I feel a bit out of sorts. Ever since I graduated from Vanguard a few years ago, I’ve had a fairly well-defined area of expertise in regards to vocation and ministry. Over the last few months those lines have blurred to something that I can’t quite decipher.
When I was previously in California, life was easier to understand. When I was in Costa Mesa, I was in charge of the after school program at Victoria and I served in the children’s ministries at a couple churches. When I was in Long Beach, I was the children’s pastor at a couple churches. I was single for all but a couple of months during that time and I had a pretty good handle on what life and ministry looked like.
In step with the calling that the Lord had put on me, I moved into ultra full-time ministry when I moved to Tanzania (“full” takes on a whole new meaning when you move to the other side of the earth to “work”). Through the emotional ups and downs, I was able to get into a groove of what life in the ministry at TOA looked like; my work was blessed and my schedule became incredibly routine. My life was (and in most ways still is) devoted to the discipleship of the treasures. Again, I found my vocational ministry well-defined.
Now I’m here and I’m struggling to grasp what “ministry” looks like. Technically, I’m still on staff with Hidden With Christ, I’m still on payroll during my furlough and I’m itching to get back to the work (as we can best determine, the extended furlough is over half way over!) And while I may have responsibilities here in the states with office work and fund raising, those aren’t quite the same as being with the kids, teaching them and loving them. Office work is all well and good, but it hasn’t been the focus of my work. Fund raising can be fun and encouraging depending on who we’re speaking with, but in many instances I feel more like a salesman than I do someone that is called to the orphans of northern Tanzania.
All that is to say, I don’t know what I’m doing right now.
As followers of Jesus, we are all called to ministers. Each and everyone of us are called to make disciples. Each and everyone of us are given biblical mandates in addition to specific callings to a certain group of people. The mandates are non-negotiable and the callings must be divinely given. I know that the Lord is calling me to specific things during this time in the states and yet it is really hard to see them. In the midst of all that I’m not praying enough for that direction and the things that I do see as part of my current ministry, I feel as though I’m failing in them.
The mindset that I’m currently falling into, that I think is all too common amongst believers, is that I’m not even considering myself to be in ministry. Sure, normally when I’m at TOA I am in ministry, but right now I’m “on a break” from ministry altogether. Its not dissimilar from people who have non-church jobs that feel ministry is something that only clergymen do. Its not to say that we can’t be released to a time of Sabbath, that’s entirely biblical and good. But Sabbath isn’t equivalent to laziness or apathy, as even Jesus said that Sabbath is for man and for man to do good as He Himself healed the man with the withered hand in ministry on the Sabbath. (Matthew 12:9-14) So whether it’s a season of rest or not, we are called to be active in ministry.
The truth is that in all this ambiguity, I do have a very good idea of what ministry is to look like for me right now. My growing knowledge of the importance of my ministry to Melissa is only matched by growing bewilderment of just how exactly that is done. As I shared with her on the Avila pier a few days ago, I want to be a good spiritual leader, a pastor, to her. The Lord has put that within me and yet my ineptness is only complimented by my laziness to figure out how to best serve her. The Lord is giving this time to me, because she has now become ministry number one at the same time becoming my biggest asset to other ministries. I can’t wait to see the way that my relationship with the treasures is transformed for the better because of my relationship with Missy. Lord knows, I love both with my whole being and can’t imagine my life without them. It’ll take the Lord just to have any positive effect on those around me in light of my own inability to minister.
So what’s a guy to do?
I think so much of our walk as followers of Christ comes down to one endeavor. Can we love Christ on His terms? Jesus says that if we love Him, then we’ll obey Him (John 14:15). The disobedience of a disciple is not to be taken lightly. When we choose to not obey Him, nor put forth the effort to love Him on His terms, then we are allowing a venomous infection into our lives that will derail our entire lives. That’s one dramatic side of the spectrum. The other side of the spectrum is simple in understanding, yet difficult in practice: we obey the Lord. We allow Him to minister through us. I’m fully convinced that all the Lord is looking for is people that will obey Him wholeheartedly (2 Chronicles 16:9a). The beautiful thing is that no matter how inept we are (and we all are) the Lord shows His strength through us and its for His glory. Ministry is as simple as saying “yes” to God… then it starts to get difficult.
The beauty of the Church is that She is the people in the Kingdom of God and the Lord is calling Her into the ministry of reconciling all of creation to Him. He invites us to be ministers. We don’t deserve it, we aren’t suited for it. He knows that and yet He calls us into a radical discipleship in reconciliation. Such an endeavor would be impossible, yet for the sake of His glory and our enjoyment, we are given His Holy Spirit to be such ministers, for this we give praise.
