Music Spotlight: You Won't Relent

If you were to ask Melissa what is the song that Brandon has played most on guitar over the last several months, she would provide an answer for you quite easily. It would be this song and while I may not be able to rock it quite like the originals here, its such a powerful song no matter which way you cut it. A beautiful picture of God's pursuit of us. I was turned on to Jesus Culture last year and they have since become one of my favorite worship groups. All of there stuff is so moving and the music itself is incredible. I would definitely suggest it to ANYONE. You can put this song on and just let it move you by the power of the Spirit. Its really great and is an especially important reminder to me and Melissa right now. Enjoy.

Mission

Over the last several hours, I feel as though a new weight has come upon me. Its funny that a single day isn’t a very long period of time. Yet, going from eight days till the wedding to a week till the wedding felt like a huge shift. The line of where responsibility ends and feelings of anxiety begins is a bit blurry over the last day or so.


Its not hesitancy, its not cold feet, its not worry. Its just a weight. A weight of responsibility. It is a bit of realizing not only the magnitude of what Melissa and I going to walk into for our personal lives, but also the magnitude of the effect that this will have on the Kingdom. To be sure, the most important person in our marriage is neither of us. And while that’s easy enough to say for any Christian relationship, saying that God is the center, the focus and the most important Person in our relationship takes on another meaning when the couple have chosen to do something that is beyond themselves.


I’ve said it before, but I really have no interest in living a life that is meaningless or understandable. I think that God does things that are supernatural and impossible to comprehend, He then calls us into that same life. I want that. I am grieved by the moments of my life that don’t reflect Who He is. I know that it is the same for Melissa. I’ll be the first to say that I don’t know what I’m doing. I really don’t. I have friends that are missionaries or pastors and sometimes I feel like they have such a handle on things. They know what they’re doing and have effective Kingdom advancing techniques. At other times, I see into their lives at more real moments and realize that they don’t know what they’re doing either. And I really think that that is the way that God designed it, because if all of life and ministry came down to checking off a list and having things figured out, it would be nothing more than empty religion and passion would become non-existent. Praise God that such a life like that doesn’t even work.


Instead of dead religion, He calls us to go on a mission with Him. He will tell us things, but only when He wants to and only when its necessary. He could give us a perfect plan at one time and we do it and it works great for His purposes. We could then figure that that will do the trick every time, try it again, and fall flat on our face. It seems unpredictable to us, but its perfect sense to Him, whose ways our higher than our own.

Movement

I had a great opportunity to speak at The Garden on Sunday in Long Beach. It was a great time seeing my friends there and to find myself right back in the community that has been and is so special to me. I really didn’t know how to prepare for what I would say. Darren said that it would be an interview type format and we would be talking about worship and justice and how that plays itself out in my context at Treasures of Africa. As I sat there waiting to go up in the morning service, I was praying and just trying to focus on the Holy Spirit and what He wanted to speak through me. It was a delight to just be used in that way and it went quite well if I do say so myself. 


As I was speaking, something came out that I believe with my whole heart. I’ll have to paraphrase myself because I don’t want to go back and check the pod cast (which you can listen to on iTunes by going to The Garden Church Long Beach in the Religion/Spirituality - Christianity section). I said something to the effect that the Kingdom of God and the Church, as the people of the Kingdom, are beautiful. They are beautiful because it is just this huge movement of people that are fulfilling the unique callings that the Lord has put on their lives. There is nothing on this world like the Church.


The more I think about it, that’s exactly what the Church is supposed to be; a movement. I am one man and by the grace and providence of God, I’ve stepped into a calling. I do indeed find it to be exciting. Not because of all the cool stuff that I’m doing, but because of all the stuff that the Lord is doing just because I’m walking in what He told me to do. It is so encouraging when people affirm, encourage and support me. It makes me that much happier to actually be walking in this small role that the Lord has entrusted to me within His Kingdom. I’m just one man though and nothing would get done if I were acting in isolation.

Be

You know, we try to make our lives about a lot of things. For whatever reason, we often feel like we need to force things and make it work. We formulate these ideas in our heads about who we are, what we do and why our lives are significant. In so many ways, I’ve fallen into this over the last however long and it certainly hasn’t been the first time I’ve found myself in this useless striving. Lord, help me to stop doing this to myself.

Call it an identity crisis, call it image management, call it what you will, this is something that I’ve struggled with for as long as I can remember. This inclination probably picked up the most steam in high school. There is so much need for godly adults to be active in the lives of our youth, because I’ve seen this search in the states and I see it here in Tanzania as well. They are searching for identity and want to define themselves by what they do. I was the epitome of this. I wanted to be a skater. I wanted to be known as a skater. I sucked at skating. Even what little natural talent I had was severely overshadowed by my lack of gall (to keep it G-rated) due to fear of hurting myself. I would skate, but never progressed much. I instead grabbed the camera, stuck with my crew and wore the right threads. They have a word for what I was in the skating community, a poser. The truth hurts. I also went through this phase where I wanted to listen to the cool music, which to many “popular” kids (which in high school means “more valuable” kids) was punk music. I started to act as though that was what I liked. I listened to MxPx as a kid and that was my “in.” That was only one band though, I needed more. People needed to know that I liked the right bands. I had to convince people I do the right things. First I had to convince myself though. I actually remember writing in my personal journal (I don’t dare call it a diary, although it essentially was) that I was now into New Found Glory and Relient K. Ouch, there’s a confession for you. The truth is more pathetic than if it were actually true that I liked those bands. The truth is I had never listened to those bands, I just heard from a friend that they were cool. I have long since listened to them a little and I, in fact, strongly dislike their sound. So much of my high school was spent trying to convey an image surrounded by the things that I’m into and the things that I do.

