Missionary

I was in my small group on Wednesday and as our discussion was wrapping up I said something (I don’t even remember what it was) and in it I referred to myself as a missionary. A friend of mine from the group, Victor, was sparked by my off hand reference and asked me to divulge further on why I referred to myself as such. He went on to say how it is his belief (which I agree with mostly) that being a missionary should be synonymous with being a Christian, so either every Christian should get the title or none should. A discussion ensued to say the least.

Why did I refer to myself as a missionary? The truth is that I typically don’t, and it is striking to think of myself as such. Growing up, the picture in my mind of a missionary was somebody going out into the middle of the Amazon, learning the language, sharing the Gospel and living there for at least twenty years straight. You know what a lot of my work detail involves? Construction paper. I use a lot of construction paper for the preschool. That isn’t what I had in mind growing up with a picture of being a missionary. I found myself explaining that its not because of my personal view of myself, but rather I’m playing off the typical American Christian mindset of what a missionary is. The way that my other friend from group, Phillip, was explaining it made sense to me and essentially there are three things that would lead me to call myself a “missionary.” 1. I live in a country that I am not native to. 2. I am here fulfilling some sort of mission that goes in line with The Great Commission (I’m in the discipleship business). 3. I am sent, supported and funded by the church I am native to, the American church. It would be accurate to say I am an Education Director which I typically follow up with, but if I were visiting the states and speaking to someone they could think Education Director at the YMCA around the corner. Whereas, those three points shape my life a lot more then the work detail itself.

Phillip’s wife Joy was talking about how when she goes back to Norway, she deliberately doesn’t say “missionary” because that will send the person’s walls up and they’ll put her in a box. That’s wise and I pray for the same discernment. I’ll try to be all things to all men on something like a title for myself (1 Corinthians 9:22). If you are an American Christian, I’m a missionary. If you don’t like that term, I’m an Education Director and Business Manager. If you’re not a believer, I’m a humanitarian worker. Above all those, I’m a father.

The following day I was emailing my South African friend Portia (here’s your shout out, sister) and she was responding to my previous post and my thoughts on short-term missions. She went on to talk about her belief that some Christians are called to hang with the kids on their own block and work the soup kitchens in their own neighborhood. I totally agree. Victor had asked me if I would consider all Christians to be missionaries and I replied conditionally. I said in calling, yes, all Christians are called to be missionaries. But in actuality, no, not all who call themselves Christian live like they’re on a mission.

The Lord’s ways are higher than mine and yours. I feel from time to time the things that I speak of sound like I am firmly on one side or another of an old Christian debate (all my Calvinists say ‘hey’ all my free-willers say ‘ho’). The following is such a comment, but I humbly say I don’t know how the big picture works exactly. I do believe that we as Christians miss out on things that the Lord had planned for us to do. I mentioned this idea towards the end of my blog last week also. John Piper’s book Don’t Waste Your Life was largely focused on this idea that we don’t waste our life, fitting title right? He shares a story of this man who has lived most of his life and comes to the Lord for the first time. While he is now saved, he repeatedly says “I’ve wasted it, I’ve wasted it.” He wasted so much of his life. Praise God his life wasn’t over right then, but that is a tough thing to look back on. All the worse I believe, if we were saved a long time ago, but kept the Holy Spirit bottled up and kept our salvation in our pocket instead of sharing it. Don’t hide it under a bushel now.

So okay then I’m a missionary missionary. I’m a missionary (because I’m a Christian) missionary (because I live a mission in a foreign country and am supported by the church) and what effect does that have on my life? Those three points I mentioned earlier have a profound impact on my life and what I am able to do and what I choose to do with my life. I inherently don’t see friends and family, because I live in a country that I’m not native to. I have to be ultra focused on my mission because its what the Lord has called me to and anything else here would be a waste. But its that third thing that came up again this week.

