Devotion

I don't always do what is best for me. Foolishly, I often realize it as its happening. Lord help me.


I often think back to the time that I was in Long Beach and remember it with a sense of romance. I remember what God was doing during that time and felt quite close to Him. I felt that my ministry in church was meaningful and even powerful. I saw God moving in the communities that I was involved in and it was exciting. It was the perfect staging area for my launch into the mission field of Tanzania.

I get these random images through Zemanta. To be honest, this blog doesn't need the seal of Long Beach, just because I mentioned Long Beach, but I did it anyway. Image via Wikipedia

I now often find myself taken aback and feeling like over a year and a half later, I'm further from God. I of course chalk some of this up to seeing the past through rose-colored glasses, but I know that there's more to it than just that. As I've been reminded of the last several days, that distance has a lot to do with the way that I spent my time back then. Namely that during that season, I committed myself to spending a hour with God everyday.


I remember it quite well. I lived in the upstairs of a four unit apartment complex. Our balcony was merely a walkway, but I would set up shop there and look over the city of Long Beach. On top of my spot on Signal Hill, I could see downtown LB and beyond one direction, then Belmont Shore down into Seal Beach and beyond the other way. I set up my little fold out chair, my Oswald Chambers devotional and of course my study Bible. That time was so special, so restful and in the most important way, believe it or not, productive.


Now I find myself too busy to set aside that much time. Its disgraceful really. How I spend my time is indicative of my priorities and not spending time with the Lord is a bad sign. Now, the truth is I still read my Bible everyday and I of course pray everyday, but I'm far less intentional and the time has waned considerably.


I was convicted of this through a couple sermons that I listened to the other day. I always listen to a lot of podcasts, but during my time in the states, I fell way behind. The first was by Darren at the Garden where he challenged the congregation to do very simple disciplines that would bless God and draw us close to Him during Lent ("So two rabbis get into an argument..." on The Garden Church Long Beach iTunes podcast) and the second was by Becky Tirabassi at Rock Harbor, emphasizing the importance of the Bible and having that daily time in the word ("The Good Book: Love It. Read It. Live It" on ROCKHARBOR Messages iTunes podcast) . I knew that these two messages were just for me.


I had been holding out on starting my "read it in a year" NIV Bible, because I wanted to finish reading through my entire study Bible first, which has been a multi-year project (I'm down to three Old Testament books and three New Testament books). I had read through the Bible in a year before, but was feeling enticed to do it again. I decided after listening to the sermons that I didn't need be finicky about it and when it comes to reading the Bible, I don't need to finish one project before starting another... so I'm doing both.


Still, even after all that on Friday, I'm not spending adequate time with the Lord. So the Lord put me on my back today... literally. I pulled it the other day, but re-aggravated much worse this morning bending over for shampoo in our very small shower. Melissa has been gracious enough to take care of me, but I thank God, because I haven't been able to do much other than sit around for the day. Not only did I have time to finish Rita's book on Pastor Zablon (Its great! Go get it!), but also got to read in another book, my study Bible and my daily Bible. Furthermore, I had personal time in prayer and had devotional time with Melissa too. So necessary.


Its amazing what these times of devotion can do. Today I feel refreshed spiritually and more like God and I are on the same page. I know that if I continue to do it, its going to build me up spiritually. The fifteen minutes I've been spending has been good, but I know that there's more for me as I put more emphasis on my time with Him. I'm looking forward to returning to TOA next week not only because I'll get to be with the kids, but because for the first time this year, I'll be on a normal schedule. In that schedule I can give God my first fruits of time, quality and quantity, and make sure that I'm connected to Him daily.


Its a love relationship. We spend time with people that we love and God is anything but an exception to that. I intend to spend more time devoted to Him, just us together. I know that its in those times that we find purpose, rest and focus, for this we give praise.

Strength

I used to think that I was a strong person. Sometimes people say that it takes a strong person to be a missionary overseas, I then wonder how in the world I’m making it out here. The emotions of being back have been overwhelming at times. I wish that I could say that they’ve all been positive, but it actually seems that most haven’t been. It just feels a little off. I try to be upbeat with the couple status updates I post on Facebook, but its been a little harder and I find myself at a bit of a loss.I look around at the fellow missionaries and perceive how well they have it all together. They are older, wiser and have a handle on things. I rarely see their emotions get to them or not know what to do in a particular situation. All the while, I can feel debilitated by all that I’m facing.


After arriving in Nairobi, we took the shuttle to Moshi the next morning. As we rode, I gazed out the window with so many things on my mind. As I looked out over the all too familiar terrain of East Africa, I was being reminded more of the hardships of living here than anything else. Melissa kept asking me if I was okay and while I said yes, I couldn’t hide from her that I was feeling a real weight. I was, and still am, feeling a weight of responsibility like I’ve never felt before and its more than I can bear in my own strength, help me Jesus.


When we got here in the late afternoon and got to see our new home, we were very pleased and realized how blessed we are. As our friends took off and left Melissa and I at the house by ourselves there was some excitement in the air, but in my soul, I also felt this sense of inadequacy for all that has been undertaken. I have always said that I want a life where people can see Christ in me due to the situation that I’m in requiring Him to move in powerful ways. I certainly have returned to that and now even to a greater degree with a wife to care for, and its not exactly romantic, its more like daunting, if not scary at times, because it is a situation that I can’t remotely handle in my own strength.

