Mission

Over the last several hours, I feel as though a new weight has come upon me. Its funny that a single day isn’t a very long period of time. Yet, going from eight days till the wedding to a week till the wedding felt like a huge shift. The line of where responsibility ends and feelings of anxiety begins is a bit blurry over the last day or so.


Its not hesitancy, its not cold feet, its not worry. Its just a weight. A weight of responsibility. It is a bit of realizing not only the magnitude of what Melissa and I going to walk into for our personal lives, but also the magnitude of the effect that this will have on the Kingdom. To be sure, the most important person in our marriage is neither of us. And while that’s easy enough to say for any Christian relationship, saying that God is the center, the focus and the most important Person in our relationship takes on another meaning when the couple have chosen to do something that is beyond themselves.


I’ve said it before, but I really have no interest in living a life that is meaningless or understandable. I think that God does things that are supernatural and impossible to comprehend, He then calls us into that same life. I want that. I am grieved by the moments of my life that don’t reflect Who He is. I know that it is the same for Melissa. I’ll be the first to say that I don’t know what I’m doing. I really don’t. I have friends that are missionaries or pastors and sometimes I feel like they have such a handle on things. They know what they’re doing and have effective Kingdom advancing techniques. At other times, I see into their lives at more real moments and realize that they don’t know what they’re doing either. And I really think that that is the way that God designed it, because if all of life and ministry came down to checking off a list and having things figured out, it would be nothing more than empty religion and passion would become non-existent. Praise God that such a life like that doesn’t even work.


Instead of dead religion, He calls us to go on a mission with Him. He will tell us things, but only when He wants to and only when its necessary. He could give us a perfect plan at one time and we do it and it works great for His purposes. We could then figure that that will do the trick every time, try it again, and fall flat on our face. It seems unpredictable to us, but its perfect sense to Him, whose ways our higher than our own.

Evil

A few weeks ago, America came to a pinnacle moment in the modern era. So much of what has happened in our country the last ten years has centered around the terrorist attacks of September 11th. From that day on, the man at the top of the FBI’s most wanted list has been Osama Bin Laden. Of course this man was the mastermind behind the heinous attacks of September 11th. He quite clearly was a man bent towards evil and his actions followed suit.


I was at Cody and Alaina’s when President Obama made that special announcement about how the Navy Seals infiltrated the compound and killed Bin Laden. It was undoubtedly a high moment for the US Military and the President himself. The president’s approval rating goes up and a wave of patriotism sweeps over the nation.

Image from www.washingtonpost.com 

Its an interesting occurrence though, when you really think about it. Americans became happy, because the Seals did to him, what he (and his terrorist group) did to us - killing. Now, I will say that I believe it is a good thing that he is gone, for the sole reason that it could, and probably will, lead to a lot of other people not being killed in any of his terrorist attacks. However, I struggle to “celebrate” his death, or any other person’s for that matter. The Lord wanted something other for that man, but he instead chose to do evil and hardened his heart against the Lord. He subsequently died unrepentant and is now eternally separated from the love and grace of His Creator. He was a wicked man, entirely sadistic and its better for him to be dead then for him to kill other people, but its still sad. His life wasn’t merely wasted, it was hell-bent against the Kingdom of God and that’s sad. I can’t imagine what a terrible pain it would have been to lose a loved one on September 11th. And while, I hope that this can help bring closure to those precious people, I can’t imagine that it does entirely. Because whether or not some evil man that aided in their loved one’s demise is killed in Pakistan, it doesn’t bring their loved one back. An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth is far too much to ask in this situation because one man’s death isn’t equivalent to 3,000+.


I was having a conversation with Andy yesterday and we began to talk about man’s leaning towards evil. G.K. Chesterton says that that sin nature is the only part of our Christian doctrine that we can prove. I think that’s because we can take one look at the world, and realize just how much people have messed it up. This isn’t blaming it on “that person” or “that group of people,” its all of us, as humankind realizing that each of us have made decisions that were detrimental to ourselves and the world in which we live. In the case of a terrorist mastermind like Bin Laden, that’s an easy conclusion. But if in humility, we could really look at ourselves, we’d soon realize the pain that we’ve caused on ourselves and those around us. It may not be a mass murder, but its certainly not good. A person can kill others in far more ruthless ways than murdering them and none of us are above that.


One thing that Andy and I talked about is who we are when no one else is around. Its that age-old youth group proposition. Who are you when no one else is looking at you? We can all be great in the eyes of the people that see us in public settings, but we can do truly awful things behind closed doors. Whether it be a pornography addiction, slamming someone else online, suicide or any other evil that happens in private, we should realize that there is no end to the darkness we can go into.