I wish that I could say that upon leaving my adolescence behind, I became secure in who I am. The truth is though, I just found new masks to put on and the façade became more subtle. I truly went to deeper levels with the Lord in college and as I settled into who He was shaping me into, I found new ways to perform in front of others. In a group, I’ll tune out while you’re praying so that I can plan my own prayer that will blow everyone away. At church, I’ll volunteer for a bunch of stuff so that everyone will see my servant’s heart. I’ll sing the right songs in worship and close my eyes so you all know that I’m being intimate with the Lord. I’ll speak up in conversations so that people realize how wise I am. You get the point. Now I don’t want to discredit the Lord, because the truth is that in all those things, He would put my heart in the right places at times and it was worship to Him. But I couldn’t pretend as though there wasn’t this desire to perform in front of others weaved through it as well.

Numbers

A couple weeks ago, I was hurrying to get to ICC. One thing had led to another that particular morning and now I was late. You’d think I would have known by this point that there is no such thing as “late” in Tanzania. I was to lead worship and got there right when we start at 10 o’clock. There was just about no one there. There was no one up on the outside platform we meet on and when I went by our building, I was greeted by another elder, Evelyn, who told me that there wouldn’t be too many people at church today because the Fountain of Hope students had gone on break. A few minutes later as we started worship, I was on stage with two others, the percussionist and a backup singer. There were four people in the seats. That turned to 14-15 by the end of worship, but not exactly the turn-out you would typically expect or hope for.

I’m struggling with this notion of numbers. We typically lean towards this idea that bigger is better or if one is good, two is better and so forth. The last couple weeks at ICC is starkly contrasted by my recent listening ear to the Mariners Church- Mission Viejo pod casts. Probably my favorite preacher (if that’s allowed) Mike Erre has become the lead pastor at that church. If you know of Mariners, you know that it is a mega-church. Its huge. Does that qualify them as the better church?

Though this instance highlights the issue, my struggle with numbers isn’t necessarily that my sermons or worship sessions at ICC only account for upwards of 20 people or so. That may be a part of it, but I’m noticing it play out in other areas of my life that are potentially closer to my heart. One being my writing. I recently found something that I guess Blogger started doing back in the summer. They keep your stats for you. This could be the end of my ego or more likely a bigger feeder into it. I just happen to know that since they started keeping the stats in July, I’ve had over 4,200 hits on my blog. Now undoubtedly, some of those are my own views and I’m willing to bet that most of the people that go to my blog don’t bother to read my flippin’ long posts (I can’t say I blame them). Thus, the number of hits really shouldn’t boost my ego, however in my own vanity, my ego will probably take it.

In Everything

I’ll be honest, its that time of the week when I sit down and write down my thoughts on life and this week I’m feeling a bit obligated to write about giving thanks. Makes sense right? Had it not been that today is Thanksgiving in the states, I probably would have been writing on something else, but I’ll try and make this work. I don’t feel like writing on thanksgiving, but biblically I think that that fact alone may qualify me to write on exactly that.

A couple weeks ago, I taught devotionals on back to back days. I spoke both days on the will of God as shown in 1 Thessalonians 5:16-22. Whenever I use this passage, I always preface it with a really exciting question: “Who wants to know the will of God?” The hands always go up as undoubtedly that is one of the biggest desires and prayer requests of so many believers. We writhe in our uneasiness as we think that if we only had more direction we’d be fine. We equate that desire with wanting to know the will of God, when our direction and God’s plan for our lives is only part of His will for us. Go ahead and read that passage and you’ll find out God’s will for you.

Himalayas Post #3 - The Gospel

Written on September 6th, 2010

Romans 1:16: “For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ, for it is the power of God to salvation for everyone who believes, for the Jew first and also for the Greek.”

We had moved on to the second hotel in another city that we were staying at and had the night free so we spent time together as a team. This was our third night in this nation, but only our first time meeting since we arrived. We were sharing about the times that we’ve had in intercession for and interaction with the people thus far. I shared what the Lord had been doing in my life over the last couple days and was encouraged by what the others were sharing. In particular, Noah and Katie shared about a young woman that worked at the previous hotel who they found out was a believer, secretly for the most part. They shared about their conversation with her and how she came to their room and they were able to pray over her. A conversation ensued in which I said something that just came out of my mouth without me thinking about it, but just resounded as truth in my soul: “When the Gospel is pure, it is unstoppable.”

Its quite an incredible thought to realize the impact that the Gospel has had on this world over the last 2000 years. It truly is the good news that has allowed millions upon millions of people to live a life that is satisfying, purposeful and full of love. The message is simple enough. Because of our shortcomings and sins, God, who is love, made and executed a divine plan for us to be reconciled to Him. He sent His beloved Son to come to Earth and pay the price for all of our sins through His crucifixion. Because He was without flaw and both God and Man, His sacrifice was sufficient for all of our sin. By the power of God, He overcame death and sin with one victorious resurrection and showed us the way to be fully human. An age old story, and ever refreshing as it is truly the best story ever written.