Together-ness

(This blog was written with a previous blog of mine in mind. It was called “Single-ness” and played a role in what God did for me and Melissa… I’m not single anymore)


I am learning this word “together” in whole new measures as of late. Two weeks ago today, there was a wedding. It was my wedding. It was my and Melissa’s wedding. The day that the average person would consider the best day of their life, I would be one such person. It wasn’t only a day that I committed myself to Christ like my day of salvation, but it was even more than that. It was a day that I was again committing myself to Christ as a man that is mature enough to take on the responsibility of being a husband and together with my wife, committing ourselves to the Lord. The best day of my life.


There was so much that went into the wedding. I hope to put up more pictures soon once we get them (although you could see some on Facebook right now and the ceremony video is here on the blog). It was truly an incredible production and my talented wife would be the one to credit for all that. She really did a tremendous job down to the most minute detail. Decorations, wardrobe, ceremony and reception events, everything. And it was a lot. We got some important help in the last week or so and help from others here and there, but a lot of the footwork came down to us doing stuff ourselves. It truly monopolized most of our time over April and May. I found myself working on stuff that I don’t even know if I would've noticed if I were a guest there, but it indeed turned out beautiful.


However, not everything came together beautifully. The final product was indeed beautiful, but Melissa and I can see from the big picture that it wasn’t perfect, or at least not in the physical circumstantial aspect. A few things that didn’t work out you ask? First off, something happened to the ceremony’s sound system which messed up our perfect play list - I kid you not it was perfect, check out this line up: Mumford & Sons “Sigh No More,” Norah Jones’ “Don’t Know Why,” Jack Johnson “Banana Pancakes,” Sixpence None The Richer “Kiss Me,” Donavon Frankenreiter “Free,” The OC Supertones “So Great A Salvation,” Melody Gardot “If The Stars Were Mine,” Tyrone Wells “And The Birds Sing,” Amos Lee “Sweet Pea,” candle lighting to Jon Foreman “House of God Forever” and the processional was Phil Wickham “Divine Romance” … I rest my case. I don’t know if the general songs were played at all but Mr. Foreman and Mr. Wickham sounded like they were under water. Furthermore, Melissa spent a painstakingly long time picking out dresses for the bridesmaids, seven of the eight girls ordered through the same bridal shop and they botched the order so the girls didn’t get the dresses Melissa chose, except for my sister who paid more to get the dress because her dress shop actually did get it in time, but the other problem came too late to cancel her order. The guys suits didn’t come either, so we ended up wearing different ones. The caterer didn’t fulfill some of his promises (for example, he himself showing up to the reception).  As if all that weren’t enough, it rained on our wedding day and we scrambled the morning to change locations altogether. So yeah, you could say that not everything “came together.”


The day went by so fast and all the big problems were totally out of our hands. I can’t say how our guests felt, but it seemed like a rapid, hectic ordeal to me and Melissa. There’s just so much. I praise God that much of the stuff did work out well and even more so for those that helped us out the day of  the wedding (our families, our bridal party, our pastors, our DJ -Jessica, our Mcs - Adrian and Kelli and our point-person for the day Mona). Lord knows nothing could have happened without them. And yet, Melissa and I cringe to think about Phil singing the submarine version of “Divine Romance.”


You know when it comes down to it though, it isn’t about all that stuff anyway. I marveled and told Missy a bunch afterwards how I wish that I could have had more time to visit with all the people. That may be the only day in my life where we have both families, our closest friends from childhood, high school, college and church all together. Even Jodie, who is on furlough, came with Rita and Pastor Dave to the wedding to represent Tanzania. It was incredible. These relationships mean so much to us and it was such a wonderful sight to have all of us together in Jesus’ name to celebrate what He’s done for me and Melissa.


And yet far more than any other relationship with a friend or family member there, it meant the world to me to be holding the hand and looking into the eyes of my best friend and beautiful bride, Melissa. As I think about that day, the most prominent pictures I remember are my first look with Melissa, Pastor Bob’s pronouncement into the recessional, our first dance, and when her and I left the reception. Just Missy and I being together and enjoying the love that the Lord has put in us for one another. All that other stuff just fades away in light of such a beautiful picture that He gave us.


Melissa means the world to me. I’ve never loved another person like I love her. I’ve never known another person like I know her. I’ve never been committed to another person the way that I’m committed to her. In the moments that we share together, especially when its just the two of us, I am in awe of just how perfect she is for me and how blessed I truly am to have such a wonderful wife. 


I think that in life we get hung up on a lot of stuff that doesn’t really matter. Sure, they may enhance certain experiences or we may truly enjoy them, but I know that I am guilty of getting bent out of shape when more peripheral things don’t go my way. I then lose focus of what is important in my life, more like Who and who is important in my life. In the Old Testament, God made a very in-depth outline of how we are to live in relationships. Jesus, in Matthew 22, summed them up in two easy-to-remember parts “Love God, love people.” That’s what’s important. A huge component of love is enjoying the communion, or together-ness if you will, with the Godhead and the people that He places around us. I praise God for walking with me over these years. He’s never left me nor forsaken me, we’ve always been together. I also praise Him that He brought Melissa and I together in such a beautiful story, as well as every other person that He‘s allowed me to share in life with. 


He is faithful to do that for each person that He created. He is not only the Author and Perfecter of our faith (Hebrews 12:2), but He is the Author and Perfecter of the love that He puts in people for Himself and for one another, for this we give praise.  