For those of you that saw one of my most commented on FB status updates, you know that I have tickets to a game for the World Cup. I have played soccer since I was five and love to watch it as well. I remember the last World Cup in Germany and was so stoked on it. One of my favorite mini games during soccer practice growing up was even called “World Cup.” There’s a contest Coca-Cola is doing down here that has all these Tanzanians checking their soda bottle caps to see if they won tickets to a game down there. Yeah, its kind of a big deal and I have tickets. Some volunteers that are here were planning on being down there in South Africa during the tournament, but can’t go so they gave the tickets to me and Lauren. Needless to say I was flipping out when Lauren first told me. Well if only it were that simple… Lauren has been contacting people, I’ve been contacting people and going online and the cheapest plane tickets out of Kilimanjaro are over $700 and the cheaper option is taking a bus up to Nairobi first (an 8 hour bus ride) and flying out of there for $634. Unless something happens, it doesn’t look like we’re going.

The truth is that I could spend $700 on a plane ticket, my finances would take a hit, but its feasible. The Lord has been gracious to me over the last couple months and I‘m not in the spot I was in back in February. Between my friend taking the load off of me with my credit card plus my parents giving me $400 for my birthday last month, $700 is feasible. I don’t see myself pulling the trigger on it though. It is against my personal nature of living minimally. I know that the Lord owns all things, plane tickets, money whatever. So if I’ve wanted something, I’ve prayed for it and He’s provided for me that way. I definitely live with less than the average 24 year old American but I’m satisfied and my most expensive things are not things that I’ve paid anything for, because He’s provided for me. Between that and the whole “missionary” thing I can’t do it. My supporters are wonderful, amazing people. They gave to Hidden With Christ towards my personal support and I can’t justify taking that money and spending $700+ on a three day trip to South Africa.

What point is there in me telling you all that? I wish I had some great moral of the story but the following will have to suffice. Because I live on a mission, I have to remain focused. Every action I perform has a repercussion and I want every action of mine to honor God. Last night a good Christian Tanzanian woman who runs another children’s home here, was encouraging me to go through with the decision and just spend the $700. She talked about how I’m a prince and since I’ve put God first and am fulfilling His mission here, its okay for me to spend some money on something I like. I am a prince and I do need to give myself grace sometimes to do things like that. I love my supporters and I know they love me, because they love me I’m sure they’ll email me or comment telling me its okay to go down there. I appreciate your love and your support. However that’s only one of three pieces in this (how Trinitarian am I being today?).

The second piece is this… I may be a prince and I may be able to afford it, but there are other things that $700 could go towards and advance the Kingdom. There are children that are going to starve tonight. Even TOA has some big financial needs right now. In light of the suffering around me, I couldn’t bring myself to be that rich white person that flies down to South Africa for a few days to catch a World Cup match. The third piece is a realization of faith in my Father, the King. He owns all the money, all the airlines, everything. I don’t need to spend anything. I can use that money for a need of another and He can still provide me a way to South Africa if that’s what He wants. So I’m not throwing away an opportunity of a life time, but I’m just going to completely leave it in His hands and ask for His will.

You are a missionary. I’m not being corny, I’m not being cliché. Whether you live in California, South Africa or wherever, you are called to fulfill a specific mission that the Lord has put before you. You are called to not waste your time and to not lose focus. You are called to the person standing in front of you and to advance His Kingdom in your sphere of influence. Don’t let this roll of your mind because you’ve heard it before in some fashion. If this rolls of your mind and you haven’t been living out the mission, you are going to continue in wasteful living. This probably doesn’t look like moving to a foreign country (although it could). It does, however, look like difficulty, looks like sacrifice, looks like fulfillment, looks like purpose. Be so bold as to fulfill the mission that He’s put before you. He will give you the grace for all such things, for this we give praise.

