Over the last several hours, I feel as though a new weight has come upon me. Its funny that a single day isn’t a very long period of time. Yet, going from eight days till the wedding to a week till the wedding felt like a huge shift. The line of where responsibility ends and feelings of anxiety begins is a bit blurry over the last day or so.
Its not hesitancy, its not cold feet, its not worry. Its just a weight. A weight of responsibility. It is a bit of realizing not only the magnitude of what Melissa and I going to walk into for our personal lives, but also the magnitude of the effect that this will have on the Kingdom. To be sure, the most important person in our marriage is neither of us. And while that’s easy enough to say for any Christian relationship, saying that God is the center, the focus and the most important Person in our relationship takes on another meaning when the couple have chosen to do something that is beyond themselves.
I’ve said it before, but I really have no interest in living a life that is meaningless or understandable. I think that God does things that are supernatural and impossible to comprehend, He then calls us into that same life. I want that. I am grieved by the moments of my life that don’t reflect Who He is. I know that it is the same for Melissa. I’ll be the first to say that I don’t know what I’m doing. I really don’t. I have friends that are missionaries or pastors and sometimes I feel like they have such a handle on things. They know what they’re doing and have effective Kingdom advancing techniques. At other times, I see into their lives at more real moments and realize that they don’t know what they’re doing either. And I really think that that is the way that God designed it, because if all of life and ministry came down to checking off a list and having things figured out, it would be nothing more than empty religion and passion would become non-existent. Praise God that such a life like that doesn’t even work.
Instead of dead religion, He calls us to go on a mission with Him. He will tell us things, but only when He wants to and only when its necessary. He could give us a perfect plan at one time and we do it and it works great for His purposes. We could then figure that that will do the trick every time, try it again, and fall flat on our face. It seems unpredictable to us, but its perfect sense to Him, whose ways our higher than our own.
At times this mission is adventurous and sometimes it doesn’t seem very adventurous at all. Adventure is great, but we, especially twenty-something Christians like me, can become too enamored with the adventure, not realizing that the important thing isn’t the adventure but the obedience to Him and what He’s calling us to in the mission. Adventure is too fleeting to encompass this mission of His.
I was talking with Darren about this mission today after church. I can’t read the Bible without realizing the pain and suffering of the faithful. I know that this doesn’t mesh with a lot of popular American theology, but I find it biblical. Darren mentioned Jeremiah who worked tirelessly day in, day out for years prophesying to the unrepentant people. People weren’t being converted and he was suffering; the crying prophet he’s known as. The New Testament Yahweh followers are the same way. Jesus as the premier example, was crucified. But it wasn’t just our Savior, Paul wrote extensively about suffering. We like to talk about how we’re children of God and co-heirs with Christ, but that is a conditional status according to Paul. He drops a big “IF” in the middle of his discussion on the family of God. Romans 8:16-17 (emphasis mine): “The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs--heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together.”
This mission that we’re on isn’t about putting up with the normal ailments that this world dishes on every single person. Its about choosing to suffer with Jesus, that His glory (and ours) may come to pass. Jesus and each of his first disciples paid dearly for their relationship with the Father and followers of His have been doing the same ever since.
The trouble is that my salvation and relationship with Jesus came about with very little personal price to me. It was normal, even safe to do so. I praise God for how He brought me to Him, but the culture and my own personal decisions don’t lend to living a life of suffering and sacrifice, which are inescapable elements of the disciple‘s life. We prefer the illusion of risk over the reality of risk. If He tells us to do something, we either don’t do it or have a bad attitude about it. There are times where I really don’t want to do what He’s telling me to. It doesn’t sound adventurous, it doesn’t sound fun, it sounds scary and humiliating and I don’t want to do it. We allow something sinister into our decision-making, disobedience. We choose to not join into His mission… its too hard.
It is a tall bill to be sure. We know in our heads what we are supposed to do and even want to live in a way that is satisfying. We’ve heard that we can find that in this Jewish rabbi, but His ways seem so odd and He tells us to do things like take up a torture device and follow Him. If we can successfully bear this cross, we’ll fulfill His mission for our lives and play a part in His mission for all of creation; that every man, woman and child would come to know His saving grace and majestic glory.
That’s the magnitude that I feel six days before my wedding. Its not cold feet, its not hesitancy. I know the woman that I’m marrying. She’s a woman of integrity and strength. I see things in her beautiful character that she doesn’t even see. I thank God for Melissa. I know that for the first time, I’m called to live out my mission in life with someone else by my side. As beautiful as that is, its also unfamiliar and thus can be a little unsettling. I trust that my walk with Jesus is going to be ignited in a new way because of my marriage to Melissa. My walk with Jesus becoming greater will have a positive effect on all things around me, not merely my ministry, but my relationships as well. I’m excited and at the same time weighed down by the gravity of it all.
Its all about Him. Its all about what He’s called us to. I’m entering into a covenant that God is going to use to refine me and turn me into the person that He desires for me to be. Its going to be beautiful and really hard. I thank God for Melissa’s obedience to follow Him as our calls go forward hand in hand. But I’d be mistaken if I said that even she, the most wonderful person I know, is fit to fulfill His mission. Because its never about any of us being fit to fulfill His mission, its about people saying ’yes’ to Him and allowing His Spirit to work out the mission through us.
The mission field is huge and the duties are as various as can be. To some He’s called to marriage, some He’s called to be single. Some He’s called to Africa, some He’s called to America, some to other places. He’s called us to be pastors, mothers, fathers, teachers, worshippers and so many other things. He didn’t tell us to do something without giving us the means to do so, but it is still on us to say ‘yes.’ We are not to sit on His grace and punch our ticket to heaven, but rather to work out our salvation in “fear and trembling” (Philippians 2:12) as we take up the mantle He’s placed on us within the big mission. Elements of risk, sacrifice, suffering, joy, fulfillment, pain, love, grace and mercy are evident in each personal mission, even though not all our stressed in our Christian clubs.
