It is Thursday afternoon and I am in Portfolio Coffeehouse in Long Beach. This is a trip. I’m fully expecting at any moment for someone that I vaguely know to walk into the shop, because I definitely feel like I’ve walked into the past.
Its been so weird to be in the states. Its weird because everything here is so… familiar. Any changes to southern California that I’ve come across seem like mere nuances in light of the fact that this coffee shop is still the same coffee shop, my old life group is still my life group, the 55 is still the 55 and Newport Pier is still Newport Pier. True, the place that I’m sitting used to have a computer table in this spot. That’s different. But we’re still at 4th and Junipero and its tripping me out.
I’m not the same person that sat in this same coffee shop 14 months ago. I’m different. To be honest its hard to reconcile the two things. I’ve spent the last year in Tanzania. I’m not the children’s pastor anymore and this is no longer my home. I’ve spent the last year falling in love in with 26 children in ways that so far surpassed anything that I could have imagined. Those kids, my kids, my sons and my daughters changed me. As did the culture. As did my friends there. The Lord has changed me and I’m not the same person. How could I be?
Its really an intriguing spot to be in. I’m visiting Long Beach right now because I love the city and wanted to show it to Melissa, but I’m staying in Costa Mesa. That city is even more of a story. Melissa and I’ve spent the last couple nights hanging out with Cody and Alaina at their place, which is oddly enough the house that Cody grew up in. I’ve told him repeatedly that its really weird that he and Alaina live in his mom’s house and they sleep in her room... yet I digress. It was so crazy to hang out with them and Josh last night. It was so familiar. The inside jokes that range from one year to five years old yet are still so funny and so good, the stories of old experiences, the laughs, all of it is so, so… familiar.
Its got me thinking about who I am as a person. If you’ve ever hung out with me, Josh and Cody, you’ll quickly realize that we have the strangest, over the top, completely ridiculous conversations. We know how to conduct ourselves in public, but if we’re not in public, watch out. And yet that part of me has been so far beyond dormant over the last 12+ months. All it took was seeing Cody for it to come back. Our being is so multi-faceted. I am Brandon. I am the man that loves and has given his life to 26 orphans. Also, I am the man that likes to wander through record stores looking at underground hip hop albums. I’m the guy that has these absurd conversations with my weird friends. I’m the man that worships freely in the back of American church services. I am that guy that sits in a coffee shop writing a blog while listening to Jon Foreman. And at any time you come across me, the same person, you could find any of these things to be true.
Its hard to know how to be in California in light of who I’ve become over the last year. Its hard to know how to be here, because California hasn’t changed me over the last year; Tanzania has. The easy thing would be to just dive back in and act as though only my profession has changed over the last year; when in all reality I’ve changed as a person. I feel that tug on me in just these two short days. That tug to just be who I used to be and pretend that I fit in here. That’d be easier and more familiar. Actually navigating through this new context of being in California but not of California is a bit more difficult. I am only a visitor here; I live in Tanzania. I’m no longer the guy that says Tanzania is a whole other world from California. Now, I say California is a whole other world from Tanzania and despite the familiarity, I’m not Long Beach Brandon anymore.
I started this blog not knowing where I would try and land it, but I think that what I’m experiencing is not unlike what we as followers of Christ are to be. Stepping out of the context of California so long has helped me to see just how overbearing the current of culture is here. The culture, which in so many ways is incredibly ungodly, seeks to conform us and make us into people that can go with the flow. We as disciples are not supposed to allow that to happen and be conformed to the patterns of this world. Instead we are to allow the Lord to transform our minds (Romans 12:2). Having our mind transformed looks like taking on the mind of Christ (Philippians 2:5). The end result of this is proving the will of God in our lives (Romans 12:2) and fulfilling His will and calling on our lives. What does that look like in the torrent that is American culture? To be honest, it looks like swimming upstream as opposed to getting your inner tube out and floating along. Fulfilling the calling that the Lord has put on us is painstakingly difficult. A cross is a cross, my friends. But the sadness that we could get from the suffering and difficulties that come from following Christ don’t compare to the surpassing joy of knowing Him. Nor do they compare to the sadness of a meaningless and wasteful existence.
I was talking with Darren this morning on the phone and we talked a little about our relationship going forward as the Garden continues to partner with Treasures of Africa. Furthermore, we talked about what it looks like to just build the Kingdom of God together as the Church. I don’t want this furlough to be only about preparing for my marriage to Melissa, even though that is the reason the Lord has led me here for this time and it is beyond crucial. As Darren and I talked, I shared with him that I want to be able to call people out to their callings and if there’s anything that I would want people to say of my testimony is that the Lord blessed me to obey Him in His calling on my life, despite the pain I’ve gone through in it. I want to see people fulfill their calling and for the Kingdom to advance through the lives of those in it. May my life be as such.
Following Christ is against the grain in the darkness that the world offers. Its hard and can be awkward to feel out of place in a land that is not your own. Sometimes the most comfortable and familiar thing is the exact thing that is hindering your discipleship to Jesus. Yet, there is no greater joy than fulfilling the calling the Lord has placed on your life and allowing Him to be Lord of your life, for this we give praise.
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The Rundown: I landed in Long Beach on Tuesday night and it was a joy to see Melissa waiting at the airport for me. I love her. Its been great just being together and building our relationship over the last couple days. I went to my life group on Tuesday and I tried to surprise them as they tried to surprise me, it didn’t work too well. Haha. Nonetheless, they brought food and it was great to see them. I was feeling a bit detached though which was never been the case with my life group. The conversation was centered on the current state of the life group and not being a part of the life group and having limited contact with many in it somewhat estranged me from the conversation. At any rate, it was good to see them. Melissa and I have been able to hang out with Cody, Alaina and Josh which has been great. We went to Whittier yesterday and got to see Joel while I got my suit tailored for the wedding on Saturday. Tonight we’re going back there for the bachelor and bachelorette parties, respectively. My speaking starts this Sunday at the Garden and I’m so, so looking forward to reconnecting with them. Yeah, that’s life. Hope to see you soon!
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