single anymore)


I am learning this word “together” in whole new measures as of late. Two weeks ago today, there was a wedding. It was my wedding. It was my and Melissa’s wedding. The day that the average person would consider the best day of their life, I would be one such person. It wasn’t only a day that I committed myself to Christ like my day of salvation, but it was even more than that. It was a day that I was again committing myself to Christ as a man that is mature enough to take on the responsibility of being a husband and together with my wife, committing ourselves to the Lord. The best day of my life.


There was so much that went into the wedding. I hope to put up more pictures soon once we get them (although you could see some on Facebook right now and the ceremony video is here on the blog). It was truly an incredible production and my talented wife would be the one to credit for all that. She really did a tremendous job down to the most minute detail. Decorations, wardrobe, ceremony and reception events, everything. And it was a lot. We got some important help in the last week or so and help from others here and there, but a lot of the footwork came down to us doing stuff ourselves. It truly monopolized most of our time over April and May. I found myself working on stuff that I don’t even know if I would've noticed if I were a guest there, but it indeed turned out beautiful.


However, not everything came together beautifully. The final product was indeed beautiful, but Melissa and I can see from the big picture that it wasn’t perfect, or at least not in the physical circumstantial aspect. A few things that didn’t work out you ask? First off, something happened to the ceremony’s sound system which messed up our perfect play list - I kid you not it was perfect, check out this line up: Mumford & Sons “Sigh No More,” Norah Jones’ “Don’t Know Why,” Jack Johnson “Banana Pancakes,” Sixpence None The Richer “Kiss Me,” Donavon Frankenreiter “Free,” The OC Supertones “So Great A Salvation,” Melody Gardot “If The Stars Were Mine,” Tyrone Wells “And The Birds Sing,” Amos Lee “Sweet Pea,” candle lighting to Jon Foreman “House of God Forever” and the processional was Phil Wickham “Divine Romance” … I rest my case. I don’t know if the general songs were played at all but Mr. Foreman and Mr. Wickham sounded like they were under water. Furthermore, Melissa spent a painstakingly long time picking out dresses for the bridesmaids, seven of the eight girls ordered through the same bridal shop and they botched the order so the girls didn’t get the dresses Melissa chose, except for my sister who paid more to get the dress because her dress shop actually did get it in time, but the other problem came too late to cancel her order. The guys suits didn’t come either, so we ended up wearing different ones. The caterer didn’t fulfill some of his promises (for example, he himself showing up to the reception).  As if all that weren’t enough, it rained on our wedding day and we scrambled the morning to change locations altogether. So yeah, you could say that not everything “came together.”


The day went by so fast and all the big problems were totally out of our hands. I can’t say how our guests felt, but it seemed like a rapid, hectic ordeal to me and Melissa. There’s just so much. I praise God that much of the stuff did work out well and even more so for those that helped us out the day of  the wedding (our families, our bridal party, our pastors, our DJ -Jessica, our Mcs - Adrian and Kelli and our point-person for the day Mona). Lord knows nothing could have happened without them. And yet, Melissa and I cringe to think about Phil singing the submarine version of “Divine Romance.”


You know when it comes down to it though, it isn’t about all that stuff anyway. I marveled and told Missy a bunch afterwards how I wish that I could have had more time to visit with all the people. That may be the only day in my life where we have both families, our closest friends from childhood, high school, college and church all together. Even Jodie, who is on furlough, came with Rita and Pastor Dave to the wedding to represent Tanzania. It was incredible. These relationships mean so much to us and it was such a wonderful sight to have all of us together in Jesus’ name to celebrate what He’s done for me and Melissa.


And yet far more than any other relationship with a friend or family member there, it meant the world to me to be holding the hand and looking into the eyes of my best friend and beautiful bride, Melissa. As I think about that day, the most prominent pictures I remember are my first look with Melissa, Pastor Bob’s pronouncement into the recessional, our first dance, and when her and I left the reception. Just Missy and I being together and enjoying the love that the Lord has put in us for one another. All that other stuff just fades away in light of such a beautiful picture that He gave us.


Melissa means the world to me. I’ve never loved another person like I love her. I’ve never known another person like I know her. I’ve never been committed to another person the way that I’m committed to her. In the moments that we share together, especially when its just the two of us, I am in awe of just how perfect she is for me and how blessed I truly am to have such a wonderful wife. 