India Post #2 - Faith

Written on August 22nd, 2010

I’m learning to walk by faith in new ways. Two big things have happened in the last month and if it weren’t for the graciousness of Rita and Lydia to trust that I am following the Lord, I undoubtedly would look like a loose cannon within Hidden With Christ. No TOA missionary has ever left for two weeks to go on another missions trip and certainly no one else has gotten engaged to a short term missionary in a matter of weeks. While, all this is going on around me, I find myself forced to walk in it by faith that this is what God is doing and I do indeed see His hand on these things.

We met Sunday night as a team for worship, prayer and impartation. A means to build each other up for the task at hand. We would begin our formal ministry the next day through a morning prayer walk followed by prayer and prophetic ministry to local pastors and their wives. As we prayed, it came to Ryan that we are to pray for our eyes to be able to see those things that go on in the spiritual realm. It was already on my heart as well and my Bible was open to share on 2 Corinthians 4:18 which I shared in my post a few days ago. We need the eyes to be able to see into that spiritual realm and engage that which is eternal. It takes faith to do so.

Remember my previous post? What was that all about? I think about what I saw in the spiritual realm where I was fixing my eyes and I saw what the people in the plane were enslaved to. It took faith for me to believe that and to pray into that. It took faith for me to post about what I saw. Undoubtedly anyone could have read that post and figure I’ve gone off the deep end. Biblically, to be able to receive words of knowledge or words of prophecy are totally normal. And yet we often find ourselves too timid to embrace those gifts which the Holy Spirit gives to advance the Kingdom of Heaven. It is a false humility and a limitation on the vastness of God to say that prophecy couldn’t come from our lips and that a word of knowledge couldn’t come to our minds. We are so afraid of what others might think that we resort to not engaging those supernatural things that take a higher faith, thus settling for a more domicile version of the Gospel and relationship with Christ.

India Post #1 - Around You

Do we realize the realities that are going on around us at every moment?


I got on the flight from Nairobi to Dubai and was going about my business as normal. Joking with the Tanzanian girls in Swahili, trying to look as American as possible, looking forward to the in-flight movie and the good food. I sit down in my chair and browse what movies are going to be showing while we are in the air. “Iron Man 2, haven’t seen it, heard good stuff, yeah I’ll watch it.” My screen wasn’t working and I decide that if it doesn’t work then I’ll grit my teeth, smile and choose to read, pray, intercede and prepare a sermon. I tell the attendant my screen isn’t working and leave it in the hands of God. Does He want me to watch this cool movie or feed myself spiritually and engage the lives of the people around me? If it comes down to what He wants it could just be a coin flip, right? She resets my screen and after missing the first ten minutes, I get to watch the rest of the movie. Good movie.


It finishes and I decide to finish my chapter in the book that I mentioned in the previous post. I can’t even finish the chapter without the Holy Spirit calling me to intercession.

A Story

How do you start a good story? How do you live a good story? Over the last few weeks, I have found myself in the midst of one of the best stories I’ve ever heard. Its one of the greatest stories I’ve ever heard, because I know who the Author is and I know that He does all things well. The real life story has all the suspense and great scenes that you would want in your favorite fiction book, but this is real. The Writer has chosen to use real people in real places in an effort to not only bless and write a good story, but so that people will observe and read the story and point to Him as the Giver of all good things. This is one of the many amazing stories that He’s planned since the dawn of time. It is impossible to fully capture the depth of the story in a finite world when its already been written by the eternal God. At any point in the story, any small thing, a newspaper thrown away, a rejected internship, a stolen identity could have upset the story, but it was in fact written masterfully. So how am I suppose to start this? Do I start it when I first came on the scene on April 8th, 1986? Do I start it at the age of four when I gave my heart to the Lord and His plan of redemption, blessing and purpose began in my life? Do I start it when I first got called to Tanzania? Or when I left California totally single and not knowing what God was going to do? My feeble words couldn’t match the masterful penmanship of the Lord and yet here’s my attempt to tell one of the best stories I’ve ever heard… or been a part of.

I was at the Hidden With Christ office in Tustin. As I was walking through our small office space and looking at the hangings in the hallway, I was pleased to see newspaper clippings of past and current Hidden With Christ missionaries. Lydia, Jodie and the first director Melissa Hermann were in an LA paper, Rita’s son Andy was in an OC paper and I thought that it was a cool way to witness and potentially fundraise. As I commented on them, Rita told me that it would be a good idea to contact local papers back on the central coast where I grew up and see if they would be interested in running my story about moving to Tanzania. I took on that idea and subsequently contacted a couple newspapers up in San Luis Obispo county. I was in a story that ran in the Paso Robles Press, Atascadero News, and Paso Robles Gazette. Also I was in a totally separate article in The Tribune which goes throughout the county. I was pleasantly surprised when it led to some support that came in as well as a donated laptop, on which I’m writing this story. While those things are good, the Lord had so much more planned.

Testimony

I have been very blessed over the last month or so with some friends that have come from California to work with Ryan. I’ve already mentioned Kelli who has been my friend for a few years now and we were in the same life group back in Costa Mesa. Also, Vanguard’s interns Nick, Taylor and Dalila as well as Melissa who got connected to Ryan through me and kind of a cool story of what God did and is doing in bringing her here. So these five are staying at Ryan’s place and its been really great to have a community of people around my age to share life with this summer.

