A Look Back... A Look Ahead

It seemed fitting to do an end of 2010 blog post. This was without a doubt, quite clearly and unequivocally the most life altering year of my life. The Lord has shown Himself to be faithful to me over and over again and for this I must testify...

2010

• January ~ I left my home that was the good ol' U.S. of A. and journeyed to Tanzania to take up my position at Treasures of Africa Children's Home. The tears of leaving friends and family behind were many, but the refreshment of landing in Kilimanjaro and knowing I was in the center of God's will for me was my strength. Loneliness begins to take hold of me during my three weeks at language school, detached not only from my loved ones in the states, but also my kids in Moshi for most of the week and away from significant Christian fellowship.
• February ~ My work formally starts at TOA as I finish language school. I take Awadhi to church for the first time on the first Sunday of the month and return with an interesting Facebook message from a young woman named Melissa. She seems to feel called to work at TOA; one of the bigger storylines of the year (or life if you will) truly ensues.
• March ~ I find fellowship with a short term team of other Christians my age and don't waste the opportunity to try and show off my missional long-term-ness for the first time. 
• April ~ I spend my birthday in Tanzania and it is far different than any other I've ever had. I was blessed by those friends here in Moshi and everyone at TOA. My favorite was receiving birthday greetings from my life group in Costa Mesa who managed to bring me to tears thousands of miles away.  
• May ~ My first (and truly my only time thus far) having Rita Tanzania-side. It was a refreshing time as she came along with a team that really blessed us. I received meaningful inner healing prayer from them as well. The summer wave of teams continued and I was able to meet many new people. 
• June ~ My close friend Ryan who was a significant mentor and help this year had his interns here who provided for me the closest community that I experienced this year. I was very blessed by all of them. I became a leader and elder at ICC, my church here in Moshi; the youngest elder in the history of the church.
• July ~ I met my future wife face to face for the first time the same day that my first friend from the states, Kelli, came to visit me. I began upping my prayers in regards to if anything would happen with this Melissa girl and then stuff started happening.
• August ~ I got engaged after a turbulent few weeks of courtship. At times I felt like I was crazy, but throughout it the Lord was helping me to see His hand in it all along the way. I spent the end of the month in Darjeeling, India ministering with friends and family and seeing the Lord move in powerful ways.
• September ~ I started off the month in the Himalayas and ministered there amongst people that are not supposed to be the followers of the Way that they are. I returned to Moshi the second week and began my final season of the year. Soon, Lauren and Lydia left as well and I realized just how empty my normal Moshi community was at this point. Luckily, Melissa and I were able to begin skyping frequently. I also began four months of acting worship pastor at ICC and was stretched in ministry in new ways.
• October ~ I spent the first 21 days of October doing a juice only fast. The Lord did a good work, but it wasn't all intense like I thought it would be. He increased my faith and my desire for Him and those are obviously worth the fasting. I also saw breakthrough in my relationship and conversations with Melissa. 
• November ~ I struggled in my writing and feelings of insecurity came up that I didn't realize were present. A time of testing was in full swing as the Lord brought up and began to rid out false feelings and sins that were in me. 
• December ~ I took a break from my beloved blog and didn't write for three weeks. The Lord brought me to a place of repentance and refocus. The preparation for my furlough began.

The Lord was faithful this year and I praise Him for all that He did.  I leave in just over a week for my first furlough. I don't really know how to navigate being away from the kids for that long. The main reason that I didn't write much about them above is because they haven't changed; they've been my constant, they've been my comfort over the last year. In any hard time that I fell into, a hug, a kiss, a word, a laugh, a smile, anything from any of my children would lift my spirit. They are the reason the Lord has called me here and for that I am eternally grateful to Him. He has shown Himself to me in a new way this year and I'm not the same man that left the states a year ago.

2011 is shaping up to be just as crazy for me. I do leave for my furlough in just over a week and plenty of nutty stuff will happen. I'll get to see friends and family that I haven't seen in a long while. I'll get to try my hand at being a real missionary state-side, complete with all the fundraising (or marketing if you will) that it entails. I'll get to prepare for my wedding for the first five months and then get married to an incredibly godly woman on June 4th. Along with that, I get to navigate through countless people that seem to think that they're invited to our wedding until then (we've only got about 215 spots, people, and Melissa's got a big family!). After our wedding (the sooner the better), I'll be relaunched out of the states, this time with my wife by my side. I'm already looking forward to that and whatever the Lord may bring after it... to Him be the glory for it all.

Little Girl

Lord Jesus, there's so much pain in this world
As I look into the eyes of this starving little girl
Who doesn't have a father, a mother or a friend
Whose only four years old, but nearly reaching her end
And Lord Jesus when I see her, I can't help but see
The Man on the cross staring back at me
This is what it means to love the least of these
And I don't know who else will go, but Jesus please send me
Because that was me, I was that little girl
Naked, hungry and lost with only one prayer in this world
But as soon as I said it, You were quick to save
And it took the blood of perfection, but You freely gave
And I'm so moved by Your love and moved by Your grace
That I'll help every child in this world just to catch a glimpse of Your face
You're worthy of so much more, but all I have is one life
But I'll lay it down for You, this I vow tonight.
Amen.

Brandon Michael

January 13th, 2008

Be

You know, we try to make our lives about a lot of things. For whatever reason, we often feel like we need to force things and make it work. We formulate these ideas in our heads about who we are, what we do and why our lives are significant. In so many ways, I’ve fallen into this over the last however long and it certainly hasn’t been the first time I’ve found myself in this useless striving. Lord, help me to stop doing this to myself.

Call it an identity crisis, call it image management, call it what you will, this is something that I’ve struggled with for as long as I can remember. This inclination probably picked up the most steam in high school. There is so much need for godly adults to be active in the lives of our youth, because I’ve seen this search in the states and I see it here in Tanzania as well. They are searching for identity and want to define themselves by what they do. I was the epitome of this. I wanted to be a skater. I wanted to be known as a skater. I sucked at skating. Even what little natural talent I had was severely overshadowed by my lack of gall (to keep it G-rated) due to fear of hurting myself. I would skate, but never progressed much. I instead grabbed the camera, stuck with my crew and wore the right threads. They have a word for what I was in the skating community, a poser. The truth hurts. I also went through this phase where I wanted to listen to the cool music, which to many “popular” kids (which in high school means “more valuable” kids) was punk music. I started to act as though that was what I liked. I listened to MxPx as a kid and that was my “in.” That was only one band though, I needed more. People needed to know that I liked the right bands. I had to convince people I do the right things. First I had to convince myself though. I actually remember writing in my personal journal (I don’t dare call it a diary, although it essentially was) that I was now into New Found Glory and Relient K. Ouch, there’s a confession for you. The truth is more pathetic than if it were actually true that I liked those bands. The truth is I had never listened to those bands, I just heard from a friend that they were cool. I have long since listened to them a little and I, in fact, strongly dislike their sound. So much of my high school was spent trying to convey an image surrounded by the things that I’m into and the things that I do.