I think that in life we get hung up on a lot of stuff that doesn’t really matter. Sure, they may enhance certain experiences or we may truly enjoy them, but I know that I am guilty of getting bent out of shape when more peripheral things don’t go my way. I then lose focus of what is important in my life, more like Who and who is important in my life. In the Old Testament, God made a very in-depth outline of how we are to live in relationships. Jesus, in Matthew 22, summed them up in two easy-to-remember parts “Love God, love people.” That’s what’s important. A huge component of love is enjoying the communion, or together-ness if you will, with the Godhead and the people that He places around us. I praise God for walking with me over these years. He’s never left me nor forsaken me, we’ve always been together. I also praise Him that He brought Melissa and I together in such a beautiful story, as well as every other person that He‘s allowed me to share in life with. 


He is faithful to do that for each person that He created. He is not only the Author and Perfecter of our faith (Hebrews 12:2), but He is the Author and Perfecter of the love that He puts in people for Himself and for one another, for this we give praise.  

"Together"
Photo Credit: Benjamin Braff - http://thebenjaminbraff.com/

Zablon

So, I just got back from my honeymoon with beautiful Melissa and I really need to write. Its like my soul is burning within me to not have an idle pen. Not that the fictional people that read my blog care particularly, its more like a personal issue I think. At any rate, it is nearly midnight and I typically need at least 90 minutes to write a blog worth reading, so it will have to wait at least until tomorrow.

Hey, speaking of something worth reading... My director, and spiritual mother, Rita, just wrote a new book that is now available on Amazon. Its about a personal friend of mine, his name is Zablon. He's a Masai pastor and an incredible man of God. I read the first chapter and it was great. I'm looking forward to reading the whole thing. I highly suggest the book, not only because the proceeds benefit our work at TOA, but also because its just a great testimony of the Lord's work in a single man. There are cool lion stories too! Go order it. I dare you.

Wedding Video

Video Credit: Melissa Zaldivar

Mission

Over the last several hours, I feel as though a new weight has come upon me. Its funny that a single day isn’t a very long period of time. Yet, going from eight days till the wedding to a week till the wedding felt like a huge shift. The line of where responsibility ends and feelings of anxiety begins is a bit blurry over the last day or so.


Its not hesitancy, its not cold feet, its not worry. Its just a weight. A weight of responsibility. It is a bit of realizing not only the magnitude of what Melissa and I going to walk into for our personal lives, but also the magnitude of the effect that this will have on the Kingdom. To be sure, the most important person in our marriage is neither of us. And while that’s easy enough to say for any Christian relationship, saying that God is the center, the focus and the most important Person in our relationship takes on another meaning when the couple have chosen to do something that is beyond themselves.


I’ve said it before, but I really have no interest in living a life that is meaningless or understandable. I think that God does things that are supernatural and impossible to comprehend, He then calls us into that same life. I want that. I am grieved by the moments of my life that don’t reflect Who He is. I know that it is the same for Melissa. I’ll be the first to say that I don’t know what I’m doing. I really don’t. I have friends that are missionaries or pastors and sometimes I feel like they have such a handle on things. They know what they’re doing and have effective Kingdom advancing techniques. At other times, I see into their lives at more real moments and realize that they don’t know what they’re doing either. And I really think that that is the way that God designed it, because if all of life and ministry came down to checking off a list and having things figured out, it would be nothing more than empty religion and passion would become non-existent. Praise God that such a life like that doesn’t even work.


Instead of dead religion, He calls us to go on a mission with Him. He will tell us things, but only when He wants to and only when its necessary. He could give us a perfect plan at one time and we do it and it works great for His purposes. We could then figure that that will do the trick every time, try it again, and fall flat on our face. It seems unpredictable to us, but its perfect sense to Him, whose ways our higher than our own.

Best Friend

When you get married, you should marry your best friend.

I'm going to do that on Saturday.

Evil

A few weeks ago, America came to a pinnacle moment in the modern era. So much of what has happened in our country the last ten years has centered around the terrorist attacks of September 11th. From that day on, the man at the top of the FBI’s most wanted list has been Osama Bin Laden. Of course this man was the mastermind behind the heinous attacks of September 11th. He quite clearly was a man bent towards evil and his actions followed suit.