"Together"
Photo Credit: Benjamin Braff - http://thebenjaminbraff.com/

Wedding Video

Video Credit: Melissa Zaldivar

Mission

Over the last several hours, I feel as though a new weight has come upon me. Its funny that a single day isn’t a very long period of time. Yet, going from eight days till the wedding to a week till the wedding felt like a huge shift. The line of where responsibility ends and feelings of anxiety begins is a bit blurry over the last day or so.


Its not hesitancy, its not cold feet, its not worry. Its just a weight. A weight of responsibility. It is a bit of realizing not only the magnitude of what Melissa and I going to walk into for our personal lives, but also the magnitude of the effect that this will have on the Kingdom. To be sure, the most important person in our marriage is neither of us. And while that’s easy enough to say for any Christian relationship, saying that God is the center, the focus and the most important Person in our relationship takes on another meaning when the couple have chosen to do something that is beyond themselves.


I’ve said it before, but I really have no interest in living a life that is meaningless or understandable. I think that God does things that are supernatural and impossible to comprehend, He then calls us into that same life. I want that. I am grieved by the moments of my life that don’t reflect Who He is. I know that it is the same for Melissa. I’ll be the first to say that I don’t know what I’m doing. I really don’t. I have friends that are missionaries or pastors and sometimes I feel like they have such a handle on things. They know what they’re doing and have effective Kingdom advancing techniques. At other times, I see into their lives at more real moments and realize that they don’t know what they’re doing either. And I really think that that is the way that God designed it, because if all of life and ministry came down to checking off a list and having things figured out, it would be nothing more than empty religion and passion would become non-existent. Praise God that such a life like that doesn’t even work.


Instead of dead religion, He calls us to go on a mission with Him. He will tell us things, but only when He wants to and only when its necessary. He could give us a perfect plan at one time and we do it and it works great for His purposes. We could then figure that that will do the trick every time, try it again, and fall flat on our face. It seems unpredictable to us, but its perfect sense to Him, whose ways our higher than our own.

Best Friend

When you get married, you should marry your best friend.

I'm going to do that on Saturday.

Brokenness

Sometimes we just get slapped in the face with a harsh reality, such has been the case over the last week or so. 

With our wedding less than a month away, Melissa and I have begun looking for birth control solutions. Since Melissa doesn’t have insurance and our finances aren’t much to write home about, we’ve had to look for the cheapest solution possible. That led us to going to Planned Parenthood.* That must be the busiest office that I’ve ever been in. We first tried to get in at the place in Costa Mesa last week and waited for two hours before they told us they couldn’t get to us. We ended up going into the San Luis Obispo one and setting up an appointment one day and came in the next to wait another two hours before the doctor got to Melissa. The point is that place was bustling, at both places that we visited.

Image by Getty Images via @daylife

The number one demographic in the busy office? Young, unwed women. I saw two guys come in for condoms and a couple others come in to get tested for STDs (I could hear them at the reception desk). But most of them were women, or girls in some instances. Of the over 25 ladies that I saw between the two offices, Melissa was one of three or four that had a ring on her finger. Some girls acted nonchalant, I saw a few tearing up, but overall it all seemed like commonplace for the people there. The saddest sight, was a timid girl that was waiting a good while, Melissa and I were heart broken to see this girl that couldn’t have been over 14 years old; she was still developing physically even. 


In our futile efforts to enjoy life apart from God, we’ve cultivated a deep brokenness through personal and corporate sins. How else can you explain such a young girl seeking services at Planned Parenthood? The sad thing is that this sort of behavior is often celebrated. I saw something on TV where Lil’ Wayne was boasting that he lost his virginity at the age of 11. The layers of society that propagate this activity is incredibly diverse. Hollywood promotes it and acts like its both normative and completely satisfying, our lawmakers pass laws that reflect a growing constituency that sexual immorality is good and so forth. Meanwhile, the average age of people having sex for the first time keeps going down while STDs, abortions and broken lives goes up.


And how are we to react as Christians? This certainly  plays out in other areas of society, but lets stick with sexuality for the time being. When we first went into the office in San Luis, we were greeted by some picketers from a local church. They were kind and cordial, but we obviously knew why they were there. As we got out of the car, one of the ladies in a big sun hat approached us with some brochures. We smiled and said thank you, she then asked if we had any prayer requests and we told her about our wedding coming up and the work in Tanzania. Since this is a sister of mine, I didn’t want her to think lowly of us, so I pulled out all the stops to show her any strand of righteousness in us. I told her how we’re getting married so we had to start birth control (implying our virginity), we oppose abortion, we work on the mission field with orphans for crying out loud. She then told us that we should go to the Community Health Center instead of Planned Parenthood. Alas, we told her that since Planned Parenthood is free and CHC isn’t, we would still be going there and we soon walked up the stairs into the place. While these ladies were kind enough, we still felt quite uneasy with the encounter. Maybe it was the grotesque images of aborted babies on their vehicle or maybe it was just the subtle finger wagging we received. It didn’t matter that we were approaching our marriage biblically, their mind was made up and we received the brunt of their views on Planned Parenthood.


How then are we to behave then, as followers of Christ? Humility is always a good place to start. We must realize that we aren’t immune to the sin and brokenness, nor is our family. 


Over the last week, Melissa and I have been engaging with a relative of hers that has caused a lot of pain to Melissa. In an attempt to show grace to this person, Melissa got burned again and it has brought up past pain as well and could potentially be detrimental to our wedding. “He’s very broken” and “he needs Jesus” are constantly on Melissa’s lips and its entirely true. This brokenness of his was passed on to him from another relative before him. Sin is a disease and it always leads to brokenness and pain. If we do not allow God to heal us and change us, we will inevitably pass it on to another. 