I wish that I could say that upon leaving my adolescence behind, I became secure in who I am. The truth is though, I just found new masks to put on and the façade became more subtle. I truly went to deeper levels with the Lord in college and as I settled into who He was shaping me into, I found new ways to perform in front of others. In a group, I’ll tune out while you’re praying so that I can plan my own prayer that will blow everyone away. At church, I’ll volunteer for a bunch of stuff so that everyone will see my servant’s heart. I’ll sing the right songs in worship and close my eyes so you all know that I’m being intimate with the Lord. I’ll speak up in conversations so that people realize how wise I am. You get the point. Now I don’t want to discredit the Lord, because the truth is that in all those things, He would put my heart in the right places at times and it was worship to Him. But I couldn’t pretend as though there wasn’t this desire to perform in front of others weaved through it as well.

A Farewell To Blogs... For Now

I am now entering the twelfth and final month of my first year as a full time missionary in Tanzania. This has been a wild year to say the least and you could catch that from reading the previous blogs on this page. The emotional highs and lows have left me a bit exhausted by this time of the year and the emotions and struggles of the last few weeks have possibly been the hardest yet. I'm living in this tension where I know that the Lord is using me and I see His will unfolding in my life, yet I’m perhaps more self-aware than I can ever remember being; that’s in regards to my position in life and my personal sin issues. I have been reflective lately to say the least.

To be honest, I’ve felt quite under attack lately. Its sometimes hard to put a finger on where a spiritual attack comes from because the forces are invisible and yet the Bible is clear that that is where the battle is (Ephesians 6:12). This has manifested itself in multiple areas of my life. There has been a growing discouragement coming against me that has been very disheartening. The feelings of frustration and restlessness that I’ve shared recently tie into this and I realize that these are not merely mental, but spiritual as well.  It has also manifested in the physical realm. I’m not the guy that finds a demon in every stubbed toe and hangnail, but it would be foolish to think that our adversary wouldn’t want to attack us through our health, when disease is such a prominent result of the fall. So this weekend, I got malaria for the first time. I almost made it through the year without it, but nope. Its worse than worms, I'll tell you that much. I was sick for all of Friday, complete with vomit, body aches, weakness, soreness and nausea. Lame. Furthermore, I've felt attacked mentally as some ungodly thoughts have made their way into my mind somehow and I recognize its not from me, but the enemy attacking me in my flesh. Yeah, its been rough. I could really use your prayers.

Numbers

A couple weeks ago, I was hurrying to get to ICC. One thing had led to another that particular morning and now I was late. You’d think I would have known by this point that there is no such thing as “late” in Tanzania. I was to lead worship and got there right when we start at 10 o’clock. There was just about no one there. There was no one up on the outside platform we meet on and when I went by our building, I was greeted by another elder, Evelyn, who told me that there wouldn’t be too many people at church today because the Fountain of Hope students had gone on break. A few minutes later as we started worship, I was on stage with two others, the percussionist and a backup singer. There were four people in the seats. That turned to 14-15 by the end of worship, but not exactly the turn-out you would typically expect or hope for.

I’m struggling with this notion of numbers. We typically lean towards this idea that bigger is better or if one is good, two is better and so forth. The last couple weeks at ICC is starkly contrasted by my recent listening ear to the Mariners Church- Mission Viejo pod casts. Probably my favorite preacher (if that’s allowed) Mike Erre has become the lead pastor at that church. If you know of Mariners, you know that it is a mega-church. Its huge. Does that qualify them as the better church?

Though this instance highlights the issue, my struggle with numbers isn’t necessarily that my sermons or worship sessions at ICC only account for upwards of 20 people or so. That may be a part of it, but I’m noticing it play out in other areas of my life that are potentially closer to my heart. One being my writing. I recently found something that I guess Blogger started doing back in the summer. They keep your stats for you. This could be the end of my ego or more likely a bigger feeder into it. I just happen to know that since they started keeping the stats in July, I’ve had over 4,200 hits on my blog. Now undoubtedly, some of those are my own views and I’m willing to bet that most of the people that go to my blog don’t bother to read my flippin’ long posts (I can’t say I blame them). Thus, the number of hits really shouldn’t boost my ego, however in my own vanity, my ego will probably take it.

Kingdom

Resurrection, bringing life out of death
Filling up lungs, suffocation brings breath
Night time falls and still a light shines
And it consumes the darkness as we shield our eyes
We beat our tanks into tractors, guns into rakes
Discord disappears with the music we make
Out of doubt and confusion, hope will arise
We'll watch Heaven come to Earth with our very own eyes
Love overcomes hate, unity over division
The deaf will hear the music and blind receive the vision
The lame will rise up and come to their feet
And lead the parade as we dance in the street
Finally there's peace and everlasting joy
And the King will call before Him every girl, every boy
We'll delight in His presence each singing a new song
And we'll live in perfection for all eternity long
In adoring reverence we'll humbly bow
Oh, Lord Jesus, bring Your Kingdom now

Brandon Michael

April 4th, 2009

Of Storms and Reflections

Before I get going on this blog, I feel like I should have literary integrity and come clean with you. Writing this blog was my back-up plan for the evening. I was supposed to skype with my folks followed by Melissa. However, I live in Tanzania and simple things don’t always go according to plan. Instead of skyping with loved ones on this Thanksgiving weekend, its been one thing after another keeping that from happening. Thursday the internet was down all day, Friday the power was out altogether, today everything was good to go except that a power surge fried the network switch for the internet upstairs and I have no way of getting on to skype. However, the good news (aside from “talking” with all of you lovely people) is that it gave me time to run to the store to pick up a few essentials and in the process found that my most frequented store has begun carrying Mountain Dew. Thank you Lord. I’m not much of a soda drinker these days, but MD has a special place in my heart. During high school I hit that drink hard; I consistently had a Blood-Mountain Dew Content Level of .08 or higher. I was legally stoked/hyper. Good times, good times. Makes me think back on life, ah the memories.

Speaking of reflecting on life (forgive my lame transition), this weekend offers me a unique opportunity to reminisce. I received an email on Thursday informing me that I’d be preaching this Sunday at ICC. Not uncommon to find that out only a few days before getting up there. I began preparing last night and I as I was asking the Lord what to speak on, he gave me the words “heartbreak” and “loneliness.” I didn’t really know what to do with those, but then He guided me to Mark 4:35-41. The first scripture that I ever preached on and haven‘t preached on against since.

My final semester of college was nuts. I did 21 units on top of working and only the Lord got me through it all. One of my classes was an upper division class on The Gospel of Mark. I loved that class and the culmination was my 14 page exegetical analysis paper on Mark 4:35-41. I was quite proud of the paper and while the Bible is enormous, I do fancy myself somewhat of an expert on those seven verses. I took all that info and crammed it into a sermon that I delivered in the Tanzanite capital of the world, Mererani, Tanzania two and a half years ago.

I’ve noticed that when I preach, and also when I write, I tend to speak out of what the Lord is teaching right then. That was certainly the case when the Lord opened my eyes to this passage that I subsequently preached on. I’ve written about what was going on in my life at that time, so I won’t bore you all with that rabbit trail. Needless to say, life was tough. I grew more in that season of my life than perhaps any other. It wasn’t pretty though; it truly was a storm like the one in this passage. The change towards righteousness took place not out of a joyous victory, but rather heartbreak. I was confused, sad and lost. The Lord spoke to me out of the storm and took me so radically in a new life direction that I stand on the other side of that storm and thank the Lord that He not only calmed the wind and waves, but used the storm to bring me to where I am today.