I was at Cody and Alaina’s when President Obama made that special announcement about how the Navy Seals infiltrated the compound and killed Bin Laden. It was undoubtedly a high moment for the US Military and the President himself. The president’s approval rating goes up and a wave of patriotism sweeps over the nation.

Image from www.washingtonpost.com 

Its an interesting occurrence though, when you really think about it. Americans became happy, because the Seals did to him, what he (and his terrorist group) did to us - killing. Now, I will say that I believe it is a good thing that he is gone, for the sole reason that it could, and probably will, lead to a lot of other people not being killed in any of his terrorist attacks. However, I struggle to “celebrate” his death, or any other person’s for that matter. The Lord wanted something other for that man, but he instead chose to do evil and hardened his heart against the Lord. He subsequently died unrepentant and is now eternally separated from the love and grace of His Creator. He was a wicked man, entirely sadistic and its better for him to be dead then for him to kill other people, but its still sad. His life wasn’t merely wasted, it was hell-bent against the Kingdom of God and that’s sad. I can’t imagine what a terrible pain it would have been to lose a loved one on September 11th. And while, I hope that this can help bring closure to those precious people, I can’t imagine that it does entirely. Because whether or not some evil man that aided in their loved one’s demise is killed in Pakistan, it doesn’t bring their loved one back. An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth is far too much to ask in this situation because one man’s death isn’t equivalent to 3,000+.


I was having a conversation with Andy yesterday and we began to talk about man’s leaning towards evil. G.K. Chesterton says that that sin nature is the only part of our Christian doctrine that we can prove. I think that’s because we can take one look at the world, and realize just how much people have messed it up. This isn’t blaming it on “that person” or “that group of people,” its all of us, as humankind realizing that each of us have made decisions that were detrimental to ourselves and the world in which we live. In the case of a terrorist mastermind like Bin Laden, that’s an easy conclusion. But if in humility, we could really look at ourselves, we’d soon realize the pain that we’ve caused on ourselves and those around us. It may not be a mass murder, but its certainly not good. A person can kill others in far more ruthless ways than murdering them and none of us are above that.


One thing that Andy and I talked about is who we are when no one else is around. Its that age-old youth group proposition. Who are you when no one else is looking at you? We can all be great in the eyes of the people that see us in public settings, but we can do truly awful things behind closed doors. Whether it be a pornography addiction, slamming someone else online, suicide or any other evil that happens in private, we should realize that there is no end to the darkness we can go into.


And that common saying of “its not affecting anyone else” is just not true. The way that this world is designed is for people to inhabit it together. If you do something bad, that will negatively affect those around you. The reverse of that is equally true. If you are purchasing pornography and using it in private, that is feeding into an evil system that keeps other people, some willing and many not willing, enslaved to producing it. Furthermore, it will have a negative effect on your relationships, especially with your significant other, because you are becoming dissatisfied with them and perverting the way that you see them and the opposite sex in general. Evil spreads very easily.


And yet in this post-modern culture, people don’t want to call it like it is. I was watching the Colbert Report a few weeks ago and a man came on and was talking about a book that he wrote called “The Humanist Bible.” Clearly this man isn’t a Christian, and I’m not particularly offended by the title of his book or the contents of it. Not only because the word “bible” simply means “book,” but also because there’s no point in getting offended by non-believers, they simply don’t hold the same views as me and I can’t judge them according to things they don’t believe in (my job is to merely try and show them the Light and the freedom that I‘ve found in Jesus, before they are judged by Someone else). Anyways, he talks in the opening section about “good and its opposite.” Its interesting, he doesn’t even want to say the word “evil.” We’d like to plug our ears, close our eyes, and pretend that its not there, but how else can you explain that the twentieth century was the bloodiest century in the history of mankind? Evil exists and we must do something about it other than turning a blind eye to it.


For followers of Christ, its not enough to just get by with our salvation and punch our ticket it to heaven. Those are great things, but faith in Jesus is so much more than that. Our relationship with Him is a relationship with a General. When the Old Testament talks about God being the “Lord of Hosts” its talking about Him being the Lord over an angelic military that fights in the heavenly realm which manifests in the physical realm. We are at war with evil and we need to be more gung-ho in that pursuit. The soldier that’s revered is the one that moves in boldness and gives his entire being to the cause, whether that is in life or in death. The enemy is out there and he’s so wicked and he’s tormenting people. And our own sin nature and the evil from within is only making matters worse. We must take this seriously.