--------------------------------

The Rundown: Related to the things that I spoke of but also not, I’ve felt a bit of a heaviness this week. Earlier this week, I truly found myself to be bored one afternoon. Along with that is a lack of motivation that comes from time to time. Its hard out here guys and I feel like I’m not understanding much a lot of the time. Its been good to have some reflective prayer though and I trust that the Lord is at work with something. On worship on Thursday, I was just realizing that I need a rest of some sort. I’ve been at TOA everyday since language school ended in January. I get caught up in my work and want to do it well and this is the most significant work of my life so I want to be there always. Also, a weekend would be the best time to break, but that’s the only time that Awadhi’s home, so I’m still there doing one thing or another. Anyways, other than that, the NMC team is gone and the Vanguard team is here. I saw a friend from the team, but not the whole team yet. They’re coming to TOA tomorrow (Saturday) so that should be cool. Today was good. I picked Awadhi up from school and had a good conversation with his Headmistress and she was telling me how well he’s doing. I also told her that I’m interested in hiring a tutor so hopefully that bears some fruit. After that, all the little ones were on a walk, the lower elementary kids were doing homework and the older kids were at school still so Awadhi and I just went out and played by ourselves. We played soccer and I’m trying to get him ready to start playing in the big games with the older kids. I know he’s little, but he’s athletic like his dad. After that we shot hoop and he was knocking down granny shots from ten or twelve feet back so I showed him how to shoot normal and he started making those from close range. Then he did the ultimate copy-dad and shot it over the backboard and made it twice. It reminded me of playing horse with my dad growing up and was definitely a highlight of my week. Other than that, I got back to pick-up soccer now that teams are gone and nothing was going on today. It is a lot of fun to get out there and mix it up with all those Tanzanians. Wow, long rundown. Don’t worry, I’m done now.

Impact

I came here for a reason. Every American missionary that comes to Tanzania comes for a reason. If you come for short-term or for long-term you are looking for an impact, either in your personal life or that of another person.

Ryan is hosting a two week team from Newport Mesa Church (NMC) right now and its been a blessing to hang out with them a few days of their stay here. Earlier today they came over to TOA to play with the kids. They came around 2:30 in the afternoon and came upstairs to the education room where I had six kids on the computers and the rest playing ESL Bingo with me shouting out the words. We welcomed them in and the leader was asking me questions about what the education room was about and what we do with the kids. As the Education Director (such an impressive title right?), I was pleased to fill him in. This is one of the ways that I came here to impact the kids.

Far more than that, I have come here to be a father to these children. Eli is an amazing father to the kids and I couldn’t over exaggerate his imperative role at TOA and each of the kids lives. Nonetheless, he is one man and they are twenty-six children. We have a couple other men who play roles in their lives, a cleaner and driver for us Baba Pendo and one of our guards Arnold who they call “Uncle.” But even with a good father and a couple good uncles, they are still twenty-six children. So the Lord called me here to be another big part of their life as their father. Far and away, that is the most important reason I came here. I remember a man at language school, a good guy here making an impact, asking me if I considered myself to be the education director or a father foremost and I firmly answered a father. I could tell he was skeptical as he said “hmm… I wonder how that will affect your work” or something to that effect. Education is so important and good education will positively effect Africa. I value education (enough for me to spend four years in college getting a degree in it.) But this nation doesn’t reek with lack of education half as bad as it reeks of fatherlessness.

The Lord showed me something a couple months ago as I went to pick Awadhi up from school. I was thinking about how frustrating it is that despite me being here, the Lord hasn’t healed Awadhi and because of that he has to go to a boarding school Monday through Friday. Until the Lord releases whoever is anointed for Awadhi’s healing, there isn’t a thing that I can do other than pray and wait. I can’t just heal my son, or at least not yet. My son lacks. He lacks HIV- blood which causes him to need to take a lot of medicine just to allow him to be the active boy that he is. He lacks the sense of hearing that keeps him from hearing music, holding normal conversations and causes him to have to go to a special school out in Kiboroloni. But the Lord showed me the importance of this, there is one thing that he doesn’t lack now that I’m here. He no longer lacks a father. Love is most important. My son is loved and he knows it. You should see us together, we’re adorable. Awadhi isn’t yet healed physically, but he has the most beautiful spirit and I know that the Lord is doing something because of the fatherly love that I show towards him. That’s an impact.