Lately, I find myself not only reflecting on that time of my life, but also the last year of ministry. Believe it or not, I’m wrapping up month eleven right now and I leave for my furlough in about five weeks. Nuts. Yesterday morning, as I was getting ready for work I was listening to the worship play list that I listen to every morning. I always put the play list on shuffle and as chance would have it, back to back Phil Wickham songs came on. The first was “Heaven Song” and it took me back to January when I landed in TZ and found out that Anjela had passed away while I was in transit. The second was “Divine Romance” and it took me back to my birthday in April when my Life Group sent me a affirmation video that had the song in the background. Both of those seem like so long ago now and that is because they are pretty long ago now. Its been a long year. Its been a hard year with more difficulty to come for sure. Its been a great year too though.

In a moment of unrest as I was unloading recent troubles on Melissa over skype, I could hardly continue to talk. At one point all I could muster up was “I’m not the same person that left Long Beach in December.” I don’t think I even realize how true that is. Perhaps I’ll have a better idea when I’m back in those similar situations in California. I can’t get my mind around all that’s taken place in my soul this year. I feel like I know the Lord so much better and yet am more mystified than ever. I feel like I’ve learned so much and yet know so little. I feel like I’m spending so much more time organizing my thoughts and yet have so much less clarity. It is a strange tension to be in and I can’t grasp it myself.  

This passage remains important to me and continues to teach me. In verse 38 it says that Jesus “was in the stern, asleep on a pillow.” The cool thing about exegesis is that you get more out of the little unnoticeable parts of scripture like “He was in the stern.” In boats of that time and place, the stern was the place where the helmsman sat to steer the ship. The pillow was heavy and was a normal accessory for shifting weight in the boat. So it wasn’t just that Jesus was sleeping, He was in fact asleep as opposed to steering the boat. He was asleep at the wheel. Meanwhile, the waves are crashing, the wind is blowing and the disciples are freaking out.

Remember how I said that the Lord typically leads me to preach/write on something He’s doing in me right now? Well, in reflecting on my recent feelings of frustration, anxiety and loneliness in addition to the physical changes to take place soon through taking a break from TOA, spending a longer furlough in CA and getting married in June, I realize that I am once again in a storm of sorts. The dialogue between Jesus and His disciples undoubtedly is reiterated countless times between Him and His disciples today: “Teacher, do You not care that we are perishing?” (v. 38) “Why are you so fearful? How is it that you have no faith?” (v. 40).

When the Lord first began speaking this passage to me in early 2008, it felt like I was perishing at times. To some extent, it felt like God didn’t care; like He was asleep at the wheel. I was fearful and based my charges against Him out of a lack of faith and understanding. Storms are common in our walk. There is so much in this fallen world that seeks to scare us, thus debilitating us from walking in the destinies that the Lord has put before us. When we come through these seasons of testing, He wants to know the answer to those same questions. Are you a fearful person? Do you have faith? My prayer, hope and resolution is that I will be a person that is based in faith, not fear.

Faith. The Lord has been faithful. He has increased my faith by so much over the last few years. He is using my current situations to continue to grow my faith. As we turn to Him through the storms in life, He will do that for all of us, for this we give praise.

In Everything

I’ll be honest, its that time of the week when I sit down and write down my thoughts on life and this week I’m feeling a bit obligated to write about giving thanks. Makes sense right? Had it not been that today is Thanksgiving in the states, I probably would have been writing on something else, but I’ll try and make this work. I don’t feel like writing on thanksgiving, but biblically I think that that fact alone may qualify me to write on exactly that.

A couple weeks ago, I taught devotionals on back to back days. I spoke both days on the will of God as shown in 1 Thessalonians 5:16-22. Whenever I use this passage, I always preface it with a really exciting question: “Who wants to know the will of God?” The hands always go up as undoubtedly that is one of the biggest desires and prayer requests of so many believers. We writhe in our uneasiness as we think that if we only had more direction we’d be fine. We equate that desire with wanting to know the will of God, when our direction and God’s plan for our lives is only part of His will for us. Go ahead and read that passage and you’ll find out God’s will for you.

Poetry Corner: Maud Muller

Amazing linguist with a righteous beard, sorry ladies, he's dead. Because this is my blog and I do what I want, I decided to post my one of my favorite poems by one of my favorite writers. This is something that I plan to do somewhat frequently (hence the whole Poetry Corner title). John Greenleaf Whittier has some great stuff and I'd recommend him. This poem paints such a vivid picture and it has a meaningful ending. Instead of babbling about it, I'll let it speak for itself. Poetry enriches our lives, breathe deep. Maud Muller, on a summer's day, Raked the meadow sweet with hay. Beneath her torn hat glowed the wealth Of simple beauty and rustic health. Singing, she wrought, and her merry glee The mock-bird echoed from his tree. But when she glanced to the far-off town, White from its hill-slope looking down, The sweet song died, and a vague unrest And a nameless longing filled her breast; A wish, that she hardly dared to own, For something better than she had known. The Judge rode slowly down the lane,  Smoothing his horse's chestnut mane: He drew his bridle in the shade Of the apple-trees, to greet the maid, And asked a draught from the spring that flowed Through the meadow across the road. She stooped where the cool spring bubbled up, And filled for him her small tin cup, And blushed as she gave it, looking down On her feet so bare, and her tattered gown. "Thanks!" said the Judge, "a sweeter draught From a fairer hand was never quaffed." He spoke of the grass, and flowers, and trees Of the singing birds and the humming bees; Then talked of the haying, and wondered whether The cloud in the west would bring foul weather. And Maud forgot her brier-torn gown And her graceful ankles bare and brown, And listened, while a pleased surprise Looked from her long-lashed hazel eyes.  At last, like one who for delay Seeks a vain excuse, he rode away. Maud Muller looked and sighed: "Ah, me! That I the Judge's bride might be! He would dress me up in silks so fine, And praise and toast me at his wine. "My father should wear a broadcloth coat; My brother should sail a painted boat; I'd dress my mother so grand and gay, And the baby should have a new toy each day; And I'd feed the hungry and clothe the poor, And all should bless me who left our door." The Judge looked back as he climbed the hill, And saw Maud Muller standing still. "A form more fair, a face more sweet, Ne'er has it been my lot to meet; And her modest answer and graceful air Show her wise and good as she is fair. "Would she were mine, and I today, Like her, a harvester of hay; No doubtful balance of rights and wrongs, Nor weary lawyers with endless tongues; But low of cattle and song birds, And health, and quiet, and loving words." But he thought of his sisters, proud and cold, And his mother, vain of her rank and gold; So, closing his heart, the Judge rode on, And Maud was left in the field alone. But the lawyers smiled that afternoon, When he hummed in court an old love-tune; And the young girl mused beside the well, Till the rain on the unraked clover fell. He wedded a wife of richest dower, Who lived for fashion, as he for power; Yet oft, in his marble hearth's bright glow, He watched a picture come and go; And sweet Maud Muller's hazel eyes, Looked out in their innocent surprise. Oft when the wine in his glass was red, He longed for the wayside well instead; And closed his eyes on his garnished rooms,  To dream of meadows and clover-blooms.  And the proud man sighed, with a secret pain, "Ah, that I were free again! Free as when I rode that day, Where the barefoot maiden raked her hay." She wedded a man unlearned and poor, And many children played around her door; But care and sorrow and wasting pain Left their traces on heart and brain. And oft when the summer sun shone hot On the new-mown hay in the meadow lot, And she heard the little spring brook fall Over the roadside, through the wall, In the shade of the apple-tree again She saw a rider draw his rein, And, gazing down with timid grace, She felt his pleased eyes read her face. Sometimes her narrow kitchen walls Stretched away into stately halls; The weary wheel to a spinet turned; The tallow candle an astral burned; And for him who sat by the chimney lug, Dozing and grumbling o'er pipe and mug, A manly form at her side she saw, And joy was duty, and love was law. Then she took up her burden of life again, Saying only, "It might have been!" Alas for maiden, alas for Judge, For rich repiner and household drudge! God pity them both! and pity us all, Who vainly the dreams of youth recall; For of all sad words of tongue or pen  The saddest are these: "It might have been!" Ah, well! for us all some sweet hope lies Deeply buried from human eyes; And in the hereafter angels may Roll the stone of its grave away!