God created us for community and no matter what we think or want, our actions have a profound effect on others. The reason Jesus stressed discipleship is because He knew that human relationship is the most influential force in the changing of a human soul. The reverse is just as true. If we don’t abide in Christ and His righteousness, we will pass on sin and brokenness to those we are in relationship with, as opposed to the love that we find in God. That has been the case with this relative and because he hasn’t allowed God to deal with his brokenness, he has been passing it on in his interactions with Melissa and others.


It is a sad thing, but its not un-redeemable. The whole reason that Jesus came was because God recognized the brokenness of humankind and sent Him to save us, inviting us into His Kingdom of love and reconciliation. There isn’t a person on this earth that is out of His reach if they would repent and allow the Holy Spirit to do His work. And it doesn’t end there, He’s so powerful that He can topple principalities that are ingrained within societal strongholds. He is able and willing; and He’s beckoning us to join Him in this work. And that’s where we are to hang our hats. While sin begets brokenness and we pass the disease on from one person to the other, at any moment that we invite God to redeem and heal, He does just that. We are to be like Him, ministers of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:17-21). I wouldn’t say that picketing, pronouncing damnation during a time of grace or judging unbelievers according to a Book they don’t believe in will help. At the same time, the more common Christian ailment of apathy is equally detrimental. Instead we are to show compassion, integrity, righteousness, love and whole-hearted devotion to God which will automatically lead to radical engagement. The beauty is in His design of this. That we being filled with the Holy Spirit, are able to bring this work of reconciliation over brokenness to pass, for this we give praise.


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*I realize that Planned Parenthood is a very controversial establishment and I personally disagree with a lot of their stances on sexuality and procreation, not the least of which is abortion. However, we decided that this is the best path for us with our financial situation. The organization does offer some good services, why not utilize them for two people that have chosen to wait for their marriage to become sexually active? Why should we pay more for choosing to do it the right way? Not to mention, I’m a tax payer and a third of the organization’s funding comes from government grants and contracts. Whether or not I think they should get government funding is another thing, but the fact is right now they do receive a significant portion of money from the feds which qualifies us to use the positive non-sinful practices of the establishment.

Verse of the Week: Matthew 25:40

This week's verse is one that a lot of people, especially those younger social activist Christians, will memorize or at least be aware of. This is a verse that I've quoted plenty of times, but not in full and never with the Bible address. I think that its important to know where we can find the verse in the Bible. It adds credibility when one is witnessing and it helps us in our own devotion and study. This verse in particular, and the passage it comes from, ought to cause all Christians to be on their toes, because Jesus clearly cares about how we take care of the less fortunate neighbors around us.

"And the king will answer and say to them, 'Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to me." - Matthew 25:40

Money

Welcome to Brandon’s therapy session.


Over the last couple weeks, as Snoop Doggy Dog would put it “I’ve had my mind on my money and my money on my mind.” Not just my money though, but money in general would probably be more apt. Nonetheless, I felt it was blog worthy as it is so integral to our society to the point that we come up with trite sayings like “Money makes the world go round” and what not. Not to mention money and personal finances are topics readily found throughout the Bible. It must be important. The only thing that Jesus talks about more than money in the gospel accounts is the Kingdom of God. That’s right, he talks more about money than he does about love, salvation, repentance and so on. Yeah, I’d say its quite important.


I was hanging out with Shawn the other day and we had some really good conversation as we tend to do. One of the topics, as one might suspect, was popular Christianity. Specifically we spoke at length about two individuals, one of them being Joel Osteen. He is undoubtedly the most prominent figure of the “prosperity gospel.” His book titles include Become a Better You, Its Your Time and Your Best Life Now. I don’t intend to bash another brother, I want God’s will for his life. However, I have a few reservations with the message he portrays. Mr. Osteen read the Bible and gave his life to a homeless first-century rabbi who told people to die to themselves before He Himself was tortured and murdered. Somehow, after this, Mr. Osteen landed on believing that God’s will is for us to be rich and indulge in treasures on this earth, even though they’ll rust and destroy as Jesus said they would.

When I write a book, I'm doing the same pose for the cover. Cover via Amazon

I watched a Larry King interview with Joel Osteen a while back and they showed video from his house and his church. Very big, very fancy, very expensive. He definitely lives out the gospel that he preaches. By his own definition, he has become a better him. The problem that I see with this view of money that many Christians believe in is two-fold. One, I find it unbiblical (as you could tell from the previous paragraph). I think that Mark Driscoll puts it well that when the message is “get rich, get healthy, be happy, that’s the equation… what we are saying is that as Christians we have nothing to offer that is any different from non-Christians or other religions.” Our life in Christ has the same end as that of those in the world: our own prosperity, as opposed to God’s glory. The prosperity gospel is the Christian American dream. Those are American ideals on those book covers, not biblical ideals. “Your,” its about you, its about the individual, “Best Life,” be all that you can be, humanism, health, wealth, indulgence. “Now,” immediately, don’t wait, don’t be patient, why sit down in the booth when you can get it from the drive-thru?


 Secondly, and this is the one that I’ll hit on more from my experience, I find the prosperity gospel doesn’t work out pragmatically. Do you have the kind of cash that Mr. Osteen has? It is a scary proposition when your faith is measured in dollar signs. Fortunately for Joe Christian like me, its not. I believe that God is a God of enough. He is gracious, He gives abundantly. He knows that we require some material things to survive and He has blessed not only the global church, but really the entire world with more than enough. The problem is that people (Americans for certain) horde. They don’t heed Jesus parable about the man that built the bigger barn to hold all his stuff (Luke 12:13-21). Furthermore, peoples’ eyes are bigger than their stomachs and their security and comfort become dependent on the things they own as opposed to the Lord. When this happens, some people wind up with way too much money and others, who might have faith through the roof, end up on the short end of the stick.