When I was previously in California, life was easier to understand. When I was in Costa Mesa, I was in charge of the after school program at Victoria and I served in the children’s ministries at a couple churches. When I was in Long Beach, I was the children’s pastor at a couple churches. I was single for all but a couple of months during that time and I had a pretty good handle on what life and ministry looked like.
In step with the calling that the Lord had put on me, I moved into ultra full-time ministry when I moved to Tanzania (“full” takes on a whole new meaning when you move to the other side of the earth to “work”). Through the emotional ups and downs, I was able to get into a groove of what life in the ministry at TOA looked like; my work was blessed and my schedule became incredibly routine. My life was (and in most ways still is) devoted to the discipleship of the treasures. Again, I found my vocational ministry well-defined.
Now I’m here and I’m struggling to grasp what “ministry” looks like. Technically, I’m still on staff with Hidden With Christ, I’m still on payroll during my furlough and I’m itching to get back to the work (as we can best determine, the extended furlough is over half way over!) And while I may have responsibilities here in the states with office work and fund raising, those aren’t quite the same as being with the kids, teaching them and loving them. Office work is all well and good, but it hasn’t been the focus of my work. Fund raising can be fun and encouraging depending on who we’re speaking with, but in many instances I feel more like a salesman than I do someone that is called to the orphans of northern Tanzania.
All that is to say, I don’t know what I’m doing right now.
As followers of Jesus, we are all called to ministers. Each and everyone of us are called to make disciples. Each and everyone of us are given biblical mandates in addition to specific callings to a certain group of people. The mandates are non-negotiable and the callings must be divinely given. I know that the Lord is calling me to specific things during this time in the states and yet it is really hard to see them. In the midst of all that I’m not praying enough for that direction and the things that I do see as part of my current ministry, I feel as though I’m failing in them.
The mindset that I’m currently falling into, that I think is all too common amongst believers, is that I’m not even considering myself to be in ministry. Sure, normally when I’m at TOA I am in ministry, but right now I’m “on a break” from ministry altogether. Its not dissimilar from people who have non-church jobs that feel ministry is something that only clergymen do. Its not to say that we can’t be released to a time of Sabbath, that’s entirely biblical and good. But Sabbath isn’t equivalent to laziness or apathy, as even Jesus said that Sabbath is for man and for man to do good as He Himself healed the man with the withered hand in ministry on the Sabbath. (Matthew 12:9-14) So whether it’s a season of rest or not, we are called to be active in ministry.
The truth is that in all this ambiguity, I do have a very good idea of what ministry is to look like for me right now. My growing knowledge of the importance of my ministry to Melissa is only matched by growing bewilderment of just how exactly that is done. As I shared with her on the Avila pier a few days ago, I want to be a good spiritual leader, a pastor, to her. The Lord has put that within me and yet my ineptness is only complimented by my laziness to figure out how to best serve her. The Lord is giving this time to me, because she has now become ministry number one at the same time becoming my biggest asset to other ministries. I can’t wait to see the way that my relationship with the treasures is transformed for the better because of my relationship with Missy. Lord knows, I love both with my whole being and can’t imagine my life without them. It’ll take the Lord just to have any positive effect on those around me in light of my own inability to minister.
So what’s a guy to do?
I think so much of our walk as followers of Christ comes down to one endeavor. Can we love Christ on His terms? Jesus says that if we love Him, then we’ll obey Him (John 14:15). The disobedience of a disciple is not to be taken lightly. When we choose to not obey Him, nor put forth the effort to love Him on His terms, then we are allowing a venomous infection into our lives that will derail our entire lives. That’s one dramatic side of the spectrum. The other side of the spectrum is simple in understanding, yet difficult in practice: we obey the Lord. We allow Him to minister through us. I’m fully convinced that all the Lord is looking for is people that will obey Him wholeheartedly (2 Chronicles 16:9a). The beautiful thing is that no matter how inept we are (and we all are) the Lord shows His strength through us and its for His glory. Ministry is as simple as saying “yes” to God… then it starts to get difficult.
The beauty of the Church is that She is the people in the Kingdom of God and the Lord is calling Her into the ministry of reconciling all of creation to Him. He invites us to be ministers. We don’t deserve it, we aren’t suited for it. He knows that and yet He calls us into a radical discipleship in reconciliation. Such an endeavor would be impossible, yet for the sake of His glory and our enjoyment, we are given His Holy Spirit to be such ministers, for this we give praise.
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