Treasure - Zoe

Well I thought I had caught up, but I still had this one to go. I'm pretty sure that from here on out all the profiles will be new. Enjoy this somewhat recent reprisal that I wrote on October 8th.

Zoe is a heart thief. She is too cute and always manages to be a favorite of guests that come and visit. It makes sense quite honestly. She is a ball of energy and has about the cutest raspy voice that you’ve ever heard. She has such a unique personality and I know God has good plans for her. With the little ones, I see more and more each day what the Lord has gifted them with and the different talents they are developing from an early age. Zoe is undoubtedly a Bodily-Kinesthetic minded child for my Howard Gardner followers. She is very athletic and very aggressive! That has actually become my new nickname for her, Aggressive (as opposed to her previous nickname of Butterfinger which was based on where she always put her hands). She in all playing will go after me. She never means to hurt but sometimes we’ll be laying on the grass and she’ll just pound my head into the ground as we wrestle. A quick “sowy” always follows. She also seems to have some musical intelligence (although I’m starting to think that all our kids do!) She is not only good at remembering songs, but she throws down on the drum. I teach the kids music in class sometimes and when that girl gets on the drum, she just goes to town. She is such an amazing blessing in my life and if you ever make it out here, I’m sure you’ll fall in love with her.

Spinning

For all that I've said about the difficulties of living here, let it not be lost on the reader that I truly love what I do; more accurately I truly love my children. There is beauty in simplicity and at times that shines through here. Here's a quick story from yesterday.

Maggie Mosh

My kids don't have an XBOX, dirtbikes or a trampoline. But we do have a couple tire swings. One is a fat tire that is cut wide enough for a kid to sit in. Earlier this week, I peaked out to the playground to see Zoe sitting in the swing and Awadhi twisting it up. It seemed a bit high, but he didn't hesitate to let it go. She then spun like crazy and I couldn't help but laugh from a distance. Yesterday, I was playing soccer with Sam, but when I noticed Jerry helplessly twisting Awadhi up in the swing, I went over to help him out. I then spun him up super high. If he can do it to Zoe and she can handle it, I'm sure that he could! So I spun him up and let him rip. That kid went so fast! It wasn't long until all the children wanted a turn. After Awadhi was Jerry and he couldn't handle as much as Awadhi. Then Lucy got in and she got so dizzy that she fell on the ground after getting down and trying to walk, laughing the whole time of course. Then Sam went and he of course, being older, demanded I make it go as high as Awadhi. Then Maggie, my lovely model for this post. After her was Zoe. Now I have many nicknames for Zoe and one of them is "aggressive" and she is one tough cookie. So I made sure to not hold back on my little three year old daughter. She leaned back and got in a little ball and she was off. Being more aerodynamic with the same amount of spin, I'd say she won the competition. Right after her, I got little Diamond up into the seat and someone shouted "mezani" which means "to the table (for dinner)." Since I already had her in the seat, I gave her one quick spin and it was more than enough for our youngest Treasure. She jumped off the swing and looked at me and shouted "I love you!" I live for moments like these and I praise God for them.

Its times like these that I realize how blessed I am and how beautiful the Kingdom of God is.

Treasure - Glory

Somehow this one snuck past me, but I think it might be the final reprisal of the Treasure profiles on the blog. I'll be doing new ones from here on out. Here's what I wrote on Glory on June 21st.

Glory is such a great girl. She is in the fourth grade and one of our original five to come to TOA just over three years ago. For those of you that are wondering, Glory is a common name here. As a matter a fact, all those names of our kids that are English words that stick out to you are quite common here. Anyways, Glory has such a sweet personality and I’m very blessed by her. Now I got some Swedish and German blood running through me, so I’ve got a decent coat of blonde hair on my arms. Glory (or Gee-Lo as the common nickname goes) loves to just pet my arms. I don’t get it. I’ve had other kids do it before, but she does it all the time. Its quite funny to me and she is completely inconspicuous about it and just acts as if this is the most normal thing to do when your dad has hairy arms. She has a very fun personality and is much more out-spoken than her shy older sister Helena. It is so funny playing ESL Bingo with the kids and many of my kids say this, but its Gee-Lo that is plastered in my head saying “I say, baba!” It doesn’t do it justice in writing to share this with you, but I love it so much. “I say” is a very Tanzanian expression, its not Swahili, the intent is English and my kids, Glory in particular, say it all the time when they miss a point in Bingo. Its quite funny. Glory always brightens up my day and I’m so blessed to have her in my life.

Entitlement

I think that we live in the most obscure time in eternity. There is pre-Genesis eternity, Creation up to the Cross, now, and the age to come. We are truly in a peculiar spot in history. Anyone that is familiar with the Rock Harbor circles of fellowship are familiar with the New Testament picture of the Kingdom of God as “now, but not yet.” The Kingdom of God, and all the blessings and holiness that comes with it, is “at hand” (Matthew 3:2) and thus is within reach. The Kingdom of God, or the Kingdom of Heaven, is a Kingdom without sin, sickness or death; utterly flawless, fulfilling and satisfying. That is within reach and Jesus wants His followers to walk in this truth. And yet, the Kingdom is not fully here yet, thus death, sin and sickness still have an evil grip on this world. The Kingdom of God is infinitely superior and more powerful than the kingdom of darkness and victory is already secured, yet it has not completely taken place yet (unless by the time you read this, Jesus has already come back , in which case, I’ll just tell you, the reader, that I’m never updating this blog again). I believe Jesus’ words and I believe that the Holy Spirit is just like Jesus and that He does the same stuff today. That’s truth.