Ministry

I feel a bit out of sorts. Ever since I graduated from Vanguard a few years ago, I’ve had a fairly well-defined area of expertise in regards to vocation and ministry. Over the last few months those lines have blurred to something that I can’t quite decipher. 


When I was previously in California, life was easier to understand. When I was in Costa Mesa, I was in charge of the after school program at Victoria and I served in the children’s ministries at a couple churches. When I was in Long Beach, I was the children’s pastor at a couple churches. I was single for all but a couple of months during that time and I had a pretty good handle on what life and ministry looked like. 


In step with the calling that the Lord had put on me, I moved into ultra full-time ministry when I moved to Tanzania (“full” takes on a whole new meaning when you move to the other side of the earth to “work”). Through the emotional ups and downs, I was able to get into a groove of what life in the ministry at TOA looked like; my work was blessed and my schedule became incredibly routine. My life was (and in most ways still is) devoted to the discipleship of the treasures. Again, I found my vocational ministry well-defined.


Now I’m here and I’m struggling to grasp what “ministry” looks like. Technically, I’m still on staff with Hidden With Christ, I’m still on payroll during my furlough and I’m itching to get back to the work (as we can best determine, the extended furlough is over half way over!) And while I may have responsibilities here in the states with office work and fund raising, those aren’t quite the same as being with the kids, teaching them and loving them. Office work is all well and good, but it hasn’t been the focus of my work. Fund raising can be fun and encouraging depending on who we’re speaking with, but in many instances I feel more like a salesman than I do someone that is called to the orphans of northern Tanzania. 

War

So I was in Branson, Missouri last week and found myself engulfed in a culture that was a bit different than I’ve grown accustomed to. Quite certain if you were to take a poll most of the people there were “red state” kind of people. It got me thinking about what it means to be a Christian that lives in the states; and thinking subsequently led to writing of course (click here for my post on patriotism and here for my blog on government). I knew that inevitably, I couldn’t approach this monster topic without approaching the issue of war as the military is a major facet of a country and its government. I’ve been excited to tackle it and try to look at it in the scope of the New Testament/ New Covenant theology that I believe the Bible presents. And yet, its obviously a very touchy subject, because the military is something that people give their lives to and in turn are revered for their commitment. With that in mind, I feel like I’m supposed to give a disclaimer and say that these are my personal views and do not necessarily reflect those of Hidden With Christ (as if people care what a non-profit NGO completely unrelated to the military cares about war). And I certainly hope that people would want to help HWC because of the mandates of scripture and the work that we do amongst orphans, not because of the views of one of their missionaries - how’s that for starting with a disclaimer?

So I heard it said not long ago that Branson is Vegas without teeth, or maybe it was dentures, I can’t remember. At any rate, one of this city’s major attractions are its performance shows. My parents have taken a liking to this interesting city tucked away in the Ozarks and wanted to take me and Melissa to their favorite show, Pierce Arrow. It is a variety show and while I don’t typically listen to southern rock, country or gospel music, I was entertained. The show was going well and as it came to its finale, I started feeling a little uncomfortable. The comedian came out and for the first time in the show was being serious. He said that they do shows often and never want to miss a chance to honor the military veterans that come. He asked all those that have served in the military to stand up and I was astounded as I saw what seemed like half the men in the theater rise to their feet. The people then began to give them a huge round of applause and one of the singers came out to begin a very patriotic song. The grand crescendo and finale of the show had every singer as well as the comedian and band singing the song as American flags waved across the TV screen and red, white and blue confetti fell from the ceiling. I was blown away.

There is something that the Lord has put inside of people that drives them to want to live for something bigger than themselves. Many people ignore this and live domicile lifestyles. While others take up a cause that is bigger than themselves. Not all of these causes are worthwhile - I’m sure that you can think of some cause  (NRA, PETA, countless world governments, etc.) that you personally disagree with. I believe that this desire for something greater is part of being created in the image of God. God knew that He is bigger than us and to live for Him would require us to have something inside us driving us to such a life. I believe that sometimes that desire becomes misdirected to something other than Christ.

Jesus knew that His Kingdom was the only one that was worth living for; His Kingdom is the only one in which people get it right and live right. Every person in the world ought to follow Jesus and advance the Kingdom of Heaven. There is nothing else worthwhile. Any part of our lives that doesn’t see His glory and His Kingdom as the focus is a waste. We ought to repent and walk in His ways. As a human, I fully realize in my own life that there are aspects, be them desires, thoughts or actions, that are twisted and wrong. Lord have mercy on me.

Jesus talks about this Kingdom of His in John 18:36 as he converses with Pilate before His execution. The first phrase is something that people often hear, its become trendy even. You can’t drive for more than fifteen minutes without seeing a car that has “Not Of This World” on it. But that’s not the end of the verse.

Complicated

Sometimes my desire to write exceeds my ability to do so. I, perhaps, find myself in such a position right now. I’ve ingrained it into my psyche that I need to write on a regular basis for some odd reason; be it a false illusion that what I write matters or a need to organize my thoughts into something meaningful. And yet at this particular moment, I find myself bound and debilitated by the complexity of life. 