Like every other American Christian my age “I have a heart for Africa.” I’m about as trendy as you can get, I actually live here (I don’t know how facetiousness comes across in blogs). I don’t really like generalities. People ask me from time to time “how’s Africa?” and I’m like “Overall, I have no idea, its kind of big and I only live in one city. How‘s North America?” When I lived in Costa Mesa, friends from Paso would ask me “how’s LA?” and I was like “if I lived there I’d tell you.” Pet peeve? Labda. Nonetheless, its hard for me to say that I have a heart for Africa or that I am called to make an impact in Africa. I believe a ripple effect could take place that would reach the whole continent, but I’m called to be the most loving father and impact the child that the Lord places in front of me. As far as Africa goes, the first time the Lord called me here in June 2007 he said “Go run an orphanage in Africa.” So yeah he started off general, but it took literally two days before He put Tanzania in front of me and its been all about my country ever since.

Why did I write the last paragraph? I don’t know. But I do know this, that young people in the states want to make an impact and often say they “have a heart for Africa.” I don’t want to discredit that, because the Lord may be doing something in you. As I talked about a few blogs ago, that must go deeper than buying a t-shirt (I’m kind of big on this taking legitimate action if you haven’t noticed). And this doesn’t have to be strictly about Africa, I have friends the Lord has called to missions in South America, Asia, wherever. I can’t say enough about prayer for these things. And praying for specificity is what I’m getting at here. If you are feeling called to make an impact somewhere, ask Him where, ask Him what to do, ask Him how long. He has something specific in mind, so go after that and move in faith towards it, step by step.

One of those steps is often short-term trips. I was a short-term missionary to Tanzania twice before I moved here and they‘ve played a role in my life here. I’ve heard from missions minded people that short-term missions are actually quite ineffective in the long run for the countries in which they serve. I can see that, but I don’t totally subscribe to it because I think the Lord can use all such things. I know the team that came here for Hidden With Christ a couple weeks ago had a good impact and were a blessing. I also think about my team from a couple years ago and have good memories of what the Lord did in each of us. Like I mentioned in last week’s rundown, the first teammate of mine from that team just returned to Tanzania (Tyler). I’ve shown some of the kids pictures from that trip and asked them if they remember the people. Of all the kids that I’ve asked only Innocent and Ray have said that they remember anyone from that team (other than me, I am their father and all). They do remember the interns from that summer, likewise they remember Ann who interned with me last summer, but most of my kids don’t remember most of the people from that team. Its not a harsh thing, it just is what it is. They’ll probably forget the AIM team that was here in March, the team that was here a couple weeks ago. Those faces get replaced with the new faces of whatever visitors come through the gate next. Nonetheless, an impact happened because of my team in the summer of 2008. As cliché as it is to say, the team was more impacted by the kids, then the other way around. It was a good thing and far from anything to be ashamed of.

So how do we make an impact? I’m not trying to say that everyone that comes here on short-term trips needs to just move here to be legit. That’s not it. Its just that the short-term trip is often (not always) not enough if you want to make a lasting impact. I met with this NMC team back in the fall as I was preparing for my return here and what I told them was what I’m telling you now. If you want to make a lasting impact, make the two week or two month stay about more than just a two week or two month stay. Prepare yourself with prayer and I don’t mean just praying the Lord prepares you, but pray for the people, pray that the Lord works in their lives, related and unrelated to your short term mission. Pray for them afterwards. Send them support money and supplies, before and after the trip. We’re blessed by Tyler because he has sponsored Jerry for over two years. Prayerfully consider if the Lord is calling you long-term. I was talking with one of the guys from the team today and he told me that he feels the Lord may be calling him here long-term, which is so sweet. Only problem is he’s a dude and I’m looking for a wife. Awkward to say? Labda. But just so you short-termers know, us single long-termers expect you to come here and marry us. Desperate plea aside… I’ll be frank with you, if you are only interested in seeing a new part of the world and experiencing new things, call it what it is, a vacation your family gets a tax write off for. But if you want to advance the kingdom in whatever way He calls you, then come out we’d love to facilitate your mission.