I write this blog without much of an idea of how things work. May the Lord work through my foolish thoughts and writing. I believe in things that I don’t see. I believe in things that the Bible teaches, yet I’ve never seen them with my own eyes. I hear people’s stories about incredible miracles that have taken place and as much as I truly believe them, when it becomes my turn all I can do is kind of look at the ground and shuffle me feet. Certainly I testify of the Lord working in the supernatural in my life and testify that He does those things. But when it comes to those radical healings and completely unexplainable phenomena I don’t really have anything to say.

A Blog About Blogging

So I felt that an interlude blog might be necessary. Not for the masses that read this blog, ahem, but rather for my own frame of mind. Something seems to be changing in regards to how I write, why I write and basically all that goes into being one of millions of voices expressed in the blogging culture. If its not a change, it could at least be described as a realization. I'll go backwards and then forwards and try to keep it brief (as to stay in line with the Facebook status update). I want to get these two orders of business out of the way now, because something happened today that I'm going to try to put it into words as I write tonight and post tomorrow. I think it'll be one of the more spiritually important blogs so I wouldn't want either of these two things to distract from that.

First, if you read it on Facebook or here on Blogger, you may realize that there has been a case of a vanishing post. I indeed wrote an entire blog and posted it on Friday. Basically I came to a realization of some pain that I had stuffed because of lack of contact with friends back home and I wrote from a place of insecurity. I am not an insecure person, so realizing that was not pleasant, but that didn't make it any less true. I literally woke up in the middle of the night on Friday, cringing from my own discomfort. I mixed that insecurity with my own vanity and attempted to take on the entirety of blogging culture with only my keyboard on my side. How counter-intuitive is that? And before I left the office that day, I felt the Lord telling me to strike the post. So I did. And I'm glad that I did. As far as I know the only ones that read it in that two or three hour window was a South African friend, a Peruvian friend (kind of) and I believe my soon-to-be mother-in-law. If you also drudged through that one, my apologies.

Second and last, if you haven't noticed, I'm trying to make my blog a little more legit. There are different reasons for that. First is because I do believe that putting out a blog is a good way, in this technological age, to testify and there is nothing wrong about making the website more winsome as you share testimonies of God's work. I am doing it now, because I'm going to be heading to the states in less than two months and this website is somewhere that I'll be pointing people to for follow-up and hearing more of what the Lord has called me to in Moshi. Because of that, I realize that its best for me to not only write those long weekly thoughts, but also have stuff going up more regularly (as well as shorter in length). Because of that I am going to be more regular on the blog sharing shorter bits about the kids, my thoughts or anything else that might catch my eye. I don't know if people care about that stuff, but I see other people doing that so I figure it won't be an entire waste of time. That's actually the main reason that I'm redoing the Treasure profiles, that way they are their own post and they are accessible there on the left hand side of the site. So... if you are reading this and you typically just catch the blog on Facebook, I suggest that you subscribe so you don't miss all the other stuff. I don't envision doing a status update for all the shorter blogs, even though I think they'll be worth the read.

So there you go. That's a long blog for some, but for me that's short. Thank you all for your prayers and for your interest in what the Lord is doing out here. I haven't used Swahili in most of my recent posts so I'll sign off with a good old Mungu akubariki.

Treasure - Justina

Alright, I'm catching up now. I'll be posting new profiles again before we know it. This one was originally posted on July 24th.

Treasure: Justina is such a special little girl. She just turned four last month. Justina is about as across the board as a kid comes in regards to emotions. There have been many times, where I’m convinced that she is the happiest child on this green and blue ball. As you get to know her, she

starts to open up a little and you get a glimpse of her incredible sense of humor. She is just the goofiest and funniest little girl. She more than any of our kids has had her own language. We believe that earlier on, she wanted to speak English so would mimic that, but it wasn’t actually English at all. Now her big thing is acting like Curious George (the kids new favorite cartoon character) as she runs around the field making all the noises and facial expressions. She’s quite theatric and you can tell that there is an artistic side to her for sure. And yet at times, she becomes ultra moody and even defiant. I’m reminded more and more that fatherhood is not for the faint of heart and when your children are misbehaving, correcting them puts that difficulty on full display. When it comes to the preschool exercises, she is my best barometer of my own teaching (Lucy’s a bit old and the other five are a bit young) and I’m blessed to see that she is learning a lot. Her English is coming along very well (see Colors with Justina on TOA’s Facebook or my YouTube) and she is very intelligent. Justina holds a special place in my heart and I’m very much blessed by my daughter.

Treasure - Diamond

Originally posted on June 14th and originally originally posted in the HWCM Newsletter...

I was just a second away from writing on one of our little girls and I remembered my most recent article in the Hidden With Christ newsletter. I’m not sure what “traffic” I get on this blog, but I wanted my Treasure post this week to be the article that I wrote on Diamond in the most recent newsletter. If you want to get the newsletter, you can sign up for the online email newsletter at hiddenwithchrist.com. Advertisement (for something free?) aside, here’s the unedited version of what I wrote on Diamond, my treasure…

Diamond is one of our twenty-six amazing children at Treasures of Africa and she has one of the most dramatic stories. As an infant, she was literally found in a heap of trash and brought to Treasures of Africa soon thereafter. She was given the name Diamond, because she is the precious Diamond that the Lord picked out. This picture is not unlike all of our testimonies of our loving Father who picked us up out of our trash and has put us on a path of His purposes for us.

Out of that background, the Lord is clearly setting her apart for something special. Though her birthday was assigned to her, we are sure that she is our youngest child at the children’s home. Nonetheless, as she nears her third birthday she is excelling in all things that she puts her hand to and certainly in regards to her education.

Early childhood education can often be a slippery thing to gauge and see where a given child is at. Despite that, it has become apparent that Diamond is excelling not only in relation to her peers in the class, but she is even developmentally advanced for her age. As you can imagine our preschool is focused on all those simple building blocks that you would see on Sesame Street or what have you. Each of our children remember different things from our time in class and Diamond seems to remember a lot!

She does a very good job with tracing her letters and we are sure that she will have great handwriting. She speaks good English and is learning more and more. When she is in a particularly excitable mood (which is often), she repeats out loud the sentences that I read from our daily story and we can tell that it is sticking as her practicing vocabulary grows.

Without a doubt, her most impressive skill is her memory. She remembers letters, numbers and colors, but most impressive is her memorization of shapes. While the other little ones struggle to remember, Diamond is right there with the older girls Lucy and Justina. As you can imagine, a shape she never forgets is the one that bears her name.

Likewise, her favorite song is “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.” If you’ve met her or seen her on any of our videos, you’ll know that Dia has one of the most adorable giggles in the world. Every time we get to the part “like a diamond in the sky” she just giggles. Along with that, one of her favorite things to do throughout the day is the hand motion from the song and randomly say “like a diamond in the sky.” She is just too cute!

We know that the Lord has picked out and set out our precious Diamond for something special in His Kingdom and pray for those good things to come. With as much as she loves to say “like a diamond in the sky” we know that its not only a cute saying, but even a prophetic proclamation that this Diamond too will be used to shine the Lord’s light brightly in His universe.

Treasure - Magdalena

Another short post that I originally wrote on a larger post about Maggie. I originally did this profile on May 22nd, 2010.