My mother has always said that I’m a very black and white person, my fiancé agrees. I often wish that things in life were clearly marked and that dashed lines were drawn everywhere we go, showing us what is good and what is bad. The gray areas are by definition hard to discern and I really hate that. I feel like when Thing A happens then the natural progression should result in Thing B occurring. And if Black is Black and Black is bad, then I shouldn’t do Black ever. Unfortunately for simpletons like me, some things are dark gray which means sometimes they’re okay even if they normally aren’t. Its all quite confusing to be sure and a Christ follower ought to realize that a godly spirit of discernment is much needed at all times. 


I’ve been seeing just how complicated life can be more and more recently. For example, this morning I was reading in the book Searching For God Knows What and Donald Miller was talking about the circus and his love for elephants. In a brief side note, he questioned why we keep elephants in circus cages. In my mind, even such an off-hand comment sends me into this inner dialogue where I argue with myself, “Yeah! Let those elephants out! They weren’t created in cages, so don’t keep them there.” “But we have dominion over them and we ought to be able to do with them as we please. And its not like we’re torturing them, people ought be allowed to enjoy them.” “Asian elephants belong in Asian jungles and African elephants belong in African savannahs. If people want to see them they can go on a safari in their natural habitat.” “Oh, but that would be an awful waste to spend all that money on airfare and the like just for the sake of tourism.” And so on and so on.  

Theology of Action

I grew up in the church and have spent a lot of time listening to a lot of sermons. I then went to a Christian university and sat in a bunch of Bible classes and learned a lot. In the quick spread of information in the 21st-century, I’ve listened to pod casts, read blogs and books about God. All of this in an attempt to grow in my relationship with the Lord through glorifying Him with a proper theology; the study of God. All of this is well and good and I have indeed learned things about God and wouldn’t be ashamed to share my knowledge of the Bible and the ways of the Lord. I delight in this growing knowledge of Him.


At the same time, I have come to the realization that we learn a lot more about God through acting out our faith. The first service that I did as I began this gauntlet of speaking was at the Garden and as Darren was asking me questions on stage, I stated something that I hadn’t previously said before, but then realized that it was entirely true. I have learned more about the gospel in the last year through my relationship with 26 Tanzanian orphans than I have ever learned through all the sermons that I’ve ever heard combined. 


We always seem to have many words and can pay lip service to the Kingdom. As someone who enjoys writing and speaking, I probably am worst than most. And yet how many sermons have we heard, or even books have we read have truly changed our lives? We sometimes use that tag “changed my life” too flippantly, because the sincerity of such a change has to be played out for a much longer duration than the moment in which it happened. I will stress and strain over things I write or sermons I write and my intent is to inspire, encourage, challenge, bless, you know all those positive things that would change a person’s life. Yet in all truth, chances are I haven’t produced any words that have seriously altered someone’s life. 


Love. Isn’t that what we’re after? Jesus’ words in John 13:34-35: “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”  “Let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth.” (1 John 3:18). That is powerful stuff. I love the way the Bible builds on the same themes and love in the Kingdom of God is one of the most prominent. The implication in these verses is that we are not only defined by love, but that love is to be love in action. 

Poetry Corner: Sonnet 18

Cover of William Shakespeare

In honor of St. Valentine and his day. I decided to post William Shakespeare's probably most famous sonnet. Take a sec and breathe it all in. Happy Valentine's Day.










Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date:
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimm'd;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest;
Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou growest:
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this and this gives life to thee.

No Breathe Left

There's a void in this world where the darkness is deep
Where men run with demons and the evil things creep
Where men have chosen sin and Satan obliged
They've put on masks and its darkened their eyes
So they can't see light; they can't hear truth
Injustice rules their world, but the people stay mute
The people stay blind, the people stay deaf
They're trying to get air, but there's no breath left
There's silence, to go with despair
A world without love, a world without care
There's an existence of death and a problem of sin
But I've found the remedy, indeed, I've found Him
In my soul there's hope, in my heart there's love
And the peaceful Spirit that descends like a dove
I know of the beauty that pierces through the blind
And the truth that changes a man's dark mind
And I have heard the music that angels sweetly sing
Crying "Holy, holy, holy, hallelujah to the King!"
I have tasted His goodness and I tell you it is sweet
And I'm in love with His love, I cast my crown at His feet
And now I must go with the light that I've been given
By His blood, to His glory, I am graciously driven
To move into the valley of the shadow of death
Giving all glory to Christ Jesus till there's no breath left.

Brandon Michael

May 3rd, 2008

Home

I feel like I’ve had a hard time with a seemingly simple question for a number of years now. It is a very common question as well and the answer is assumingly easy. You fill it out when you purchase something online or fill out a job application. It is often one of the first questions asked when you meet a new person and it in so many ways has an important part in the composition of one’s identity… Where’s your home?

When I was in college, I would tip-toe around this question. I transferred to Vanguard in August 2005 only a few months after my parents moved to Wisconsin. I would go visit them for Christmas or during the summer and friends from school would say, “Oh, you’re going home for the break.” I would quickly correct them and say “No, I’m going to my parents house, I’m not from there, I’m from California.” Your home is such an important part of who you are and I didn’t want to be associated with the dairy farmers of the mid-west when I had lived in beautiful and sunny California for essentially my whole life.