Praise be to God that He has overcome and He is overcoming. Praise Him for conquering sin and evil on the cross. He has called us into this fight for good and equipped us with His Spirit that we too may be more than conquerors, for this we give praise.

Verse of the Week: Philippians 1:20-21

So I'm struggling with this notion that for the most part, people don't really care about my blog and my mother has always told me that I'm too sensitive, so I take that probably harder than I ought to. That coupled with the craziness of planning the wedding and the inconsistent schedule that that entails has led me to not be as adamant in updating the blog and becoming more apathetic to do so. I have a couple ideas for a couple posts, but time is waning and I'm not sure it'd be worth the post. Welcome again to my love-hate relationship with blogging. Anyways, even posting the verse of the week was looked over last week, so I'm trying to make up a little by actually posting one on time this week.

I seem to be posting several verses that people "know" but they don't really know. Everybody has heard the last tag in this week's verse, but rarely know where in the Bible its found. Furthermore, memorization helps with meditation on scripture and this is certainly a verse worthwhile for both of those ventures. David Platt wrote in his recent book, Radical, about what a revolutionary concept it is to live for Christ when if you were to die that's actually a good thing. We walk around and are so afraid of death, but biblically that should be something that we look forward to. Beyond that, if we lived like the verse proposes, our lives would be inherently more risky and thus more effective and powerful. This is a challenge to me for sure and I hope that it is for you as well.

"According to my earnest expectation and hope that in nothing I shall be ashamed, but with all boldness, as always, so now also Christ will be magnified in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." -Phillipians 1:20-21

Verse of the Week: Matthew 6:26-27

This week's verse is the classic "don't worry" verse, a reminder that I need regularly. I often think that I don't worry, but then my mom tells me that I'm a big worrier and she's typically right about stuff like that. There seems to be a lot of worry going around these days, especially because of the global economic downturn. As Christians we ought to show concern and help those in need, all the while being diligent to take care of ourselves and our families. But by looking at this verse the proper biblical stance is to not worry, no matter what the circumstance.

"Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?" -Matthew 6:26-27

Brokenness

Sometimes we just get slapped in the face with a harsh reality, such has been the case over the last week or so. 

With our wedding less than a month away, Melissa and I have begun looking for birth control solutions. Since Melissa doesn’t have insurance and our finances aren’t much to write home about, we’ve had to look for the cheapest solution possible. That led us to going to Planned Parenthood.* That must be the busiest office that I’ve ever been in. We first tried to get in at the place in Costa Mesa last week and waited for two hours before they told us they couldn’t get to us. We ended up going into the San Luis Obispo one and setting up an appointment one day and came in the next to wait another two hours before the doctor got to Melissa. The point is that place was bustling, at both places that we visited.

Image by Getty Images via @daylife

The number one demographic in the busy office? Young, unwed women. I saw two guys come in for condoms and a couple others come in to get tested for STDs (I could hear them at the reception desk). But most of them were women, or girls in some instances. Of the over 25 ladies that I saw between the two offices, Melissa was one of three or four that had a ring on her finger. Some girls acted nonchalant, I saw a few tearing up, but overall it all seemed like commonplace for the people there. The saddest sight, was a timid girl that was waiting a good while, Melissa and I were heart broken to see this girl that couldn’t have been over 14 years old; she was still developing physically even. 


In our futile efforts to enjoy life apart from God, we’ve cultivated a deep brokenness through personal and corporate sins. How else can you explain such a young girl seeking services at Planned Parenthood? The sad thing is that this sort of behavior is often celebrated. I saw something on TV where Lil’ Wayne was boasting that he lost his virginity at the age of 11. The layers of society that propagate this activity is incredibly diverse. Hollywood promotes it and acts like its both normative and completely satisfying, our lawmakers pass laws that reflect a growing constituency that sexual immorality is good and so forth. Meanwhile, the average age of people having sex for the first time keeps going down while STDs, abortions and broken lives goes up.