We are called to make an impact in the nations, specifically to preach the gospel and make disciples. According to the great commission, the impact is supposed to take place in every nation and according to the Holy Spirit working your life, its supposed to take place in the nation that He is calling you to. When the rubber hits the road, fulfilling this commission is a multi-faceted thing to follow through on. Nonetheless, the need to make an impact, whether it be California or Africa, is a calling on the life of every follower. Let this be an encouragement to you to seek the Lord in each nation that He calls you to. It would be awful to look back and realized He had you somewhere and you didn’t fulfill what He wanted to do there. Far more than that we do it because it shows Him love. He is worthy of every nation and it is our delight to impact them and bring them to the Father, for this we give praise.

--------------------------------------------

The Rundown: A fairly normal week. Its weird not having Jodie around with her being on furlough, but we’re getting along. I think Jubee misses her. Its been cool to hang out with the NMC team a few times this week. They are good people and I look forward to them leading at church tomorrow at ICC. Small group on Wednesday was good. We are going through a series on the life of David and its lead to good conversations. Thursday night worship was really rad. The NMC team was there (16 people I think) plus a couple New Life short-term volunteers plus a handful of American long-termers and it was definitely the biggest crowd I’ve seen there for worship. Funny to think that sometimes its just me, Ryan and Alice. I played a ridiculous amount of soccer today with the team being at TOA which was so much fun. Overall, things are great. Alright, AMANI!

Close

Boy, I’ve gotten out of the swing of things with this whole writing thing. Another week and a half goes by between blogs and I’m out of the writing mode.

Well, the reason that I haven’t been blogging as frequent is because things here in Moshi have been a bit different than normal and I just haven’t had the time to sit at my house and write. They’ve been different because we had a team and then Rita was here. It was a good stay for them, but now they’ve all gone back to the states. Just like that they all are back in the states.

It kind of throws me for a loop. Wait, Rita just got on a plane and now she’s back in California. She was here Friday night and now she’s be back in Orange County. That’s crazy to me. That place that I once called home, recently estranged to me, and she’s there just like that.

You know before planes became the most prominent mode of global transportation, missionaries would go out to the mission field and be there for twenty, thirty years, maybe spend the entire rest of their lives in that foreign country. That doesn’t have to be the case anymore and typically isn’t. For just a couple thousand dollars, maybe less, I can get from the south-eastern quadrant to the north-western quadrant of the earth and be right back with those people that I miss so much.

This is a really big world, but its also quite small. As far as we know, the Lord created the earth and its inhabitants as the most unique and dear to His heart part of His universal creation. And because He gave us the ability to create, as He Himself does, we’ve been able to come up with some amazing technology that makes the most remote places of this world completely accessible. Thus, California is quite close to Tanzania. I praise God for airplanes and that they bring us visitors and in January 2011, a plane will take me to the states for my first furlough. I praise God for the internet, and all its entities of Facebook, Blogger, Gmail, YouTube and Skype that allow me to stay in contact with my friends (do you think I could get a little flow from mentioning any of those companies?)

So as far as I am from the states, its not actually the distance that makes it far away from me and its not the money for a ticket either (the Lord provides all such things). Its rather the time that goes between visits and insufficient interaction with those back in my previous home. By no means am I pining to leave Tanzania to live in California again. Its rather that I want to live in Tanzania AND California. That’s not physically possible (or the commute would get rather expensive), so I happily choose to live in Moshi knowing that this is where the Lord chose for me to live.

I don’t know who actually reads this blog. I’ve gotten comments from the most random people and yet I’m fairly certain that some of my closest friends from California don’t read it. I know that’s the case. One thing that people have told me is that they like my honesty in my writing, so we’ll chalk this next comment up to my honesty. I really hate that I don’t hear from so many of my friends and loved ones. I know that it takes two to tango, so I’ll accept my responsibility on any dropped connection, but its really hard to tango with so many people. My friends see one less friend on a normal basis, and I lost just about all of them. Its hard to chase down that many people with emails and Facebook messages. So I’ve done the blog, video and photos regularly to keep up my side, but really don’t get much back from others, besides general blips I catch on Facebook.