And that common saying of “its not affecting anyone else” is just not true. The way that this world is designed is for people to inhabit it together. If you do something bad, that will negatively affect those around you. The reverse of that is equally true. If you are purchasing pornography and using it in private, that is feeding into an evil system that keeps other people, some willing and many not willing, enslaved to producing it. Furthermore, it will have a negative effect on your relationships, especially with your significant other, because you are becoming dissatisfied with them and perverting the way that you see them and the opposite sex in general. Evil spreads very easily.


And yet in this post-modern culture, people don’t want to call it like it is. I was watching the Colbert Report a few weeks ago and a man came on and was talking about a book that he wrote called “The Humanist Bible.” Clearly this man isn’t a Christian, and I’m not particularly offended by the title of his book or the contents of it. Not only because the word “bible” simply means “book,” but also because there’s no point in getting offended by non-believers, they simply don’t hold the same views as me and I can’t judge them according to things they don’t believe in (my job is to merely try and show them the Light and the freedom that I‘ve found in Jesus, before they are judged by Someone else). Anyways, he talks in the opening section about “good and its opposite.” Its interesting, he doesn’t even want to say the word “evil.” We’d like to plug our ears, close our eyes, and pretend that its not there, but how else can you explain that the twentieth century was the bloodiest century in the history of mankind? Evil exists and we must do something about it other than turning a blind eye to it.


For followers of Christ, its not enough to just get by with our salvation and punch our ticket it to heaven. Those are great things, but faith in Jesus is so much more than that. Our relationship with Him is a relationship with a General. When the Old Testament talks about God being the “Lord of Hosts” its talking about Him being the Lord over an angelic military that fights in the heavenly realm which manifests in the physical realm. We are at war with evil and we need to be more gung-ho in that pursuit. The soldier that’s revered is the one that moves in boldness and gives his entire being to the cause, whether that is in life or in death. The enemy is out there and he’s so wicked and he’s tormenting people. And our own sin nature and the evil from within is only making matters worse. We must take this seriously.


Praise be to God that He has overcome and He is overcoming. Praise Him for conquering sin and evil on the cross. He has called us into this fight for good and equipped us with His Spirit that we too may be more than conquerors, for this we give praise.

Verse of the Week: Philippians 1:20-21

So I'm struggling with this notion that for the most part, people don't really care about my blog and my mother has always told me that I'm too sensitive, so I take that probably harder than I ought to. That coupled with the craziness of planning the wedding and the inconsistent schedule that that entails has led me to not be as adamant in updating the blog and becoming more apathetic to do so. I have a couple ideas for a couple posts, but time is waning and I'm not sure it'd be worth the post. Welcome again to my love-hate relationship with blogging. Anyways, even posting the verse of the week was looked over last week, so I'm trying to make up a little by actually posting one on time this week.

I seem to be posting several verses that people "know" but they don't really know. Everybody has heard the last tag in this week's verse, but rarely know where in the Bible its found. Furthermore, memorization helps with meditation on scripture and this is certainly a verse worthwhile for both of those ventures. David Platt wrote in his recent book, Radical, about what a revolutionary concept it is to live for Christ when if you were to die that's actually a good thing. We walk around and are so afraid of death, but biblically that should be something that we look forward to. Beyond that, if we lived like the verse proposes, our lives would be inherently more risky and thus more effective and powerful. This is a challenge to me for sure and I hope that it is for you as well.

"According to my earnest expectation and hope that in nothing I shall be ashamed, but with all boldness, as always, so now also Christ will be magnified in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." -Phillipians 1:20-21

Survival

Last week I found myself doing something quite odd, something that I would take no pride in nor aspire to do. I watched an episode of  American Idol. My mom is a fan of the show and Melissa’s interest was peaked so as the Magic were making a big comeback against the Heat on another channel, I was sitting in the TV room watching twenty-four people trying to become one of thirteen people that would advance to the next round. Its an interesting situation to be sure. American Idol has apparently been the number one show on TV for several years now (not that I helped it become as such) and there have been myriad other shows (Survivor, Last Comic Standing, The Apprentice, etc.) that have this survival mentality that I find quite fascinating.


As I mentioned in a previous post, I’ve been reading Searching For God Knows What by Donald Miller. It is an interesting social commentary and in it he introduces an analysis called the lifeboat theory. In a nutshell, it says that people want to rank themselves in an order of whose the greatest. If a group of random people were in a lifeboat and somebody needed to be thrown off to save the rest, who would it be? This predicates the power play of survival. How that plays out in society is that we are constantly striving to be seen as important so as to receive the much needed security that comes from living in the lifeboat. For the society at large, I think the analysis is spot on. 


When you look around popular culture in the United States, its quite clear that in every realm of society this hierarchy is formed. Donald Trump is important because he’s got a lot of money. Tyra Banks is safe in the lifeboat because she‘s beautiful. Natalie Portman‘s important because she won an Oscar. Lebron James is safe in the lifeboat because he plays basketball well (not as good as Kobe though). Jerry Brown is important because he’s a powerful politician. You get the idea. 