Before Melissa and Kelli even got here, I mentioned to the others that I wanted to do testimonies as a group. I’ve always loved to hear stories of other believers and the work that the Lord has done in their lives and what He’s doing right now. It allows us to have better insight into those in our community and it encourages us because we realize that often some of the things they’ve gone through aren’t all that different from our own. Even for those in the group that drive you up the wall, it increases your ability to empathize with them and love them more.

So we started our testimonies a couple days ago. I got put in the hot seat first (that’s what I get for coming up with the big idea) on Wednesday. I managed to go for just over two hours. Yeah, a total snooze fest. I enjoy sharing of what the Lord is doing and has done. Because I’m so long winded I try to throw in a few completely irrelevant stories about stuff like being in a “club” as a child named after my friends stuffed bear (Club Ted) and how tea parties with girls played a part in such situations. Basically, I try to keep everyone awake, which isn’t all too dissimilar from preaching at a Tanzanian church service. After I went, Melissa shared (pushing us late into the night) and then last night Dalila and Taylor testified. Nick and Kelli are coming up next.

Ideal

Awadhi had his “birthday” on the 8th of May. I put quotations because like all our children, we don’t have a birth certificate for him and “official” paperwork is often conflicting. Nonetheless, his celebrated birthday came around and now he’s “six” (he’s probably still five). We celebrated for him like we do for all our children, singing to him, a dessert of some sort and a prayer of blessing. We did it at lunch time and after that Lydia, Jodie and I went towards Arusha to see off a team that had been serving with Hidden With Christ. As the team took off for the airport, Lydia and I lingered and watched the wild animals that they kept at the resort/restaurant. I was reflecting on Awadhi’s birthday and thinking of my birthdays growing up and how starkly they differ. It just felt off. I was relating this to Lyd and she began to tell me how the Lord has taught her over the years how His ways are higher. She said how we do things in the states is not the ideal either and things are just different when God orchestrates them. I agree and am finding that out more and more as I live here.

Can you imagine a world that wasn’t fallen? Its quite mind blowing. No death, no sickness, no fatherless children, no poverty and so forth. In my reflection of working at TOA, I realize more and more that these kids need a father. Nonetheless, my coming here and adding a father hasn’t made the situation ideal. The Lord designed children to be in families: father, mother and children. That was what He designed when He created Adam and Eve and told them to be fruitful and multiply. Nonetheless, sin did enter the world and humans continue to choose it over the loving God that wants to restore His creation.

I suppose at this point a person would think a Treasure’s ideal situation would be to be adopted. Although, if this were a perfect world, orphans wouldn’t even exist in the first place and adoption wouldn’t exist either. There are some children’s homes and babies’ homes here that pursue adoption for their kids. For us its not something that we pursue. We are certainly not opposed to it and have had kids adopted out of TOA, but its not something where we are constantly trying to find adopting parents.

Sacrifice and Selfishness

Thursday night worship this week was amazing. Before Lauren got back from furlough and even some sporadic nights since then, worship has consisted of me, Ryan and Alice. However, this week there was quite the crowd there. Dusty and Marlena had a team that came in addition to the Vanguard team that is here right now. I love the intimacy of three, but something special takes place when that many believers come in and worship in such a manner (Ryan is a very anointed worship leader). The worship led to about fifteen short sermons from various people and that led to a time of prayer and impartation.

I have the utmost respect for Lauren. There isn’t another peer of mine that I revere more. If you don’t know who I’m talking about, she was one of my housemates last summer and is in Moshi with an organization called Courage To Be You. She is preparing a home that will house girls broken out of the brothels in the region. Anyways, enough tooting her horn… she said something at worship that really struck me as true and I think diagnoses most of the ills of my generation. I’ll steal it from her, but to be honest she said she got it from a Beth Moore study.

She was speaking specifically to our generation and said that she sees our biggest ailment as unwillingness to sacrifice specifically stemming from selfishness. I concur.

Weight

I’ve been thinking a lot the last few days and in my mind I’m trying to fit all the pieces together.

This is how it all has come about. Tuesday during discipleship with Ryan, we talked about the ministry of Jesus and walking in the supernatural on a normal basis and why it doesn’t happen in our lives like it did in Jesus’ or other followers past and present. That night I watched a movie called “Finger of God” which was about the movement of God in supernatural ways in the present day church throughout the world, much of which was in severely impoverished countries. It had me thinking so in my devotion on Wednesday, I shared on that part of our walking in the Kingdom, but felt like an idiot, because its not really all that present in my life. Thursday night worship was amazing. It was prophetic, it was powerful, it stirred our faith and brought us to question why in the face of so much need, we personally don’t employ all the power given to us. On Friday, I visited the website of an organization called Discover the Journey. I was watching their awareness videos and I was floored by some of the stuff that they showed, specifically about the orphan problem in Iraq. I could feel the weight of the needs of this world. I’ve been carrying that weight to this point and after a long conversation over and after dinner with Lauren and some others, the fire in my belly has just been growing.

What are we doing? What are we doing? What am I doing?

I lack appropriate words for what is going on in my head. I’ve felt intense personal frustration since being here, but the last few days it has been this depressing frustration about the world’s plight and the American church’s paralysis in doing anything. I’m not trying to sound condemning, but again I only speak from my experience. Up until four months ago, I was an active American church member, so take this from someone who has been in similar shoes. We are not doing enough. I am not doing enough. You individually are not doing enough.

