Sometimes my desire to write exceeds my ability to do so. I, perhaps, find myself in such a position right now. I’ve ingrained it into my psyche that I need to write on a regular basis for some odd reason; be it a false illusion that what I write matters or a need to organize my thoughts into something meaningful. And yet at this particular moment, I find myself bound and debilitated by the complexity of life.
My mother has always said that I’m a very black and white person, my fiancé agrees. I often wish that things in life were clearly marked and that dashed lines were drawn everywhere we go, showing us what is good and what is bad. The gray areas are by definition hard to discern and I really hate that. I feel like when Thing A happens then the natural progression should result in Thing B occurring. And if Black is Black and Black is bad, then I shouldn’t do Black ever. Unfortunately for simpletons like me, some things are dark gray which means sometimes they’re okay even if they normally aren’t. Its all quite confusing to be sure and a Christ follower ought to realize that a godly spirit of discernment is much needed at all times.
I’ve been seeing just how complicated life can be more and more recently. For example, this morning I was reading in the book Searching For God Knows What and Donald Miller was talking about the circus and his love for elephants. In a brief side note, he questioned why we keep elephants in circus cages. In my mind, even such an off-hand comment sends me into this inner dialogue where I argue with myself, “Yeah! Let those elephants out! They weren’t created in cages, so don’t keep them there.” “But we have dominion over them and we ought to be able to do with them as we please. And its not like we’re torturing them, people ought be allowed to enjoy them.” “Asian elephants belong in Asian jungles and African elephants belong in African savannahs. If people want to see them they can go on a safari in their natural habitat.” “Oh, but that would be an awful waste to spend all that money on airfare and the like just for the sake of tourism.” And so on and so on.
This is only one quite random example. As of late, thoughts have ranged from politics and spiritual disciplines to sports and entertainment. There always seems to be more than meets the eye and black is rarely just black and white the same.
I’m perhaps pining for the simplicity that life sometimes seems to be back in Moshi. Life, of course, isn’t simple there but perhaps areas of life seem simpler compared to the different complexities we experience in the states. It wouldn’t take too long of a gander at previous posts to see the emotional complexity of living there.
On certain things, especially those that are explicit in the Bible, the line is clearly drawn. When the Bible speaks about care for orphans, which I’ve given my life to help fulfill, it is quite clear what we are charged to do. There’s no two ways about it, we are called to care for orphans, as well as those others that are cast aside in society. And yet how does that affect the way that we live our lives? To be sure, when these children are living in abject poverty, we ought to realize that sending money through the right channels is entirely necessary. And then the gray areas come in. How much money ought I send? If I send some does that mean that I can spend the rest on whatever I want for myself? Frivolity aside, is it a sin to spend money on things that are unnecessary in light of the dire needs of others? Finding a place on such an complex topic is imperative and that’s just the financial side of it.
I don’t even have the proverbial breath to speak about those things of an even more personal nature, namely relationships. Last night I had a dream where I was in the backseat of a car speaking with Awadhi and then later in the dream I was with several of the other treasures in a kitchen. I don’t know what it means, but I know that I miss them. And yet my emotions are beyond my understanding. I miss them so much and yet I don’t spend all this time crying or anything like that. I feel like there’s something wrong with me, but because I can’t understand my emotions, I’m lost. Its complicated.
In the midst of this whirlwind of a furlough, its easy to get bogged down in the amount of things going on and the implications of it all. Any particular item of life can serve as a starting point for endless thought rabbit trails and over analysis by yours truly. This time in Wisconsin is giving me an opportunity to not only wind down, but also hopefully simplify my life. Its hard to not think that perhaps we are the ones making all of this so complicated. Our sin, our compromises, our excuses are what’s mucking so much of it up.
Love, that seems simple enough. Obedience to God’s Word, by the power of the Holy Spirit, its entirely possible. I think that complexities are inevitable in this life, but hopefully if we can get our minds focused on the Lord we’ll know what to do when each gray area arises. By the power of the Lord such a sound mind is attainable and for this we give praise.
---------------------------------------------
The Rundown: My beautiful, wonderful, inspiring fiancé and I landed in Wisconsin on Monday. Its been so great to spend time with my folks and sister. Each day we’ve been able to get out and play with the dogs, or go sledding, or go for a walk and its been the relaxation that I’ve need so far. Our time together has been great. Not much going on other than that. We had a nice last few speaking engagements before taking off and we were able to move Melissa out of her apartment in Ventura. Yeah, that’s pretty much it. PEACE!