And how are we to react as Christians? This certainly  plays out in other areas of society, but lets stick with sexuality for the time being. When we first went into the office in San Luis, we were greeted by some picketers from a local church. They were kind and cordial, but we obviously knew why they were there. As we got out of the car, one of the ladies in a big sun hat approached us with some brochures. We smiled and said thank you, she then asked if we had any prayer requests and we told her about our wedding coming up and the work in Tanzania. Since this is a sister of mine, I didn’t want her to think lowly of us, so I pulled out all the stops to show her any strand of righteousness in us. I told her how we’re getting married so we had to start birth control (implying our virginity), we oppose abortion, we work on the mission field with orphans for crying out loud. She then told us that we should go to the Community Health Center instead of Planned Parenthood. Alas, we told her that since Planned Parenthood is free and CHC isn’t, we would still be going there and we soon walked up the stairs into the place. While these ladies were kind enough, we still felt quite uneasy with the encounter. Maybe it was the grotesque images of aborted babies on their vehicle or maybe it was just the subtle finger wagging we received. It didn’t matter that we were approaching our marriage biblically, their mind was made up and we received the brunt of their views on Planned Parenthood.


How then are we to behave then, as followers of Christ? Humility is always a good place to start. We must realize that we aren’t immune to the sin and brokenness, nor is our family. 


Over the last week, Melissa and I have been engaging with a relative of hers that has caused a lot of pain to Melissa. In an attempt to show grace to this person, Melissa got burned again and it has brought up past pain as well and could potentially be detrimental to our wedding. “He’s very broken” and “he needs Jesus” are constantly on Melissa’s lips and its entirely true. This brokenness of his was passed on to him from another relative before him. Sin is a disease and it always leads to brokenness and pain. If we do not allow God to heal us and change us, we will inevitably pass it on to another. 


God created us for community and no matter what we think or want, our actions have a profound effect on others. The reason Jesus stressed discipleship is because He knew that human relationship is the most influential force in the changing of a human soul. The reverse is just as true. If we don’t abide in Christ and His righteousness, we will pass on sin and brokenness to those we are in relationship with, as opposed to the love that we find in God. That has been the case with this relative and because he hasn’t allowed God to deal with his brokenness, he has been passing it on in his interactions with Melissa and others.


It is a sad thing, but its not un-redeemable. The whole reason that Jesus came was because God recognized the brokenness of humankind and sent Him to save us, inviting us into His Kingdom of love and reconciliation. There isn’t a person on this earth that is out of His reach if they would repent and allow the Holy Spirit to do His work. And it doesn’t end there, He’s so powerful that He can topple principalities that are ingrained within societal strongholds. He is able and willing; and He’s beckoning us to join Him in this work. And that’s where we are to hang our hats. While sin begets brokenness and we pass the disease on from one person to the other, at any moment that we invite God to redeem and heal, He does just that. We are to be like Him, ministers of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:17-21). I wouldn’t say that picketing, pronouncing damnation during a time of grace or judging unbelievers according to a Book they don’t believe in will help. At the same time, the more common Christian ailment of apathy is equally detrimental. Instead we are to show compassion, integrity, righteousness, love and whole-hearted devotion to God which will automatically lead to radical engagement. The beauty is in His design of this. That we being filled with the Holy Spirit, are able to bring this work of reconciliation over brokenness to pass, for this we give praise.


----------
*I realize that Planned Parenthood is a very controversial establishment and I personally disagree with a lot of their stances on sexuality and procreation, not the least of which is abortion. However, we decided that this is the best path for us with our financial situation. The organization does offer some good services, why not utilize them for two people that have chosen to wait for their marriage to become sexually active? Why should we pay more for choosing to do it the right way? Not to mention, I’m a tax payer and a third of the organization’s funding comes from government grants and contracts. Whether or not I think they should get government funding is another thing, but the fact is right now they do receive a significant portion of money from the feds which qualifies us to use the positive non-sinful practices of the establishment.

Verse of the Week: Ephesians 4:20-24

Alright, I'm a couple days late on this this week, but here's the memory verse of the week. Its a long one, I suppose to make up for the short one last week. This verse is a reminder to the conduct of a person that the Lord has regenerated. Sometimes we feel inclined to walk in sin, but that's the old man that is fighting back and trying to act like he's still alive. As we remember from 1 Peter 2:23-24 (our verse from a few weeks ago), we have died to sin and as Paul affirms here we are created to live in righteousness and holiness as Jesus taught us.

"But you have not so learned Christ, if indeed you have heard Him and have been taught by Him, as the truth is in Jesus: that you put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according the deceitful lusts, and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness." -Ephesians 4:20-24