I don’t say this for a “woe is me” or “my friends suck” effect, but rather just to express that that is what makes everyone seem so far away. You know who doesn’t seem too far away? Tricia (that’s right if you email me you get a shout-out in the blog… with that said, what’s up Rosa?). I haven’t seen Tricia since mid-December and yet you know what, I feel like I’ve gotten closer to her over the last five months. She emails me and responds to what she reads in the blog and I respond to what she writes and we have a good back-and-forth. It is honestly one of the things that I look forward to most throughout my week and it blesses me. She is already a great prayer and financial supporter and yet, she supports me just by keeping me up on what’s going on in her life and taking interest in my work.

I also feel love when my friends pray for me. I can’t hear your voices though from here. I’ve had friends that have told me that they pray for me everyday which is so wonderful and I appreciate it. Typically when people IM or FB Comment me and ask me how I’m doing I give them a quick answer and then ask them if they’ve been reading the blog. Often they answer “no” or “not all” or “not recently,” but then they tell me they’ve been praying for me. The prayer is great at any rate and I don’t want to take away from that, but I would like people to pray for things they hear me talk about, so that they know what to talk about. Back in January after reading a blog I wrote (Reality), my friend Sara told me about the prayer time she had for me after reading it and what she heard from the Lord ministered to me as I read it in an email she sent me. That’s how she shows me love from Long Beach all the way to Moshi and that’s how I know she’s my friend.

I apologize, I’ve gotten off on a random pity party tangent. That’s right, I always have some take-home moral of the story… let’s see… don’t do drugs. The end.

----------------------------------------------------

The Rundown: Just playing, this isn’t the rundown yet and that’s not the point (although you shouldn’t do drugs). In the most redundant preschool Sunday school message, God gave us friends. Why did he give us friends? Because He knew that community and family are going to be necessary for support in a world that is so hard. And also because He knew that love is so special it ought to be shared with as many people as possible.

This isn’t just about me, I don’t want this to just be about me. I’m only writing out of my experience. You have friends in your lives. Some of them are casual friends and some you would consider “close.” Pour into them, bless them. If they are far away, write them, ask them what you can pray for. If we are not being the church to one another, we won’t be effective for the Kingdom and we won’t be fully satisfied with life. Jesus said that the way people will be drawn to Him is by observing the way that we love one another. Take aside time and spend it with someone and build them up and encourage them. You spend time doing the things that you ascribe worth to. If you don’t have time for loving and building up people, you don’t have time for doing one of the few things that will last into eternity. Don’t do it out of obligation or because some guy guilted you into it in a blog. Do it because it satisfies, because its part of the Lord’s design, because its good.

The Lord has given us a good thing in church, community, friends and family. He has a wonderful plan for how we are to love one another and grow closer and closer to one another as we grow closer and closer to Him. In all of it He is glorified and we are satisfied, for this we give praise.

---------------------------------------------------

The Real Rundown: Like I mentioned, the last couple weeks have been ultra crazy with things that are not normally in my week to week schedule. Its really been great. I was blessed to be able to spend time with Rita, who is just a wonderfully, blessed director and she ministered to us as she always does. It was my first time having her Tanzania-side as a missionary under her and it went very well. I got to eat out more which was nice, but even more so it was just great to talk with her. She is a great support for me, Lydia, Jodie, and Eli. On Wednesday Jodie took off for her overdue furlough, so she’ll be gone for the next couple months. I’ve had a good time introducing some of the materials that the team brought me into the education program. As I came home yesterday evening, I had an “I live in Africa” moment, with my whole house in this funky half-power mode with my lights dimmed and realizing that my sink is apparently completely clogged as it never drained from this morning (no they don’t sell Drain-O here). The kids are all doing well and we had a couple birthdays this week (Maggie and Maria). A team from Newport-Mesa Church just got here to work with Ryan and its cool because my friend Tyler is on the team. He was on the first team I came here with two years ago and he’s the first one to come back from that team (other than me of course). He also sponsors Jeremia and we love having our supporters come and visit. I led worship at ICC again this morning as Ryan was taking the NMC team out to Pastor Mbasha’s church. It went well. Lauren has a team here now also. They'll be doing construction and community building I think, so I got to hang out with all of them over worship on Thursday and worship/dinner/games on Friday. All good things. Anyways, the end.