My mother has always said that I’m a very black and white person, my fiancé agrees. I often wish that things in life were clearly marked and that dashed lines were drawn everywhere we go, showing us what is good and what is bad. The gray areas are by definition hard to discern and I really hate that. I feel like when Thing A happens then the natural progression should result in Thing B occurring. And if Black is Black and Black is bad, then I shouldn’t do Black ever. Unfortunately for simpletons like me, some things are dark gray which means sometimes they’re okay even if they normally aren’t. Its all quite confusing to be sure and a Christ follower ought to realize that a godly spirit of discernment is much needed at all times.
I’ve been seeing just how complicated life can be more and more recently. For example, this morning I was reading in the book Searching For God Knows What and Donald Miller was talking about the circus and his love for elephants. In a brief side note, he questioned why we keep elephants in circus cages. In my mind, even such an off-hand comment sends me into this inner dialogue where I argue with myself, “Yeah! Let those elephants out! They weren’t created in cages, so don’t keep them there.” “But we have dominion over them and we ought to be able to do with them as we please. And its not like we’re torturing them, people ought be allowed to enjoy them.” “Asian elephants belong in Asian jungles and African elephants belong in African savannahs. If people want to see them they can go on a safari in their natural habitat.” “Oh, but that would be an awful waste to spend all that money on airfare and the like just for the sake of tourism.” And so on and so on.
This is only one quite random example. As of late, thoughts have ranged from politics and spiritual disciplines to sports and entertainment. There always seems to be more than meets the eye and black is rarely just black and white the same.
I’m perhaps pining for the simplicity that life sometimes seems to be back in Moshi. Life, of course, isn’t simple there but perhaps areas of life seem simpler compared to the different complexities we experience in the states. It wouldn’t take too long of a gander at previous posts to see the emotional complexity of living there.
On certain things, especially those that are explicit in the Bible, the line is clearly drawn. When the Bible speaks about care for orphans, which I’ve given my life to help fulfill, it is quite clear what we are charged to do. There’s no two ways about it, we are called to care for orphans, as well as those others that are cast aside in society. And yet how does that affect the way that we live our lives? To be sure, when these children are living in abject poverty, we ought to realize that sending money through the right channels is entirely necessary. And then the gray areas come in. How much money ought I send? If I send some does that mean that I can spend the rest on whatever I want for myself? Frivolity aside, is it a sin to spend money on things that are unnecessary in light of the dire needs of others? Finding a place on such an complex topic is imperative and that’s just the financial side of it.
I don’t even have the proverbial breath to speak about those things of an even more personal nature, namely relationships. Last night I had a dream where I was in the backseat of a car speaking with Awadhi and then later in the dream I was with several of the other treasures in a kitchen. I don’t know what it means, but I know that I miss them. And yet my emotions are beyond my understanding. I miss them so much and yet I don’t spend all this time crying or anything like that. I feel like there’s something wrong with me, but because I can’t understand my emotions, I’m lost. Its complicated.
In the midst of this whirlwind of a furlough, its easy to get bogged down in the amount of things going on and the implications of it all. Any particular item of life can serve as a starting point for endless thought rabbit trails and over analysis by yours truly. This time in Wisconsin is giving me an opportunity to not only wind down, but also hopefully simplify my life. Its hard to not think that perhaps we are the ones making all of this so complicated. Our sin, our compromises, our excuses are what’s mucking so much of it up.
Love, that seems simple enough. Obedience to God’s Word, by the power of the Holy Spirit, its entirely possible. I think that complexities are inevitable in this life, but hopefully if we can get our minds focused on the Lord we’ll know what to do when each gray area arises. By the power of the Lord such a sound mind is attainable and for this we give praise.
---------------------------------------------
The Rundown: My beautiful, wonderful, inspiring fiancé and I landed in Wisconsin on Monday. Its been so great to spend time with my folks and sister. Each day we’ve been able to get out and play with the dogs, or go sledding, or go for a walk and its been the relaxation that I’ve need so far. Our time together has been great. Not much going on other than that. We had a nice last few speaking engagements before taking off and we were able to move Melissa out of her apartment in Ventura. Yeah, that’s pretty much it. PEACE!
No comments:
Post a Comment