And while such people sometimes set the culture’s pace, this isn’t just about those famous people out there. You find this mentality anywhere you find a group of people. Think about the popularity contest that is junior high and high school. Beyond that you can see the power play in full effect amongst college coeds that are vying for position as the real world approaches. The same mentality translates to the office, the business and yes, even the church. Its not hard to see where a guy like Charles Darwin would come up with a theory like survival of the fittest, when we’ve been playing this odd ranking game for so long. Its active in ways in the animal kingdom and when we choose to not allow God to define our identity and worth, it happens in our lives as well.

A Look Back... A Look Ahead

It seemed fitting to do an end of 2010 blog post. This was without a doubt, quite clearly and unequivocally the most life altering year of my life. The Lord has shown Himself to be faithful to me over and over again and for this I must testify...

2010

• January ~ I left my home that was the good ol' U.S. of A. and journeyed to Tanzania to take up my position at Treasures of Africa Children's Home. The tears of leaving friends and family behind were many, but the refreshment of landing in Kilimanjaro and knowing I was in the center of God's will for me was my strength. Loneliness begins to take hold of me during my three weeks at language school, detached not only from my loved ones in the states, but also my kids in Moshi for most of the week and away from significant Christian fellowship.
• February ~ My work formally starts at TOA as I finish language school. I take Awadhi to church for the first time on the first Sunday of the month and return with an interesting Facebook message from a young woman named Melissa. She seems to feel called to work at TOA; one of the bigger storylines of the year (or life if you will) truly ensues.
• March ~ I find fellowship with a short term team of other Christians my age and don't waste the opportunity to try and show off my missional long-term-ness for the first time. 
• April ~ I spend my birthday in Tanzania and it is far different than any other I've ever had. I was blessed by those friends here in Moshi and everyone at TOA. My favorite was receiving birthday greetings from my life group in Costa Mesa who managed to bring me to tears thousands of miles away.  
• May ~ My first (and truly my only time thus far) having Rita Tanzania-side. It was a refreshing time as she came along with a team that really blessed us. I received meaningful inner healing prayer from them as well. The summer wave of teams continued and I was able to meet many new people. 
• June ~ My close friend Ryan who was a significant mentor and help this year had his interns here who provided for me the closest community that I experienced this year. I was very blessed by all of them. I became a leader and elder at ICC, my church here in Moshi; the youngest elder in the history of the church.
• July ~ I met my future wife face to face for the first time the same day that my first friend from the states, Kelli, came to visit me. I began upping my prayers in regards to if anything would happen with this Melissa girl and then stuff started happening.
• August ~ I got engaged after a turbulent few weeks of courtship. At times I felt like I was crazy, but throughout it the Lord was helping me to see His hand in it all along the way. I spent the end of the month in Darjeeling, India ministering with friends and family and seeing the Lord move in powerful ways.
• September ~ I started off the month in the Himalayas and ministered there amongst people that are not supposed to be the followers of the Way that they are. I returned to Moshi the second week and began my final season of the year. Soon, Lauren and Lydia left as well and I realized just how empty my normal Moshi community was at this point. Luckily, Melissa and I were able to begin skyping frequently. I also began four months of acting worship pastor at ICC and was stretched in ministry in new ways.
• October ~ I spent the first 21 days of October doing a juice only fast. The Lord did a good work, but it wasn't all intense like I thought it would be. He increased my faith and my desire for Him and those are obviously worth the fasting. I also saw breakthrough in my relationship and conversations with Melissa. 
• November ~ I struggled in my writing and feelings of insecurity came up that I didn't realize were present. A time of testing was in full swing as the Lord brought up and began to rid out false feelings and sins that were in me. 
• December ~ I took a break from my beloved blog and didn't write for three weeks. The Lord brought me to a place of repentance and refocus. The preparation for my furlough began.

The Lord was faithful this year and I praise Him for all that He did.  I leave in just over a week for my first furlough. I don't really know how to navigate being away from the kids for that long. The main reason that I didn't write much about them above is because they haven't changed; they've been my constant, they've been my comfort over the last year. In any hard time that I fell into, a hug, a kiss, a word, a laugh, a smile, anything from any of my children would lift my spirit. They are the reason the Lord has called me here and for that I am eternally grateful to Him. He has shown Himself to me in a new way this year and I'm not the same man that left the states a year ago.

2011 is shaping up to be just as crazy for me. I do leave for my furlough in just over a week and plenty of nutty stuff will happen. I'll get to see friends and family that I haven't seen in a long while. I'll get to try my hand at being a real missionary state-side, complete with all the fundraising (or marketing if you will) that it entails. I'll get to prepare for my wedding for the first five months and then get married to an incredibly godly woman on June 4th. Along with that, I get to navigate through countless people that seem to think that they're invited to our wedding until then (we've only got about 215 spots, people, and Melissa's got a big family!). After our wedding (the sooner the better), I'll be relaunched out of the states, this time with my wife by my side. I'm already looking forward to that and whatever the Lord may bring after it... to Him be the glory for it all.