Magdalena is such a great girl. She’s like the quintessential second grader, only more amazing. She has so much joy in her and rarely do you see her down. She is very funny and very energetic. She speaks faster than any kid that I can think, both Swahili and English. Something happened with her, Sam and Witness, because they all speak quite good English at a young age. One of my favorite memories of Maggie was a couple months ago when I had a Skype call time set-up to talk with my parents. The moments before my parents called me, I quickly found many of my kids had crowded into my office just to be with baba. When the video call came in, they all were taken back by the technology. Like I said, Maggie has good English and is quite energetic, so she took full advantage of this technology to talk to someone in the states. She just started rattling off all of these questions to my parents. I just have this picture in mind of her touching the screen, as if my parents can see that she’s pointing to my dad, and saying “who is this babu (grandfather)?” She always comes up to me to give me a hug and for whatever reason she always leans back and I have to hold her up to keep her from falling backwards. She does it with Lyd and Jodie too, of course. She really does have just the most fun personality and we are so blessed by her and know that the Lord has something special for her.

Romance

I’m a fraud. Consider this my confession to the brethren. This development has been largely unintentional. For the most part, I haven’t meant to put forth such a façade. I feel that people have reached their own assumptions from one source or another about the kind of life that I live and I feel I ought to tell you the view’s probably a bit off. Undoubtedly, I, at times, have perpetuated this perception by the power of my own vanity and adolescent self-interest. For that I apologize. Allow me to divulge…

Last week, as is the normal 21st-century custom, I wrote on an old friend’s Facebook profile on his birthday. He was one of my closest friends in junior high, but I haven’t seen him in several years. My comment was simple enough, nothing flashy. The following day he commented on the post and told me that I am the “most bad-a** friend" that he has. Not a compliment that I get everyday. He then told me that he’s praying for me. I thanked him for that. His compliment certainly didn’t offend me, its quite hard to do that and when I was younger I said far worse. It just makes me laugh as I reflect on the life that I live. He clearly meant it in a good way, but it made me think about the perception that people have of me.

Treasure - Antoni

Alright, I'm making headway now. I wrote this one on May 5th, 2010.

Antoni is a special boy. He really is something. In March, Treasures of Africa celebrated 3 years since we took our first kids in. He was one of our first five and I put a picture on our Facebook page of him then and now and you can see the physical transformation that has taken place in his life just from being here and receiving proper care. He is one of our three boys with HIV, but like Awadhi and Justice, he is improving in his health. He is quite a funny guy, both intentionally and unintentionally. I’m doing good with my Swahili, but when an eight year-old is mumbling in a low voice, it can get hard to translate. He really does bring us joy and we are blessed more and more by him. Antoni, like any kid, has struggles as well. We recently just had him put down from grade 3 to grade 2, because he was failing. Now in grade 2, he is still failing and it has been a frustration for me, Grace and everyone. Yesterday I was going over some new software and Grace called me over to the tutoring table, just saying how she needed help with Antoni, because he just wasn’t doing his work. We spoke with him and I had to reprimand him, because he is showing very little effort. In first grade, he did fine and now something’s happened. Please pray for Antoni. We are not sure what effect the meds and or HIV have on his mental capability, but a lack of effort is at least clear. Nonetheless, we know that the Lord is at work in this boy’s life and we thank God for bringing him to our family.

Treasure -Innocent

Here's another one! I wrote this originally on April 10th in the year of our Lord 2010.

When I first met Innocent in 2008, he wasn’t Innocent. He was Ramadhani, or just Rama. If you ever come and visit us, have Lydia or Eli tell you the story about the transformation that the Lord has done in this boy’s life, its really one of my favorites. When Pastor Unity first brought him to us, he was rigid and mean from living on the streets. The other kids were terrified of him. Through a series of events involving prayer and discipline, Inno has made a complete one-eighty and is now an amazing young man of the Lord. When he got baptized he chose to have his name changed to Innocent to reflect what the Lord has done in his life. Ramadhani was his Muslim name, the name that was his on the street, his former life. However, Innocent is my son and he loves the Lord. On Friday, our older kids were fasting (they do that by their own volition from time to time) so at lunch time, Innocent just came into my office while I’m on the computer and lays on my concrete floor. That apparently is his place to be when he’s hungry. I love when him or any of my kids come to visit me in my office. One of my favorite things about Innocent is his sense of humor. He is so funny and some of my favorite times around TOA are joking around with him, Ema, Benny and Ray, as we laugh jumping between English and Swahili (even Spanish sometimes). He is ambitious to continue his education and learn English even though the cards have been stacked against him. He is almost fifteen years old, our oldest boy, and only in fifth grade. He didn’t start school at all until he came to TOA and it has resulted in him being very old for his grade. We’ve tried to get him to skip a grades, but the school system doesn’t really allow for that. In all of it though, we are confident that the Lord has big plans for this young man and he continues to be a wonderful blessing to us.

Treasure - Lucy

Here's another reprisal of a previous Treasure profile. I originally wrote this on April 3rd.

Lucy is one of the most beautiful children that the Lord has made. She and Catherine, were the two children that came to TOA between my leaving at the end of July and returning in January. I remember when I got back to Moshi and after my first week of language school, I went to TOA. The other children came up and greeted me and were climbing on me as they were happy to see me back. Lucy came up and said “shikamoo, baba” I replied “marahaba” (an exchange of respect to someone older than you.) I immediately looked up at Lydia and Jodie and said “she is beautiful!” Since then she has become one of my 26 favorites. I spend a lot of time with her between the preschool and just life. She is old enough to be in first grade, but she came to us not knowing much of anything, so she’s spending a year preparing first. Because of this, she is in the preschool and, along with Justina, does computer exercises as well. I focus on developing her English in hopes she gets to the levels of Sam and Maggie in a couple years, if not more. She has an incredibly sweet spirit and disposition. She loves to cuddle and laugh. We were watching her and Tina playing this hopscotch type game and someone said “look at how cute Lucy plays” and I said “I can’t think of anything Lulu does that isn’t cute.” She is simply a wonderful little girl

Treasure - Justice

As promised, I am doing reprisals of all my Treasure profiles to make them as their own separate post. Here's the first one that I wrote on Jubee back on March 20th.

Justice is such a tremendous blessing to us. He will turn three this week and its crazy to think of him being three years old. Juju or Juju Bee or Jubie or my recently coined Jubidus is a super funny kid. Out of all the kids in the preschool, I’d say he’s got his heads in the clouds the most. I constantly have to get his attention in class. It essentially goes like this… I’m reading a story to them and say “Hey Justice, did you see the bird in the picture?” He looks at me and says “yellow.” And I’m like “no, Jubie, not yellow.” Everything is yellow to him, although today while the other children were telling me the colors of their spoons, he looked up at me and said, “Baba, triangle” Sure enough he was holding a yellow spoon. He cracks me up. He is very sweet and very loving. He is our shortest kid, although he is the oldest of all our five year olds. He is one of our three HIV+ kids (please lift him up in prayer). His favorite song is Old McDonald, which he pronounces “happy tano” and his favorite thing is high fives, but instead of saying “gimme five” he says “ee five.“ He is super cute and very photogenic. A few days ago, I was putting his shirt on him and I told him “Juju una kichwa kama tikiti” and got a good laugh out of the caregiver (go translate it). One of my favorite things about Justice is he loves to sing and dance. I love watching and listening to the kids worship and he loves to lead songs and just sing and dance. He absolutely has my heart and anyone that spends about two seconds with him will tell you the same.