Can I speak candidly with you about all these things?

Statistics are fun, aren’t they? Here are a couple stats that I heard in the last week. I may mess them up, but I don’t need them in the first place to tell you there’s a need. Stat 1 (from Discover the Journey): There have become 1 million new orphans in Iraq since the American invasion, an unheard of precedent in the Middle East. Stat 2: It would take one third of people professing to be Christians to adopt every orphan in the world that is eligible for adoption. Aren’t those fun? I know we love to just throw those around, it shows that we care. You hear stats like these, and we could truly go on forever with some daunting figures, and one of three things happen. One, you hear it and it doesn’t hit you so you just forget. Two, you hear it and it debilitates you to actually do anything. Three, the rarest happening, you hear a stat and do something small or big about it.

Have we been reading our Bibles? New or Old Testament, take your choice. Do you see the righteous anger the Lord has towards those who oppress or apathetically allow suffering of orphans, widows and the disenfranchised? As Lauren said last night, do we realize that the Bible isn’t about us? The Lord gave it to us, as an incredible and completely necessary tool for sanctification. With the right interpretation, under the direction of the Holy Spirit, we are unveiled to who God is and what He wants to do through us for His glory. We don’t get to pick and choose which scriptures we want to emphasize in our lives. We emphasize the whole book. We love to talk about God’s love, Jesus gives us rest, He’ll give His children good things. What about the parts about enacting true justice and restoration for others? No, sorry that’s out of my comfort zone. What about modeling after the crazy guys that were godly enough to look crazy and be unpopular. John the Baptist, Jeremiah, Jesus, take your pick. Hmm… a little too radical for me.

Here’s a few popular words in young American churches: activism, causes, social justice. These are good things. These are insufficient things. You know what will change the world and enact true justice for the oppressed? The gospel. The whole unadulterated thing with all the words and the actions that come with it.

We are all called to live the gospel which includes true justice. Think about how that appears in your church and sphere of life. Anybody else think of Invisible Children? A good organization and I pray the Lord’s blessing over them. You aren’t daily walking in justice, because you do Invisible Children’s big event once a year and own a couple of their shirts. Its not enough. Think about what they’re doing. Invisible Children is an activist group that enacts righteousness on behalf of children that are forced into war. What is their relationship with you? You bought one of their sweet shirts. Are they a clothing company? No. They sold you a shirt, because they knew you wouldn’t just give money, unless you went through the god of materialism and you could wear your activism on your sleeve. And yes the shirt can lead to awareness, but awareness only does good if it is followed by action and intervention. Their big events are good and do things for raising awareness and fund raising for their just cause. But its also strategic in drawing people. They came to you, because they know you won’t go to them. Come on Brandon, they work in Uganda. Getting there would be impossible and too costly and not safe and yada yada yada. Bull. You serve a God of infinite power, grace and provision. Case closed.

Maybe you’re not called to Africa or Asia or wherever these terrible atrocities are taking place (and many do happen under the nose of Americans, in their own country). Maybe you’re called to the states, that’s wonderful, obey the Lord in that and go to Chipotle on my behalf. You are also called to enact true justice for your neighbors, both local and global. And I would ask you to be thorough in your thoughts. Don’t say that they aren’t really your neighbor because they live in another part of the world and you don‘t see them. We live in a world that is more connected than anytime in history. Be consistent. If you don’t think your Christian witness applies to the globe, besides ripping the Great Commission out of your Bible, you can throw out all those Japanese electronics and your German car. With that said, what does loving others look like when others include women forced into prostitution? When others include 12 year old boys forced to kill people? When others include millions of orphans living on the streets? Does love look like buying a T-Shirt and joining a Facebook cause? Or does love look like spending hours in intercession and days in fasting? How about traveling to these places to hug them and speak truth to them about the God who loves, heals and restores? Does it look like selling things you like to support ministries that enact the Lord’s justice for them? Let’s love justly.

I want to end with something that should be and probably will be an entire writing in itself. We must realize the impossible is possible and walk in that stream of love and justice. Through diligence in our relationship with the Lord, we can have an increased anointing to move in power by the Holy Spirit. We can proclaim justice to that battered soul and as we tell them about the Lord that restores and heals, we allow ourselves to be His agent of such restoration and healing. We give Him control, love that person and enact justice for them by supernaturally healing them mind, body, and soul. If it’s a child soldier that has become paralyzed, that means we hug him, tell him God loves him, and in Jesus’ name tell him to pick up his mat and walk, then we get to rejoice as we see the Lord do His work in the boy’s mind, body and soul. If we believe the Bible and if we believe God is involved in this world and our lives, none of this is a jump.

There is a tremendous need and I don’t claim to have the answers or the best strategies. But God does, and if you have the Holy Spirit, He can guide you to what you are supposed to do with all this. It is weighty stuff. Its sad, its terrible, its ugly. Its not for the faint of heart or for the weak stomach. But this is what living the gospel looks like.

Do justice. Be righteous. Love. Pray. Intercede. Act, then act again, then act again. Do something big that looks impossible and upsets some people, but is exactly what God wants you to do. Live the gospel.

Note: This is in no way written to condemn people, much less my supporters. If you support me and the work to Tanzanian orphans through Hidden With Christ Ministries, that is a work of obedience to the Lord and justice to the disenfranchised. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was outside of what we do, but my question is, what’s next? Its the same with those that support good organizations like Invisible Children. In all of it, there is too much need to say that what any of us is doing is enough. There’s always more, radically, drastically more.