Poetry Corner: Maud Muller

Amazing linguist with a righteous beard, sorry ladies, he's dead. Because this is my blog and I do what I want, I decided to post my one of my favorite poems by one of my favorite writers. This is something that I plan to do somewhat frequently (hence the whole Poetry Corner title). John Greenleaf Whittier has some great stuff and I'd recommend him. This poem paints such a vivid picture and it has a meaningful ending. Instead of babbling about it, I'll let it speak for itself. Poetry enriches our lives, breathe deep. Maud Muller, on a summer's day, Raked the meadow sweet with hay. Beneath her torn hat glowed the wealth Of simple beauty and rustic health. Singing, she wrought, and her merry glee The mock-bird echoed from his tree. But when she glanced to the far-off town, White from its hill-slope looking down, The sweet song died, and a vague unrest And a nameless longing filled her breast; A wish, that she hardly dared to own, For something better than she had known. The Judge rode slowly down the lane,  Smoothing his horse's chestnut mane: He drew his bridle in the shade Of the apple-trees, to greet the maid, And asked a draught from the spring that flowed Through the meadow across the road. She stooped where the cool spring bubbled up, And filled for him her small tin cup, And blushed as she gave it, looking down On her feet so bare, and her tattered gown. "Thanks!" said the Judge, "a sweeter draught From a fairer hand was never quaffed." He spoke of the grass, and flowers, and trees Of the singing birds and the humming bees; Then talked of the haying, and wondered whether The cloud in the west would bring foul weather. And Maud forgot her brier-torn gown And her graceful ankles bare and brown, And listened, while a pleased surprise Looked from her long-lashed hazel eyes.  At last, like one who for delay Seeks a vain excuse, he rode away. Maud Muller looked and sighed: "Ah, me! That I the Judge's bride might be! He would dress me up in silks so fine, And praise and toast me at his wine. "My father should wear a broadcloth coat; My brother should sail a painted boat; I'd dress my mother so grand and gay, And the baby should have a new toy each day; And I'd feed the hungry and clothe the poor, And all should bless me who left our door." The Judge looked back as he climbed the hill, And saw Maud Muller standing still. "A form more fair, a face more sweet, Ne'er has it been my lot to meet; And her modest answer and graceful air Show her wise and good as she is fair. "Would she were mine, and I today, Like her, a harvester of hay; No doubtful balance of rights and wrongs, Nor weary lawyers with endless tongues; But low of cattle and song birds, And health, and quiet, and loving words." But he thought of his sisters, proud and cold, And his mother, vain of her rank and gold; So, closing his heart, the Judge rode on, And Maud was left in the field alone. But the lawyers smiled that afternoon, When he hummed in court an old love-tune; And the young girl mused beside the well, Till the rain on the unraked clover fell. He wedded a wife of richest dower, Who lived for fashion, as he for power; Yet oft, in his marble hearth's bright glow, He watched a picture come and go; And sweet Maud Muller's hazel eyes, Looked out in their innocent surprise. Oft when the wine in his glass was red, He longed for the wayside well instead; And closed his eyes on his garnished rooms,  To dream of meadows and clover-blooms.  And the proud man sighed, with a secret pain, "Ah, that I were free again! Free as when I rode that day, Where the barefoot maiden raked her hay." She wedded a man unlearned and poor, And many children played around her door; But care and sorrow and wasting pain Left their traces on heart and brain. And oft when the summer sun shone hot On the new-mown hay in the meadow lot, And she heard the little spring brook fall Over the roadside, through the wall, In the shade of the apple-tree again She saw a rider draw his rein, And, gazing down with timid grace, She felt his pleased eyes read her face. Sometimes her narrow kitchen walls Stretched away into stately halls; The weary wheel to a spinet turned; The tallow candle an astral burned; And for him who sat by the chimney lug, Dozing and grumbling o'er pipe and mug, A manly form at her side she saw, And joy was duty, and love was law. Then she took up her burden of life again, Saying only, "It might have been!" Alas for maiden, alas for Judge, For rich repiner and household drudge! God pity them both! and pity us all, Who vainly the dreams of youth recall; For of all sad words of tongue or pen  The saddest are these: "It might have been!" Ah, well! for us all some sweet hope lies Deeply buried from human eyes; And in the hereafter angels may Roll the stone of its grave away!