Weird

Wow, I went like eleven days between my blogs. I’ve failed all (both) of you. Don’t worry, I’m sure what I’m about to share about will scare you off, so you won’t worry about missing my weekly thoughts anymore.

A couple of weeks ago, I watched this movie called “Finger of God” and it talked about how the Lord is moving throughout the world. It was all about this conservative Christian guy going out and documenting some of the things that happen that seem “weird” to the “normal” person. A guy on the video brought up a good point, saying that using the word “weird” presupposes that something else is “normal,” but that can vary from person to person and church to church, so there’s not really a true normal. If there’s no true “normal” there can’t be a true “weird.” So for some churches they think about your service and think, “wait, you actually spend time in worship and no gold feathers, manna or flawless stones materialize out of thin air? That’s weird.”

I was raised in a good, conservative church. At the age of 19, I moved down to the Pentecostal (where most people aren’t) school of Vanguard University. Shortly after I got there, Katrina rocked New Orleans and they had a prayer meeting for the people. I went and loved it. I found out that this isn’t just a one time thing, but rather a small portion of these people get together every Thursday night and pray for anything and everything. It became a staple in my life for the next two years. Through Prayer Movement, I became introduced to words of prophecy and people that speak in tongues. At the time, I personally didn’t prophesy or speak in tongues, but it became less weird.

Since then, through my first trip to Tanzania, normal Christian growth, stepping into a personal prophetic ministry in California and realizing the legitimacy of this strange stream, I have begun to act a bit more weird in my personal faith. I’m realizing more and more that I’m not the only weird guy out there (and far from the weirdest) and that this weird stream isn’t really weird at all.

Praying in tongues is often one of the first steps down this road. This could be the interpretive tongue, or it could be a personal prayer language. I speak in a tongue that I don’t understand in my mind. I am conscious when I do it and I know what I’m praying about, but not what the words mean. I’m not the only one that does it. A friend of yours does probably, someone in your family might. I have friends and family that do this and it makes it not so strange. I remember when I first started speaking in tongues, I was questioning if it was legit. As I do, I asked Clesi for her thoughts knowing that she regularly spoke in tongues. I asked her to say something from her prayer language, she paused for a moment and said something that didn’t sound anything like what I had been speaking in my language. Each is so unique. I’ve got another friend who just makes this tic-tic-tic noise super fast. I’ve heard Lydia speak in tongues so much, I could probably speak her language. People do this.

Well after I first spoke in tongues and figured that I was the only weirdo in my family, I heard someone else in my family do it and it maybe added to the legitimacy of it more than any other event (even though I already knew it was legit). Right before I moved here, I was at my parents house and packing for Tanzania. I had received prayer earlier and as I was packing, my dad came in the room and said that he wanted a time to just pray for me alone. I said okay of course and he hugged me. He prayed in English and then he started praying in a language I’ve never heard him speak before, it was a spiritual language.* And that’s probably the best part about praying in a different tongue. If I’ve reached the point where I can’t fit my emotions or thoughts into articulate words, I can switch to another language and the words will fit the prayer.

Its not just tongues though. I have a friend who every Thursday night during worship, gets a case of the holy giggles. Giggles isn’t a sufficient word… she laughs like a crazy person. Its quite contagious and enjoyable. I have a growing number of friends that utilize prophecy during times of prayer. To be honest, that’s my favorite part of this stream. Also, we get words from the Lord through our dreams. All sorts of stuff. Stuff that wasn’t previously a part of my “normal” Christian life.