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The Rundown: Well, I shared a bit of my week early in the blog so there’s all that. I preached on Sunday and it went really well. I was blessed to speak and it was more fun to preach without translation. Remember my blog “Church”? Well, with preaching last week and leading worship solo tomorrow, the Lord is doing that, so its exciting to be a part of His body at ICC. Pray for me as I lead worship. The kids are well and it was a fairly normal and blessed week. In step with what my blog was on and seeking the Lord for an increased anointing to walk in His Holy Spirit in all facets, I’ll be fasting Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday this week. Please pray that the Lord would increase His anointing on me and give me vision in this time of prayer and fasting. That’s all I got. PEACE!

Church

I have decided to resist them the temptation of doing a reprisal and revisiting last week’s topic of singleness. I got a grip more feedback on that blog as opposed to previous ones and even had a couple friends ready to set me up (do you realize you’d be sending your loved ones to live in Africa?) Second observation, other than one random comment from a guy friend, all of my responses were from women. It would be easy for me to think that the reason for this is because women are more interested in “relationships” or lack thereof as in the previous writing. And yet, I believe a more accurate extrapolation would be that the vast majority of those that read my blogs are women, period. Guys don’t really sit down and read blogs unless I sat down and talked about why the Lakers are better than the Cavs (if Stick doesn’t comment I know he didn’t read this). Most guy friends that have contacted me have told me that they haven’t read all the blogs or “need to catch up” which translates, “I haven’t read any since mid-January.” So, most of my readers are women, the people that email me mostly women, two of my three colleagues, the majority of the workers at TOA, there are six more girls at TOA as opposed to boys, and the majority of the missionaries are all WOMEN. The feminization of Brandon unfolding before your very eyes… and yet what is the one thing that I want? A WOMAN in my life. Funny how these things figure. But there are other relationships that are important and God-ordained (note transition)…

As I was at church on Sunday the Holy Spirit brought a question to my mind. How would my life at TOA and in Moshi be different, if I were going to the Garden? Now of course this connection is impossible to translate across the physical and cultural boundaries, but just imagine with me for a second. Okay, let’s say I’m not the Children’s Pastor like I used to be, because I work at TOA. But on Sundays, the services are the same, I meet with my life group on Thursdays and get coffee with friends from church regularly. But I lived in Moshi and worked at TOA. Would my life or my experience look different? COMPLETELY!

Much to my chagrin, I don’t go to the Garden anymore. I do go to a good church here called International Christian Center (ICC). But there would be no point in me pretending that its my preference. I like the people there and I enjoy going. This Sunday was…unique. The second service, which I attend, is designed to be evolving into an international service and is completely in English. The Senior Pastor, Pastor Shoo is a very gifted and intelligent man and a personal friend. But with this congregation, he is very hands off and so he doesn’t come most Sundays (he also is the head of New Life Foundation, travels frequently and has at least one other congregation that I know of). So the responsibility falls on other NLF workers, namely Ryan. Well, Ryan was off ministering in Manyara this Sunday. With him not there, the worship was done by the Fountain of Hope students who did a good job and I’m increasingly impressed with a couple of them and their growing leadership. Nonetheless, it was different. They go a little heavy on the keyboard and like most churches I’ve been to in Moshi use these awkward pre-programmed drum beats that come on the keyboard. It gets a little distracting, but the worship was relatively good, very Tanzanian (not the Masai drum thumping worship, I LOVE THAT, it was like normal Tanzanian church worship). Anyway, after worship we took up the offering and then Patrick (a NLF employee) asked me to come up and pray for the preacher. It was spontaneous but not abnormal for here. I came up and whispered asking him who was preaching today and he muttered something, but I didn’t understand. So I just prayed in the general “Lord anoint their words” prayer. I said amen and looked up to see Patrick talking to a visitor Mike, who is a friend of mine and a missionary here, he is actually in my small group. This was the first time I’d seen his family at ICC though. Patrick came back to me and asked “are you the one preaching?” and I chuckled and said “no.” Then I gave the mic to Patrick and he went on to explain that Ryan had appointed someone to preach, but he didn’t know who it was and asked the congregation who is supposed to be preaching. No one moved, no one spoke. So Patrick humbly asked Mike to come up and share whatever is on his heart. I have a new level of respect for Mike, because he got up and just delivered a sermon on self-control and didn’t bat an eye. I’m really glad that he was there, or I’m pretty sure that I would have had to give the impromptu sermon! Apparently, the NLF guy that was supposed to be preaching left after first service and left our visitor Mike (who didn’t know he was even coming to ICC until 15 minutes after the worship had started) up there to do his thing.

Church is different here. Witnessing that experience along with what the Lord put on my heart during worship, got me thinking. What is my role within the church supposed to be here? When I was here last summer, I preached four times. I did that because I was a visitor, a short termer, and that’s what short termers are supposed to do. I enjoyed it, but I’ve never felt called to be a pastor or a preacher. Now, I live here and I don’t know what my mode of operation is to be in regards to church life. I’m not going to go visit a bunch of churches and preach. I’m a missionary, but my service is to father and educate orphans, I didn’t come here to preach.