Adventure

My alarm goes off at 8:00 AM, this is sleeping in for me now. Get up, shower, make breakfast. My Saturday morning church service of worship music and listening to The Garden’s pod cast, Pastor Bill teaching on sloth. Church takes place as I do all the dishes from the previous week. So much silverware. My first day with this new deodorant, it smells very manly. I hop on the piki and head to TOA. Go into my office, check Facebook, email and change blog interface (do you like it?). I go outside to play with the kids. Sam smells my armpit while sitting next to me and says “Baba, you are wearing perfume.” I teach the English word ‘cologne’ and explain its my new deodorant. Chapati and beans for lunch. Show Benny some things on the guitar. Let the older kids on the computers while I work in my office. Lyd comes up and we go to balance the books for March. Expected time to do so, 20-30 minutes. After two hours, my new deodorant is adding to my headache. After a few hours, Jodie comes in with a problem. Awadhi is out of his meds and we might have to go to his school and it is already turning into dusk. If they go, I go, because its not the best place to go after dark and its been raining. I wait. Turns out they don’t go and I don’t leave TOA till 6:40. I take my laundry home in my basket and it blocks my headlight. Too dark to wear my shaded sunglasses while I drive. Bug flies in my eye. Try not to eat it in the mud. Get home. The new tenants’ dog won’t stop barking at me. I pray this big German Shepherd doesn’t get to brave and bite me. He settles for disrespectfully peeing on my piki. I come inside, turn on Amos Lee, cut the mold off the last of my cheese and fry up another salami quesadilla. Resign to writing for the night. Adventure?

A couple days ago, I was IMing with a friend from Long Beach. He asked me if I had anything exciting to share. I told him that things that used to seem exciting to me were now just normal. A response also known as ‘no.’ He asked me if we’d been dealing with any persecution. As an aside, I know where my friend’s question came from as he was a part a prayer meeting for me where that was spoken of. I won’t get into it right now, but I’m quite certain that in my walk I will come into considerable persecution. His question came from that mindset, but the truth is I haven’t really been experiencing any yet. Boy, that’d make for a riveting blog.

Adventure is important to me. Anyone whose ever read this blog since I started it can see that the same tag line has been on it the whole time “tracking Brandon and all his adventures throughout Moshi, Tanzania with his Treasures of Africa.” Is that accurate? Have you been reading my blogs and thinking “wow, look at the adventures Brandon is having with his Treasures of Africa!”? Probably not. I wish that I could chalk it up to my self-effacing writing style, but the truth is, this “adventure” looks different than I would have thought.

What is adventure? When I think of adventure, I get this mental picture of Indiana Jones running away from this huge stone ball and narrowly escaping yet again. Is that the standard for adventure? I’m not a tomb raider. I’ve never even met one. There has to be some other standard to say that this is living adventurously and this is living domicile. I don’t know what it is though. When you think about all the ways that people live its hard to discern what is true adventure and what isn’t. What about a person that is always climbing mountains, hang gliding and skydiving, but he’s never been in love and is insecure, is he living an adventure? What about a guy who used to have these aspirations of changing the world and now is working a normal job married with a couple kids, is he living an adventure? Better yet, how about a guy that will be 24 on Thursday, who just followed God to Africa, but his experience is different than he expected? Adventure? Sijui.

Bill Dogterom was preaching on sloth and he talked about how we are made for adventure and to sail the seas of life. I agree, both from experience and from knowing that disagreeing with Bill is second to disagreeing with the Lord. By the grace of the Spirit, sloth seems so unattractive to me, because I want to experience life that is really life. Even if that means I fall on my piki in the mud or get a broken heart every now and then.

So is this adventure? I daresay that I think it is. Everything else aside, I say it is for one reason. I may not be riding rhinos to work or getting beat up by Masai warriors everyday. I may not be taking the gospel into some remote South American tribe or hiding out with my underground church in the Bhutan. But there is this critical factor of risk. Adventure is completely dependent on risk. There is nothing more valuable to risk than love. I can objectively say that I risked love to be here. I loved my friends and family in the states. I still do love them, of course. However, in a normal pattern of thinking, you might gather that me moving to the other side of the earth will severely limit the growth of love in every single relationship. Not that love won’t grow still, but it won’t be as much or as quick if I’d been sitting down with you and experiencing life at your side. I risked that true love. Even more so I risked not having the truest form of human love that I’ve ever experienced as being here meant not being with a person that I loved in the most unique fashion.

So there’s the risk. Praise God that my risk was not out of foolhardiness and thrill chasing in East Africa, but rather it was based in His calling me here. Since it is in His will, I have a 100% chance of reaping greater benefits (love) than I risked. I’ve always loved the kids that I worked with in California. I risked and gave them up and have experienced a hundred-fold (no exaggeration) in the love that I have for the Treasures. That takes nothing away from my love for those kids in the states, but the Lord has taken me to a new level. I risked my love for the relationships with friends and family. Praise God that those are still maintainable from here, though more limited. My friend base here is…developing, nonetheless there are certainly a handful of people that I am developing deep relationship with. And that risk of being with that special woman, I honestly believe that the Lord hasn’t forgotten that and when I’m with whoever I’m supposed to be with, it too will be an immeasurable increase because of His faithfulness.