HWCM Newsletter

If you guys aren't on board with the Hidden With Christ Ministries Newsletter, I highly suggest it. Its super easy to get on the Newsletter Email list and we send it out once a month. The newsletter includes stories of the kids with pictures, not only from TOA but also from the orphan ministry that HWCM does in Ukraine. Furthermore, our Executive Director Rita gives good teaching in every issue. Its good, its free, just click here and you'll go right to the HWCM homepage where you can sign up for the email newsletter. Do it, I dare you.

Preparation

I find myself having to continually remind myself of a very simple task. Its not something I had to do or ever made a habit of doing when I lived in California, but in my effort to adapt to this different culture, I try to be conscious of it. I drive down Lema Road every morning on my way to work and there are many people that I pass on the road; women with bananas on their heads, school children and the like, just starting their days. In the states, even poor schools utilize school buses and most people get around by their own vehicle or heaven forbid public transit. While we do have cheap public transit in Tanzania, if you are super poor it may be something that you cut out of your budget. So people instead will walk and as people in cars pass, the pedestrians often ask for a “lifti”(many Swahili words are English words with an “i” on the end). They do this by stopping, looking at the driver and putting their hand out, palm up (as opposed to our hitchhiker thumb). It is common practice to give these people rides and I am training myself to always be prepared and ready to give them a ride.

I want to be the kind of person that is always ready to bless someone, always prepared to fill in and do what is right at the drop of a hat. Unfortunately, I have not arrived yet in being the person that is always prepared to do so.

Monday through Friday, we start of the days at TOA with devotionals. Eli takes Monday, Lydia does Tuesday, I get Wednesday, Jodie takes Thursday and one of the staff teaches on Friday. With Lydia gone, Jodie and I are alternating on doing her Tuesday. I like to teach, but the devotionals are a bit of a discipline for me. Coming up with something to teach on a weekly basis, is stretching me and I sometimes feel ineffective. Nonetheless, I didn’t want Jodie to bear it on her own in Lydia’s absence so when Lyd left I offered to alternate with her. I did it two weeks ago, but then last week the Tuesday was done in Swahili by a staff member. Yesterday, Jodie asked me if I was going to do it the following day (Tuesday) and I squirmed out of doing it, by virtue of her having not done it the week before. She caught me off guard and I wasn’t prepared to just bless her. Jodie is a wonderful woman and a hard worker. She is doing great with added responsibility in Lydia’s absence and is also coming off a bout with malaria. Despite that my lack of preparation to just bless at a moment’s notice didn’t bring her any relief. I felt convicted of it that night and I texted her to apologize and tell her that I would be happy to lead the devotional if she would like me to. Jodie, in her grace, told me that it would be okay and that she would do it anyways.

Treasure - Sabetina

Sabetina is such a precious little girl that I love so much. She was on my heart today as I was working with the lower elementary kids on the computers following their tutoring time. She came up to me as I was emailing on my lap top and I couldn’t help but give her a big hug and kiss as she came to just ask if I was working with them today. I told her I was and she specifically asked to practice her English today using our Rosetta Stone program and I gladly obliged. As I was supervising the children I was also sending out emails to our child sponsors (we can always use more supporters and several of our children don’t have a single sponsor… wink wink). Coincidently, I was emailing Tina’s one sponsor, my friend Dan, who came with me on my first trip to Moshi in 2008. I remember those two weeks and how whenever we were at TOA, Tina just clung to Dan. It was sweet to see that. Tina came across as a very shy little girl, but she is clearly growing out of that. I first remembered summer 2009 when I was interning with Ryan and Tina just farted right on me as she sat on my lap (actually Diamond did exactly that today as a matter of fact) and I knew that Tina was officially comfortable with me. Tina and I have a very fun relationship. She is always laughing and playing outside, but she isn’t afraid to show a little sass as well. She is very smart and I was pleased with how well she was doing on the English program today (it’s the day to day English usage that we need to draw out of her). She is a very sweet and very beautiful little girl and we are blessed that the Lord has drawn her to our home.

Note: I am going to do reprisals on the previous Treasure posts as their own separate posts. So keep an eye out for those as they come out exclusively here on Blogger. I will probably do one every other day until I have caught up completely.

Wind Brings Beauty

I feel beauty touch my skin, I close my eyes and sigh
My heart flutters within as the Wind blows by
Off to bless another soul in a far or near place
To dry the tears of a heart that have travailed down a face
Or to continue the furious onslaught of the waves once more
Pounding and pounding as they baptize the shore
The endless waves come from the infinite deep
The children leave the beach, but the beauty persists in their sleep
And when the children wake up and go outside to play
The Wind meets them at the door to welcome them to the day
And as they run in the field, the Wind gladly pushes their kite high
Just to see the beauty erupt with the shimmer in their eyes
The Wind can carry their laughter or any other sound
And there's not a place on the earth where the Wind can't be found
The Wind carries laughter but can also move in the silence
Bringing beauty to a land that is torn by violence
Rushes down into the valley of the shadow of death
And fills up the lungs of the oppressed with every breathed breath
The Wind brings beauty and blows away ashes
And is the strength which withstood those 39 lashes
So in the name of the Wind, I receive the same power
That was released from His body as He died the ninth hour
And like those saints of old which met in the upper room that day
I pray the Wind will blow me too in the beautiful way

Brandon  Michael

October 31st, 2010

Submission

You know the Bible is not a random book. And all those little tidbits of “advice” that you find in there aren’t random either. The Holy Spirit used some forty odd writers and delivered God’s very word to us, He then enlightens us to understanding and we figure out how we’re supposed to live this life. Sometimes you can read things in there and they can be a bit hard to swallow, or you’ll want to soften it with some poor interpretation of the scripture. Well, I’ve been learning more and more about one of those such things.

Submission is something that is in many ways a hot button topic in the Church. It plays a role in various topics from gender and church leadership to marriage and government authorities. The Bible is certainly not silent about the topic and it wouldn’t take a long look through the holy book to come across its reference in some fashion.

Desire

Having ended the fast in the last half hour (first thing in my mouth was a spoonful of peanut butter, in case you were wondering), there are so many different things that I can write about, because the Lord was definitely at work in the fast. I’m going to try to roll up several of them into this post and share what the Lord has done.

I have this tendency towards idle productivity. I notice this at my house first and foremost. At my house, there’s not a whole lot to do. I don’t have a TV, I don’t have a DVD drive on my computer (or a single DVD for that matter), I don’t have internet at my house and I don’t have anyone to talk to aside from the Lord and if I’m feeling delusional, any of the various lizards that come in to visit me. Because of that, I try to toil in the interest of growing spiritually. How many pod casts can I listen to tonight? How many chapters will I read in my book? Will I master any new worship songs on the guitar? All of these are good things, but I find that my mindset isn’t always coming from the best angle.