And yet, I’m going to preach. Its inevitable. I’m white, I’m a missionary, I’m whatever a preacher is supposed to be to Tanzanians. If I were in California still, no one would expect me to preach. I don’t think Darren or John Blue would scoot over in the pulpit for me even if I asked. I’ll teach kids. I’ll facilitate a life group. But my major wasn’t Biblical Studies, I don’t have an M. Div. nor did I go to any special Bible training. I’ll be a lay person. Here though, no one has gone to a university to become a pastor, they just love the Lord and preaching is something that comes out. Ryan mentioned how in many villages here, the pastor is whoever can read the Bible to everyone else. How’s that for qualifications? If you want to be a missionary here, forget about that degree in intercultural studies, the thesis paper, and choosing an organization, if you can read and you like rice and beans, come on down, we’ll find a congregation for you.

The Lord has put it on my heart to help and impart myself to ICC. During discipleship today (I write at night and post the next morning) I talked with Ryan about the direction of ICC and told him that I’m willing to fill whatever need they might have. I’m not going to do children’s ministry. I have 26 kids now and that is my life. Just over the last couple days, I’m feeling an increased calling to bless that second service at ICC. Its okay that the services are different, we are truly a multi-cultural congregation and there is freedom for people to worship in one service or the other or both. I’ve never felt called to be a preacher, but by the Holy Spirit’s help, I’ll preach at ICC regularly. I’ve never envisioned myself leading worship (not just drumming, but playing guitar and leading) in a church service, but I’ve just made myself the second service alternate if Ryan can’t show up (any other day, I will be drumming.) These aren’t things that I envisioned myself or felt called to. They are things that the Holy Spirit can do through me though. I am called to my church. I am called to the church. If you believe in Jesus and have entered into that blessed relationship, you are called to His body, His church with Him as the Head. I sat on my butt, for over a year at Rock Harbor before serving in children’s ministry. When I got up and did something, it was amazing! The Lord used that experience to prepare me for increased roles at Pacific Pointe and The Garden. When I joined the Modern Lovers (miss you guys) I wasn’t expecting nor feeling called to lead the group. There was a need and I wanted to bless my church. A lot of the time, that’s what it takes. You are called to serve and bless your church, it may be weird or awkward or you may not want to, but you are called nonetheless. In that though, know that the Holy Spirit will prepare you and use you in the work. For this we give praise.

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The Rundown: Its been a pretty eventful week. Many of the kids have recovered from being sick, including Awadhi. His fever came down and we noted that it was the first time that his fever was that high without him going into convulsions, so praise God for that. Still Lydia, Jodie and Ema all have malaria so pray for them. The last week with programs have been good, I don’t know if I’ll ever not be figuring stuff out in those regards, but I at least feel like I’m making somewhat of a difference in the education area. On Saturday, we had some visitors at the TOA. They are from an organization called Adventures in Missions and are doing something called the World Race and are going to like eleven different countries or something. Their team leader used to teach at the same school as Lydia and his squad just happens to be spending most of March in Moshi. They were over at Lydia and Jodie’s for dinner last night and I joined them. It was really cool to just sit down with American Christians that are close to my age. It really was the first time that’s happened since I was in Long Beach three months ago. I don’t know all their ages, but its still weird to me that I’m a little younger than a couple of them and thinking how I’m the long-term missionary. I’m seriously an anomaly. It’s been cool to be on the other end of the exchange though. Obviously, I’m not as experienced as Lyd and Jodie, but I’m still a long term missionary and instead of coming to visit “their” children, the team is coming to visit “my” children. I like that. They’re coming back to TOA on Saturday and I invited them to Thursday night worship. Saturday morning I met with a guy that is helping me get connected with Tanzanian Sign Language for Awadhi. Jodie and I might be beginning lessons this coming Saturday, so pray that works out. Yeah, that’s pretty much it.

Reality

This summer New Life Foundation had a New Zealand team come to serve in Moshi. Since we were also serving with NLF, our paths crossed a little while they were here. They were kind, but a little quirky. The leader was speaking during the morning devotional one day and he asked a somewhat rhetorical question. As he paused for the implied answer, he then burst out and said “Jesus is always the answer!” I smirked, then leaned over to Ann and asked her what one plus one is.

I know Jesus is the answer. I just don’t understand reality at times. There are transcendent truths that I know. God is good. God is holy. God is love. God is gracious. God is unfathomable. And so on. But I don’t always get life or why things happen like they do. All the truth about reality that has ever existed from 1+1 to awe-inspiring beauty to the heavenly truths that are too lofty for humans to comprehend are all within one God as three Persons. I even know apologetically, the problem of evil and so on. I know this. I live this and these truths effect me beyond putting the words on paper. Yet, life is a little more tricky than a theology course.

This month marks two years since I started sponsoring Awadhi. Along with my monthly financial sponsorship, came my prayers. I have positively affected Awadhi’s life with my prayers. One year is 365 days, two years makes 730, I have prayed and do pray for him every morning and every night since I started sponsoring him. This isn’t including other prayers, but lets go with the minimum here. I have prayed for the same person, a five year old Tanzanian orphan, over 1400 times. I don’t say this to boast, this is God’s plan and there is nothing more important that I do in a day than pray for Awadhi and there is nothing I enjoy more either. The first time I did a week long fast, I was solely focused on praying for him and his healing. The second week long fast, Clesi and I prayed for many things and people, none more important to me than Awadhi. I count sister Clesi among my closest spiritual advisors and it was at the end of that fast as we were driving home (after punishing/rewarding ourselves with Chipotle) that she shared with me a word of knowledge and a change in direction for Awadhi. She told me that the Lord had heard our prayers and seen our fasting and He would now be healing Awadhi from the inside out. I would fast for much longer just to get those words that He so graciously spoke through my dear friend. Tears came to my eyes in light of God’s grace. Awadhi is important to me. His healing is important to me.