The greatest adventure is abiding in the Spirit and allowing Him to lead you. Don’t fear, He is with you and will uphold you. Let go of what control you think you have and dive in expecting the unexpected. It’ll be beautiful, pinky promise.

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The Rundown: The first week of the kids’ break went very well. We’ve had time for all the things that I mentioned last week. They are big fans of English Verb Bingo for the ESL time. I’ve taught them a couple songs as well which is my favorite thing. On Friday, I took the fourth graders and up for a nice long walk to the grocery market and treated them to ice cream. That was a lot of fun. I have really been able to make some deep connections with the boys especially. We have some great conversations and laugh together a lot. The books have been a serious headache. Pray that Lydia and I can figure stuff out before a bunch of transactions are made on Monday. Its Easter and that’s crazy how fast its come up. He is risen! I didn’t bring any pastel shirts. We’ll be eating a nice tall goat. My birthday is this week. I will be 24. Does 23 start my mid-twenties or is it 24? One way or another I’ll certainly be in my mid-twenties on Thursday. Haya, inatosha.

Greener Pastures

I have no words for what I am feeling right now. I have no category for the things that are happening and the emotions that are attached to them.

I am in Tanzania, not just visiting like in the past.

I live in Tanzania.

There are so many stories that I would normally love to share at this time and I will give you a brief rundown momentarily. But I find myself at a loss for words and only one thing is worthy enough to put in my first post from Tanzania.

My heart is so heavy right now. I arrived in Kilimanjaro and was in the baggage claim office, because all three of my checked bags had been lost in transit. I look out and see Ryan poking his head through the door. I go over to greet him and explain the situation. Moments later, I go out and see Pastor Mbasha as well. As happy as I was to see my two dear friends, I was a little puzzled, because Lydia was supposed to pick me up. Ryan told me she was on her way. I went back into the office and made an arrangement with the customs agent and when I came back out, Lydia and Jodie were there. We exchanged greetings and spoke a few logistics, before I take off for language school. I remembered that I needed to exchange money, so I ran over the exchange bureau. As I was over there I remembered some other money that was in my carry-on and went to grab it. As I was grabbing it, I heard Jodie ask Lydia if I knew about Anjie and in passing I said I know she is sick. I went back over to the exchange desk and Lydia followed me over. She began to tell me why her and Jodie were late. She told me that our four year old Treasure, Anjela, died on Sunday while I was in transit and out of touch. They were at her funeral. I don’t have words for this.

I am so glad that Anjel is with Jesus. I posted earlier, but it was deleted on accident, instead of re-doing it right away, I went back to my room and spent time in prayer and worship. Anjela is before my face and she’s so happy. She died of complications with pneumonia, largely due to her being HIV+ and having cerebral palsy. She WAS blind. But now her eyes are on her Creator and He loves far more than any of us ever could.

I was in Mexico early 2008 doing training for my first trip to Tanzania. As we were spending time in worship and prayer, the Lord began to speak to me. He was speaking to me about children that die. I had already started sponsoring Awadhi by this point and the fact that he is HIV+ was pounding in my head. Loving him this way is inherently more risky when sickness is in the mix. The time around the fire ended and people went about their business, but I couldn’t. I was distraught I went out to the road and was pacing back and forth under a streetlight as the Lord began bringing to mind the names of children I was close to and asking a question. What about him? What about her? I made a decision that night that I would rather hold my own child as they die, if it meant that they didn’t die without a dad. And now here I am day 1 in Tanzania and one of our little girls passed away.

Anjela was wonderful and so very loved. She died being loved. She wasn’t discarded as a baby, when she was found to be diseased and deformed. The doctor didn’t give her a week when we got her at 2 ½ and she lived to see her fourth birthday. She was loved and nurtured by the family of the Lord at TOA until the day that the Lord decided to take her home. And now she is with Him. In pastures far greener and more beautiful. She is running, she is dancing and seeing her Father face to face. For this we give praise.

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I hate to change gears, but I know that you are wondering so here is the what else been going on. Saying goodbye to my folks on Sunday was very hard, but their support is tremendous. It served as the “splash” of the whole getting in over my head. I had some good conversations along the way, a Norweigen fourth grader named Diane, spoke of God and things with a 18-year old Serbian woman named Jovana, and was fast friends with a Muslim man named Ibraham. The Lord showed His deliverance while I was in London. I spent Monday going around and managed to get lost, but still made it back to Heathrow with plenty of time only to find complications with the tickets and visas. Long story short, to be perfectly honest, had it not been for the Lord, I wouldn’t even be here yet. Landing in Kilimanjaro went well, except that all three of my checked bags from Minneapolis are MIA. Hopefully I’ll get them within the next couple days. The facility at language school is very nice and the people are kind and agreeable. I already have homework, which I should be working on right now. There are monkeys that run around the property and its fun to watch them. I will be heading to Moshi on Friday to start settling into my new house and see the Treasures. I can hardly wait. I will then return to language school on Monday and do it again the next weekend. Please pray for the Treasures, my Moshi family and myself. I love you all.