I know what you’re thinking. I know it because it was (and at times is) my thought. Some of that stuff is NOT legit. Some of those guys are fakes, some of them have no integrity. Totally, and they ruin it for the rest of us. Even some of the good guys get caught up in religiosity. Last summer, I came to a training and impartation for The Call Africa conference that took place here. That afternoon, for the first time while I received prayer, I could feel the Holy Spirit so much that I hit the ground, or rather someone caught me as I fell down. I was standing one moment with my arms out and the next moment I felt this weight fall on my body and gracefully fell to the ground. I was at an incredible state of peace. After I got up, I was wanting a certain individual to pray for me. As I was waiting to ask him to pray for me, another man, a well-known preacher, came up to me and next thing I know he’s praying for me. It was brief and then he did something. Essentially, he kissed me on the forehead and pushed me over. Moments before I felt the Holy Spirit (legit) and the next moment I got pushed (not legit).

I know that’s out there, but nonetheless we should be careful not to discredit the real stuff, because there is power in it and it ministers deeply.

We have a team here right now and on Monday night, Eli, Rosa, and I joined everyone else and the team at Lydia and Jodie’s place. The team ministered prayer to the five of us staff members and it was legit. Like really legit. Before I received prayer, I told them how I had been under attack the last few days. Saturday night, I was incredibly lonely and couldn’t sleep well. When I did fall asleep, the Lord gave me a prophetic dream and two hours later after I fell back to sleep, I was attacked by a demonic dream. The next two days I also had a terrible stomach ache. I shared some of this briefly with them and then they interceded for me. These people that I hardly knew, started speaking such truth in my life, I was weeping like I haven’t in a long time. I was weeping over something that was way overdue. I realized how wounded I had been by a previous experience and that it was affecting me drastically. And yeah, if you looked in and saw me sitting in a chair with these six people encircling me, you’d say “that looks strange.” On top of receiving the prayers and prophecy, I had one invisible arrow pulled out of me (like the wound that I had suffered), I had my stomach sliced open and my stomach ache pulled out and I took two soft karate chops to the back (I forget what that signified… it was a little weird.) I’ll be honest, I was deeply ministered to and the “weird” stuff played a part. The next day, my stomach ache was gone and the words they gave me and the prayer I received has given me a clearer direction.

God’s ways are higher than ours and His thoughts are higher than ours. Despite that, our services seem pretty fathomable. He should be the ultimate pastor and director over our gatherings and if that is the case, it will probably cause our services to not look like anything to be described as “normal.” If Jesus were transplanted into the states or Tanzania and walked into a church gathering, He’d probably think “this is kind of weird.” Jesus did strange things (anybody else see blind dudes get mud on them and getting healed normally). The Holy Spirit continues that ministry in the authority of Christ today and we need to allow ourselves to be in step with Him. Even if that seems “weird.”

* I’d apologize for outing my dad, but its not really anything to be embarrassed about in the first place. Besides, everyone who knows my dad, knows he’s a roller in all other regards already.

-------------------------------------

The Rundown: Boy, its been so long, its hard to say. My fast went well. I had told some friends that I was going to do it and a few of them decided to do it with me. So I spent the evenings of Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday of last week at Lauren, Ronda and Gina’s place for prayer and worship which was really great. We ended the fast after prayer on Wednesday night at El Rancho. Friday night, a six-person team from a church in Florida came to work with Hidden With Christ and they spent the first four days with us. Rita came in the following night, so its been great having all of them around. The team brought a bunch of education and overall children’s home supplies for us and I have enjoyed getting acquainted with all my new tools. Rita meanwhile brought me a whole bag of non-perishable food from the states, which is also quite nice. Saturday we went around Moshi and then they came and hung out at TOA with us. Sunday, I went with some of them out to Pastor Mbasha’s church and it was wonderful as always. Afterwards, we had lunch at his and Mama Janet’s place. I love Pastor Mbasha so much. He’s like my Tanzanian dad. He called me “kijana yangu” which means “my young man.” We just laugh so much together. Monday and Tuesday the team was at work at TOA and they got a grip load done. Wow, it was really remarkable and we are very blessed. They are off to Arusha now and will be going on safari before ministering out at Pastor Zablon’s village. Now, its back to business as usual.