Now I live here. Its wonderful. Its exactly where I want to be and I am so excited that I don’t have to leave anytime soon. And yet, there is some frustration here. I do trust in the Lord’s timing, but we are getting close to a critical point for Awadhi. Friday as I returned to Moshi for the weekend, I walked to TOA to get my piki and say hi to the kids briefly. I was greeted at the carport by Lydia and Jodie. They had had themselves a day and a half. Things in Tanzania are different. I don’t say this in the cute way, or it’s just a difference in culture. There are some messed up things that go on here and a lot of the reason people suffer here, like anywhere else, is because of their own sin.^[i] Lydia had been dealing with a very mean Tanzanian woman who was threatening to turn off our electricity for no reason. Also, we are trying to figure out Awadhi’s education plan and stuff for that had come up, because hearing aids are up in the air and its hard to get him in places because he is HIV+. I stood there and listened to Lydia, who is an amazingly strong woman in the Lord, tell me that with Anjela passing and the chance of having to send Awadhi to a boarding school for education, she fears she is doing something wrong as the director. I told her that that was not it, but I couldn’t tell her why this is happening. I don’t get this reality.

Furthermore, it is a tough pill for me to swallow to think that after all my time in the states and all that the Lord did to bring me here, and the significant role that my son played, for me to get here and then for Awadhi’s best option to learn is for him to go off to boarding school. So no longer would it be, I see him everyday, but rather I see him every weekend at best. That sucks. When Lyd told me last month about Awadhi’s education, the thing that I’ve kept praying is “Please, Lord, allow another way than having to send him off.” And now I don’t know. I don’t get this reality and I continue to pray that with the coming events of the week, the Lord provides another way.

I woke up Saturday morning, I was at peace and also prayerful because of the things that were on my heart. I had another confusing dream the night before (I’ve had like four on the same issue this week) and also I was thinking about Awadhi and I prayed that when I got there today that the moment I touched him, that it would bring about his healing finally. That didn’t happen.

I’ll tell you what did happen though. The kids, me, Lydia, Jodie and a few of the caregivers went to the banda and worshiped this afternoon. We rejoiced and sang. The two year olds led some, the older kids led some and we all worshiped and laughed and played before the Lord, including Awadhi. That boy wants to talk, he wants to sing. Anapiga kelele. He shouts. He makes noise. The kids get in a line and do their dance and he gets right in there with them. And while he may have faint hearing, he can’t hear his own laugh or his father’s voice.

Faith is the currency of life here. Just because its been over 1400 prayers, many days of fasting, thousands of miles traveled, 56 hours so far at language school and countless hugs and kisses, laughs and tears and he still hasn’t been healed, I will still pray. We will still pray. We don’t lose hope. We pray and hope that the higher reality, where sickness doesn’t exist, will come down to this world and touch him. We take in faith what has been spoken over Awadhi. Until then, we rejoice, we praise, we will dance upon the injustice and look forward to the good report of God’s hand nailing all his sickness to the cross and the resurrection of Awadhi’s blood and hearing.

^[i]I am more than aware of the beauty of this place as well (I moved here for crying out loud!) I love this country and the people in it. Some of the most wonderful people and believers I know are Tanzanian. I just get frustrated at times, when people get so wrapped up in “Africa” and “Africans” and don’t acknowledge that SIN is a humongous problem here and its not only Joseph Kony. Yes, we are African, we dance and rejoice in worship, but we also struggle with holiness and some Africans are very mean. Hey, I used a footnote. Is that allowed in blogging?

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The Rundown: Two weeks of language school are in the can and I look forward to life in Moshi as opposed to Usa River, which will happen after one more week. Language school has been good, but it wears me out. I love talking and being friends with non-believers, but this time at language school is the first time that I don’t have fellowship with believers to go with my non-believer relationships. That can be taxing because its like no one gets close to knowing who I am deep down. At any rate, I do like the people I am studying with and I had a really good conversation with Stefano the other day and I was able to witness some. I am in Moshi right now. I had dinner Friday night at the Helblings, which is so great. I love that family. Saturday, I was getting settled into life at TOA some and also spending time with the kids and everyone else. I am very much enjoying my mode of transportation around which is the pikipiki (a motorized scooter). All the kids are good and we had fun playing. Although I may have over done it with my elbow. It still hasn’t healed all the way from when I hurt it on New Year’s Day! This morning, I went to ICC again and I am continuing to walk in church life in Moshi as opposed to just visiting churches as it was when I was only here on short term trips. Last week, I was unexpectedly asked to bless the congregation with the final prayer of the service and this week I was unexpectedly asked to help lead worship on the ashika right before service started. Its all good. Thats church here and I like the spontaneity. Still no Facebook and its adding to my frustration. I don’t want to start over with a new profile, but if I don’t hear back from them in the next week, I’ll probably just make a new one even if it complicates restoring my old one. Please do email me though, I check it consistently. I guess that’s life right now. Thanks for all your prayers, family!