Risk

I can't live a domicile Christianity. That sounds so unappealing to me. I want to enjoy my life and enjoy Christ and enjoy the thrill of really following Him.

I was having a conversation over Chipotle yesterday with my pastor Darren. I always enjoy our conversations and yesterday's seemed especially poignant as I wrap up my time here in Long Beach (or California period for that matter). We were both reflecting on what the Lord's been doing in the last year since The Garden really took off, what He's doing in our church now and what the future is looking like and specifically what The Garden's future partnership with me in Tanzania is going to be like. I love dreaming with a coworker in the Harvest and Darren is up there as far dreaming workers go.

In speaking of our individual stories, one thing seems to stick out and is a recurrence when we speak with other people... our age. Darren is 25 and is a pastor to a quickly growing congregation in an internationally influential city where the diversity across socioeconomic, cultural and racial fronts is vast. I am 23 and in 6 weeks I am moving to a foreign country for a stay that can best be described as "long term indefinite" doing kingdom work that will affect not only the 27 kids at Treasures of Africa, but the nation of Tanzania as a whole. Now if I boast in anything let me boast in Christ resurrected and Him working through me by His Holy Spirit. I was a total punk in high school (and I still have my moments). I was a timid, tame and worldly Christian (is that even possible?) when I transferred to Vanguard. These great things now and on the horizon are only through His guidance and ordination and the work He's done to change my heart and my life is the biggest miracle I've experienced.

Having said all that, I can't tell you how excited I am for the road ahead of me. I think about those kids at TOA and I can't help but smile and be in awe that in all His goodness, the Lord was so gracious as to give me this position. If I've made one good decision in my life, it was taking this position. But such great joys do not come without great risk and sacrifice. I could spend a whole blog (and probably will at some point) talking about sacrifice and my experience, but today risk is on my heart.

I think that risk is inescapably attached to LIVING by faith. I think that it is possible (and often happens here in America) to have faith and be saved, but not live by faith. I was saved at the age of four with a saint named Margaret Glore who had a profound effect on my life. On that day, I professed my faith in the death and resurrection of Jesus by the power of the Holy Spirit and confessed my need for Him to pardon my sins forever. (I don't think those were the exact words of four year old Brandon, but you get my eloquent drift). I don't think that it would surprise anyone for me to say that my life wasn't radically transformed. I wasn't some wicked heathen of a four year old, I was just a four year old with four year old sin. Now I was pretty much the same kid, only now with a basic understanding of who I am to God. I lived the majority of my life with faith, but how that enacted in my life was largely non-existent. I know kids in Tanzania that will lay hands on you and you'll be healed, they've cast out demons even. Not me, my sister Bobbie and I were a part of group called Club Ted when I was a kid and we really liked to do Valentines Day parties and put on plays for our parents, but no, no demon casting. And its not even all about the supernatural, that's only a facet of the larger picture. In junior high and high school, I didn't have an evangelistic bone in my body, or one for social justice, or one for the majority of the things exemplified the disciples' lives. Yes, I was saved, I had head knowledge and knew the Bible answers and stories, I even knew the moral code in the Bible (which I even followed sometimes), but LIVING by faith wasn't really there and the risk of following an awesome and holy God wasn't there either.

Unfortunately, I don't think that this is uncommon in American Christianity. (Sidenote: I am not trying to pick on American Christians, I am an American Christian, this is my culture and I can best speak out of my own experience.) In the messy union of Christianity, consumerism and American politics, we seem to miss the risk that marks those believers in the Bible. It is very easy to follow God here and that's pretty scary. People will say to me sometimes, "Wow, you're going to be a missionary in Tanzania? God bless you that will be hard." I agree, it is going to be hard, but in all honesty its the easier path for me to choose. I could stay in California and be a Children's Pastor and get married to a woman that loves the Lord and continue to fight those desires to be complacent and just give in and consume, consume, consume. But the Lord isn't calling me or anyone else to complacency and consumerism. The reason its easier for me to live out the Gospel in Tanzania, is because its going to force me to actually rely on Him and being complacent and or consumeristic isn't an option at all.

That's one of the most inspiring things to me about my brothers and sisters in Tanzania, they are LIVING by faith, they have to. Why would we need to have faith that the Lord will provide us our daily bread? We can go to the store and get all the food we need (and all the fun superfluous things we want). That's not an option for my family there. They have to risk going hungry, have faith in His provision and then rejoice when they see that their Heavenly Baba really does provide them their daily bread.