I seem to find myself in that same tension this week. When missionaries head to the states for their furlough, they often talk about “going home.” This conflicts me. I’m sitting in a house that I moved into a year ago and often refer to it as home. I often say to myself that TOA is my home, but its not my house. And now people are talking about me going home to the states. I don’t know if I want to be associated with that. This is a tension that I’m not unfamiliar with. As I write this, I remember writing about it just over a year ago as I sat in Portfolio Coffee in Long Beach. My heart was all over the place and that doesn’t bode well for having a single place worthy of the title “home.”

This Child

Do you see this child? He's standing right here
Screaming his lungs out, but you've covered your ears
Injustice rules her life and everyday she's beat down
Thorns are forced upon her head and they call it a crown
His life is consumed by disease, blood, tears,
Loneliness, violence, sadness, fear
But she deserves so much more, every human does
And yet she walks this earth and no one shows her love
Now is that okay with you? Can you just let that go?
Or does something scream inside of you that justice must flow?
'Cause this is real life people, its sad but true
He's screaming out loud, the next action's on you


Oh praise You Lord Jesus, thank you Lord that You hear
That as she walks along, I know that You're near
And his burden is so heavy and its something he can't bear
And yet You reach out to him and let him know that You care
Oh, let us be like You Lord - Holy, Righteous and Just
And speak truth into lives as we give You our trust


And now my precious little children, put your hope in the Lord
Trust that He loves you and blesses with every word
Daughter, know that you're beautiful. Son, know that you're strong.
Bad times may come, but they won't last long
You're such a strong daughter and a beautiful son
Let us find our peace in Jesus, the Holy and Just One.

Brandon Michael

March 28th, 2008

A Look Back... A Look Ahead

It seemed fitting to do an end of 2010 blog post. This was without a doubt, quite clearly and unequivocally the most life altering year of my life. The Lord has shown Himself to be faithful to me over and over again and for this I must testify...

2010

• January ~ I left my home that was the good ol' U.S. of A. and journeyed to Tanzania to take up my position at Treasures of Africa Children's Home. The tears of leaving friends and family behind were many, but the refreshment of landing in Kilimanjaro and knowing I was in the center of God's will for me was my strength. Loneliness begins to take hold of me during my three weeks at language school, detached not only from my loved ones in the states, but also my kids in Moshi for most of the week and away from significant Christian fellowship.
• February ~ My work formally starts at TOA as I finish language school. I take Awadhi to church for the first time on the first Sunday of the month and return with an interesting Facebook message from a young woman named Melissa. She seems to feel called to work at TOA; one of the bigger storylines of the year (or life if you will) truly ensues.
• March ~ I find fellowship with a short term team of other Christians my age and don't waste the opportunity to try and show off my missional long-term-ness for the first time. 
• April ~ I spend my birthday in Tanzania and it is far different than any other I've ever had. I was blessed by those friends here in Moshi and everyone at TOA. My favorite was receiving birthday greetings from my life group in Costa Mesa who managed to bring me to tears thousands of miles away.  
• May ~ My first (and truly my only time thus far) having Rita Tanzania-side. It was a refreshing time as she came along with a team that really blessed us. I received meaningful inner healing prayer from them as well. The summer wave of teams continued and I was able to meet many new people. 
• June ~ My close friend Ryan who was a significant mentor and help this year had his interns here who provided for me the closest community that I experienced this year. I was very blessed by all of them. I became a leader and elder at ICC, my church here in Moshi; the youngest elder in the history of the church.
• July ~ I met my future wife face to face for the first time the same day that my first friend from the states, Kelli, came to visit me. I began upping my prayers in regards to if anything would happen with this Melissa girl and then stuff started happening.
• August ~ I got engaged after a turbulent few weeks of courtship. At times I felt like I was crazy, but throughout it the Lord was helping me to see His hand in it all along the way. I spent the end of the month in Darjeeling, India ministering with friends and family and seeing the Lord move in powerful ways.
• September ~ I started off the month in the Himalayas and ministered there amongst people that are not supposed to be the followers of the Way that they are. I returned to Moshi the second week and began my final season of the year. Soon, Lauren and Lydia left as well and I realized just how empty my normal Moshi community was at this point. Luckily, Melissa and I were able to begin skyping frequently. I also began four months of acting worship pastor at ICC and was stretched in ministry in new ways.
• October ~ I spent the first 21 days of October doing a juice only fast. The Lord did a good work, but it wasn't all intense like I thought it would be. He increased my faith and my desire for Him and those are obviously worth the fasting. I also saw breakthrough in my relationship and conversations with Melissa. 
• November ~ I struggled in my writing and feelings of insecurity came up that I didn't realize were present. A time of testing was in full swing as the Lord brought up and began to rid out false feelings and sins that were in me. 
• December ~ I took a break from my beloved blog and didn't write for three weeks. The Lord brought me to a place of repentance and refocus. The preparation for my furlough began.

The Lord was faithful this year and I praise Him for all that He did.  I leave in just over a week for my first furlough. I don't really know how to navigate being away from the kids for that long. The main reason that I didn't write much about them above is because they haven't changed; they've been my constant, they've been my comfort over the last year. In any hard time that I fell into, a hug, a kiss, a word, a laugh, a smile, anything from any of my children would lift my spirit. They are the reason the Lord has called me here and for that I am eternally grateful to Him. He has shown Himself to me in a new way this year and I'm not the same man that left the states a year ago.