In it all, His Spirit enables us to fulfill the mission and I am looking forward to embarking on this new part of fulfilling mine, for this we give praise.
Its not hesitancy, its not cold feet, its not worry. Its just a weight. A weight of responsibility. It is a bit of realizing not only the magnitude of what Melissa and I going to walk into for our personal lives, but also the magnitude of the effect that this will have on the Kingdom. To be sure, the most important person in our marriage is neither of us. And while that’s easy enough to say for any Christian relationship, saying that God is the center, the focus and the most important Person in our relationship takes on another meaning when the couple have chosen to do something that is beyond themselves.
I’ve said it before, but I really have no interest in living a life that is meaningless or understandable. I think that God does things that are supernatural and impossible to comprehend, He then calls us into that same life. I want that. I am grieved by the moments of my life that don’t reflect Who He is. I know that it is the same for Melissa. I’ll be the first to say that I don’t know what I’m doing. I really don’t. I have friends that are missionaries or pastors and sometimes I feel like they have such a handle on things. They know what they’re doing and have effective Kingdom advancing techniques. At other times, I see into their lives at more real moments and realize that they don’t know what they’re doing either. And I really think that that is the way that God designed it, because if all of life and ministry came down to checking off a list and having things figured out, it would be nothing more than empty religion and passion would become non-existent. Praise God that such a life like that doesn’t even work.
Instead of dead religion, He calls us to go on a mission with Him. He will tell us things, but only when He wants to and only when its necessary. He could give us a perfect plan at one time and we do it and it works great for His purposes. We could then figure that that will do the trick every time, try it again, and fall flat on our face. It seems unpredictable to us, but its perfect sense to Him, whose ways our higher than our own.
At times this mission is adventurous and sometimes it doesn’t seem very adventurous at all. Adventure is great, but we, especially twenty-something Christians like me, can become too enamored with the adventure, not realizing that the important thing isn’t the adventure but the obedience to Him and what He’s calling us to in the mission. Adventure is too fleeting to encompass this mission of His.
I was talking with Darren about this mission today after church. I can’t read the Bible without realizing the pain and suffering of the faithful. I know that this doesn’t mesh with a lot of popular American theology, but I find it biblical. Darren mentioned Jeremiah who worked tirelessly day in, day out for years prophesying to the unrepentant people. People weren’t being converted and he was suffering; the crying prophet he’s known as. The New Testament Yahweh followers are the same way. Jesus as the premier example, was crucified. But it wasn’t just our Savior, Paul wrote extensively about suffering. We like to talk about how we’re children of God and co-heirs with Christ, but that is a conditional status according to Paul. He drops a big “IF” in the middle of his discussion on the family of God. Romans 8:16-17 (emphasis mine): “The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs--heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together.”
This mission that we’re on isn’t about putting up with the normal ailments that this world dishes on every single person. Its about choosing to suffer with Jesus, that His glory (and ours) may come to pass. Jesus and each of his first disciples paid dearly for their relationship with the Father and followers of His have been doing the same ever since.
The trouble is that my salvation and relationship with Jesus came about with very little personal price to me. It was normal, even safe to do so. I praise God for how He brought me to Him, but the culture and my own personal decisions don’t lend to living a life of suffering and sacrifice, which are inescapable elements of the disciple‘s life. We prefer the illusion of risk over the reality of risk. If He tells us to do something, we either don’t do it or have a bad attitude about it. There are times where I really don’t want to do what He’s telling me to. It doesn’t sound adventurous, it doesn’t sound fun, it sounds scary and humiliating and I don’t want to do it. We allow something sinister into our decision-making, disobedience. We choose to not join into His mission… its too hard.
It is a tall bill to be sure. We know in our heads what we are supposed to do and even want to live in a way that is satisfying. We’ve heard that we can find that in this Jewish rabbi, but His ways seem so odd and He tells us to do things like take up a torture device and follow Him. If we can successfully bear this cross, we’ll fulfill His mission for our lives and play a part in His mission for all of creation; that every man, woman and child would come to know His saving grace and majestic glory.
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| Looking forward to fulfilling our mission for the Big Guy together |
Its all about Him. Its all about what He’s called us to. I’m entering into a covenant that God is going to use to refine me and turn me into the person that He desires for me to be. Its going to be beautiful and really hard. I thank God for Melissa’s obedience to follow Him as our calls go forward hand in hand. But I’d be mistaken if I said that even she, the most wonderful person I know, is fit to fulfill His mission. Because its never about any of us being fit to fulfill His mission, its about people saying ’yes’ to Him and allowing His Spirit to work out the mission through us.
The mission field is huge and the duties are as various as can be. To some He’s called to marriage, some He’s called to be single. Some He’s called to Africa, some He’s called to America, some to other places. He’s called us to be pastors, mothers, fathers, teachers, worshippers and so many other things. He didn’t tell us to do something without giving us the means to do so, but it is still on us to say ‘yes.’ We are not to sit on His grace and punch our ticket to heaven, but rather to work out our salvation in “fear and trembling” (Philippians 2:12) as we take up the mantle He’s placed on us within the big mission. Elements of risk, sacrifice, suffering, joy, fulfillment, pain, love, grace and mercy are evident in each personal mission, even though not all our stressed in our Christian clubs.
In it all, His Spirit enables us to fulfill the mission and I am looking forward to embarking on this new part of fulfilling mine, for this we give praise.
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