Sin

Last week as I was in the hospital room, sitting at Awadhi‘s bed, I had a thought that was resounding in my head. You hear so many statistics about the ways disease and death ravage third world countries, specifically sub-Saharan Africa. As I was there in that room at Kilimanjaro Christian Medical Center, those numbers grew faces again as I realize that there are children in this ward that aren’t going to come out. I heard the cries of a family mourning just outside of Awadhi’s room in the hallway; a woman crying out loud over some child’s death, possibly hers. And this thought was resounding in my head: “Why don’t we realize the impact of our sin?”

This world has a major problem. This world is in sin. The impact of that results in all the woes that you can think of in this world. You name the ailment and its source is in sin; disease, dissatisfaction, shame, poverty, loneliness, death. When Adam and Eve chose to disobey God, which is the definition of sin, the consequences were severe and every aspect of their lives were changed as shame, poverty and death entered the world.

Plans

“A man’s heart plans his way; But the Lord directs his steps” Proverbs 16:9

A seemingly common thing that Lydia and I have discussed both in regards to my time at TOA as well as the concept in general is that we as people love to try and figure things out in our heads. We love to plan and scheme and think how we’ll get ourselves in this position and then we can perform this task and so on. Perhaps one of the biggest things that living in Tanzania is teaching me, is that doing that is quite useless.

There was a time in my life when I was planning. I was planning a lot of things. I had one year left at Vanguard and I had a plan, a pretty good one I thought. I loved living in southern California, I loved working with kids, I loved my current schooling, I loved the girl I was a dating. Taking all those things, I came up with a good plan. I would finish my schooling, get engaged, get my teaching credential, get married, start teaching and settle down in sunny southern California. I planned from my heart, then the Lord directed me elsewhere.

Fasting

From time to time, I have friends that will ask me about my take on fasting, if you will. For those friends, this one’s for you… and its also for me.

It wasn’t until my junior year of college, at the age of 20, that I had my first fast. Somewhat surprising due to the fact that I had accepted the Lord when I was in preschool; it shouldn’t take a believer 16 years to get around to a part of the Christian walk that is so vital and helpful. For that year of schooling, I set aside every Thursday to fast and then it would be ended after my Thursday night prayer meeting. That year was definitely a growing year for me as I found out more about fasting; physically, theologically and emotionally.

My head always wants to make sense of these things and make it into a formula. I remember driving to work one Thursday, profoundly frustrated with my fast and whether or not I was “doing it the right way.” The thing that made sense in my mind was to add an element to this particular formula of Thursday fasts. I prayed to the Lord in my frustration and asked “What do you want? Do you want me to just not end it late Thursday night and just go to sleep to end it in the morning?” “No!” He replied instantly. I was quite taken back, because I thought that was the part that I, quite grudgingly, would need to add. He instead talked to me that He didn’t want that, He wanted my heart. So its not some religious practice that I have to do out of obligation? No, it’s a way that our hearts become rendered to His heart and that’s what moves the stuff around us.

Trust

Basically at any moment after Sunday, my spirit (if not my “material”) seemed ready to sit down and write a post. Sunday, I’m resting it and its only been a few days since my last post. Monday, I skype with Melissa and goes a little long and there’s not enough time. Tuesday, I say tomorrow. Wednesday, I skype with Melissa again then come home and opt to clean instead. I plan on Thursday for sure until Lauren asks if I want to lead worship at their house, I go with that. Then today comes, Friday. Alright, now I’m at the computer and I’m more than ready. After all that’s happened today, I’m so ready.

You know I really like receiving feedback on my writing. Of course you know that, I complain about it constantly. My apologies, but let me explain myself further. It encourages me to hear from people, believe it or not I enjoy interaction with people in the states (go figure, I moved here nonetheless). At any rate, I received a good encouraging feedback message from a friend that I met at Vanguard. Rodrigo was certainly not a guy that I figured was reading any of my posts but nonetheless he hit me up with some encouraging words. Besides saying the normal courtesies like “you’re doing a good job,” “you write well,” and “you’re basically C.S. Lewis reincarnated” (okay, I’m fabricating a little), he gave a sound word that has certainly given me a mind frame for the last week. He shared a story about Mother Teresa and out of it encouraged me to just trust. Clarity and figuring out the how of things won’t get me close to where trust in God will. Obviously that’s a good word and after all that was on my mind last week, it was much needed.

Fighting

I find myself in an interesting spot of my life and an interesting spot of my first year on the missionary field. Its quite unique and I can honestly say that I’ve never been in any situation like this one.

The Lord has done an incredible amount of drastic life changing experiences over the last two months. As I sat at my house in February, March and April writhing from loneliness some of the time, I dreamed about all that would take place over the coming summer. Ryan would have all these teams come out and more importantly his interns; I would have a group of friends actually close to my age. Eventually, Melissa was on board to come out and help at Global-EFFECT and that led to a whole new level of dreaming, knowing that she was feeling called to TOA and could potentially be that one woman I’ve been waiting for. Then the second half of May came, the NMC team came with my friend Tyler, then the VU team with my friend Denny and the first intern Dalila, then Nick and Taylor came out, then the Lord put India on my heart, then Melissa and Kelli came, then I realized the magnitude of what God was doing in my relationship with Melissa, then I got engaged (a month ago today), then Melissa left, then I left for Asia, then I had an amazing and anointed time there. And now I’m back. The summer is so officially over, its not funny at all.

India and the Himalayas in Pictures

A few pictures from our time in India and the Himalayas. For more pictures check out my Facebook or the Facebook albums of Noah and Katie Jenks, Lauren Edens and Ryan Helbling (all I did was steal their pictures). Enjoy!

Ministering to Pastor Claude

Indian Roadway

Darjeeling

Me, Noah and Ryan with Sulai and Pastor Claude

A city nestled into the Himalayas

A Buddhist Temple

A Buddhist Temple on the cliff of a mountain

Process

After a crazy time getting back to Moshi, I’m back in Moshi. I find myself writing from within my own living room but in some ways I still feel like I’m back in Asia. Maybe it’s the fact that I’m listening to Jesus Culture or that I have another stomach ache complete with vomit tasting hiccup burps (just thought I‘d share), but I truly feel like there’s a part of me that came alive there and I’m trying to figure out how that looks like in my blessed normal context of Moshi. It is a bit to process.

My trip was amazing. God did new things in my life and I feel like I grew a lot. Its kind of an odd feeling. While I can articulate some of the stuff that He did (at least enough for eight previous blogs in addition to this one), I feel like the heart of what He did and my feelings towards the trip are beyond diction. That seems to be a recurring theme in my life, not having the words. Quite the quandary for someone who fancies himself a writer. What God does is beyond words and such was the case on this trip. Nonetheless, here’s my feeble attempt…

Life is all about the first and second greatest commandment. That we love God and love others (Matthew 22: 37-40). I love God more after this trip and I thank Him that He is here with me in Tanzania as well. I thank God that He is omnipresent and that while we left Asia, He stayed there and came with us. And yet, no one else came back with me. I do miss walking around Darjeeling or seeing the beauty as our tour bus winded through the Himalayas. But more than anything I miss the people. The ministry takes place before the Lord and is for the benefit of the people.