2011 is shaping up to be just as crazy for me. I do leave for my furlough in just over a week and plenty of nutty stuff will happen. I'll get to see friends and family that I haven't seen in a long while. I'll get to try my hand at being a real missionary state-side, complete with all the fundraising (or marketing if you will) that it entails. I'll get to prepare for my wedding for the first five months and then get married to an incredibly godly woman on June 4th. Along with that, I get to navigate through countless people that seem to think that they're invited to our wedding until then (we've only got about 215 spots, people, and Melissa's got a big family!). After our wedding (the sooner the better), I'll be relaunched out of the states, this time with my wife by my side. I'm already looking forward to that and whatever the Lord may bring after it... to Him be the glory for it all.

Kingdom

Resurrection, bringing life out of death
Filling up lungs, suffocation brings breath
Night time falls and still a light shines
And it consumes the darkness as we shield our eyes
We beat our tanks into tractors, guns into rakes
Discord disappears with the music we make
Out of doubt and confusion, hope will arise
We'll watch Heaven come to Earth with our very own eyes
Love overcomes hate, unity over division
The deaf will hear the music and blind receive the vision
The lame will rise up and come to their feet
And lead the parade as we dance in the street
Finally there's peace and everlasting joy
And the King will call before Him every girl, every boy
We'll delight in His presence each singing a new song
And we'll live in perfection for all eternity long
In adoring reverence we'll humbly bow
Oh, Lord Jesus, bring Your Kingdom now

Brandon Michael

April 4th, 2009

Poetry Corner: Maud Muller

Amazing linguist with a righteous beard, sorry ladies, he's dead. Because this is my blog and I do what I want, I decided to post my one of my favorite poems by one of my favorite writers. This is something that I plan to do somewhat frequently (hence the whole Poetry Corner title). John Greenleaf Whittier has some great stuff and I'd recommend him. This poem paints such a vivid picture and it has a meaningful ending. Instead of babbling about it, I'll let it speak for itself. Poetry enriches our lives, breathe deep. Maud Muller, on a summer's day, Raked the meadow sweet with hay. Beneath her torn hat glowed the wealth Of simple beauty and rustic health. Singing, she wrought, and her merry glee The mock-bird echoed from his tree. But when she glanced to the far-off town, White from its hill-slope looking down, The sweet song died, and a vague unrest And a nameless longing filled her breast; A wish, that she hardly dared to own, For something better than she had known. The Judge rode slowly down the lane,  Smoothing his horse's chestnut mane: He drew his bridle in the shade Of the apple-trees, to greet the maid, And asked a draught from the spring that flowed Through the meadow across the road. She stooped where the cool spring bubbled up, And filled for him her small tin cup, And blushed as she gave it, looking down On her feet so bare, and her tattered gown. "Thanks!" said the Judge, "a sweeter draught From a fairer hand was never quaffed." He spoke of the grass, and flowers, and trees Of the singing birds and the humming bees; Then talked of the haying, and wondered whether The cloud in the west would bring foul weather. And Maud forgot her brier-torn gown And her graceful ankles bare and brown, And listened, while a pleased surprise Looked from her long-lashed hazel eyes.  At last, like one who for delay Seeks a vain excuse, he rode away. Maud Muller looked and sighed: "Ah, me! That I the Judge's bride might be! He would dress me up in silks so fine, And praise and toast me at his wine. "My father should wear a broadcloth coat; My brother should sail a painted boat; I'd dress my mother so grand and gay, And the baby should have a new toy each day; And I'd feed the hungry and clothe the poor, And all should bless me who left our door." The Judge looked back as he climbed the hill, And saw Maud Muller standing still. "A form more fair, a face more sweet, Ne'er has it been my lot to meet; And her modest answer and graceful air Show her wise and good as she is fair. "Would she were mine, and I today, Like her, a harvester of hay; No doubtful balance of rights and wrongs, Nor weary lawyers with endless tongues; But low of cattle and song birds, And health, and quiet, and loving words." But he thought of his sisters, proud and cold, And his mother, vain of her rank and gold; So, closing his heart, the Judge rode on, And Maud was left in the field alone. But the lawyers smiled that afternoon, When he hummed in court an old love-tune; And the young girl mused beside the well, Till the rain on the unraked clover fell. He wedded a wife of richest dower, Who lived for fashion, as he for power; Yet oft, in his marble hearth's bright glow, He watched a picture come and go; And sweet Maud Muller's hazel eyes, Looked out in their innocent surprise. Oft when the wine in his glass was red, He longed for the wayside well instead; And closed his eyes on his garnished rooms,  To dream of meadows and clover-blooms.  And the proud man sighed, with a secret pain, "Ah, that I were free again! Free as when I rode that day, Where the barefoot maiden raked her hay." She wedded a man unlearned and poor, And many children played around her door; But care and sorrow and wasting pain Left their traces on heart and brain. And oft when the summer sun shone hot On the new-mown hay in the meadow lot, And she heard the little spring brook fall Over the roadside, through the wall, In the shade of the apple-tree again She saw a rider draw his rein, And, gazing down with timid grace, She felt his pleased eyes read her face. Sometimes her narrow kitchen walls Stretched away into stately halls; The weary wheel to a spinet turned; The tallow candle an astral burned; And for him who sat by the chimney lug, Dozing and grumbling o'er pipe and mug, A manly form at her side she saw, And joy was duty, and love was law. Then she took up her burden of life again, Saying only, "It might have been!" Alas for maiden, alas for Judge, For rich repiner and household drudge! God pity them both! and pity us all, Who vainly the dreams of youth recall; For of all sad words of tongue or pen  The saddest are these: "It might have been!" Ah, well! for us all some sweet hope lies Deeply buried from human eyes; And in the hereafter angels may Roll the stone of its grave away!