I am always encouraged by the stories of saints past. Two that jump to mind are George Muller and Brother Yun.

George Muller (a Hidden With Christ Ministries inspiration) was a German missionary to England. The Lord gave him congregations to pastor and while he was doing so, he was moved to no longer take pay from the church. Rather, he and his wife would pray that the Lord would provide what they need day to day. Reading his biography is amazingly monotonous as radical provision and answer to prayer come to mark his life. The churches weren't big enough though. The Lord then put it on his heart to do something about the orphans throughout the nation and as the ministry grew, not only he and his wife, but thousands of orphans were literally LIVING by faith. They would only pray that the Lord would provide the food, shelter and education for these kids and it would happen, time and time again. That's risk. I want to live a life like that. I want to live a life where if God doesn't show up and do something, I, and thousands of orphans, are up a creek without a paddle, royally screwed. That's LIVING by faith. And the thing is, you can tell from his story that it wasn't even mainly about the physical care of the orphans (social justice) it was about the glory of the Lord. He wanted to live an appealing life that pointed to the existence of a gracious Father in heaven.

Brother Yun is a pioneer of the modern underground house church movement in China. I'm still reading the book, but have already read stories where he is beaten up and nearly killed for the sake of the Gospel and had it not been for the miraculous intervention of the Lord he'd be dead a long time ago. My favorite part is when he meets is his wife.

The first time Deling and I met I told her, "God has chosen me to be his witness and to follow him through great hardships and the way of the cross. I don't have any money and am always being pursued by the authorities. Do you really want to marry me?"
She answered, "Don't worry, I will never let you down. I will join with you and together we'll serve the Lord."

I need a wife like that!!! Holy love, that blows me a way. That's risk. That's LIVING by faith.

So, enough about the daunting part. There's a tremendous amount of joy that far outweighs any hardship or risk. I was speaking with my friend Megan after church on Sunday and the term "bitter-sweet" came up. "Leaving Long Beach is bitter-sweet". You know, that's the thing though, its more sweet than it is bitter and I think that's how it is supposed to be in the Kingdom. I love California and it is going to be very hard to leave, the "bitter" part if you will. But if my missing the people stateside is any indication of the sweetness of following the Lord in Tanzania, where He's called me, I am in for the most beautiful adventure ever. And I have only scratched the surface. If I (or anyone) continue to choose to follow the Lord and get through the bitter part and experience the sweet, we are going to have some amazing testimonies of the Lord when we are sweet old people (as opposed to bitter old people).

I like risk. Its exciting.

I am risking my finances and what people think of me as monetarily wise (or in Christian terms how I steward). Yeah, I have a degree from Vanguard and that cost me some loans, but people can just watch as I not only raise all the money for my missionary work but the Lord WILL pay off every single loan, and it will be soon. He is faithful. He is already taking care of my finances. I have to raise about $25,000 for a year on the field. My launch number is $7,500 to get out of the states. As of last week, I've already reached that. I've raised more in the last three and a half months then I did the previous two summers going to Tanzania. Its far from over of course, that's only 30% of what I need and monthly sponsors are the biggest need now. [Pause for fundraising ad]

If you would like to help Brandon Stiver father Tanzanian orphans you can donate at www.treasuresofafrica.org/staff/brandon_s.htm

[Back to our regular scheduled blog]

I am risking making a grip load of mistakes. I am a naive 23 year old. Darren is only 25 (but sweet mercy he walks in anointing). Our new children's director Alex is only 21 (But I'm gladly throwing her in the deep end). Like them, I'm in way over my head and I risk failing. My fear would be that the kids won't respond to the programs and my work there is voided by failure. But I want to be in over my head, that way because I can't do it the Lord will do it. I have to rely on Him and have faith that I will positively affect these kids' lives and their education.

What I'm about to say next is very contrary to American Christian life. But I have every intent on living a type of Christian life that is set on the cross. What I mean by that, is that I intend to suffer and die for the cause. I will live and I will die for the Lord. Being in Tanzania gives me more of an opportunity to do that, but I don't know where I'll be buried. I think about the great saints of old and I would love to count myself among the "blessed are the persecuted" crowd. You often hear people say "I would die for the Gospel" but how many times IN the United States would you get that opportunity. I would like to at least have the opportunity to do so. I'm not going to be the person that says "Dying is the easy part, living for the Gospel is the hard part." Yeah, maybe that's true, but you gotta admit, dying would be pretty hard. And if I risk my life for the sake of the Kingdom, I can only imagine what the sweetness of my reward in Heaven would be.

Risk it. The most you could lose is your life and the gain in life or death is of infinite worth.



...boy, long blogs are so cathartic.